by Charity B.
I freeze. “Oh yeah?”
There’s no way I’m letting her see me react to this.
“Yeah, we’re meeting at some place called the ‘Necco Room’. Now I have to figure out where it is.”
Whoa, whoa. What the hell now? She’s actually going? Nope. Not gonna happen.
“You can’t actually go, Tav.”
She seriously looks broken up about it. “Why not?”
“Why do you think? Nothing can come of it, so why waste either of your time?”
“Because, I want one night to feel like a normal twenty-three-year-old girl, like the ones at the bar. Because I like him and I want to see how it feels. I know nothing can come of it, Tobe. As soon as he found out what I am, he’d be gone. A guy like him would never talk to me if he knew.”
I don’t like this at all. I hate the way she looks right now while she’s talking about it. Her cheeks are flushed and she keeps running her hand down her thigh.
“Logan will never allow it, Tav. He isn’t paying for your time.”
“The girls that you go out with don’t pay.”
I try to hide them from her, I do, it’s just tough when I never know exactly when she’ll be home. She’s ran into a few of them here and there and she doesn’t seem to be bothered by it much anymore. I hate it.
“That’s different-”
“If you say it’s because you’re a boy, I’ll punch you in the throat.” She’s so cute when she gets pissy.
“No, it’s because Logan doesn’t care what I do as much as he does you.”
“So, you’re going to tell him?”
Well, shit. She’s clearly made her mind up. It’s not like they can keep seeing each other and I know she won’t fuck him, so I just need to relax. Let her get it out of her system and see that it’s not all she imagines it to be. I just worry about her. What if this guy hurts her?
“Of course not, it’s just not safe, Love. There’s no contract keeping him from doing bad things to you.”
She laughs like is such a stupid notion. “I don’t think he’s dangerous and I know what dangerous looks like.”
Yeah, she thinks she does, but it’s staring her in the face right now and she’s completely oblivious. “I can’t stop you, just know I don’t like it. I think it’s a dumb and risky idea.”
“You’re right. You can’t stop me. I’m going.”
Now I definitely need to bang up. I huff and she huffs back at me before she smirks and kisses me.
“It’s just for fun, Tobe.”
I cook the mixture, anxious for it to be in my veins.
“Yeah, well, so is this.”
By the time we’re sober, she says she has to get ready for her ‘date’. I can’t decide if I’m going to follow her, go to Nikki’s, find a random, or just get so high I don’t know where I am. Honestly, I never thought I would have to deal with this. She’s never shown the slightest bit of interest in anyone, besides maybe Master, and he’s still a Client. Who knows what this guy’s agenda is?
While she curls her hair, I smoke a cigarette on our bed.
“Where did you meet this guy, anyway?”
She smiles a smile that until today, I had only seen her give to me.
“I have playdates with a colleague of his.” She smirks because she knows exactly how fucked up this is. She’s being absurd.
I laugh, “Wow, Tav, seriously? You want one ‘normal’ night and you choose to do it with a suit? How is that any different from a Client?”
It better be because there won’t be any sex involved. Oh my God, she just giggled.
“Oh, trust me. He’s different.”
That’s what the fuck I’m afraid of.
I realize how thin she’s become as she tries on her clothes. Maybe we should try to lay off the smack a little. My nerves are slightly calmed by her outfit choice, until I understand her reasons. She’s wearing a sweater in the middle of May and not because she wants to make sure he doesn’t get the wrong idea, it’s because she doesn’t want him to see her track marks and scars. She cares enough that she doesn’t want him to judge her and that’s too Goddamn much.
I think I’m going to puke. She’s excited. She likes this asshole. Looks like I’m going to Nikki and Tiffany’s tonight after all.
I’m beyond furious right now and Logan says no more dead bodies. If I kill either of them then I can replace them, but fuck! I don’t want to. I love my little Nikki and I’ve only had Tiffany a few months.
I’ll just have to keep my cool with some bar trash. Yeah, I can do that.
Tavin looks beautiful and seeing her walk out the door makes my heart drop to the floor.
WHILE TOBEN’S CLEARLY NOT EXCITED for this idea, he has no room whatsoever to be pissed. I am twenty-three freaking years old and have never been on an actual date. I probably will never be able to again and definitely never with someone like Alexander. Besides, Master has been talking nonstop about wanting to buy me from Logan. Honestly, the thought doesn’t really scare me other than not being able to see Toben. I mean, I would only have to be with Master, no more Clients and no more Logan. Although, he would basically keep me locked away in that castle just ready and waiting to be played with.
Things with Master are kind of weird. I do like him, he’s my favorite Client by far, and even though the sex feels good, it’s still sick. Not to mention, I will never do another drug again if that happens. At least I have some freedom with Logan. I just know if it does come to pass, I won’t ever get an opportunity like this again.
I walk in through the door of the Necco Room and snort at the man in the suit holding open the door. This place is all fancy pants. I’m questioning what I’m wearing, but it’s too late now. This is my third time trying to get the courage to do this and now I’m at least fifteen minutes late. He’s probably not even here anymore. Oh God, I can’t do this. I turn around and change my mind again. No, I have to do this. I need to do this. One night. That’s all I need, a night that I can think about, when my life seems too dreary.
The night I was a normal girl.
I make my way through the tables when I see a full shot sitting on a table, all alone. Well now, that’s just asking to lose your drink. I take it and feel the burn as it rolls down my throat. I scan the large room. I doubt that he stuck around this long. Then, I see him standing by the bar.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
My throat is dry despite the drink I just had, so I swallow and put one foot in front of the other. Here goes… My stomach is doing that twirling thing from his smile, and before I know it, my feet have carried me to him.
I wave. “Hi.”
Wow. I thought the suit looked good, but good Lord those jeans were made for him, and his shirt somehow makes his eyes even brighter green.
He’s wearing an expression that I have seen many times, just never on a face like his. It makes me feel electric. I cross my ankles so I can press my legs together. He hasn’t even touched me, how the heck is this happening? He looks me over. Probably wondering what’s up with my outfit.
When he speaks, his voice makes me want to sigh. “Hi.” He looks to the bar. “Do you want a drink?”
I definitely do.
“Yes, Alexander.” His flawless eyebrows, which are a shade darker than his hair, shoot up.
Crap. He’s not a Client.
“What do you want?”
What does he mean by that?!
“What?!”
His lips lift in the sexiest smirk. I’m amusing him. Lovely.
“To drink?”
Oh, jeez. Of course. I need to act like I’m with Toben so I will sound more natural. “Oh yeah, um, whatever will fuck me up.”
Oh God, that was horrible. I’m no good at dates.
He laughs again. I just hope he isn’t laughing at me.
“Well, okay then.”
This is nothing like the bars Toben and I go to. This is the kind of place Logan would go. Oh no… what if we see him?! Logan would
be furious and I would be humiliated. I can’t stop myself from scanning the tables for him.
Alexander nods that gorgeous head toward the seating area.
“Why don’t you pick a seat and I’ll bring over our drinks.”
“Yes, Ale—uh…okay.”
Dang it! I know my face is red again. Why am I getting like this? I do what he asks and pick a table off to the side so I can see the people in case I run into Logan or…oh God-a Client.
He meets me at the table and sits my drink down.
“Bourbon. One-thirty proof. Guaranteed to fuck you up.” He smirks as he sits across from me.
I smile at him. “That’s great…thank you.”
He nods in response as he leans back. His arm muscles move as he lifts his drink. “Are those your natural eyes or are they contacts?”
I feel the urge to laugh. He wants to know about my eyes? That’s not usually the body part men want to talk about.
Why do I keep thinking about sex? I have spent most of my life trying not to think about it.
You have always wanted it, you nauseating skank.
“They’re natural.”
I keep an eye out for anyone that I don’t want to see, while I look at the décor. I think it’s beautiful. It’s a bit Victorian Gothic with a modern edge. Everyone here screams money.
I take a drink when he asks, “What do you do for a living?” and I almost choke on it.
I knew he would ask this stupid question.
Generic answer time: “Oh you know, a little of this, some of that.”
His face flashes for the first time. It’s small and quick, but clear. He’s not happy with that response. Well, too bad, because that’s all he’s getting.
I know I should ask him about his job, I’m just not sure I would understand it, anyway. I wonder if he took me to this ritzy place to impress me. He’ll be disappointed if he did.
“So, do you come to bars like this a lot?” I ask him.
He laughs again. I’ve never met anyone so happy. “Are you asking me if I come here often?” Isn’t that what I said? He straightens himself and rolls his shoulders. “Yeah, a few times a week.”
I glance down at his arm and am greeted with bright pops of color. How did I not notice the whole bottom half of it was tattooed? It’s incredible and I don’t even know what it is. I wonder if it means anything like Logan’s. Thinking of him makes me check the bar again.
I need more blow. I’m way too paranoid. If I’m going to get through this, I need to relax. Scanning the bar again, I think I see a Client. Right as my heart is about to go into panic mode, he turns and I realize it isn’t even him.
Whew.
“Tavin.” Alexander’s voice is commanding for the first time, forcing me to immediately look at him. “Do you want another?” He’s pointing to my drink.
I finish what I have left. “Yes…” I don’t see a bathroom sign. “Um, where are the restrooms?”
He shows me, and once I’m inside, I can’t get into the stall fast enough. Taking out my little bag of confidence, I sprinkle it along the toilet paper dispenser. I may be over doing it, but three lines later I know I can do this.
I wash my hands and when I look in the mirror, I tell myself, “You can do this. It’s supposed to be fun.” The girl next to me thinks I’m crazy from the expression on her face. I don’t care though. I’ve made up my mind. I know what I have to do. He might tell me to leave or push me away, but I’m going to kiss him. Toben is the only boy I have ever kissed just because I wanted to. This is my choice. He’s not a Client, and he’s not Logan.
Tonight, I get to make my own decisions.
I have one more bump to make sure I don’t chicken out. Walking back into the main room, I see him returning with our drinks and my stomach flips.
Here goes.
I head straight for him. He’s so tall that there’s no way I’ll be able to reach him from the ground, so I march right up to the seat and climb on. His flawless face is priceless as he wonders what I’m doing. I grab him and kiss him with everything I have. His mouth responds immediately giving me the tingles again. Of course, he’s an amazing kisser. My fingers are in his beautiful hair and his hands grip around my ribs. While the world around us is in chaos, we stay still. My heart pounds like a drum in my ears and my stomach is freaking out.
I don’t want to, but still, I stop. I separate my lips from his and when his emerald eyes open I can feel the desire in them rippling beneath my flesh.
I did it! I’m floating and I don’t want to lose this feeling so I hop off the seat and gulp down the entire drink he just got me. Too bad I’m way too coked out to be able to feel it.
I want to dance with him.
Stabbing my finger towards his full drink on the table, I tell him, “Why don’t you finish that, and then we can dance.” He doesn’t waste any time throwing it back before he takes my hand and we make our way to the dance floor.
I love how bright he is. Not like smart, which I am sure he is, but actually bright. Toben once told me that some people believe in multiple Gods. The God of water, God of air… Well, he’s how I imagine the Sun God would look.
Even though we can’t talk much because the music is really loud, his smile is infectious and I can feel myself doing it as well. His big hands are on my hips. I don’t think he dances very often because he seems a little out of his element. He keeps buying shots and smiling though, so I think he’s having fun. I know I sure am. Maybe I’m not that bad at dates, after all.
The more we drink, the more natural his dancing becomes. He’s aroused and I can feel his erection against my back. I’m confused and scared as to why that doesn’t bother me. It oddly makes me feel special that he wants me.
His warm breath tickles my neck and I can feel his lips move against my ear when he asks, “Do you want to take a break?”
I don’t care what we do, I just like being around him. “Whatever you want, Alexander.” We walk back to the table and I look at the bathroom sign. I need another line. “Just let me run to the restroom really quick.”
Once I’m in the stall I check my phone. There’s a text from Toben.
Having fun?
I roll my eyes. He’s so transparent. The messed-up thing is, he’s probably with a girl right now.
Relax. Let me enjoy it. I’ll see you tonight, now leave me alone. I love you.
I pull my vile and ID from my skirt pocket and cut a line on the toilet paper dispenser. I really should have asked to borrow Toben’s stash necklace. My phone pings when he texts me back.
Be safe. I love you, too.
I inhale, deciding to do one more line before I go back out.
Now that’s better.
As I walk back out to meet him, he sprawls his hand across the small of my back and gestures his head toward the doors.
“What do you say we hit another bar? There are a ton of them on this street.”
I will go anywhere he asks me to and it’s freaking me out. What is it about him? It’s more than his beauty and his smile. Maybe it’s his warmth and joy. He’s happiness and sunshine when I’m from a world of pain and nightmares.
I smile at him. “Let’s go.”
If his intoxicating cheerfulness isn’t enough to keep the grin on my face, him holding my hand as we search for another bar, is. He tells me a cute and funny story about his housekeeper and I laugh when I hear odd music. It’s not the kind on the radio or at the club, it’s closer to what the ice cream truck plays. I turn my head to see a wonderful display of colors, lights, and sounds.
A large red and yellow banner reads: Carnival.
I’ve seen a carnival once before. I didn’t get to go though, and I couldn’t really see it, I just remember watching kids running in excitement, screaming about rides and games. It was about two years after Logan let us out of the basement. I was on my way to see a Client, and when I dragged Toben back to go, it was gone. As if it never existed. I actually remember wondering if I dreamt
it. It does seem magical in a way. It’s late and it’s still open, so maybe when I get home I can talk Toben into bringing me. Even though he might moan about it being for kids, he always gives me what I want, eventually.
“What do you say we go check that out?”
I jerk my head towards Alexander and he’s looking toward the carnival. Is he serious? I hope he’s not teasing me. My stomach bubbles up in overwhelming excitement and I don’t know if I can keep myself from squeaking in glee.
“Really?!”
I always worry about all the bad people, I never think about all the good people there must be. He takes my breath away with that smile.
“Of course.”
We make our way across the street and he’s walking way too slow for having such long legs, so I pull him to the counter. He gets our tickets before giving them to a man by the gate who lets us through. I’m surrounded by more flashing lights and noises.
There are game booths covered in toys. There are clowns and food carts. There are so many rides and the Ferris wheel stands above it all. The carousel seems to glow and has beautiful horses and chairs to sit on with golden poles coming out of them. It’s one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. A giant slide is next to a man trying to get people to play his game. There are so many vibrant people, and their energy bleeds into my skin.
“Where to?” He asks me with a smile.
I feel a little overwhelmed. I don’t know how long we’re going to stay so I want to pick the best stuff. I see a huge circular ride that spins and tilts, another one that jumps and shakes. I just know I want to ride the carousel.
I can’t make a decision, I’m not used to making my own. “I—uh. Well, um…”
His big warm hand laces with mine and his enchanting face smiles down at me.
“We’ll get to all of it, I promise. How about we start with the tilt-a-whirl? That was always my favorite as a kid.” The idea of him as a kid makes me smile for whatever reason and I’m excited to do anything that was his favorite.
The ride has a bunch of half-egg-shaped seats all connected to a round, metal platform. When we sit down, the man locks us inside together and I can’t believe I am about to ride my first ride!