“I’m sorry,” Shane said again, pouring her a cup of coffee. The lemonade had been fine for a social call, but he’d brewed a pot upon returning to the house.
It seemed so unfair that they’d been given a chance to get their ranch up and running, only to have it taken from them again.
“I don’t even understand what this disease is,” Leah said, trying to remember if she’d read anything about it in her ranching books.
“It’s a highly contagious and deadly disease for cattle.”
As he explained the disease and how it affected cattle, Leah felt numb. Shane was right; it would ruin them if these cattle had it.
“But you don’t know for sure if the cows have it, right?” She looked up at him, hoping there was some way out of this mess. A way for her ranch to work.
He picked up one of the crayons Dylan had dropped and sat across from her, handing her son the crayon. Dylan seemed to have really taken to Shane and was busily drawing him a picture. It was nice to see her son so excited about interacting with others like this.
“Maybe,” Shane said slowly. “What we do know is that Harold sold one of the other ranchers a cow a few months ago, and it tested positive. A few more in Harold’s herd were then examined and had to be culled because they also had it. The rest are testing negative right now, but sometimes it can take up to a year for a positive result. Once you get that positive, the cow has to be put down to prevent it from spreading. Any other animal it’s come into contact with has to be in quarantine for a year, just to be safe.”
A few months ago. Did that mean there was hope?
“How common is it for a positive test result after a year?”
He let out a long sigh, and she figured she wouldn’t like his answer. But he didn’t understand how much having a successful ranch meant to her. To her family.
“The longer you go without testing positive, the less likely the cows are to get it. But it’s still possible to have the disease show up a year later, which is why every precaution has to be taken. An outbreak can destroy a ranch, and the Department of Agriculture has strict rules in place to keep it from spreading. I know you want to believe that things will turn out all right, and maybe they will. But it’s not worth the risk when everything you have is riding on having a healthy herd.”
So it wasn’t necessarily going to ruin them. If the herd continued testing negative, then everything would be fine. But they’d still have to wait until their year was up before being able to sell them. Which meant that they wouldn’t see a profit for a long time.
Even if the cows didn’t have this disease... Leah shook her head. Why did it seem like everything was stacked against them?
Shane reached across the table and took her hand. “I know it’s a real blow to think you have a lead on a great herd, then to find it’s not going to work. But my offer still stands. I’d be happy to lease your land, give you some extra income while you learn more about ranching, and then when they have the big sales in the fall, I’ll help you pick out some cows. Be patient. It’ll work out.”
Easy enough for him to say. He wasn’t struggling to make ends meet, to pull his own weight.
“Hey! I was using the red!” Dylan smacked his brother.
Ryan started to wail.
It was past Ryan’s naptime, and the boys had had an exciting day. Dylan usually took a rest when his brother napped, and it did wonders for the boys. She should have known better than to mess with their schedule, and the meltdown was proof of it.
“Boys,” she said, using her firmest tone. “That’s enough. Dylan, we don’t hit. Apologize to your brother.”
Dylan started to cry. “But he stole my crayon.”
“Remember what I said about cowboys being kind to others,” Shane said gently.
Who was he to step in and try to discipline her sons? She didn’t need his interference.
Ryan’s sobs grew louder, which made Dylan’s wailing worse. Definitely a mistake to delay naptime.
“Boys.”
They both looked up at her warning. Ryan yawned. “Mama.”
She held her arms out to him, and he crawled into them. He immediately put his head on her shoulder. He’d be asleep within minutes.
“I’m waiting for your apology, Dylan.” She looked at her older son, who still looked defiant, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“He stole my crayon.”
“We don’t hit.” She spoke firmly. It was probably a lost cause, but she had to keep enforcing this rule. Dylan liked to lash out with violence when things didn’t go his way, something he’d learned from his father, and she had to break him of the habit.
“Stealing is wrong, too,” Dylan said, picking up his mug and throwing it across the room.
As the mug shattered on the tile floor, Leah felt sick. She should have paid better attention to the time and taken the boys home before the meltdown occurred.
“I’m so sorry about the mug,” she said, turning to Shane. “I’ll replace it.”
She was expecting the usual response when her kids broke something. Like, “Control your kids,” or “It’s just a mug,” but the expression on Shane’s face... It was like Dylan had destroyed his most precious family heirloom. But that was ridiculous. People didn’t let children play with family heirlooms. And it was a silly mug. With World’s Greatest Dad written on it. Shane didn’t have any kids, so it couldn’t have any special meaning to him.
Except he looked utterly devastated.
“Really. I’m so sorry,” she said again. But from the way he looked, she didn’t think a simple apology was going to cut it.
She shifted Ryan to her side, and sure enough, he was almost asleep. “Dylan, we should go. If this is how you’re going to act when you visit our friend, then you’re not going to come here anymore.”
Her words seemed to jolt Shane out of whatever funk having his cup broken had put him in. “It’s not necessary for you to go. I just need to get a broom.”
Leah sighed. “I’m sorry. I should have offered to help you clean up. Ryan’s almost asleep, and I think it would be best if I got the boys home to rest.”
Now he really must think her a terrible mom. But it couldn’t be helped. She was doing the best she could. It just didn’t seem to be good enough.
* * *
Shane forced down the frustration and pain at seeing the shattered pieces of the mug on his kitchen floor. Helen would have told him it was just a thing, a worthless object. And in some ways she would have been correct. But that mug represented so much to him. It had been the only thing Natalie had given him that he’d been able to keep. Most of the pictures had been taken when Gina left. The few that remained had been destroyed when his water heater had burst. An unfortunate accident, just as this was. But seeing his mug destroyed hurt more.
“I’m sorry, Mister Shane,” Dylan said, tears running down his face.
Leah looked over at him. “I’d be happy to replace it,” she said. “I’m truly sorry. The boys are off their schedule, and while it doesn’t excuse their behavior, I hope it helps you understand.”
She turned to her son and held out her hand. “We should get going.”
“I want to ride the horse.” Dylan’s wails grew louder.
The little boy in Leah’s arms shifted but did not wake. At least someone was finding peace in this moment.
“Not today.” Her voice held the same firm-but-patient tone he’d noticed when he’d first met them. “Maybe some other time.”
She reached to take her son’s hand, but he turned and kicked her. From the way she recoiled, he could tell it was hard.
“That’s not okay,” she said, her voice wavering. She sounded like she was trying to hold back tears, and she was doing a good job of it.
Leah turned to Shane. “Could you keep your eye on him for a moment please? I’d like to get
Ryan in his car seat, then I’ll be back for Dylan.”
He nodded, recognizing the despondent look on her face. He’d seen it often enough on Gina, who found parenting overwhelming at best. At least Leah had her sisters to help her. But still, as he watched her leave, he couldn’t help wondering why he always found himself with women who needed him too much to love him.
“Well, go on,” Dylan said, giving him such a harsh glare it was hard to believe a child was looking at him.
Shane didn’t say anything but instead turned to grab the broom so he could sweep up the mess.
“I said come on. I know you’re going to hit me, just like he did.”
The boy’s words made him feel sick. What happened behind closed doors with their family? And who was “he?” Dylan’s father? Leah said he was dead.
Before he could give it much more thought, the small boy charged him, screaming, “Hit me.”
Shane didn’t have time to react, other than to wrap his arms around the small boy and let him kick at him and punch him while he screamed, “I’m bad! Hit me.”
But he didn’t. It might have started with a stolen crayon, then a broken mug, but this little boy’s anger was about so much more. As he held the still-kicking-and-screaming child, he looked out the window to see Leah still buckling her son into the car. Is this what she would do?
He remembered their first meeting and how she had sat quietly through that fit. Shane didn’t have that option, so hopefully this was the right decision.
“We don’t hit the people we love,” he said softly. “I’m not going to hit you.”
But Dylan continued screaming and hitting him. For a moment, Dylan’s hold loosened, but then he turned and bit Shane. With a surprised yelp, Shane pulled away from the little boy. He looked at Dylan and could see the fear in his eyes. His heart broke when he thought of what must have happened to put it there.
The door opened, and Leah entered. Dylan ran to her. “He hit me,” Dylan said. “He grabbed me, and he hurt me.”
Leah looked at her son, then over at Shane, who was still holding his arm from being bitten.
“I didn’t hit him,” Shane said. “I would never hurt a child.”
She didn’t even glance at him but turned to Dylan. “Where did he hit you?”
Was she serious? She was taking the kid’s word for it?
Dylan began to sob again. “Everywhere.”
“Everywhere?” she asked.
Dylan nodded.
“Are you hurt?”
Dylan sniffled and nodded.
“Do I get to say anything?” Shane asked, looking at Leah.
She shook her head. “I’m not doing this right now. He needs to get home and have some quiet time. I should have known better than to come here.”
He couldn’t read the expression on her face, except that it looked like she might have been spending a little too much time sucking on lemons.
Turning to look at him, she said, “Don’t worry. I’m not going to say anything to anyone. You won’t be getting a call from the police or child protective services.”
What was she talking about? Why would she say something like that? Did she really think he would hurt her child? Was it her way of warning him that the next time Dylan made such an accusation, she would?
Before he could give voice to any of these questions, Leah was gone. He watched her help her son into the car, then she got into the driver’s seat and drove away. Surely, this wasn’t how it was going to be.
He finished picking up the pieces of the mug, which was too shattered to be repaired. Kind of like the pieces of his heart after Gina had left. A good reminder that whatever this mess with Leah was, he’d be better off not getting involved. And yet, there had been moments when he’d thought...
No, he wasn’t going to think about those things. Just because she was the first woman to catch his eye in a long time didn’t mean she’d be the last. Her circumstances were a complication he didn’t need in his life. He’d been doing well enough on his own the past few years.
It wasn’t his job to interfere, fix or even rescue Leah. He’d see her in church on Sundays, and that would have to be enough for him. He had to trust that God would do whatever work with Leah that needed to be done.
But even as he tried to justify washing his hands of her, the image of Helen, frail and weak, came to mind as she told him how desperately her girls needed to be loved and that she was counting on him to be there for them, and he felt like his excuses were nothing more than a cop-out.
But Leah wasn’t the only sister. Surely, he could reach out to the other two and be their friend. That would be a safer option. Even though he’d enjoyed his conversations with Erin and Nicole, he didn’t feel the same level of connection to them the way he did Leah. It was like he was a glutton for punishment.
And as he went outside to throw away the broken bits of ceramic, he saw the horse in the pen that reminded him what a sap he was. He’d never been one for easy. At least in that he was consistent.
So how did he keep his promise to Helen without getting his heart broken?
Chapter Six
Leah exited the feed store, her heart heavy. Nicole had been offered a job at the local day care center, giving them another source of income. She should be relieved but instead it left her with an additional sense of guilt. With both of her sisters gainfully employed and the boys at home, how could Leah contribute to the family finances?
She’d stopped by the feed store, hoping they’d be hiring. If she worked there, she could talk to some of the ranchers and get their advice. But because she was only available to work two days a week, based on her sisters’ schedules, they weren’t interested in hiring her. They needed someone who could be more reliable, able to work more hours.
The story of her life.
She’d had the same issue with every other job she’d tried to get over the past few years. A lot of people wanted to call her lazy, unwilling to work. It wasn’t that at all. With two boys to care for, even with her sisters’ help, she simply didn’t have the same options for availability others did. Even if she put her boys in the day care her sister worked at, she wouldn’t make enough money to pay that bill. How could you spend fifteen dollars an hour on day care if you only made ten?
As she walked toward her car, she spotted Harold. He jogged over to her.
“I hadn’t heard back from you about my cattle. Are you still interested in buying them?”
She’d hoped that by not calling him back he would understand she wasn’t interested.
“Sorry, I’ve been busy. But I did some research, and I heard that your cows have Bangs. I don’t think we can afford to take on such a challenge.”
Those few words made her stomach hurt. She’d told the truth, and from the look on Harold’s face he didn’t disagree with her words.
“One of my cows that I sold earlier in the year tested positive. That doesn’t mean my whole herd has it. Yes, the herd is in quarantine, but it will be lifted soon, and I have every confidence that my cows will be fine. Over the past few months, we’ve had no other positive cases. The Department of Agriculture is exercising an abundance of caution, but everything will be fine.”
He sounded so confident. She had done some reading on the disease, and while it was true that the longer they went without a positive test result, the more likely it was to continue being negative, there was always the chance things could go wrong. It was a huge risk, especially given that if she was wrong, it would ruin them.
“I’m sure it will,” she said. “But given my lack of experience with cattle and our tight finances, it’s not wise for me to make such a purchase right now. I appreciate the offer, and I’m sure it’s more than generous. But Shane said—”
“Shane again? I should have known he was behind your refusal. He’s mad because I sold the bull he wante
d to someone else. It wasn’t my fault that he couldn’t come up with the money in time. He’s held a grudge against me ever since.”
Shane didn’t seem like the kind of person to hold a grudge, especially over something so trivial. But how well did she know Shane?
She gave Harold an apologetic smile. “Even so, I’m afraid it’s more than our budget will allow. I know you’re giving us a good deal, and if we had more money, I’d consider it more seriously. But we simply can’t afford so much right now.”
Harold looked thoughtful, then he nodded. “I understand. I remember when I was getting started, and what the lean years looked like.”
He hesitated, then looked around. “Truth be told, my finances are tight, as well. Having to deal with the added expenses of helping my mother, her medical bills and constantly traveling back to see her has been difficult. I don’t know how long I can keep feeding my cattle. My land isn’t as good as yours for grazing, so I have to supplement.”
She could understand the dilemma.
“I’ll tell you what,” he said. “I’ll cut my price in half. Don’t tell anyone I offered it to you, because they’ll say I’m an old fool. But you could use a little help, and I’m desperate. You’ll never get a better deal anywhere.”
She’d done enough research to know that the price he’d already offered her was a really good deal. But to cut it in half? She’d be stupid to say no. Yes, there was the potential that some of the cows might have a disease, a deadly disease that could wipe out the entire herd, but it had been long enough since the last diagnosis that chances were it was a healthy herd. Just as he said.
Harold gave her a gentle smile. “Ask anyone else in town. They’ll all tell you that I would never cheat anyone. Shane is the only one with anything against me.”
When she’d talked to her sisters about not accepting Harold’s original deal, they’d told her that they trusted her judgment, though Nicole was a bit cranky over the idea.
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