by Layla Nash
Mrax cursed and went to retrieve the slightly singed meat from the flames, setting the pan aside with a few muttered insults for the shitty kitchen equipment, and adjusted the heat under the grain. And then he didn’t know whether to return to standing patiently while she examined the rest of his scars. He could probably show her the spot near his groin where he was missing scales, but that might make her head explode from blushing. Which could be entertaining, to say the least.
Before he could decide, Rowan hopped down from the chair without another word and went to rummage through some of the overflowing boxes that were stacked up against the wall. Clearly she had problems maintaining focus on one thing at a time. He filed that symptom away for later and went back to the food. Remarkable.
He wondered what it was like to switch between intense concentration and intense distractibility within a few heartbeats, constantly on the move and fighting agitation. Mrax’s stirring slowed as he studied the grains. It must have been exhausting. It was a small miracle the Earther stayed upright and walking. He needed a nap just watching her.
Trazzak reappeared, looking very pleased with himself, with a rumpled and flushed Jess on his heels. Mrax raised his eyebrows at them, and Jess reddened further while Trazzak stretched and grinned. Mrax shook his head and jerked his chin at the wobbly table and chairs where Rowan had peered at his scales. “I imagine you need some sustenance now. Did you clear out the bedrooms?”
“Twice,” Trazzak said.
Jess smacked his shoulder and gathered up dishes and utensils from some of the storage bins in the kitchen. “Yes. The bedrooms are clear.” She looked up at where the engineer searched for something in the mess of the communal living area. “Row, come eat.”
“Just a sec,” the engineer said, waving her off. “You guys start. I just want to—”
And she trailed off, heaving a box out of the way so she could search beneath it. The girl had determination, that was for sure.
Mrax leaned back in his chair, studying her behind as she bent over and the fabric of her uniform stretched and tightened in a very appealing way, and he didn’t even care that Jess scowled at him. After all, Rowan had commented on his ass in the medical bay; surely he could take the opportunity to appreciate the engineer’s assets as well.
Jess clapped her hands and Rowan jumped like a guilty thief. “Woman. Come sit down, have some damn conversation, and relax for half a second. Whatever you’re working on can wait until tomorrow. Or at least later tonight.”
Rowan hesitated, then reluctantly dragged herself to the table to flop into a chair. The memory of her touch against his scaleless shoulder distracted Mrax as he put unburned meat on her plate, not thinking about the consequences, and passed the plate on to Trazzak so the warrior could feed his mate. He caught Trazzak, frozen, looking at him and then at Rowan—who was completely oblivious as she doodled on a notebook she pulled out of her pocket.
Mrax scowled at the other Xaravian and jerked his chin at Jess so she didn’t pick up on anything amiss, and scooped some of the grains onto Rowan’s plate as well before passing it to Trazzak. Mrax’s stomach twisted as he considered the ramifications. Xaravians didn’t feed each other unless there was a deeper relationship; to offer food to a female was to offer her protection, care, support… It was the first step to establishing a mate relationship.
Which he didn’t want. He definitely didn’t want.
Even if the way her jaw curved and how she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear and the intensity around her mouth as she concentrated started to chip away at his resistance. Her obliviousness remained entertaining; he couldn’t begin to imagine how he’d court her, if he intended to do such a thing. A checklist of some kind? A manual full of schematics?
Mrax tried to keep his expression impassive or at least gruff so Trazzak wouldn’t misinterpret his amusement. Perhaps the two weeks on Dablon would be more interesting than he’d expected.
Chapter 11
Rowan
Rowan barely made it through dinner. She wanted to look at how to make replacement scales for Mrax, more because it was quite an engineering problem and not because she liked him, and she couldn’t sit still for another second, not with three other people around her. She’d much rather have taken her notebook and searched for likely pieces of metal that could be fashioned into scales that were lightweight enough not to unbalance him but still strong enough to protect his skin. She didn’t pay attention to the quiet conversation that went on around her, her thoughts whirling with the scale problem as well as the mental image of the different ships she planned to approach first, and hardly noticed when Mrax put more food on her plate.
She should have thanked him; she knew that much. But any distractions drove away the insights that pelted her from every direction, and then they were lost forever. Rowan managed to nod at him in thanks and caught just a hint of Trazzak’s grin as he watched her and Mrax, and she paused to eye him. Trazzak wasn’t normally the kind of Xaravian who smiled a lot. Rowan checked Jess’s expression to see if the other Earther noticed something off, and wondered whether she’d committed some kind of social faux pas when it came to the Xaravians.
Jess held her breath, watching Rowan, and Rowan’s uneasiness grew. Only Mrax acted like nothing had happened. Her chewing slowed and then stopped, and she managed to gulp down a mouthful of half-chewed meat. “What?”
Mrax shook his head and didn’t respond. Rowan looked at Jess and Trazzak. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“No reason,” Jess said. “Just…never thought I’d see Mrax being kind enough to serve another person before himself.”
Rowan’s eyes narrowed as she studied her friend. “I don’t believe you.”
“It’s true,” Trazzak offered smoothly. His arm draped across the back of Jess’s chair, possessive and perhaps comforting. Sometimes Rowan couldn’t tell the difference. “He’s remarkably selfish when it comes to Xaravian food.”
Mrax shook his head but didn’t look up from his plate. His voice, low and calm, made her shiver. “Don’t listen to them. Nothing’s wrong. They’re just teasing you.”
She couldn’t figure out why they’d be teasing her, or over what. So she looked at Mrax. “Why?”
“Because Trazzak is an asshole,” he said under his breath. “That’s why.”
The other Xaravian laughed and drank some of that disgusting liquor the Xaravians brought wherever they went. “And we’re not teasing you, Rowan. We’re teasing Mrax. For being such a gentleman.”
Rowan still didn’t believe them, but she’d wasted enough mental energy on it to worry any longer. If there were some reason she should have been offended or distressed, it would no doubt come back around sooner rather than later. They had two weeks or so to share that tiny cabin and the fighter; there was plenty of opportunity for misunderstandings and annoyances.
Which was why she planned to spend as much time as possible running around outside. Maybe she could take breakfast and lunch with her when she left in the morning. That way, she wouldn’t have to eat around any of them and she would only face them over dinner.
It still sounded like a great plan when she finally escaped Jess’s efforts to make her relax and have a casual conversation, but it was less appealing later that night as she stared at the dingy ceiling in her room. Even staying there at night, listening to Trazzak and Jess murmur to each other since the thin walls hid nothing, would be too much. She’d go out of her mind having to be in such close proximity to people all the time. At least on the Galaxos she could wander around in engineering all night and no one ever noticed.
She waited as long as she could before her thoughts scattered and raced, and Rowan finally got up and got dressed and sneaked through the hall to the communal area. She breathed a little better outside, for sure, and if she did enough jumping jacks she could probably fall asleep eventually...
Rowan got one foot out the door before a low voice said, “Where are you going?”
She leapt a foot in the air and gripped the door. Mrax, half-dressed and irritated, stood in the living room with his arms crossed over his chest. Even having seen his bare shoulders in his sleeveless shirt could not compete with the shock of his broad chest and stomach, his loose pants hanging from one hip and threatening to reveal the rest of him if a slight breeze moved past.
Her cheeks heated immediately. “N-Nowhere.”
“There’s plenty of time tomorrow to go off hunting for ships,” he said. At least he kept his voice quiet so he wouldn’t wake everyone up and cause more of a scene.
“I wasn’t going to look for ships,” she said. Rowan couldn’t get her legs to cooperate, whether to carry her outside or back to her room. And she didn’t dare try to brush past Mrax for fear his pants might fall and she’d see all the rest of him. Although maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing. Most of the crew had shacked up with the Xaravians, and they all seemed to enjoy...
She blushed more and dragged her attention back to his face and the silver eyes that reflected back at her. “I just needed to move around. I can’t sleep; sometimes that helps. It’ll just be a minute. You can go back to…to sleep.”
His dark eyebrow arched, then he nodded at the door. “Fine. Let’s go for a walk.”
“I can really go by myself, it’s not—”
“It’s nighttime and we don’t know what else is hiding in the boneyard.” Mrax yawned and picked up a long length of pipe from where it leaned against the wall. “I can’t let you go by yourself.”
“You can’t let me?” She bristled, feeling like she was someone’s little sister all over again and treated like a helpless toddler. “I’m a Fleet officer, I’m perfectly capable—”
He caught her shoulder and steered her outside, pulling the door shut. “Calm down. It’s more about me than it is you.”
She wormed away and got a few feet of distance before she dared face him. She didn’t believe him, not really. But she couldn’t concentrate on being offended, not when the boneyard spread out all around them in silvery mirrors under the light of three moons. It was so beautiful it took her breath away. She even forgot that the Xaravian stood next to and slightly behind her, a warm presence that did more to calm the nervous energy shaking through her than anything else had in a long, long time.
Chapter 12
Mrax
Mrax never slept well, mostly because his dreams held too many memories of waking up in prison and waiting for the torturers to come for him again, so he heard every movement as Rowan crept around her room and made her way into the hall and living room. She was certainly quiet, but his hearing far exceeded hers. Trazzak had directed him to the room right next to hers, while he and Jess took the more isolated room. The walls were thin enough he heard everything—which was another reason why he left his room to follow Rowan.
Or so he told himself. He smelled a trace of her soap and shampoo in the hall and stalked into the living room in time to see her open the door and slide through. His hearts seized up at the thought of her alone outside in the darkness with unknown threats lurking all around. He charged forward without thinking and caught her before she got outside, though he scared the hoolies out of her in the process.
All of his thoughts focused on getting her back inside and safely tucked into her bed so he could protect her, but it wasn’t long until the moonlight revealed an uneasy, almost pained expression on her face. Mrax started walking, leading the way in a wide circle around the cabin, and Rowan trudged along next to him without a word.
“What kind of trouble were you planning on making out here?” He asked it just to get a rise out of her, knowing she would react, because he didn’t like the quiet, withdrawn Rowan.
She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, flicking her long hair out of the way, and hugged herself as she gazed out at the various rusted hulls they passed. “No trouble. I just needed to keep moving. I can’t sleep unless…unless I’m exhausted. I have to keep moving until I just pass out, otherwise...”
She shrugged and looked away, and once more Mrax felt himself shift into concerned doctor mode. But he didn’t want Rowan to think he only saw her as a diagnostic challenge. He scratched his jaw and pretended to keep all of his attention on searching the surroundings for trouble. But he was more aware of her than he would have admitted. “Is it all the time? Every night?”
Her forehead wrinkled. “Pretty much.”
“How long has it been going on? Have you always had this problem?”
Rowan didn’t look at him. “I’m not crazy, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“It hadn’t crossed my mind,” he said. Which wasn’t entirely the truth, although he thought she was crazy for taking crazy risks, not because her personality was a little quirky. “You are…unique.”
She snorted and glanced at him, then walked faster. “That’s not usually the label I get, but whatever floats your boat.”
More idioms he didn’t understand. Still, Mrax felt like he was talking to the real Rowan for the first time since the Earthers joined the Galaxos. “How long have you had this problem, then?”
“I dunno.” Rowan sped up still more, her movements bordering on frantic. “Seems like always.”
“Even as a child?” Mrax pondered what kind of childhood Rowan had—what her family was like, what she studied in school, what her hobbies and interests were...
“Probably,” she said. “I always had to work to keep up with my brothers. So I was always running, moving faster, so I wouldn’t be left behind. And then I... well, I wanted to get ahead of them, so I worked even harder. Kept moving faster and reaching higher and...” She took a deep breath and exhaled in a rush. “And once I got ahead, I couldn’t let them catch me. Anyone. Including in the Fleet and then at the Academy. Which meant moving faster and studying longer and working harder. I guess I never stopped. I guess I don’t know how to stop, even if I wanted to.”
Mrax caught her arm to keep her from stumbling into a heap of junk, and carefully guided Rowan around it and into a clearer path. She shivered but didn’t pull away, which he counted as a small victory. “There is no reason to continue that now, however. Not on the Galaxos or among your crew.”
Rowan looked up at the moons. “Maybe not, but habits are hard to break.”
They’d circled the cabin several times; Mrax slowed his steps as they approached the door once again. “I may have a solution.”
Her expression turned wary, and Mrax bit back a smile as he imagined what she might think he would propose. He could see what some males would offer in order to help her sleep—a different kind of exercise, some other way to exhaust her. “My medical supplies include some very mild sedatives. It would help you sleep and perhaps start breaking that habit.”
Rowan studied him for a long time before she blurted out, “Why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?”
“You’re being nice. There’s something else going on and I don’t know what it is. I’m not good at reading people’s expressions and feelings, so I know I’m missing something but I don’t know what. Can you just fill me in on the joke so I don’t have to worry about it?”
He blinked. She looked more vulnerable in the moonlight, hugging herself and searching his face for some kind of hint. Mrax didn’t know what to say. Usually females accused him of being unfeeling and callous; no one ever called him “nice.” Ever. But Rowan stood there, staring at him with a hint of desperation in her eyes, and he couldn’t let her suffer. Not after she’d been so careful examining his scars and missing scales. “At dinner I gave you food.”
She waited for more.
Mrax cleared his throat, getting a little uncomfortable himself. “In Xarav, for a male to offer a female food is a signal of... interest.”
Rowan’s jaw went slack and she stepped away.
He held up his hands. “It was not my intention. I only thought—if someone did not feed you, you would not eat. I meant nothing else by i
t. It surprised Trazzak, as I would normally not concern myself with anyone else’s plate.”
“And that was all?” Her feet moved nervously, scuffing against the dirt, and her gaze darted away from his.
“Yes, that was all.” He waited. Perhaps she would not believe him and the rest of their time on Dablon would be awkward and uncomfortable—or at least more so than it already was.
Rowan fidgeted, her attention on the door to the cabin. It would be a long night ahead for them both—if Rowan remained awake and agitated, there was no way Mrax would sleep. She played with the ends of her hair. “And you…you think a sedative would work? It would help me sleep?”
“Most certainly.” He wanted to coax her along since he knew that rushing her would only make her retreat. He wasn’t normally a patient man; none of the Xaravians were, but instead of getting irritated with her indecision, his blood settled and relaxed. The Earther didn’t make him want to fly apart at the seams. That on its own should have warned him away.
“I’ll try it,” Rowan said abruptly, nodding, as if she’d only just made up her mind but was entirely convinced in its rightness. “Tonight. I’ll try it tonight.”
Mrax nodded back and held the door for her to go inside. “Very well.”
She watched closely as he dug into the medical supplies to retrieve a small injector, dialing in the smallest dose it would deliver, and held her arm as he lined up the device. Rowan held her breath even though the injectors didn’t cause any pain, and after he clicked it and the slight pressure increased on her arm, she looked up at him. “That’s it?”