Really Unusual Bad Boys

by MaryJanice Davidson

  “Toss?”

  “It’s just slang. Don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing. Probably.” She fiddled with the controls, thinking that anyone but her father’s daughter would have been lost. Her father had been almost ridiculously smart, and so he had built a machine that he understood. The fact that anyone who didn’t hold a doctorate in spatial dynamics would be lost had likely never occurred to him.

  But she had practically been weaned on this machine. Her earliest memory was of toddling out to the barn carrying tools for her father.

  “It seems very strange to me,” Shakar commented. “You are a credit to me.”

  “That didn’t sound too smug. What do you mean, credit?” She went to stand beside him.

  “You are beautiful and wise and self-sustaining and with child and kind and charming.”

  “I’ve got it all, baby,” she joked, covering how embarrassed and thrilled she was, and the machine tossed them.

  Chapter 7

  “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”

  “Lois, dear, it’s my wedding.”

  “Mom, this isn’t a wedding, okay? The king waving his hand over you and pronouncing you ‘mated’ isn’t a wedding.”

  “Well, hon, he’s the one in charge. If we were in England and the queen pronounced you married, wouldn’t you believe her?”

  “Look, I didn’t have a wedding, okay? And Anne didn’t, but by God, you’re gonna. You’re gonna.”

  Gladys gave her daughter a look. “The older you get, the more like your father you get.”

  Lois grinned. “No need to be nasty.”

  “So you’re saying you’d like the white dress and an organ and finger food?”

  “I’ll settle for vows.”

  Gladys crossed her arms over her chest and, for a split second, looked exactly like Lois starting to get in a temper. “When you’re my age, sunshine, you don’t even need the damned vows.”

  “Don’t be stubborn,” Lois coaxed.

  “Look who’s talking!”

  “Well, whose fault is that?”

  “I think we just decided it was your father’s fault. And where’s Damon? He would probably take my side.”

  “That big chicken is trying to stay out of this. So’s the king. I guess they’re waiting to see what we decide.”

  “What I decide, dear.”

  “Aw, c’mon, Mom. Don’t you want a proper wedding? You and Dad had a justice of the peace.”

  “Well, we had to,” Gladys said reasonably. “You came along five months later.”

  “Not even any flowers!”

  “They aggravate my hay fever. That’s why I love this desert climate. So dry.”

  “So’s an oven.” Lois was mustering the perfect argument to bend her mother to her will when she heard the sound of galloping feet and suddenly Shakar burst into the sunroom, dragging a tall, big-boned, dark-skinned woman by one hand.

  “Oh, hey,” Lois said. “Welcome back. You’re a little out of the loop, so let me bring you up to date. Anne and Maltese—”

  “My woman is with child,” Shakar burst out. “I fell into her world and swam in a pond and fed large animals.”

  “Okayyyyyyy,” Lois said. “I guess I’m out of the loop.”

  “Lois, where is the good king my father?”

  “Oh, he’s cowering in the halls somewhere. And don’t think of him as the good king. Think of him as my new stepfather.”

  Sekal blinked at that, then said, “I wish to present Frederica Callenbra, of Callenbra Hold. Rica, this is my sister-by-mating, the good princess Lois, and her dam, soon-to-be-queen Gladys.”

  “Soon to be queen,” Gladys mused, shaking Rica’s large hand. “Queen. I hadn’t…I’ve been so caught up in everything else…and Sekal asking me…I hadn’t thought…hadn’t realized…”

  “Nice to meet you,” Rica said. Lois was finding it hard to look away—Rica was easily the tallest woman she’d ever met, and with some real meat on her bones, not an emaciated supermodel type. Striking bone structure. And a manner that was almost…what? Dignified, she decided. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “You’re going to have a baby, then?” Gladys asked. “Congratulations!”

  “Yes, we have much joy, we will find the king and there will be…Gladys, you should not be surprised. Did you not know? My father wanted you for his mate from the moment he gazed upon you.”

  “I did know,” she replied steadily. “But I don’t know anything about being queen. I’m just an office manager. I mean, I was back home.”

  “Better you than me,” Lois said. “And if you can run an office full of accountants without committing double homicide, you can probably help Sekal run a kingdom.”

  “Sounds reasonable,” Rica agreed.

  “After a proper wedding ceremony,” Lois added.

  “Oh, hush up,” she-who-would-soon-be-queen said.

  “My king, may I present Frederica Callenbra, of Callenbra Hold. Rica, this is the good king, my sire.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

  The king looked confused. “I thought you were a-hunting,” he said.

  “Sir, I deeply regret any worry I caused you when I vanished ere these many—”

  “But you have only been gone three sunrounds,” the king replied.

  “Day sunrounds or years sunrounds?” Lois muttered to Damon. They had come to the throne room to be officially presented to Shakar’s woman, and Maltese was standing on the king’s other side. Anne was in another meeting with the lost ones, still hard at work deciphering the language. As her work was considered more important than mere socializing, however official, she had been left undisturbed. “I still don’t get that.”

  “Days,” Damon muttered back.

  Meanwhile, Shakar was sputtering. “Three…no, sire, I have been gone almost an entire…” He trailed off. “I have been with Rica for some time. We only now came back. And—”

  “I’m guessing time runs on a different track back home,” Rica said. “It’s been…what? A couple of days here? Not quite? But you were with me over two months. Long enough for us to…you know.”

  “I am certain I would have fretted, my son, if you had been gone longer,” the king assured him.

  “But as it is, we pretty much didn’t notice,” Lois added. “Sorry.”

  “Then if you had no worry, I did not miss—”

  “Ah,” the king said. “So you do remember.”

  “But, my king, I have found my mate.”

  “And I am sure she is very fine,” the king said, giving Rica a warm smile, “but in fact, you—”

  “It does not matter if I am here or not here,” Shakar interrupted. “I have a mate.”

  “In fact, my son, you—”

  “I will not allow this.”

  “Son—”

  “I will not.”

  “Shakar.”

  “Father, that is my last word on it.”

  “Prince Shakar.”

  Shakar’s teeth came together with an audible click and Lois’s eyes went wide. Gladys went to the king’s side and whispered in his ear, and after a long moment Sekal nodded.

  “She-who-will-be-my-mate wishes your m—wishes to hear Rica speak on this.”

  “Sir?” Rica said, looking startled.

  “My son the good prince who has no manners is your mate?”

  “Well…yes, sir. I mean…” She looked over at Shakar, whose golden skin was decidedly flushed. “Nothing official ever happened, but in the last couple of months it was just the two of us on my farm and we fell in love. I came with him today because he wanted to see you. All of you,” she added, looking around the large room. “He missed all of you.”

  “The important thing to keep in mind,” Lois joked, trying to lighten the tension, “is that we didn’t miss him.”

  “The reason I ask, Rica, is because my son had responsibilities when he left. When he was gone for…a couple of months. And those responsibilities remain.”

/>   “He’s already married, isn’t he? It’s something awful like that, or you two wouldn’t be so upset.”

  “No, he is free to take a mate. And they are free to take him. You see, when the Bridefight was scheduled not long ago, we decided to also have a Groomfight. My youngest son the good prince was free at the time and seemed to welcome the idea. He has always…” The king shook his head. “What I am saying is this: In two sunrounds, females from all over the SandLands will come, and they will come for one reason—to battle for the hand of Shakar.”

  Chapter 8

  “So!”

  “Rica…”

  “Were you saving it for a surprise?”

  “It is not the way you—”

  “Do not be telling me it’s not what I think, buddy-boy. Not unless you want to have a black eye at your own Groomfight.”

  “There will be no Groomfight, because I have a mate. This is what I was trying to explain to my father. I will not participate. We will leave,” he finished, looking almost as desolate as he sounded, “and it will not affect us.”

  “Not affect us? Are you blind, or just crazy? It’s affecting us right now! And there will be no running away. You can get that straight right now.” Rica whipped off her yellow work shirt—thank all the gods she had a small tee underneath—and flung it at the small stool in the corner. “We’re going to stay here and take your medicine.”

  “Rica, you cannot fight pure—”

  “Oh, here we get down to it. I can’t fight a purebred. I know what a Bridefight is, my mama told me all about it, how sometimes the princes take mates that way. I never heard of a Groomfight, though.”

  “When he saw how happy Damon was with his mate,” Shakar said dully, “my father and Lois—”

  “Don’t blame this on me,” Lois protested. “All I said was maybe the girls could get a chance to fight for the guy they wanted. Next thing I know, you’re all set up for The Dating Game, SandLands style. If you didn’t want to do it, you had plenty of time to put a stop to it.”

  “I know,” Shakar said miserably.

  They were in yet another small room off the grand throne room, and Rica was glad. She would have felt weird chewing Shakar a new one in such a grand room. And in front of so many people. But this one was a little more to her taste, and she didn’t mind that Damon and Lois had followed them. She kind of liked Lois.

  She wasn’t sure how she felt about the king. And Gladys, the older lady, had suddenly begged for his assistance in writing her vows, whatever that meant, and off they had gone. Which was probably good, since it gave her time to ream out her boyfriend

  (husband?)

  and recover from the surprises of the last ten minutes.

  “Let’s get back to this other thing. I can’t fight purebreds? Pure SandLands girls, is that right?”

  “No, you cannot.” Shakar refused to be shamed, which was annoying. His voice was very firm as he continued. “I believe we have already established that you are a fine female in every way, but there are some things even you cannot do. And the baby must be safe. At all times, the baby must be safe.”

  “Too bad we didn’t hide out long enough, huh?” She knew she sounded cruel; she felt cruel and didn’t care. “That’s what it was all about, wasn’t it? All that shit about finding yourself. You were hiding from the Groomfight. And once you figured it was long over, then all of a sudden you’re hot to see home and Dad again.”

  “That is not—”

  “Don’t you get it, Shakar? It’s not even that you didn’t tell me about the Groomfight—that’s bad enough—it’s that you hid, you hid away from your job.”

  “I have no defense,” he said after a long silence.

  “Well,” Lois began, then stopped. “That’s really all I had. I, uh, I’m sure it’s not as bad as it—uh—”

  “I require your assistance, Lois,” Damon said suddenly, startling them all. He’d been so quiet Rica had forgotten he was there. “In another room. Not in this room.”

  “Right. Well, I’m here to serve. We’ll—we’ve got to go. I’m sure this will all—we’ve got to go.”

  “You might as well take him with you,” Rica said. “I’m done with him for now.”

  “Rica…”

  “As you wish, good lady,” Damon said, and then he grabbed Shakar by the scruff of the neck, as if he were a big blond naughty puppy, and literally hauled him away.

  Rica almost smiled.

  “Damon, remove your hands from me at on-cmmmllpphh!”

  “Like that? Is that gonna work for you?” Lois asked him. Damon had slid him into the wall like a big tiddlywink…it was really sort of funny.

  “I have sufficient troubles,” Shakar retorted, standing and straightening his hair—which was a mess, to put it mildly—“without you being cross as well.”

  “That is unfortunate, my good brother, because you’ve earned this scolding—possibly a beating as well—and you will accept it as a man does, as opposed to cringing and hiding behind a woman.”

  “Dude: What were you thinking? Hey, it’s great that you found a girl, she seems really—well, great. But cripes, what a mess you’ve landed her in!”

  “She is in no mess, because there will be no fight.”

  “It sounds to me like there is. Rica doesn’t seem to be the type to just take off. Of course, you’ve known her longer. About two months longer, is that right?”

  “I wasn’t hiding,” Shakar said woodenly. “I really did leave to hunt. The rest was…wonderful chance. It is true, I stayed with Rica and missed the Groomfight—thought I missed the Groomfight—but it was because I was happy with her.”

  “Uh-huh.” Lois was skeptical, but the guy looked like a whipped hound already, so she tried to ease up. “Your dad seems kind of mad.”

  “And if Rica does not fight, he will get much more mad,” Damon said.

  “Then he will get much more mad, because Rica will not fight.”

  “Well, it’s not to the death or anything, right?”

  “The baby must not be harmed. And Rica was not birthed here. She is from your world,” he said, nodding at Lois.

  “Oh, I get it. She doesn’t do the Puma thing. Yeah, it doesn’t seem like it’d be a fair fight. But I think a pregnant woman knows what she can and can’t—”

  “It is worse than that,” Damon said. “I begin to see Shakar’s problem. It is not just that Rica could be harmed…she will not win. And the winner will be Shakar’s mate. Not Rica.”

  “Right now, that suits me fine,” Rica snapped, but Lois saw the almost imperceptible spasm of pain that crossed her face.

  “What are you doing here? We left so you could have some privacy.”

  “Well, I couldn’t hang around in there all day, could I?”

  “Okay, okay, everybody just try to calm down. Stuff doesn’t have to happen right this second, does it? Rica, let’s find you a room. You can get yourself sorted out, maybe rest up, and then we can go kick Shakar’s ass some more. Right? I mean, standing around like this…it’s cathartic as all get-out, but we’re not getting much done, see what I mean?”

  “I’d love to see a bedroom,” Rica said, sounding so surprised and grateful, Lois was embarrassed she hadn’t thought of it sooner.

  Chapter 9

  “…And…and that’s just how I feel, Sekal.”

  “It will be as you wish, my Gladys.”

  “I’m sure it sounds very very dumb to you, but…did you just say it was okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh.”

  “You may have as many vows as you wish. I also will recite as many as you require. In fact, I must apologize: I did not consider your traditions when—”

  “Never mind about that, Sekal. If where I came from was so great, I’d probably still be there, right? I’m just so surprised you—I mean, you don’t have to do vows, I thought they were kind of silly myself, but Lois wouldn’t let up, and—and—”

  “It is little enough, and it pleases yo
u.” He smiled at her, his large lavender eyes—Damon’s eyes—seeming to sparkle. She had never seen such eyes in her life, and had thought she would never be used to them. But she was. It was almost frightening how quickly she had gotten used to them. “I would do much to please you, Gladys.”

  Oh that is so much nicer than “Move over, Wide Load.” “Thank you, Sekal. I feel the exact same way.”

  “Do you think sufficient time has elapsed?”

  “Beg pardon?”

  “For the children to scatter and plot strategies. That is why you dragged me out of the throne room this morning, yes?”

  Gladys could feel her face heat up, but managed to smile back. “Yes, I guess you caught me.”

  “Your concern for a prince who is not yet yours-by-mating greatly warms me, Gladys. You will make a fine queen and a fine dam to my children. Even if the prince is behaving like a dar—like someone who does not know how to behave in matters of honor.”

  “She’s pregnant, Sekal,” she said soberly. “And they’re in love. It changes things. It changes…everything, I guess. Don’t you remember what it was like?”

  Sekal shook his head. “I am an old man.”

  “That’s not true at all.”

  “Only a future mate could say such a thing and not be telling a false tale,” he teased.

  She ignored that. “Besides, you just said—you said you’d do a lot to make me happy. Well, where in the world do you think Shakar gets it from? Not only is he trying to keep Rica happy, he’s got the baby to think about. He’s willing to make you mad and risk—I don’t know—exile? I guess some pretty terrible things happen if he doesn’t let her fight.”

  “Yes,” he agreed and looked, for a moment, like the old man he had claimed to be. She found it more shocking than the fact that she had to think up marriage vows to keep him distracted. Gladys never thought of herself as old, but she wasn’t exactly a puppy anymore. And Sekal had grown children, too. Neither of them were kids, that was for darned sure. But somehow, to her he had always looked strong and beautiful and…and timeless. Kingly. “Some pretty terrible things.”