by A. B. King
“Right, time to get moving, “she announced briskly as I downed the last mug of coffee at the end of the meal, “If we are going to make a busy and successful man out of you we can't afford to sit around here all day.”
“There's no rush,” I said deliberately. “It doesn't really matter what time I get in.”
She looked at me in surprise. “Time and tide wait for no man,” she observed. “How do you think I got where I am if I didn't make good use of every minute of the day? You should never forget that it is the early bird that catches the worm!”
“I can't stand worms,” I commented, “I much prefer a chipolata.”
“Remind me to laugh when I have time,” she answered scathingly. “I repeat, how do you think I have been so successful if I dithered around over breakfast until the best part of the day had drifted away?”
“That is not for me to say,” I conceded, and deliberately reached out again for the coffee pot. The truth of the matter was that the old adage of 'sleeping on it' held good for me for once. I'd been rushed along in an alcoholic daze by a feminine whirlwind on the previous night, but to some extent the dust was now settling, “and if you want to rush off now, I certainly shan't try to stop you.”
She looked at me long and hard, and then settled back in the chair she had been about to vacate. “Second thoughts?” she asked.
“Some.”
“Well, don't keep me in suspense, what's bothering you?”
“You.”
“Me, why, what have I done?”
I poured more coffee into her cup and into mine.
“Look, Danny,” I said, and I mentally prepared myself for the storm I felt sure I was about to invoke. “If you want the plain simple facts, I think you are the most wonderful person I've ever met; you are like a breath of fresh air that has blown into the stagnant pool of my life. Only, if the truth be told, you are more than just a breath; you are a full-blown bloody gale! It has belatedly occurred to me that many a person may have been caught up in the wake of your passing, and I doubt it has done any of them much good. I got caught up too, last night, but since then I've had a chance to really think about things.”
“And so you want to chicken out?”
“Not exactly,” I said, refusing to be goaded by her slightly sarcastic tone. “I just think that a few things should be straightened out.”
“Oh, like what?”
“Well, for a start, there is to be no partnership,” I said. “Nor am I going to sub-let the premises to you, nor am I going to take you up on all the other things you have been proposing, including the five grand.”
She digested that for a moment. “Why not,” she asked at last?
“You said to me last night that you don't like to be dominated. I can understand that because funnily enough I have the same problem. You breeze in out of nowhere, and before I even get a chance to blow my nose you want to take over my life. All possibly done with the best of intentions I’m sure, and no doubt with your guidance I might even make something of myself. Only it isn't going to happen. Maybe I will never be a successful business tycoon like you, certainly I will never be a millionaire, but then neither will I be someone else's puppet.”
“Huh,” she snorted derisively. “You will always be someone else's puppet if you go on the way you are; I'm giving you the chance to break away from that, only you are too damned stubborn to appreciate it.”
“I'm sorry you see it like that. The truth is, I'm already very grateful to you; because you have opened my eyes to possibilities I've never thought about. I've decided that I am going to accept Pete's gift, and I'm going to try to make a go of it, but on my own.”
“You will never succeed,” she said decisively. “You've no capital, no prospects, and certainly no clue as to how to run a business, and as for being a private detective?”
“Well, if you are so sure that I will never be a private investigator, why propose to invest so much cash and effort into making me one?”
She didn't appear to have a ready answer to that, or if she had, she declined to state it.
“All right, then I'll tell you why,” I said, determined now that I would say all that I needed to say, even though it would mean that Danny would vanish from my life as quickly as she had entered it. “The reason is simple; you are a control freak. You have to run the show, you have to be successful, you have to succeed, and I'm pretty sure you are not over fussy about how you do it. You are a fantastic looking woman, and I think you probably use that fact to further your own ends. I wouldn't mind betting there is a long trail of broken hearts scattered behind you, but they don't cause you to lose any sleep. You could so easily have hired a taxi to get back home as soon as you escaped from the car you crashed in the ford. The car that on your own admission, you took from somebody else, doubtless without permission, and simply abandoned. It demonstrates all too obviously the totally callous streak that runs through you like a steel thread. I wouldn't mind betting that it is this cold ruthless aspect of your character that has enabled you to be so successful in business, only I do wonder just how many broken people lie in your wake. I think you will probably finish up as a lonely old woman with all the money you could wish for, yet entirely bereft of human companionship. When you saw my own situation, you simply couldn't resist using it to your own ends; one more scalp for your trophy collection. Oh, I don't doubt that you told the truth, there would be five grand for the asking, genuine partnership papers, etc., etc. But it would all be you, wouldn’t it? And as soon as it suited you, yours truly would be out on his ear wondering what had hit him. No Danny, the simple truth is that you and I are poles apart; I value people more than success, whereas I suspect that you really don't have a single human feeling anywhere in that beautiful head of yours. So there you have it.”
I sat back and waited for the explosion, watching her face. I fully expected her to fly into a temper, or to slam out of the place, but she didn't do either.
“So that's it, then?” she asked at last.
I shrugged. “That's down to you,” I replied. “I've decided that sink or swim, I'm going it alone. If you want to take your business elsewhere, that is of course your prerogative. If you still want me to investigate the death of your sister, then the going rate for the agency is £200 a day full time, or £50 an hour part-time, plus full expenses.”
Suddenly her face broke into a sunny smile.
“I knew I was right,” she exclaimed. “I had a gut feeling all along that you were someone who couldn't be bought! Oh yes; you are absolutely right; I'm everything you accuse me of, and more! But do you know what? You are the first man who has ever had the courage to say all those things to my face. That makes you unique; you are the only man I have ever met who couldn't be bought either with cash or sex! I've been testing you to the limit, and believe me, I really know how to test a man. I've been awake half the night waiting for you to come creeping into the bedroom, I watched you as I flaunted cash in your face, I pushed you to the limit with my plans. Oh, I've seen the look in your eyes; you would have given anything to have bedded me after I'd wished myself on you. I bet you must have thought that Christmas had come early when I happily stripped off in your bathroom! And now you fling it all in my face. Neil Hammond, you're priceless! £200 a day plus expenses? You're on!”
I have to admit that once again she succeeded in stunning me. Ever since I'd met her she had been taking the wind out of my sails, and even now, when I thought that I'd finally succeeded in knocking her down, she still contrived to come out on top. I suddenly had the feeling I had let myself in for a real rough ride, but right there and then I didn't care. Even if the investigation turned out to be a complete fiasco, and the agency failed, I would still think it worth it.
“Fine,” I heard myself say. “Then we go on to the office, and I will get the standard contract ready, and once you have signed it, I'll make a start.”
“What, even before you get it in writing that the agency is yours?”
“I can always fill the date in later.”
“Whatever you say, Sherlock.”
She drained the coffee and looked at me again, but this time there was a definite mischievous look about her. “Just tell me one thing?” she asked.
“I'll try.”
“Do you really fancy me as much as I imagine?”
“If you would care to accompany me into the bedroom,” I said, keeping my features carefully wooden, “I'm sure I can answer that question to your complete satisfaction.”
“Good; maybe I'll take you up on that one day!” she responded with the same mischievous smile, and with that she got to her feet, “meanwhile, didn't you say something about a contract that needs signing?”
“Yes, but not before I've had a shave and finished dressing.”
She seemed in remarkably good spirits as we travelled to the office, and when I parked the car she took herself off to parts unspecified, saying that there were 'things she needed to attend to', and that she would be back with me by about ten thirty or thereabouts to sign up with the agency. I unlocked the office, and went on in to deal with all the mundane things that had been my lot ever since I had agreed to stand in for Pete. Only this morning it was different, and I looked at everything in a new light. As a stand in I had had no interest at all in the place, but having spent close on twenty hours in company with a human whirlwind everything now looked quite different. Danny was right, by her standards the place would most definitely be termed shabby, and even I could see that it was scarcely likely to attract a wealthy sort of client. I also knew without question that temperamentally I simply wasn't cut out for the sort of business that Pate obviously had found to his taste, but that didn't mean that I couldn't make a go of it. Danny had said that I should look for a niche in the market that wasn't properly covered, and if anyone knew what they were talking about in matters of business I assumed it should be her. Maybe I would give the place a lick of paint at the week-end, and I thought that perhaps my limited resources might even run to some replacement furniture from the quality second-hand office store at the end of the shopping mall. Perhaps while I was so engaged inspiration might strike with regard to this hypothetical 'niche' I needed to find?
There were a couple of messages on the answering machine, one concerned a lost cat, (why the owners didn't fit responders to their errant animals I couldn't understand) and another from a heartbroken lad who wanted me to trail his girlfriend who he thought was seeing someone else. He sounded about ten or twelve years old so I didn't get wildly excited about this one either. I looked through the post, and sure enough there was a whole wodge of papers from Pete. Frankly, I didn't understand half of them, but the gist was that the whole shooting match was now mine, lock, stock and so forth. I supposed I'd have to get round to the accountant at some stage, and also the bank, but that could wait. I busied myself looking out the standard contract that Pete used and got it ready for Danny. What I know about law in general and contract law in particular you can write on a postage stamp and to my completely untrained eye that form looked close to valueless. I doubted if the document I was looking at would be of any real value in proving anything. It crossed my mind that someone like my prospective new client could shoot holes through it at a moment's notice if she was so inclined; no wonder she was happy enough to sign whatever I produced. Still, at least it would be a 'sign' of good faith on both our parts. Somehow, I had the impression that she was genuine in what she wished to do, and for that matter, so was I.
I spent a bit of time trying to spruce the place up a bit, and as it had not had the attention of an office cleaner for a considerable period of time I was soon coughing and sneezing in the clouds of dust I kicked up. I flung the window open to clear it, noting that it was almost opaque with grime! I found an old vacuum cleaner tucked away in a cupboard and this helped me in my labours, although it had to be admitted that if the cleaner had had the suction power indicated by the jet-engine roar it produced when switched on it would have sucked up the whole floor up along with the grime. It took me several minutes to twig that it had a bag inside that was long overdue for changing. Luckily I found a couple of spares and managed to complete the job before the ancient contraption could catch fire. I had just disposed of several coffee mugs and rubbed out the worst of the rings they had left on the desk when Danny came marching in. I noted at once that she was not alone, because there was a spotty female teenager slightly behind her who peered at me like a myopic owl from behind thick glasses.
“Ten thirty as agreed,” Danny announced as she came in, “May I introduce you to Tania, Tania, say hello to Mr Hammond.”
“Er, 'hello', Mr Hammond,” the teenager squeaked, contriving to look about as nervous as a mouse examining a cat's teeth.
“Hello Tania,” I responded, wondering what this addition to our meeting was all about.
Danny sat down on the chair opposite the desk, and I scuttled round and found another, which I pulled forward to accommodate the unexpected visitor. I wondered if she was a new client Danny had found, if so, I couldn't say that I was much impressed.
“Tania will be working in a branch office that I will be opening in the high street in a few weeks time,” Danny explained. “She's exactly the sort of girl I was looking for.”
“I'm pleased to hear it,” I said, wondering what that had to do with me.
“Yes, so I want to ask you a favour.”
“Oh?”
“As I do not have premises here until all the paperwork etc. has been sorted out, would you be terribly offended if I asked her to work in here until such times as they are ready?”
“Here?” I asked blankly.
“Naturally I shall be taking care of her salary and so forth, and as I have nothing of my own I wish her to do as yet, she will be very useful to you in running the office in your absence.”
“Absence?”
“As soon as I have signed this very impressive looking document I observe laid out on your desk I know that you will be keen to be away at once before the trail grows cold.”
She smiled at me sweetly as she spoke, and the penny dropped. She didn't want me running back to the office every five minutes to check on calls about lost cats or love-lorn teenagers; with Tania paid to hold the fort I would have no such excuse. I looked again at the girl perched apprehensively on the edge of the chair blinking at me through her thick glasses with a really worried look on her face. I had the feeling that if I shouted 'boo' in a moderately loud voice she would like as not leap straight out of the window.
“Well, much as I would like to help, I'm afraid it’s not practical,” I said to Danny, smiling back just as sweetly, “and the trail you speak of has not just grown cold, it is probably fossilised by now.”
“Oh dear, that is a shame,” Danny responded, seemingly not in the least put out by my refusal, or my comments concerning the 'trail'. “I've just arranged for a carpenter to call in to give me an estimate for replacing the office door for another with a security hatch in it. Tania can open the hatch and deal with people without allowing them into the office so she will be quite safe from drunks and sexual predators.”
I tried to imagine anyone depraved enough to fancy spotty-face, and swiftly gave it up as a waste of time.
“I'm not sure that the landlord would approve of his door being changed,” I countered.
“No problem,” she said. “I've already had a word with him, and he is in complete agreement that it is something that should have been done a long time ago. Assuming his price is competitive, the job is scheduled for next Monday, by the way.”
Again there was that engaging smile, and recalling what Pete had said when he had first discussed me standing in for him about what an old lecher the landlord was, I could well imagine that after one quick look at her legs in that ultra short skirt he would have agreed to anything! It certainly hadn't taken her long to find who he was and where he habitually hid himself; no wonder she was a successful business woman.
“Oh yes, Mr Hammond” she replied, trying to smile and displaying a mouth full of revoltingly discoloured teeth. (Why do I always look at teeth; must be a fetish.)
“Oh, then I suppose that there is not a lot more to be said on the subject,” I said, knowing when I was beaten. “I'll explain all that needs to be done in a moment, if that's all right with you?”
“Tania, be a darling and nip down the road and get me a copy of 'Vogue' from the newsagents will you?” Danny interrupted before the girl could reply, pressing a note into the teenagers hand, “and get yourself a coffee out of the change. Make sure you are back here by twelve.”