by Stasia Black
Enough.
Calla clicked her teeth to get Painter moving as Mack and Liam started bickering about who did better in each obstacle. She looked back and forth from one man to another.
She was terrified of all the things she wanted with them. Of all the things that might never be. Enough. She was done living her life in the shadow of fear.
It was time to know.
It was time to get the test done.
23
CALLA
“I want to get the test. For Huntington’s.” Calla sat up straighter on the exam table at the doctor’s office. Here she was. Taking the future by the balls. Or, well, at least being willing to own up to it, whatever it might hold. Other than a brief freak-out in the car—Mel let her borrow her little Camry whenever she needed to come into town—she was even managing to keep her shit together.
She fidgeted with her balled fists. Mostly anyway.
“Are you sure?” Dr. Nunez was a middle-aged woman whose hair was only going a little gray at the temple.
Calla nodded. “My employer gives us good insurance so the test would be covered.”
Dr. Nunez’s eyes gentled. “You know it’s not paying for it that concerns me. I’ve referred you to a genetic counselor before. Did you ever go see them?”
Calla shook her head. “Didn’t seem much point if I couldn’t pay for it.” If she was honest, Calla would admit she’d just taken that as an out not to learn if she was positive or negative for HD. If she had the mutated gene that would determine the course of the rest of her life. “Anyway, I’m ready now.” She straightened her back. “I won’t be changing my mind. It’s time to know.”
Dr. Nunez was quiet another moment before finally nodding. “I’ll refer you to the genetic testing facility in Casper.”
Calla swallowed and nodded. “Good.” Then, eager to change the subject, she asked, “So how’s Savannah doing with her mustang? Savannah’s what, fifteen, sixteen?” There was a junior’s category in the makeover and Calla knew Dr. Nunez’s daughter was competing.
Dr. Nunez smiled. “She’s sixteen. And the summer has been so exciting for her to get hands on experience training a horse. It’s given her something else to do than just watch TV and chase boys.”
Calla smiled and Dr. Nunez put her hand on Calla’s shoulder. “All right, while I work on the referral I’ll have the nurse come in and take some blood. You haven’t been in a few years and I’d like to do a complete physical.”
Calla heard what she wasn’t saying. She wanted to know if she was already exhibiting any symptoms of HD. Calla already told her about her leg spasm. It hadn’t happened since and Dr. Nunez seemed confident it was just a normal spasm due to the physicality of Calla’s job and training schedule. The doctor also suggested she pick up some magnesium supplements. At the same time, when she’d pressed, Dr. Nunez hadn’t been willing to rule out the possibility of it being an indication of early symptom activity completely.
“Okay.” She breathed out.
“And you already gave a urine sample, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Great.” Dr. Nunez patted her shoulder. “We’ll get everything squared away.”
Then she left Calla alone in the small exam room.
She was just flipping through a Horse and Rider magazine when the door opened again. Calla looked up, expecting to see the nurse.
Instead it was Dr. Nunez again. And there was something off about her expression. Calla sat up straighter.
“What? What is it?” Did she see some symptom of HD that Calla hadn’t recognized? Oh God, she knew it. She just knew she had the gene—
Her eyebrows were scrunched together. “Did you know that you’re pregnant?”
“What?” Calla shouted, almost falling off the exam table.
24
CALLA
Calla felt wobbly on her feet as she walked up the stairs to her dad’s nursing home. She’d been living with the reality that she was pregnant for almost an entire week now. She’d been dodging Mack and Liam for most of that time.
And she had no more clue now than when she first heard what the hell she should do about it.
“How is he?” Calla asked one of her dad’s nurses once she got inside. Rita, by her nametag.
Rita’s mouth curved down as her eyebrows lowered in sympathy. “Not so good. Eating’s been getting harder for him. Since he was losing so much weight, we had to put him on a feeding tube.
A feeding—? Calla blinked. “Was that really necessary?” She knew he’d been getting skinnier than usual, but still…
Rita put a hand on Calla’s arm, eyes full of compassion. “You’ll see.”
Calla wanted to yank her arm away but managed to stop herself at the last second. She swallowed and tried not to sound like she was gritting her teeth. “Can I go in to see him?”
“Sure, honey. You know the way?”
Calla nodded and then hurried down the hallway not wanting the woman to see her face. A feeding tube. The whole reason she was paying this place so much goddamned money was so that they could assist her dad in things like eating when he wasn’t able to do it himself. For God’s sake, she knew firsthand how frustrating it could be feeding him spoonful by spoonful, especially when he wasn’t in the most cheerful mood about it all. But that’s what she was paying them for!
She was still steamed when she reached her dad’s room. She knocked and went in. If they couldn’t show they could give her father the best care possible, well then she’d take her money somewhere els—
“Daddy?” Her voice cracked when she saw her dad.
He was lying in bed, cheeks sunken and eyes staring listlessly at the television. His head and legs bobbed constantly back and forth with the shakes.
“Hi Daddy.”
He looked her direction, didn’t say anything, then moved his head back to face the screen.
“Whatcha watching?”
Calla looked toward the TV. “Wheel of Fortune, huh,” she finally answered for him after a long silence.
“Buy a vowel,” he growled at the screen.
Calla looked at the puzzle on the screen. “Daddy they’ve already got all the vowels up there.”
He continued ignoring her as one of the contestants solved the puzzle.
“Buy a vowel,” her dad repeated.
Calla’s stomach sank. What if the nurse’s actions hadn’t been extreme. Maybe he was at the point where he needed a feeding tube. He was declining more rapidly. Every time she visited, he was worse, and she came once a week. Was her dad still in there at all?
“New job’s working out real good,” she tried as the show went to commercial. “Xavier’s a fair boss and I’m training a mustang for the Extreme Horse Makeover. You know I always wanted to do that. I’m getting my shot at it this year. Got a great mare named Painter.”
Her dad didn’t say anything, just kept staring at the screen while a commercial for dishwasher soap played.
“But that’s not what I really wanted to talk about today.” She took a deep breath. “Daddy, I’m pregnant.”
She waited a beat.
And then another.
Still nothing from her father.
She gave him another moment. Sometimes it took him longer to process things than the average person.
But Wheel of Fortune came back from commercial and still he hadn’t said anything to her.
“But I don’t know what to do, Daddy,” she whispered, swallowing back against the tears that threatened. God, she didn’t even know whose baby it was. Her cheeks burned with shame. She’d gone bareback with Liam that time in the shower, but there’d been a couple times when Mack had pulled out early and from what she’d read online, it was rarer but still possible to get pregnant from pre-cum.
Doctors had told her for years she’d have difficulty getting pregnant if she ever tried because of her irregular cycles. For her to have ovulated at the perfect moment on any of those few specific incidents with the guys seem
ed so unlikely as to be, well… miraculous.
If only it wasn’t simultaneously the worst news Calla had ever gotten in her life.
“What if the baby has it?” Calla took a step toward her dad, swiping at her eyes as she went. “I got the blood taken for the test earlier today. It’ll take three weeks to find out if I test positive or not. But even if I’m negative, there’s still a twenty-five percent chance the baby could still have it.”
“Buy a vowel,” Dad said again, eyes glued to the TV.
“Daddy.” Calla swallowed hard against the tears. “Please. I don’t know what to do. The father isn’t planning to be in the picture.” The Horse Makeover Competition was only weeks away. Mack hadn’t said anything about his plans changing. He was leaving, and it was only a matter of time before Liam moved on too.
“If it turns out I’m positive, then maybe I should think about…” Calla balled her fists and looked to the floor. God, she hated even thinking it. But what kind of life could she really give a child if she was going to get sick in a few years? At least she and Dad had had the ranch, for as long as it lasted. But her child wouldn’t have anything. It would be cruel to bring them into the world knowing what was in store for—
“Did you hear me, Daddy?” she said louder. “I’m pregnant.”
Another commercial came on, and still he didn’t look her way.
“Dammit, Daddy, can you hear me?”
She moved to his bed and grabbed the remote from his nightstand. She pushed the power button so the TV snapped off behind her.
That definitely got his attention. He roared and reached for the remote, his movements jerky and uncoordinated. The sudden movement rolled him over in the bed. The only reason he didn’t fall off was because of the side rails.
“TV,” he screamed. “TV!”
Calla backed up, her thumb fumbling on the remote until she finally hit the button to turn the television back on.
“TV!”
“It’s on. I turned it back on!”
Her dad kept shouting, unintelligible words occasionally interspersed with TV. A nurse came through the door and Calla looked at her helplessly. “I’m sorry.”
“Howard,” the nurse said, reaching for her dad’s shaking shoulders. “Howard, look over here.” She physically directed him so that he faced the television. “That’s right. That’s right, Howard,” she soothed like he was a small child.
That was Calla’s breaking point.
Not just because she knew now she’d truly lost her Dad and there might never be time to make it right between them.
But because she saw herself in that bed. Fifteen, twenty years from now. Being held down by a nurse while she spewed demented ramblings. Having lost control of her own body.
She turned around and fled like a coward.
25
LIAM
Liam pushed his extra-large cart with the pallet of feed toward the front of the supply store, looking for Jeremiah as he went. They’d headed in different directions after coming in. Jer was headed to get some wood for fence repair and Liam wondered if he’d—
“Oh hi!” came a chirpy voice. “I thought that was your truck I saw parked out front.”
Liam looked down to see the fake-tanned blonde who’d insulted Calla at the Trail Trial the other day. He frowned and tried to move his heavy cart around her but she just stepped in his path again.
“It takes a lot of man to handle that much truck.” She smiled flirtatiously. “I thought about getting that model but Daddy talked me into the Ford F450 Crew Cab.” She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “Yes, it was more expensive, but I always say, never scrimp on the important things.” She beamed at Liam.
“You’re in me way,” was all he said, gesturing to his cart.
“You’re not still upset about what you overheard the other day, are you?” Her eyes went big and she put a hand to her chest. No doubt to emphasize the cleavage spilling out of the tight red top she was wearing. “I’ve been so embarrassed about that ever since. My Mama would’ve washed my mouth out with soap if she’d overheard me.” She waved a hand. “It was just a harmless joke but I totally understand if poor Cal took it wrong. I’ll apologize to her again the next time I see her. I just think of her as one of the guys but it was wrong of me not to be more considerate of her feelings.”
“Anyway,” she sidled closer to Liam’s side, ignoring the way he jerked back when her arm brushed his. “Liam, like I said, I’ve felt so bad about the misunderstandings we’ve had the last couple times we’ve talked. I wanted to invite you out to my place where we could spend some alone time and really get to know each other. I’ve got a big stretch of land and a jacuzzi out back that will help relax these muscles.”
She moved and put her hands on his shoulders.
What the— He jerked away from her touch again. Could she not get a fucking clue?
“Oh! See? You’ve got so much tension back there. The jacuzzi will loosen you right up.” She leaned in. “I know there aren’t a lot of places around here to enjoy the finer things in life, but I’ve got a bottle of Chateau Margaux that I have just been dying to split with someone who would appreciate it.”
“I guess I didn’t make meself clear enough last time. This is biscuits to a bear.” At her confused expression, he clarified. “A waste of time. I will never, not ever, want to spend any time with you.”
“But you wanted me,” she sputtered. “That night at Bubba’s. We had a connection. I know if you would just give me a—”
“Are you feckin’ delusional?” he asked incredulously. Jaysus. “You were a cow to me girl, Calla. To be honest, breathing the same air as you is makin’ me a bit nauseated.” He scrunched his nose up to give further effect. “I wouldn’t get with you if you were the last woman on earth and sleepin’ with you meant the survival of the human race. I’d still find you too disgustin’ to lay me hands on. Me cock would shrivel up and fall off first.”
The woman’s mouth dropped open and then her face went quickly red with rage. Liam waited for the slap. Perhaps he’d taken it a tad too far there, but he wanted to get it through the poxy bitch’s head once and for all.
“Did I miss something?”
The woman’s head swung over to Jeremiah as he pushed his cart closer and looked between her and Liam with raised eyebrows.
“I— He—” The woman sputtered several more times before making an infuriated high-pitched noise, turning on her high-heeled boots and stalking off toward the front of the store.
Liam just shrugged his shoulders when Jeremiah leveled his gaze on him. “What?” he said. “The ladies love me. Sometimes I’ve got to beat them off with the proverbial stick.”
“Remind me never to make you my wing man.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Liam rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s get going.” Calla spent the day in Casper visiting her dad and Liam wanted to be there when she got back.
Getting the rest of their supplies took longer than Liam would’ve liked and they didn’t get home for another hour and a half. It was nine o’clock but Calla still wasn’t home yet.
Liam jogged up the stairs and headed for Mack’s room. Calla hadn’t texted him anything, but maybe Mack had heard from her.
Liam had just pushed Mack’s door open the slightest bit when he heard Mack’s voice. Liam frowned, pausing. Mack never had anyone in his room. Liam leaned his ear to the door and realized it was just a one-sided conversation.
“—don’t have any more info about what he’s been up to since he got out?”
Silence.
“Laying low? What the fuck does that mean?”
It must be a phone conversation, because there was another brief pause before Mack’s voice sounded again.
“Do you have a location or not?”
Pause.
“Okay.” There was scuffling like Mack was reaching for a pen and paper. “But you don’t know if he’s still at Franco’s or if he— Well Jesus, Sammy, what the fuck am I sending you thr
ee g’s a month for?”
A sigh from Mack. “Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m sorry. This shit’s just got me on edge. You know I appreciate you, Sam. Look after Brenda and Sammy Jr. I’ll be in touch.”
Footsteps sounded and Liam pulled back from the door. But it didn’t open. Just more footsteps. Mack was pacing. He did that when he got antsy. Liam could just see the way he was probably stretching his jaw and shoulders.
He’d definitely be coming to Liam’s room tonight. He always did on days he got tense like that—well, as long as Calla came first. Mack never came without Calla.
Just another one of the many mysteries that was Mack.
Along with—who was Mack on the phone with? Someone he was sending three grand a month for information. About who? Why? And where the hell did he get that kind of cash?
Liam’s eyes cut back to the door and he knocked on it.
“What?” came Mack’s growling reply.
Liam smirked and pushed the door open.
Mack glared his direction. “What do you want?”
Liam tsked. “How was your day, Liam? Oh, really? How interesting. Tell me more.”
“Cut the shit.” Mack narrowed his eyes.
Liam laughed out loud. “And to think,” he said, closing the door behind him as he stepped into Mack’s room, “it’s taken me this long to learn to appreciate your bracing honesty. It’s okay, big guy.” He smacked Mack on the shoulder. “This is an open sharing space. Tell me how you really feel. I won’t judge.”
He walked past Mack further into the room when he didn’t say anything. He lifted the lid of Mack’s laptop. “Any good porn on here?”
Mack slammed it shut. “What. Do. You. Want?”
“Jaysus, it must be exhaustin’ being so damn serious all the time.”
“It’s called being a grown up. You should try it sometime.”
Liam gasped. “Touché.” Then he dropped the act. “Have you heard from Calla? She’s not back yet.”