“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Lauren said but Kat had already taken a big bite of the cupcake.
“Mmm-mmm…ugh!” She swallowed with difficulty and looked up at Lauren. “I don’t want to be rude but your mint chocolate cupcakes could use some work.”
“My mint chocolate cupcakes are delicious—but those aren’t mint chocolate.” Lauren nodded at the half eaten cupcake in Kat’s hand.
“Not mint chocolate? Then what the hell are they?”
“It’s a new flavor I call ‘pregnant lady surprise.” Lauren grinned. “They’re devil’s food chocolate cake…with dill pickle icing.”
“Oh my God!” Kat made a face and then started laughing. “You know what? Liv is absolutely going to love these.”
“I have some other flavors that I baked this morning I think you’ll love.” Lauren nodded at the door. “Come on, let’s go give her these.”
As they walked through the doorway back into the main room she couldn’t help casting a sidelong glance at Kat and wondering what her friend meant by a ‘secret weapon’ and if she would ever get a chance to use it.
* * * * *
“So you’re just going to run away without a backward glance.” Deep’s voice rang out, echoing in the vast docking bay.
“What?” Xairn turned from the small space cruiser he’d been given as a gift from the Kindred High Council. It was a token of their appreciation. In effect, he and the warriors who had helped him had ended the Scourge threat—the war was over. The Council had offered him much more than the small ship but he had declined. He didn’t want riches or fame—he just wanted to go.
“I said, you’re running away.” Deep came up beside him and patted the little ship’s sleek silver side.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Xairn said stiffly. “I have fulfilled my obligations here. I have buried my mother in your sacred grove and seen my father’s body jettisoned into space. I have spoken to your Council and given them the codes to the Fathership so that they can do as they see fit with the rest of the vat grown and the urlich that remain. What else is there to do?”
“What else is there to do?” Deep raised an eyebrow at him. “Come on, Brother, you know very well what else there is to do. Don’t play the fool with me.”
Xairn frowned. “I am no fool. And I am not your brother so do not refer to me as such.”
“You’re right.” Xairn crossed his arms over his chest. “I’d be ashamed to have a brother who was such a coward.”
“First you call me a fool and then you call me a coward?” Xairn glared at him. “Have a care, Kindred. My patience has limits.”
“The humans have a saying, you know,” Deep continued, ignoring his threat. “They say, ‘it takes one to know one.’ I’m calling you a coward because you’re acting the same way I did and you’re making the same mistake I made.”
“Oh? And what was that?” Xairn demanded.
“You’re running away from the one female in the universe who was made for you—the one being who makes your life meaningful.” Deep sighed. “Remember how when we met back on the Scourge home world, I actually wanted you to use the psychic knife on Kat and Lock and myself?”
Xairn nodded. “I thought at the time that it was a strange request.”
“A stupid request, more like,” Deep said savagely. “I was taking the coward’s way out—running from Kat. I had convinced myself we didn’t belong together—that she would be better off without me. But that wasn’t true.”
“If you’re making a reference to my relationship with Lauren, the truth is she would be better off without me,” Xairn said. “I’m leaving to avoid causing her pain—both emotional and physical.”
“Physical? You really think you can’t trust yourself with the woman you love?” Deep demanded.
“You said it yourself when we met—Scourge are depraved. We’re sexual beasts—natural dominants. So no, I can’t trust myself.” Xairn fitted his hand to the side of the ship and watched as the smart metal melted around his palm and the hatch opened. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”
“What if I told you there was a way for you to have bonding sex with your female without hurting her?”
Deep’s words stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned to face the other male. “What are you talking about?”
“I said, there’s a way you can bond her to you without hurting her. Kat has already talked to her about it.”
Xairn frowned. “You have such a thing?”
“Think about it,” Deep said. “We Twin Kindred always share a female and we’re all much better endowed than any human male our females might have been with before. If we didn’t have a way to have bonding sex without causing injury, our branch of the Kindred would have died off long before.”
For a long moment Xairn considered it. Then he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. My issue isn’t just about hurting her—it’s the shame and humiliation that go along being dominated. I don’t…don’t want to subject her to the kinds of degradations my Scourge instincts urge me to perform.”
“Maybe you should ask her how she feels about being submissive before you decide it’s not what she wants,” Deep said. “Some females enjoy sexual role playing—many Kindred brides included. We even have a Law of Conduct which allows each Kindred male to ‘punish’ his bride for infractions.” He smiled. “I promise you, it leads to some interesting scenarios.”
Xairn shook his head. “You truly do not understand. What my nature urges me to do is not role playing or any kind of scenario. It’s a constant, never ending state of sexual domination. And I wouldn’t dominate Lauren for ‘fun,’ I’d do it because I couldn’t help myself. Even if…even if she didn’t want me to.” He sighed. “No, it’s better just to leave.” He turned to swing into the cockpit but once again Deep’s voice stopped him.
“Without even saying goodbye?”
Xairn turned back again. “I said my goodbyes to her the night I left to confront my father.”
“But not your final goodbyes.” Deep frowned. “I’d stake my life you swore you would come back to her. Well, didn’t you?”
Xairn shifted uncomfortably. “That was…before. Before I reverted to my true nature.”
Deep raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you really going to stand there and tell me that you don’t think you can trust yourself enough to at least say goodbye in person? Because I don’t believe that, Xairn. You’re no ravening beast, no matter what you may believe about yourself.” He put a hand on Xairn’s shoulder. “At least see her once more and tell her why you must go. You owe her that much.”
Xairn had been ready to shake off the Kindred’s hand and leave but now he felt his shoulder’s slump as Deep’s words hit home. “You are right,” he said heavily. “Lauren and I have been through a lot together. I do owe it to her to say goodbye in person.”
“Go then…Brother.” Deep stepped back and nodded. “The Goddess go with you and grant you wisdom.”
“Thank you.” Xairn sighed and climbed into the ship. He saw Deep still watching him as the cockpit sealed itself behind him. It should be evening on Earth right now—he could make a quick side trip to see Lauren at her home and then plot a course for a far distant star—one where she would never find him.
Gods Lauren, he thought as he guided the small silver ship out of the docking bay and into the blackness of space. I love you so much. I wish things could be different.
But he knew in his heart that nothing could change his nature and nothing could keep him from acting on his natural impulses. He had to leave her, even though it felt like he was leaving his heart behind on her small blue planet instead.
For the last time, he turned his ship toward the Earth. It was time to say goodbye.
Chapter Thirty-nine
Lauren was sitting at home, absently stroking Little One when she got a strong feeling that someone wanted to talk to her. “Hello?” she said out loud, looking around and feeling kind of c
reeped out. “Is anybody there?”
“It’s me, Kat,” said a voice that was very definitely coming from inside Lauren’s head. “Sorry to freak you out but I’m calling you on a Think-me—kind of a Kindred telepathic cell phone. I hope you don’t mind but it’s the fastest way to communicate—so much easier than schlepping down to the HKR building to talk on the viewscreen all the time.”
“No, I don’t mind,” Lauren said aloud. “Or should I just think back to you?” she thought.
“Either way works but the thinking is better if you’re not alone. Otherwise people are going to think you’re crazy and talking to yourself.” Kat sounded amused.
“I’m alone,” Lauren thought back, beginning to get the hang of the mental communication. “I’m hanging around my condo, about to turn in for the night.”
“Good! Perfect!” Kat sounded excited. “Then you might have a little time to get ready.”
“Get ready for what?”
“Xairn’s coming—Deep talked him into it.”
“He is? Oh my God!” Lauren’s heart started pounding. “Oh, I have so much to do!”
“Don’t get too excited yet,” Kat cautioned. “He told Deep he’s just coming to say goodbye.”
“What? But didn’t Deep tell him about your ‘secret weapon?’”
“He did.” Kat sounded sober. “But apparently it isn’t just the pain he might cause you during bonding sex that has him worried.”
“What? What else is he worried about?” Lauren asked, exasperated.
“The whole dominant/submissive thing.” Kat sounded as though she was trying to choose her words with care. “His, uh, natural urges seem to have him all tied up in knots.”
“It’s not really surprising, considering the things he saw the AllFather do to women,” Lauren sent thoughtuflly. “I think part of the problem is that he thinks he can’t be dominant without turning into his father.”
“That sounds reasonable,” Kat agreed. “But I also think he has the idea that you don’t want to be dominated.”
“But that’s not how I feel at all!” Lauren protested. “I mean, I wasn’t sure at first. It felt…strange to want those kinds of things. But now—”
“Now you’re going to have one chance to show him that you’ve changed your mind,” Kat interrupted. “So we shouldn’t waste time talking. Have you been eating the fruit I gave you?”
Lauren nodded and then remembered her friend couldn’t see her. “Yup. I started last night. And to be honest today I’m feeling kind of…strange.”
“You mean horny?” Kat’s mental voice sounded amused. “Yeah, bonding fruit will do that to you—remember I warned you there could be side effects. In a little while it’s going to really kick in. And listen, hon, you’re going to need Xairn to help you scratch that itch—don’t try to do it on your own. It doesn’t work—believe me, I tried.”
“So you’re saying that if I don’t convince him to stay and, uh, bond with me or at least make love with me—”
“You’re going to be in a world of hurt,” Kat finished for her matter-of-factly. “But don’t worry about that, Lauren. Think positive. You can do this, I know you can.”
“I hope you’re right.” Lauren took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare herself.
“I know I am,” Kat said confidently. “Now go get ready! He should be there at any minute.”
“Okay. Kat?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.” Lauren wished she could give her a hug. “Thanks so much for helping me.”
“That’s all right,” Kat said cheerfully. “You can pay me back in cupcakes. Talk to you later!”
And with that, the connection was broken as suddenly at it had been established.
“God, I don’t have much time,” Lauren muttered, hurrying to change. She had told Kat earlier that she’d made certain arrangements in case Xairn ever did come home and buying just the right outfit was one of them. She hadn’t been sure when she was shopping for it that she’d ever have the chance to wear it. Now she couldn’t wait to put it on.
She stripped and then grabbed the red see-through outfit from the top drawer of her small dresser. She pulled it on quickly and then went into the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror.
When she was looking for just the right ‘welcome home’ outfit, Lauren had considered many different styles. She’d tried on a lot of black leather and white lace but neither seemed to fit the bill. Finally she’d found the gauzy red top and pants combo at an upscale costume shop in downtown Sarasota. It was meant to be a harem costume straight out of the Arabian Nights and it suited her perfectly.
The blouse had long sleeves and a low cut, scooping neckline which stopped just above her nipples. A red bikini-type top was supposed to go under the silky material but Lauren didn’t even consider wearing it. She had one chance to get Xairn back—she wasn’t about to play hard to get. Her bare breasts could be seen through the translucent red material, clearly displaying one of the changes she’d made in preparation for his homecoming. She hoped he would be pleased by what she’d done but at the very least she knew he would be surprised.
The bottom of the outfit was a pair of loose, blousy pants made of the same silky see-through crimson material and gathered into cuffs at the ankles. They had come with a tiny red thong to wear underneath but Lauren had left it in the drawer along with the bikini top that was supposed to go under the blouse. She was going to be completely bare beneath the naughty outfit. Completely bare and completely irresistible—she hoped.
Instead of a button and zipper, the pants had a long slit down the center of the crotch and a silk cord tie at the waist. When tied in a bow, the cord kept the pants closed but the unfastened slit in the crotch offered easy access to a seeking hand.
And God, Lauren certainly hoped that Xairn’s hands would be seeking! Seeking, touching, feeling and exploring every part of her body. Already she was feeling hot and bothered, her nipples hard and her pussy throbbing with need. The fruit that Kat had given her to eat was really working on her! Not to mention the fact that she loved Xairn and couldn’t wait to see him again.
Suddenly, she had a spasm of anxiety. If he won’t make love to me I’m really going to be in trouble! Then again, if he left her for good, never to return, she was going to have a lot worse problems to deal with than just a terminal case of horniness.
Taking a deep breath, Lauren went to the bowl on the kitchen counter and took out the last, triangular fruit. Kat had given her several of them, telling her that they were usually reserved for brides called by the Twin Kindred. She’s also warned about eating too many of them—something she herself had apparently done on at least one very memorable occasion. Still, Lauren had wanted to be prepared so she’d eaten all but one. Now she looked at the last fruit, clutched in the palm of her hand.
“Oh, what the hell,” she murmured and took a big bite.
The juicy, sweet fruit had barely hit her tongue before the doorbell rang. Little One started barking immediately but Lauren shushed her. “Stay,” she told the puppy in a shaking voice. Could it really be Xairn already? There was only one way to find out.
Clutching the fruit in one hand, her heart beating so hard she was sure it was shaking her entire body, Lauren went to the door.
* * * * *
Xairn sucked in a sharp breath when he saw her. Her long black hair flowed loose over her shoulders and she was wearing silky, sheer clothing which clearly showed her bare flesh beneath.
“Xairn?” she whispered, her amber eyes wide and hopeful. “I’m so glad you’re here. I…I’ve missed you so much.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to say that he had missed her too but just then Little One jumped off the couch and came running up to him. Barking joyfully, she jumped into his arms and licked his face.
Lauren laughed. “It looks like I’m not the only one who missed you. Look at her—she knows her master is home.”
Xairn frowned, the words of love dyi
ng on his lips. “I am not fit to be anyone’s master. Not even a dog’s. I’ve changed, Lauren.”
“Yes, I can see that,” she said quietly. “You look the same way you did when I first fell in love with you.”
“Lauren—”
“It’s true. You know the color of your skin and eyes doesn’t matter to me.” She crossed her arms over her breasts. “I…heard about what happened on the ship. To your mother. I’m very sorry, Xairn.”
“I was unable to save her,” he said stiffly. “Though I did get to speak to her briefly—very briefly—before she died.”
“Oh, baby,” Lauren whispered. “I wish so much I could have been there with you—to help you through it.” Little One whined softly at her mournful tone and licked Xairn’s face again.
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”
“That doesn’t make the pain less,” she said. “If I could have come with you…but I know that would have played right into your father’s plans.”
“Actually, it was me he was trying to lure to the Fathership. Me he wanted.” Xairn stroked the puppy gently. “He wanted to absorb my power—I suppose it would have given him a kind of immortality.”
“Oh my God, I didn’t know that.” Lauren put a hand to her mouth. “What happened?”
Xairn shrugged. “I absorbed his power instead. Or rather, I started too. But my mother…” He had to clear his throat before continuing. “She…she begged me with her dying breath not to take his essence into myself. She said it would corrupt my soul. So I let it go instead.” He sighed. “When it did, my own power went with it. I can no longer read minds or compel anyone to do my bidding.”
Lauren looked at him hopefully. “So…you let that part of yourself go?”
“Only the power left,” Xairn said flatly. “My Scourge instincts and urges remain. And now that the small strand of human DNA which I got from you has been broken and overwhelmed by my own genetic material, I am worse than I was before.”
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