Coward. That’s what he was, a coward. He watched Ruby leave as he held on to the silly tote bag she’d given him. He never would purchase something so frivolous himself. But he held on to it tightly as she walked away, fighting with himself about whether to go after her.
But what could he say? He didn’t love her. He liked her. He cared about her well-being. But he wasn’t in love with her. And from what he could tell, she felt love was important. She had stated her parameters for marriage, not to mention her career goal—which he thought was a good one. There was nothing he could do, or say, to convince her to stay.
He trudged home, trying to convince himself this was all for the best. While his mind accepted it, his heart ached. He walked inside his house and put the bag on the kitchen table. Somehow, he would have to let her go. He should be grateful he didn’t love her, or it would be twice as hard. The sting in his heart would hurt twice as much. Yes, it was a good thing he didn’t love Ruby Glick. Because if he did, he’d be in agony.
For three months Ruby had been in Lancaster learning everything she could about being a teacher. She also got a job working as a housekeeper at a local bed and breakfast. She’d managed to mess up only a few times. She’d splashed a small bit of bleach on an antique quilt in one of the rooms, but fortunately it wasn’t noticeable. She still confessed to the owner, a woman in her sixties who was brusque but fair. “Accidents happen,” she said. “As long as the quilt isn’t ruined.”
There were a few other mishaps, but for the most part she did her job well. On Saturdays she spent the day in the local library reading all she could on education methods and application, even getting books ordered through inter-library loan. She also discovered a local teacher’s group, where several Amish teachers from nearby districts met to exchange ideas and methodology. She asked to attend the meetings, where she made some new friends as well as gained new information.
During the first Saturday evening in February, Ruby was sitting at the kitchen table reading up on discipline procedures in the classroom. Her mother walked in. “Would you like a cup of tea?” she asked Ruby.
Ruby nodded, but she didn’t look up from her book. “Danki.”
Mamm put the kettle on the stove, and then she pulled her navy-blue sweater closer to her body. “The wind is brutal out there.”
“It is? I hadn’t noticed.”
Her mother sat down and put her hand on Ruby’s book. “How about we chat for a few minutes until the water boils?”
Ruby closed the book. “All right. What would you like to talk about?”
“You. You’ve changed, dochder.”
She smiled. “For the better, I hope.”
“In some ways, ya.”
Ruby frowned. “And in others?”
“You’ve been keeping to yerself since you got back from Birch Creek. You used to like to geh to singings and frolics, but you haven’t been to a single one.”
“I have plenty to keep me busy,” she said. “Mei job, and studying.”
“And that makes you happy?”
“It does.” And she was telling the truth, for the most part. She was happy, and she had a sense of satisfaction and peace she hadn’t had before. But something was still off. Things with her and Christian had been left unfinished. Or was that wishful thinking on her part? She hadn’t heard from him since she left Birch Creek, and if he had wanted to talk to her he could have asked Timothy for her address and phone number. To be fair, she also hadn’t contacted him, although she’d been tempted. But what would be the point? Their good-bye had been permanent, and she needed to accept that, even if a part of her didn’t want to.
“I’m perfectly content with what I’m doing, Mamm. I’ve started looking for teaching jobs since Julia doesn’t have any plans to leave the school here anytime soon.”
“She will when she gets married.”
“But she says that’s a way off, and I don’t want to wait. I want to start teaching, Mamm. I believe I’m ready.”
Mamm smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners like it always did when she was pleased. “I believe you are too. You’ve shown a lot of maturity since you’ve been back home. Any school would be blessed to have you as their teacher.”
She leaned back in her chair, returning the smile. Mamm didn’t compliment easily. Neither did her father. Knowing that they had noticed the change in her and approved meant so much. “Danki,” she said, her throat growing tight.
The whistle sounded. “The water’s ready.” Mamm got up, and a few moments later she put a cup of chamomile tea in front of Ruby. “Don’t stay up too late,” she said.
“I won’t. Gute nacht.”
Ruby worked for a little while longer, until she heard a knock on the door that connected the kitchen and back porch. She glanced at the clock. Who would be here at this hour? When she opened the door, a blast of cold wind hit her. “Selah?” she said, peering at the bundled-up woman in front of her.
“May I come in? It’s freezing out here.”
“Ya, of course.” Ruby gestured for her to come inside and then closed the door behind her. “What are you doing here?”
Selah held a small tote bag. “I came to see you.”
“How did you know where I lived? And do you know what time it is?”
She nodded. “I asked Patience for yer address,” she said. “And I know it’s late, but the bus was running behind. I was lucky to get a taxi here.”
Ruby was confused by all this, but she didn’t forget her manners. “Do you want something to drink? Kaffee? Tea?”
“Tea would be wonderful.”
Ruby put the kettle on as Selah took off her coat, bonnet, scarf, and gloves. She put the bonnet on the table and Ruby picked up her other clothing. “Geh ahead and sit down. I’ll hang these up.”
After putting Selah’s outerwear away and making her a cup of tea, she joined Selah at the table. “I’m so surprised you’re here,” Ruby said.
“I’m a little surprised myself. But I needed to talk to you.” She glanced down at her hands as they cradled the small mug. “I owe you an apology. Several, actually.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
Selah gave her a half-smile. “I knew you would say that, because you’re so nice. I haven’t been nice to you, however.”
“Water under the bridge.” Ruby waved her hand.
“Not for me.” She looked at Ruby. “I’m sorry for how I treated you. You didn’t deserve mei rudeness. I’ve been going through some things, some personal business, and I shouldn’t have taken that out on you.”
“You came all the way here to tell me that?”
Selah nodded. “Ya. I thought I’d be here early enough to find a hotel or a bed and breakfast. I’m sorry to invite myself—”
“You can stay here,” Ruby said, smiling. “As long as you want.”
“I have to geh back tomorrow, but danki.” She smiled.
Ruby nodded, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that Selah had come all the way from New York to apologize to her. She also noticed that Selah was different. The expression in her eyes seemed softer, and her words didn’t carry the harsh tone they used to. She had changed, and Ruby could tell it was for the better.
Selah looked at the books on the table. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything important.” She read the title of one of them. “Discipline for the Elementary Classroom.” She turned to Ruby. “Teaching books?”
“Ya.” She told Selah about her plan to become a teacher.
“That’s perfect.” Selah clasped her hands together.
“Why?”
“Because Birch Creek needs a teacher.”
Ruby frowned. “What happened to Christian?”
“Nix. But four families moved to the district over the winter, and the school is bursting at the seams again. I called him last week, and he had just told the school board they needed to hire a second teacher for next year. They were already planning to add on to the building over the summer
, Christian said. I thought they should hire someone now, but Christian thinks the students have had enough upheaval this school year. He said he could handle it until April when the school year ends, but they need another teacher by fall.”
Ruby got up from the table and picked up her mug, her hand a bit unsteady at the mention of Christian. “I’m sure they’ll find someone by then.”
“Why don’t you apply?”
She set her empty mug on the counter but didn’t answer Selah.
“Is it because you’d have to work with Christian?”
Ruby turned around. “Nee,” she said, swinging her hand back and almost knocking the mug onto the floor. That was close. “Of course not. Christian and I are . . .”
“What?” Selah said, cocking her head “What are you and Christian, exactly?”
“Nix,” she said softly. “We’re nix.”
Selah shook her head. “I don’t believe that.”
Ruby turned around and put the mug in the sink, unsettled by Selah’s conviction. But Selah hadn’t witnessed Ruby’s last conversation with Christian. The way he’d politely and unemotionally told her good-bye. If she had, she would feel the same way about the situation Ruby did—resigned. She picked up the teakettle. “Would you like some more tea?”
“Nee. I would like to stay on subject.” She paused. “Unless it’s too uncomfortable for you.”
Ruby set down the teakettle and forced a smile. “Why would it be uncomfortable? There’s nix to discuss, anyway.”
“Then you wouldn’t mind working with Christian next year.”
“I didn’t say that.”
Selah sighed and got up from the table. “What am I going to do with you two?”
“What?” Ruby asked, confused.
“Far be it from me to put mei nose in mei bruder’s business— or yers—but it seems you both need an intervention, for yer own sakes.”
She could only imagine what that meant, but she still didn’t want to discuss Christian. Ruby went to the table and picked up Selah’s mug. “We usually eat breakfast around six,” she said. “I think we’re having pancakes tomorrow.”
Selah chuckled. “You even change the subject the same way.” She moved in front of Ruby. “See, this is why you and Christian belong together. He’s too stuffy and you’re—”
“Clumsy? Flighty? Incompetent?” Maybe Selah hadn’t changed at all and this was a weird ruse to hurl insults her way.
“Nee, Ruby,” she said, her tone kind. Then she smiled. You’re sweet. Optimistic. A breath of fresh air, which mei bruder desperately needs.”
Her stomach fluttered again. Stop it. She couldn’t let her thoughts and feelings get in the way of reality. “I’m sure he’s forgotten about me by now.”
“Hardly. Although he won’t admit it. Like you, he says there’s nee point discussing it.”
Well, that didn’t make her feel optimistic at all. But hadn’t she’d known that all along? Why had she let a few words from Selah give her a glimmer of hope? Because I still care about him. “He’s right,” she said, this time unable to keep the disappointment out of her voice.
“Christian is right about a lot of things, but this isn’t one of them.” She touched Ruby’s arm. “You should apply for the teaching job. The students love you, and I know they miss you. Christian did mention that. And I know he misses you too.”
Ruby sat down at the table. Hearing that the students missed her did fill her with happiness, but that was quickly tempered by the idea of working with Christian in the close quarters of a classroom. She couldn’t do it. Not with how she felt. This was too important an opportunity for her not to be completely honest with herself. She still had feelings for Christian, and she couldn’t give her best to her students if she was preoccupied with her fruitless emotions. That wasn’t fair to them, to her, or to Christian. He needed a teaching partner who would help him, not be in the way.
She looked up at Selah. “I can’t,” she said firmly. “That isn’t the job for me. I’m sure Christian would agree.”
“But—”
“It’s getting late.” She stood. “I’ll get some extra quilts for the bed in Timothy’s old room. Do you need anything else?”
Selah’s gaze was downcast as she shook her head. “That should be fine.”
Ruby went to her. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Selah. You care about yer bruder.” A lump formed in her throat, her feelings overcoming her common sense. “I do too,” she whispered, unable to ignore the truth. She hurried out of the kitchen before she said anything else she might regret.
Selah frowned as Ruby disappeared from the room, just as if her dress were on fire. Then she sighed. Why were these two so stubborn? Then again, they were also both a bit odd in their own ways. Why wouldn’t they be odd about their relationship?
She picked up her tote bag, grateful that she hadn’t pushed Ruby too much or she’d be sleeping out in the cold. Not that Ruby would have done that. She didn’t have a cruel or petty bone in her body. Selah couldn’t say the same about herself. But with the help of Aenti Keturah and her counselor, who had counseled a few other Amish clients, and with lots of prayer and spending time with God, Selah was changing. The sadness and confusion still laced her mind, but it wasn’t as all-consuming as it had been. Now she had hope, for the first time in a long time.
She also had hope for Ruby and Christian, if she could help them get over themselves. And she wasn’t wrong when she said Ruby would be wanted back in the Birch Creek school. But both she and Christian were so focused on denying their feelings that they were missing out on several wonderful opportunities. And now that she was learning one of the keys to battling depression was to help others, she was determined to do something about these two. I’m not sure what, though.
“Yer room is ready,” Ruby said as she reentered the kitchen. “Do you want to take some water or tea upstairs with you?”
“Nee, but danki.”
Ruby picked up her books and turned off the kitchen lamp. She clicked on a small flashlight and Selah followed her to the room. She turned on a small lamp on the nightstand. “I’m right next door if you need anything.”
Selah fought the lump in her throat. Ruby was such a good person, and her brother deserved someone like her. He deserved her. “Danki, Ruby.”
“Gute nacht.” Ruby smiled before she left the room.
Selah set her tote bag on the end of the bed. She’d brought only the essentials—a nightgown, fresh underclothes, and a toothbrush. She did have to get back to New York tomorrow. But as soon as she arrived home, she’d make new plans to go to Birch Creek. “Just let me know what I need to do to bring them together, Lord,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “Right now, I’m out of ideas.”
CHAPTER 18
Christian leaned against the doorjamb of the schoolhouse entrance as the last of his students poured out for the day. Finally, it was Friday. He felt a little guilty looking forward to the weekend so much, but it had been a long, hard week. It was March, and the children were already getting spring fever. Not to mention they were crammed into a school building that was only a year old but already too small. The residents of Birch Creek would have to build another addition over the summer. Maybe even a separate building, which would be a good idea for when they hired another teacher. Since the teacher would likely be female, it would be easier and more appropriate if they worked in separate buildings.
He waved to Malachi, Judah, Jesse, and Nelson before the boys ran down the road. He hadn’t given any homework over the weekend, hoping the children would work and play out most of their energy before Monday. He turned and faced the school building. Inside, his classroom was a mess. It was hard to keep thirty-five students under control and occupied and still keep things tidy, particularly on a Friday.
Christian went inside, picked up the broom, and started sweeping the scraps of paper and dirt and dust on the floor into a pile. He filled and emptied the dustpan and then put it and the broom
away and sat down at his desk. He picked up his #1 Teacher tote bag and put a stack of papers and his lesson plans inside. Normally he would work on them there, but he needed some fresh air, and today was unseasonably warm and sunny. He supposed he had a bit of spring fever too.
He went home and walked through the back door. To his surprise Selah was sitting at the table. He smiled and went to her. “I didn’t know you were coming to visit.”
“I wanted to surprise you.” She grinned back and got up and hugged him.
He looked at her. He hadn’t seen her since Christmas, although they had talked on the phone a few times. She looked brighter, her smile genuine and not forced. He couldn’t stop his smile from growing, knowing that she was doing well. “I don’t have much to make for supper,” he said. “Unless you like peanut butter and jelly.”
“Living like a true bachelor, then. It’s okay. I haven’t had peanut butter and jelly since I left Birch Creek. I’ll geh to Schrock Grocery in the morning and fill yer pantry.” She started for the living room. “Why don’t we sit on the front porch? It’s too beautiful out to stay inside.”
Christian agreed, and a few moments later they were sitting on the two chairs on the porch. “How long are you planning to stay?” he asked.
“A couple of days.” Her gaze landed on the birdfeeder he’d put out last week. Two robins and a cardinal were jockeying for the food. “Although it’s so nice here, I’m tempted to visit a little longer.”
“Oh.” He stared at the cardinal, who had been pushed aside by the robins. “I thought you might be moving back.”
She paused. “I’m not ready yet. But maybe someday.” She turned to him. “Tell me about you. Have they found a second teacher yet?”
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