A quiet revelation came to her in that moment: Blaire had simply replaced the support she’d enjoyed from her family with Lyle, transferring dependencies. Now, she pondered whether she had the ability to make it on her own, especially as an unwed mother. It sounded so wicked and unforgivable, something she felt sure the child would throw in her face in the years to come.
With no God, father, or husband to turn to, Blaire felt needier than she ever had in her entire lifetime—a soul without direction or purpose, and a sheltered woman unworthy to meet the needs of another human being, let alone her unborn, fatherless child. She nearly choked on that blatant truth. Her child would have no legal father, and as much as she tried to dismiss her religious training, the moral code was ingrained in her, inflicting yet another round of self-condemnation and torment. Blair felt dirty, sinful and unloved.
These were the thoughts haunting Blaire as she packed her belongings numbly. She had no destination in mind; she only knew she could not stay in that house, where she had planned a future with Lyle, where the air breathed his presence, and the rooms mocked their short union. It was the home he’d purchased without her savings, and it contained his possessions, passions, and future. Never again could she claim them as hers to share. The task of untangling her emotions from the intimate web they had woven became her sole fixation. She needed to gain control before depression overcame her will to live.
Unfortunately, taking flight and running had become a way of existence for Blaire Frazer—correction: Blaire Davis—of late. It seemed as if the two men who played the most important roles in a girl’s life brought their own brand of disillusionment and took with them a piece of her heart and the joy of tomorrow. She’d left broken pieces with her parents—her father especially—and for the first time, she wondered if she used adventure as a guise to hide her need to run from things when they did not go her way. She never suspected such a trait lay hidden inside her, for she’d always considered herself a strong capable woman. These torturous days had certainly proven to contradict all she believed about herself.
Why couldn’t she stand up to the woman who’d wanted her man and fight for him as her heart pleaded to do? She sighed, realizing she could not fight for what did not belong to her. Lyle belonged to Liza-Mae Frazer, and there was nothing she could do to change that, not to mention that Lyle had made his choice when he’d walked out and chosen her a second time.
Now, there she was, packing again, planning to run from yet another relationship she couldn’t secure. Would the search for love never end? There were so many questions, and not nearly enough answers, and the illusion of the happily-together-forever had shattered.
She sealed the last container of her personal belongings. Tears blurred her vision. Before she left, Blaire slowly and deliberately withdrew the family promise ring Lyle had given her while in Pelican Rapids and placed it on the table. Unable to part with the wedding band, she moved it from the left to the right hand. Though she fully comprehended that everything the band represented had been a sham, she still clung to it. Maybe, when she was stronger, she’d take it off altogether.
Blair rubbed a hand across her waist where it was beginning to thicken, and she longed for the previous joy of the new life growing within her to return to her aching soul. Even though it had been conceived in a bed of lies, it was not the fault of the child. It had been nearly a week since the evening she’d planned to tell Lyle of the baby, a week since that perfectly horrific evening when she’d lost everything; everything, that is, except the baby.
A constant knock at the door echoed inside her tired brain She toyed with the idea of ignoring it, but in the end, she brushed away a tell-tale tear, squared her shoulders, and headed for the front entrance. On the way, she passed a hall mirror and briefly studied her reflection. She was definitely not ready for company. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot with dark shadows circling them, the result of too much crying and not enough sleep. Her thick mane of chestnut hair hung recklessly down her back and framed her face, which stared back at her in ghostly fashion as if a stranger now occupied her body.
Blaire cast an I don’t care glare, at the mocking reflection and stuck out her tongue. She clung hungrily to that tiny thrust of fight, pinched her cheeks to bring a faint glow of needed color to her face, and allowed her fingers to comb through her waves of unkempt hair.
Fashionable, she was not, determined, she was. With a smile set to fool the best of callers, she took her first step toward life and threw the door open wide to come face-to-face with her past, albeit a good part of her past.
“David?” She studied the familiar face. “Yes, it is you!” Blaire all but jumped into the young man’s arms and clung to him, wishing the years away. He had been her father’s choice for a husband, a childhood friend disillusioned from war whom she’d rejected, believing that love within marriage demanded more—or, at least, a different kind of love—than she felt for David.
If the caller noticed any desperation in her greeting, he never showed any indication. He eventually untangled himself from her embrace and pushed her to arm’s length. His welcoming smile lit up his entire face, and his blond mass of curls blew in the afternoon breeze across the front yard, just the way Blaire remembered it from the last time she’d seen him. His sky-blue eyes had twinkled back then, as well.
David had desperately wanted her hand in marriage, but her rejection had gradually ruined their lifelong friendship. When she went off to nursing school, he busied himself in the family ranch. To her knowledge, he was still single.
His friendship had worked magic to cheer her on many dark days in her childhood, and now she grasped hold of his familiarity as a lifeline. It would be a temporary fix, but she had to start somewhere. Blaire felt herself succumbing to the need within that she knew her old friend had the ability to restore. She sighed and backed away, for she saw the tender clouds of concern overshadow him, even as she watched.
Blaire fretted that she’d given herself away without even trying, and David knew her all too well.
“Blaire, you are a sight for weary eyes.”
“They must be weary, indeed,” Blaire said. She rallied a laugh to change the mood. “I am a mess, and you, David Kennedy are free to admit it."
“I’ve heard it said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and after today, I am a firm believer.”
“Thanks…I think.” She reached for his hand. “Don’t stand on the doorstep like a complete stranger—come in. I am so glad you found my corner of the world.”
“It didn’t look like you were returning to mine, so I came looking.”
“You’re teasing. The Galesburg gossip vine gives detailed accounts of your wild escapades with the young women at home, and especially one specific auburn beauty that seemed to catch your eye.”
Russel Davis had twisted that bit of information as if it had been a knife, reminding his daughter that in becoming a mail-order bride, she risked her last chance with David. His attempt had been unsuccessful, but it showed Blair that she was not interested in the life David led.
Blaire continued to ramble on. “You will be pleased to know that I’ve abandoned our blood pact agreement to marry and got on with my life in Minnesota.”
“I heard,” he said. “So, does that mean that your first love doesn’t stand a chance in your world?” David leaned his farm-fit, tanned body against hers, pinning her against the wall.
Color rose to paint her cheeks a deeper red than would a simple pinch. Had her response originated from the memories of old as they stirred her fragile emotions?
No, that was silly. It was probably the memory of Lyle creeping between them, the man she’d sworn to love forever.
The carefree words she’d spouted to her old friend turned sour in her stomach, and she felt mortified that their first encounter after so long had brought on the conversation she longed to steer clear of.
“Love is on hold, first or last.”
“I’ve hit a sore subject—ho
neymoon on shaky ground?” David wrapped his fingers tenderly around hers, a habit that had served to calm her soul in the past. He did not provide her adequate space to squeeze out from under his ongoing scrutiny, for she was still pinned against the wall, transparent and on display.
Gradually, a teasing smile broke out on his face revealing the dimples that made the girls swoon. “Unfortunately, the effects of the war awakened a rather selfish man in me, and until recently, I’ve hidden behind a cover of wine, women, and song.”
Blaire noted a transformation in his countenance and wondered what “until recently” meant.
“You’re still the same old David, cornering a married woman like this.”
“Truth is, I was hoping to bury the memories of my auburn beauty in your chestnut waves to see if our magic still worked,” David said playfully.”
“You’re too late,” Blaire said. “You sound like the same young soldier who couldn’t face life after the war and escaped into the arms of any woman who would have him. I will not be treated like the many you have still dangling on your line. You continue to view life through rose-colored glasses.”
“But I do make you laugh,” he said.
“Yes, that you do very well.”
“And I can see that today, you are in need of a few laughs.” He leaned in even closer and pulled her wrists toward him until she felt the warmth of his breath on her face. “My sweet Blaire—it is not with rose-colored glasses that I gaze upon the beautiful woman you’ve become.”
The walls seemed to push against Blaire, blocking all from her view until only David and his eyes of adoration, full mouth slightly open as if in awe, and the wonderful aroma of the ranch, home, and childhood safety remained.
How long they stared at one another, she knew not, nor did she know at what point her head tilted back to receive his kiss, but she surrendered to the need to feel something other than the emotional decay rotting inside her. The moment rekindled stolen memories of young love and tore away the years between them in an instant. It had seemed so easy back then, before childhood dreams had been destroyed by the reality of war and everything had changed.
Blaire remembered Lyle, and deep shame consumed her body. Was she some love-starved woman, clinging to the easy words of another man? When her mind cleared, she recalled giving David’s proposal a definite no, more than once, and she had no right to lead him on now.
Blaire pushed him gently away. She was deceiving David. Nothing had changed between them, and their brief kiss only confirmed that her feelings for him did not hold a candle to those she had for Lyle. Her trusted childhood friend and experimentation with first love, was not of the forever kind.
However frivolous or serious he might have imagined their reunion to be, Blaire had no right to encourage their intimacy. “Really, David, that was quite the welcoming kiss.” Blaire attempted to make light of their embrace while lowering her head and ducking around him into the open space of freedom. “Come into the living room, and we’ll visit.”
He followed closely on her heels. The occasional brushing of their bodies causing Blaire to keep a brisk pace. Embarrassed at the onset of their reunion, Blaire turned abruptly to apologize, almost causing a second embrace.
“Are you blushing?” David asked, lifting her chin to meet his eyes.
“If I am, sir, it is merely the excitement of seeing an old friend.” She pivoted and continued into the parlor. “Would you like a drink?”
“Actually, I just arrived on the stagecoach from Pelican Rapids, where I learned of your wedding, from a rather rejected livery fellow who claims he would have married you in a heartbeat.”
“Chase Falcon? The man is full of himself.”
“Perhaps, but his story of your quickie wedding encouraged me to grab the next coach out of town to come to find you and see what kind of man finally snagged my girl.”
“I was never your girl, David.”
“That was your biggest mistake,” he said lightly, not realizing he was hitting on every open wound in her heart, “but if the chap doesn’t mind, I haven’t eaten all day and was hoping I could entice you to dine with me—as a friend, no doubt—at the local diner.”
Blaire wondered if Liza-Mae was eating at Millie’s Diner or taking her meals at the boarding house, but she decided not to chance it. “No, I have food here, thank you,” she stated quite emphatically.
“I’m sorry for the short notice, truly I am, but I’ve been traveling all day, and I only have a small room at the Spalding Saloon to look forward to. Surely, you wouldn’t want me playing cards and chasing women in that den of sin tonight when I could be enjoying your company.” His pitch had no doubt meant to touch her compassionate heart, and now that it had been delivered, he backed off. “I’m sorry if I’ve been presumptuous, Blaire.”
“You always were presumptuous, so why should I expect anything different now?”
“Then, you will come to dinner?”
“I would love to dine with an old friend. Millie’s Diner awaits us. Why don’t you relax a moment while I get ready?” She started toward the hallway.
“Did I mention that I was famished?” David called out.
“I won’t keep you waiting long,” she said, her laugh rippling through the air. It felt good to laugh, and she decided to enjoy the moment, despite the situation between herself and Lyle.
She reappeared twenty minutes later, hoping her choice of a pale green dress with a skirt that narrowed in the front and a bustle of multi-layers of fabric in the back, might hide the thickening of her hourglass figure and distract David enough to keep him on lighter topics during dinner. She’d swept her hair up with decorative combs, taming her former chaos, letting loose tendrils hang about to frame her face. Blaire felt confident the image she portrayed would keep David’s focus off the hasty fix-up job she’d done on her face to hide her inner grief. Somehow, she’d managed to replace the disheveled impression of the woman who had answered the door to one worthy of escorting to dinner.
“All ready,” she announced, stopping abruptly in the doorway when she saw David standing there, holding a picture of her and Lyle, taken by a traveling photographer last month.
“Blaire, I was wrong to show up on your doorstep after so many years. You look so happy, I don’t want to spoil anything, and to be honest, I’m not up for a duel of honor should the bloke challenge me.”
“David Kennedy, you are my dearest and oldest friend. You’re just like family. No—I take that back. You’re better than family.” Blaire sidled up beside him, took the picture from his grasp, threw it face down on Lyle’s favorite armchair and drank in the strength of David’s presence. “I am very glad you showed up on my doorstep today. I don’t think I’ve eaten in days, and am suddenly quite hungry.”
“Days? I guess I’m in luck. The hubby is out of town and will be none the wiser. Let’s go.” He took her by the elbow, led her toward the door, and together, they walked from the dark house into the bright sunshine, arm in arm.
CHAPTER 9
The reunited friends found a quiet corner in Millie’s Diner and sat facing one another, totally immersed in conversation. The place had become a favorite spot for most of the townsfolk while socializing, especially the ones who would sooner die than set foot inside the den of sinners down the road. They were the same patrons who had volunteered to enlarge the dining area for Millie, including adding a small platform for a couple of musicians and floor space for dancers, should they feel inclined to swing their partner. Lyle and Blaire went there to relax at every available opportunity.
Her dinner partner that evening was not her husband, and she struggled to force Lyle from her mind and concentrate on David’s fun and entertaining antics. Blaire would learn to live again, and today would be the new beginning.
“Tell me, David, what brought you north? I do not believe for one minute you made this trip primarily to find me,” Blaire said. “I seem to recall you saying that you would never leave the peaceful hills
of home of your own free will.”
“Peaceful? I don’t recall using that word to describe life at home.” His eyes darkened slightly, but only for a second. “The quest for knowledge has lured me north, and I can assure you, I’ve crated and sent home all the modern tools needed to make ranch work a walk in the park. This little side trip to find you is my last adventure before I head for Kentucky.”
“Then, you’re not staying long in Spalding?” Blaire’s heart took a sudden dive. David’s presence was like medicine to her soul, and she recognized the urgency within her to stay planted in the land of the living.
“I’ve been up-country to an agricultural school for one very long month, and my mother is presently visiting a friend in Pelican Rapids. It’s a small world, is it not? If our destinies have brought us together again, perhaps it was always meant to be and we were negligent not to purse a relationship.” He cleared his throat and apologized. “Sorry. I am flirting with a married woman again, but in two short two weeks, I will be out of your hair for good,” He grinned. “So, I’m all yours—if your husband is agreeable.”
She avoided that subject. “Your timing is perfect. I am as free as a bird.”
“Glad to hear that,” David said. “I prayed you could clear your schedule to accommodate me. That’s the selfish part of me showing my face again.”
“I’m on a holiday of sorts, so my time is yours.” Blaire laughed, grateful for the diversion he provided. “Spending time with you will be just like going home.”
“Blaire, would you ever consider going back—to visit, I mean?"
“To Pine Crest? Never! I can still see my father shaking his finger in front of my nose and hear his final words ringing in my ears: ‘Get out of here and never come back! You’ve made your bed, and you’ll lie in it.’ I’m afraid nothing has changed, and I doubt I will ever be welcome under my father’s roof again.”
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