by Diane Wylie
It was plain to her what he meant. The look on his face confirmed it. He was willing to rein in his desire and leave her a virgin. Oh, how she wanted his love. She wanted him to be the one she gave herself to. But she told herself she was not raised this way. Her mother and father had brought her up to be chaste, pure of thought and deed.
They were a religious family—at least they were until her mother died. Elizabeth had tried to pick up the threads of their Christianity to bring them back to the church, but she had died too soon. The deaths of her adored mother and stepmother and the coming of this hideous, murderous war had long-lasting effects on Jenny’s religious convictions. Now she was convinced that life was just too short and too fragile to waste precious moments like this. God had sent Captain David Reynolds to her, and she would not, could not, simply put aside the feelings she had for him.
“Yes. This is truly what I want. Our world has gone crazy and may never be the same again. I love you, and I want you with me.”
“But—”
She put her fingers to his lips, shaking her head. “I know. I know you have to leave. A part of you will be with me always, no matter what the rest of our lives bring.” The last few words came out in a sob.
* * *
David gathered her close in his arms and gently stroked her back. He heard her lose her composure against his chest and almost lost his own. Her tears wet his rough linen shirt, but he didn’t let go. His throat constricted, listening to Jennifer’s sobs, knowing there was nothing he could do to ease her pain.
His own pain at the thought of their separation was a cold, hard cannonball in his stomach. Soon he would be well enough to leave here and return to the nightmare that was this Civil War. It was a good possibility that he would never see Jennifer Winston again. There were too many unknowns that threatened his very survival. There was also the real possibility that she would not wait until he had a chance to return. Perhaps another man, maybe a Southern gentleman with land and money—one of her own kind—would seek her hand in marriage. He had nothing to offer a wife…nothing belonged to him but his horse and his honor. Even the clothing he wore belonged to the U.S. army.
The throbbing in his leg was intensifying the longer he stood, but he didn’t acknowledge it. Finally he shifted more of his weight to his good leg. Immediately Jenny, who was acutely aware of such things, pulled back with a gasp of dismay.
“Oh! I’ve kept you too long on your feet. Come on now, lie down right away.” Slipping an arm around his waist, she gently nudged him toward the bed. She was the efficient nurse again, sniffing now and then as she rubbed the moisture from her eyes with the edge of her skirt.
David allowed himself to be led to the bed because taking care of him had made her stop crying. He wasn’t sure how much more he could bear, if she continued. He lowered himself carefully to the bed and sat on the edge. She put a few logs on the fire and turned to face him again. Her expression of haunted desolation was gone, but he was not sure what he read in her face now. She looked almost grimly determined.
“All right. Take off your pants.”
She threw a blanket over his lap. Grinning widely, he obliged while staying modestly under the blanket. But she just took the trousers from him and turned away. They had been cleaned while he was sick, so he didn’t think she was doing that. Watching her rummaging around in her bag and pulling out a needle and thread, keen disappointment washed over him.
She had apparently changed her mind already and decided she didn’t want him after all. His anatomy had not gotten that message—he was still fiercely aroused under the rough blanket. So tempting was the sight in front of him that he had to restrain himself from putting a hand out to caress the wonderful roundness of her rump.
Pulling in a lung full of air, he kept his hands to himself with effort, but the smile was still lingering on his lips when she straightened and turned around. She smiled innocently back at him.
“What are you grinning about, Captain?” Jenny asked.
“Oh, nothing in particular. I’m just happy that you’re here. Not that I don’t enjoy having Luther, Nate, Madeline, Kizzie and all the rest of them come to entertain me during the day, which they do, I just really like our visits.”
“Would you like me to leave Romulus with you, too?”
At the sound of his name, the big dog lifted his head from his paws and tilted it quizzically. The animal had already positioned himself beside David as he always did.
He laughed and reached out to pat the furry head. “That’s all right, I would feel better if he were with you. He’s good protection.” He sobered and looked into her face intently. “I don’t want anything to happen to you. I intend to come back and ask for your hand in marriage when this war is over, if you’ll have me.”
* * *
Jenny’s throat tightened as she struggled for composure at his words. She looked at his face, and her eyes misted over. Those emerald green eyes were serious. He meant it. They had known each other for such a short time. How could he be serious? What if he were?
She moved closer to the fireplace, bringing her only a few scant feet from David sitting on the bed. Calmly she settled herself on the chair with her skirts under her and took up the task of attempting repairs on his torn light blue uniform trousers. The awareness of him and his lower body, naked under the blanket, made her want to squirm. With her eyes lowered to her work, she tried to sound nonchalant.
“Please, David. I won’t hold you to any promises that you may not wish to keep when all of this is over. What you are feeling is just gratitude. Who knows what life may hand us? This war may not be over for some time. Let us talk of more pleasant things.” And don’t look so wonderful, she added silently, and please, keep those beautiful eyes off me, or I’ll do something I might regret.
He smiled, but a hint of sadness crossed his face. “All right. How is little Benjamin today?”
Thank goodness. She breathed again. “Oh, that little dickens! Let me tell you what that boy did…”
Keeping her eyes firmly on her work, she launched into the story of her brother’s latest escapades with the honey in the pantry and the pig. The fire crackled and popped cheerfully as she talked on, trying desperately to make herself forget what she had wanted to do earlier and keep her eyes firmly on her work.
It was warm and cozy so close to the fire. Snow lay outside the cabin, crisp and cold. The wind howled. It would be a cold walk back to the manor house, but she didn’t mind at all. She was here with David. That was all she could ask for, now that he had survived the terrible illness.
Desperate prayers for his recovery had occupied her thoughts much of the time when she was not physically tending him, when she was helplessly watching him writhe in the grip of the fever, or when he lay still as death, barely breathing.
Now he was sure to fully recover. He would not die…not here...not now…and that was God’s blessing. She talked on, not looking up from her work, not expecting him to reply, just talking to keep her thoughts of attraction at bay.
Finally tying off the last stitch, she held up the uniform trousers and inspected them. The major holes had been sewn shut or patched as best she could. It would have to do.
“Well, what do you think?”
Silence. Only rattling of the wind broke the quiet in the tiny log cabin.
Looking over to the bed, she saw that the Yankee had lain down on his belly without a sound and fallen asleep. This fact didn’t bother her because he was still recovering and needed all the rest he could get. What did bother her immensely was that he was now shirtless, and clearly visible in the dancing firelight were the horrible red welts healing on his broad muscular back.
He must have removed the shirt without her noticing. Perhaps it caused him some pain. With a start she realized that he was now totally nude under the blanket that covered him from the hips down. One bare foot peeked out from under the wool blanket. Perhaps the wounds on his back were not the reason he took off his shirt.
Heat flooded her, and a strange tingling sensation gathered in her lower body at the thought. She gazed at him, envisioning the muscular thighs and tight buttocks under the blanket. She should get up and leave the cabin right now she told herself, but she didn’t move.
Her eyes followed the slope of his back up to the wide shoulders. His dark hair curled slightly at the nape of his neck. The line of his strong, angular jaw was smooth and unblemished. Then her gaze locked with his, and her breath froze in her throat.
He was not asleep and didn’t smile when he met her gaze. David looked at her with unmistakable, undeniable, undisguised passion under half-lidded, smoldering green eyes. Her desire intensified. She forgot to look away. She forgot the trousers. She forgot the snow, the dog that lay at her feet, the war, the fact that he would be leaving, and the fact that she was supposed to remain pure and chaste. Jennifer Winston, mistress of Pleasant Run Manor and genteel Southern lady, forgot everything and everyone but Captain David Reynolds, Federal cavalryman and enemy soldier.
* * *
David woke when the soothing rhythm of her voice stopped, not realizing that he had even fallen asleep. It was incredible to see the expression on her face when she looked at him. That look of pure simmering passion was something he had never ever expected to see directed at him. It was absolutely humbling and empowering all at the same time.
Her rosy skin and honey-gold hair were radiant in the glow of the fire. She was so beautiful he forgot to breathe. Her wide blue eyes were fixed on his. Neither of them spoke. He waited, his blood pounding through his veins for her. She didn’t turn away from him this time.
Her cool hands slid over his sore back, slippery with a soothing balm. Over each ridge of shoulder blade, every swell of muscle, down the valley of his spine, her gentle hands moved and caressed. A low moan escaped him, and he flexed his back under her touch. A small intake of breath let him know she was aware.
She peeled the blanket back and let it drop to the floor. Her hands were on his buttocks and down his thighs, careful not to disturb the bandage. He nearly swallowed his tongue. Lord, the woman was incredible. She was not afraid of him and did not shy away from the sight of his naked body, as he would have expected a well-bred, young Southern woman to do. But then, she was a healer. She had seen and touched his body before when he had been insensible or nearly so.
Slowly he rolled over and pushed himself to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Her hands never left him. The attraction between them was undeniable. He ran his hands down her arms and stilled her hands on his bare chest, trapping them with his own.
“Jennifer, don’t,” his voice was husky. “I won’t be able to stop myself if you stay on this course. You’ll hate me for it.”
“No,” she shook her head, making the silky tresses wink and spark in the light. “I will never hate you. Never.”
“You will,” he insisted. “I’ll ruin you for any other man. I’ll leave you here, maybe never to return. I’m going back…back to kill your countrymen…as many as I can for as long as it takes. You will hate me and all of my kind when your army and its citizens are brought to their knees in surrender. You won’t be able to help yourself. Your life will never be the same, and we will be to blame…I will be to blame.”
Unshed tears glistened in her eyes. She shook her head in denial again. “David.” Her head dropped as though she could no longer bear to look at him. “Don’t you understand? My life has already changed forever. You have come into it, and no matter where you go, no matter what you do, you will always be part of it. Because of you I have seen what it is to burn for someone, to love someone with all your heart and your mind until you feel that you will surely go mad if you can’t have some little piece of him. Please, please don’t deny me this. It is truly what I want, what I have to have, or I swear I will go completely insane.”
Her hands trembled and he tightened his around them. “I am a woman, fully grown. I am not naïve. I know what is at stake here. The war will go on with or without us. Life will be changed for me and for you and for everyone else here. Maybe you will die,” she looked at him again, “and maybe I will never see you again, but I will have a memory of you to keep close to my heart…a part of you that I will treasure forever, if you will give it to me.”
Her blue eyes were dark and troubled, like a storm brewing on a summer night. His gut clenched. How was it possible that he had ridden into battle at Mine Run and found this shining star in the process?
He bowed his head. Leaving her here would be the hardest thing he would ever do. No…denying her this request when the world was coming down around her ears was impossible. What did he have to lose besides his own heart? He was already losing it to Jennifer Winston with each passing heartbeat. She had everything to lose. The consequences could be unbearable.
He met her gaze with his own. “Suppose you had a child as a result of what you are asking?”
She smiled wistfully, surprising him. “Then I will truly have a part of you to keep with me always. A baby to love and to cherish that would carry his or her father inside them. I would like that, my love. I would like to have your child. I would teach him all about his father, everything that you have told me, and everything that I know about your character, and your love, and the time we had together, no matter how long it is.”
“Oh, Jenny!” His voice broke, and he pulled her to his lap, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Her arms went around his back gently. She leaned her head on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck until the gooseflesh rose on his skin. Reaching with one hand, he stroked her soft cheek, traced the rosy lips, and moved down to the high-necked dress. The first few tiny buttons were opened, exposing the slim column of her neck. Shuddering in his arms, she gasped when he touched his lips to the silky skin there then she pulled him closer.
He nibbled her earlobe, and his fingers disposed of more buttons deftly, moving down the front of her until the woolen dress fell open to the waist. Slowly he slipped the material off her shoulders, running his hands down her arms, and pressing his lips to the hollow of her collarbone. Jenny shivered.
The chemise disappeared, and she was bared to the waist. Cupping the rosy fullness of each breast in turn, he could not stop his mouth from uttering sounds of almost incredulous appreciation. He groaned and bent to kiss and tease the twin pink peaks. Surely he had died and gone to heaven. What else would explain the way he was feeling?
* * *
His touch on her bare skin was exquisitely wonderful. She could stand it no longer. Pushing away to stand up, she quickly removed the rest of her clothing, anxious to be as unclothed as he was. In seconds she stood before him naked. Dear Lord, what was she doing? Her thoughts were confused and jumbled. What kind of pull did this man have over her? She didn’t even recognize her actions as her own.
He gently placed his hands on her breasts and rubbed his palms over each nipple until they tightened almost painfully. Slowly he ran his hands from her waist to the flare of her hips, inflaming each square inch he touched.
“A goddess,” he breathed, looking at her with some emotion that she could not name. “You are a goddess.”
Pulling her body close to him again, his warm tongue flicked out and touched her nipples and she jerked back. “Oh!”
He looked up and smiled. She melted all over again. Trying hard to focus her thoughts, she moved her hands to his bare shoulders. Oh my, he was smooth and hard as a river rock warmed by the summer sun. A tingle of excitement coursed through her. He was here, right in front of her, and they were both naked as the day they were born. She had expected to feel nervous and shy being unclothed in front of a man, but for some reason she wasn’t.
David’s tongue and lips tantalized every inch he managed to reach, down her ribs, and over her belly. His hands gently explored the curve of her hips and down her legs then up to her buttocks. She shuddered and arched against him, pressing against the length of his hard body. His masculine body felt so right against
her skin that her throat thickened with unexpected tears.
One arm wrapped around her to steady her. His other hand slowly crept down the front of her until his hand was between her legs! Then he touched her there, and she gasped with surprise and pleasure at the sensation. His fingers rubbed gently, slowly, lightly touching her where she had never been touched before.
In a flash her entire body went hot, tense, and moist in response. Her mind spun away from reality and away from everything but the wonderful feelings this man was evoking. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she felt sure she should not be enjoying this.
But, oh, the unfamiliar, wonderful arousal grew and grew until she nearly squirmed with it. Her breath came faster, and her hands clutched at him in desperation, but he would not be rushed. So she stood transfixed in front of him, loving every sensual move he made as he slowly teased and caressed every part of her until her knees turned to water. She clutched his shoulders and trembled from all the thrilling sensations he sent racing through her. His touch was like magic, bringing her sleeping body to exquisite life.
How could such a pleasurable thing be considered wrong in the eyes of God? Didn’t he create their bodies this way to do this thing? Jenny wanted more, she wanted more… But she wasn’t sure exactly what it was she craved, just had to have, unless it was…yes, it was!
Standing, he lifted her from her feet and cradled her against him then, gently, he laid her on the bed. She buried her fingers in his hair, pulling his head toward hers insistently. Moving until he was straddling her body, he kissed her all the way from her pelvis to her lips, not missing a spot until they were face to face, and she was moaning and twisting under him.
“David!”
He slowly eased himself inside, seemingly ready to pull back at any sign from her. Then he stopped. She knew what he wanted to know. The question was unspoken as he paused.