Instead of making her feel better, his words seemed to have the opposite effect. She looked almost angry. “Would you take them on?”
He shrugged. “If I had more time and more money, maybe. But I’m a small operation, and I don’t have the resources others do. It would take everything I have to add his cows to my herd, and that’s too much of a risk for me to bear.”
She nodded slowly, like she understood, so he continued. “That’s why I advised you not to buy those cows. If it’s a risk I can’t take, I would never ask you to do the same. If I thought there was even the slightest chance that things would work out for you, I would help.”
Leah let out a long sigh. She still didn’t seem like she was going to give up on the idea, but he’d done everything he could to try to convince her.
“I don’t know who to trust,” she finally said.
That was the real issue. The one they’d touched on with her past. She’d been hurt so many times; believing that he had her best interests in mind was a challenge. How could he convince her? This wasn’t about him, but the pain she carried.
“Sometimes you have to have a little faith and be willing to trust in others,” he said. “I know it’s hard, but the people of Columbine Springs are good people. Our church is a good church. And our God far surpasses them all in goodness. I don’t know how else to communicate that to you, but I hope that, in time, you will learn to trust in that goodness.”
Of course, that wasn’t the whole story. He didn’t want her getting overblown expectations. “That’s not to say that everyone here is perfect. You’ll find people you don’t rub well with. You might even have someone do you a wrong turn. But it’s what you do with it that matters. Even Jesus knew the pain of having a friend betray Him. God doesn’t promise us a pain-free life by following Him, but I believe that life with Him is far better than life without it.”
Though Leah still looked doubtful, she nodded. “I know that was the message at church on Sunday, but you have to understand. Everyone in my life has always let me down. The only people I’ve ever been able to count on are my sisters.”
“Humans are fallible,” he said. “We do our best, but we’re all going to mess up from time to time. That’s why we need God. That’s why Jesus’s work was so important. Without Him, we wouldn’t be able to know the depth of God’s love the way we do.”
She nodded again, and some of the weariness left her face. Maybe they were making progress after all.
“Others have been looking out for you, as well. Sometimes we don’t always see it, and it takes years to understand. But think about Helen, and what she did for you. Ten years ago, it would never have seemed possible.”
A sad look crossed her face, and he regretted having said something.
“I wish she had come back into our lives ten years ago. I would have liked to have had a relationship with her.”
“She was a good woman. The best I ever knew. I’m sorry you didn’t have the chance to know her, but I hope you know how much she loved you.”
She nodded slowly. “I used to hate her for leaving us with him. But I didn’t realize the difficulty in navigating the system. Now, I have a deeper love and understanding for her, because I know how hard it is to deal with so much difficulty.”
Based on what he’d learned so far, hers had not been an easy life.
“I understand things weren’t good with your father.”
She shook her head. “No, and there wasn’t anything Helen could have done about it. We didn’t even refer to him as our father. We called him the Colonel. When he died, we were all presented with letters, accounting for everything he’d done for us. All dollars and cents.”
She slowly shook her head again, as if to dispel the memory. “That’s when I realized that all the things we thought were our fault growing up were actually his. I would do anything for my boys. I’ve worked a lot of demeaning jobs to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. My children are worth it to me. The fact that we weren’t worth anything to our father—that’s a defect in him, not us.”
He shouldn’t have been surprised by her wisdom, but, from the tiny lines on her face, he could see that it had been hard earned.
The wind kicked up and blew loose strands of her dark hair around her face. She brushed it aside and turned in the direction of the wind, shielding her eyes from the sun.
She had a depth of intelligence that he respected. He liked that about her. Actually, he liked a lot of things about her. At times like these, he thought she was the kind of person he’d ask out on a date. When they weren’t fighting about stupid things, he liked hearing what she had to say. Once again, he thought about Gina and how wrong he’d been in pursuing her.
After hearing Leah’s story, he knew she had the strength in her that Gina never had. Gina had always been quick to complain about how Natalie’s father had left them, leaving her without any support. She’d blamed everyone else for her problems, unwilling to take responsibility for the things that had gone wrong in her life.
Leah was different.
Maybe he was still in rescue mode, but he really wished there was more he could do for her family than give her a job. Leah wasn’t expecting everyone to take care of everything for her, to make her life better. She knew how to do it for herself. He admired that can-do spirit, and he wanted to participate in it. Not so much as a rescuer but as a partner and a friend.
But as they walked over to the barn and she greeted the horses with such warmth, he, not for the first time, felt the pull of wanting to be more than friends. He hadn’t felt that since Gina left, and now he wanted...
He had to stop thinking of her this way. Especially if she was going to be working for him. He didn’t want to take advantage of her or make her feel obligated to get involved with him. If whatever was between them was meant to be, it would work itself out in due time.
He turned to her. “Let me continue with the tour, and I’ll explain the things I need from you. It won’t be exciting, and it will be a lot of dirty work.”
Looking her up and down, he noted that she was dressed for a job interview, not a hard day at the ranch. “Wear clothes you don’t mind getting dirty, wet, ripped or ruined. If I were you, I’d make use of the thrift store in town and pick up some old boots.”
She smiled at him, another warm expression that made him wonder what he’d ever seen in Gina. “We did that before we got here.”
Once again, he had to give her an A for enthusiasm.
He gestured at his ATV. “Nowadays, this is what most of us use to check on stock and feed. I also use it to ride down to the ditch and turn my water off and on. People think the cowboy lifestyle is all about the horses, and while they still have a place on the ranch, a lot of times this is more convenient.”
The expression on her face told him that was one thing she hadn’t considered about ranching. This was a good time to give her a lesson.
“Even on a ranch as small as yours, a lot of times your cattle are going to be miles away. From your house to the far end, it’s a good two miles. If you have to check on your animals or supplement their feed, how are you going to get there?”
Leah bit her lip. “I guess I thought I’d walk, but that’s not very practical, is it?”
Shane gestured to a bale of hay. “Pick it up.”
When she did, she struggled at the weight of it. As he knew she would. “Take it over there to the end of the barn, by that stall.”
As she struggled to carry the hay across the barn, he said, “Now imagine yourself carrying that a mile. Could you do it?”
A few weeks working with him and she would be lifting and throwing bales of hay like they were nothing. But even he wasn’t stupid enough to carry it a mile.
When she was finished, she put her hands on her hips and heaved in deep breaths. “I guess I need a pickup truck or something. I know
this gets easier with practice, but wow. You must think I’m really stupid for not thinking about things like this.”
He walked over to the refrigerator he kept in the barn and grabbed a bottle of water. Then he tossed it over to her. “Not stupid. Inexperienced. I have no doubt that after a few months of working with me, you’ll have a better sense of what it takes to run a ranch. You’ll have learned all the practical things that you hadn’t considered before. It’s not rocket science. It just comes from experience. I know you think I’ve been hard on you and I keep discouraging you, but I don’t want you to fail simply because you haven’t thought everything through.”
As she drank the water, she nodded. But the wariness had returned to her eyes.
“You’re smart and capable,” he continued. “You have more grit and gumption then a lot of people I know. I understand why you don’t trust easily. But I’m asking you to have a little faith in the fact that I’m here to help you. I made a promise to Helen, and I’m doing for you what Helen always wanted to do.”
She brushed the hay off her pants. Then she looked up at him. “I’ve given you more trust than I’ve given anyone else in a long time. Don’t make me regret it.”
She finished her water and tossed the empty bottle into the recycling bin. “Now, what else do you need me to do? I’ve got about an hour before I need to get home and start dinner.”
And just like that, they were back to business. A good thing, since he didn’t want to think about trust issues...or the fact that he liked the way she fit right in at his ranch a little too much.
After the boys were in bed, Leah brewed some tea and brought it into the family room, where she and her sisters often spent their evenings.
Once they were settled, she explained the events of the day.
“So this guy wants to sell us his herd at a ridiculously low price?” Erin asked, setting down the book she’d been reading.
Leah nodded. “It’s almost too good to be true, and I guess it is, since the herd has been exposed to a disease that could prove to be quite expensive,” she said.
Nicole gestured at the book she’d been reading. “It’s really fascinating if you study more about it. There’s a whole chapter devoted to it in this book. How long ago did you say the last cow tested positive?”
“A couple of months ago. Harold says that everything should be fine, but Shane says it could be up to a year before they know for sure that the entire herd is clean, so I don’t know what to think. But after being at Shane’s today and learning how his ranch operates, I can see where we do have a lot to learn. Maybe it’s better that we wait.”
Erin and Nicole looked at each other. Then Nicole said, “Are you sure you don’t like him? Everything’s been Shane says this and Shane says that. You’re not letting your feelings for him cloud your judgment, are you?”
Leah sighed. She hated how well her sisters knew her. Especially because she wasn’t sure Nicole was wrong. She did like Shane. Maybe a little too much. Sometimes the way he smiled at her made her feel all giddy inside, like a teenager. But she couldn’t allow these feelings to take over rational thinking. Not when she had a family to provide for.
“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “However, I do know that Shane is right about us not being ready to run the ranch. When he described his operation to me and gave me my list of duties, I realized how much more we have to learn. Even simple things, like how do we get food to the cattle, and the water? Shane has machines and equipment to do all that for him, but we have nothing. We don’t even own a pickup truck.”
Her sisters looked at each other again, like they still thought her hesitance was more about her feelings for Shane than her practicality.
“You have a point,” Erin said. “I came to the same conclusion myself. I was talking to my boss, and he has a bunch of equipment he doesn’t use. He wants to turn the barn into an event space, which means that he’s got to store the equipment elsewhere or get rid of it. He’s leaning toward getting rid of it, but because it’s so old and worn, he doesn’t know anyone around here who would buy it.”
“Except us,” Nicole said. “Right?”
Erin nodded. “Exactly. I mentioned that we might be able to use it. He thought that was a great idea. There’s nothing wrong with any of it, because he takes very good care of his things. It’s just old, and a lot of the ranchers around here have all upgraded. He’s willing to sell it to me for a good price. I told him I would discuss it with you guys first. So here I am, saying I think we should do it.”
Leah knew the expression on her sister’s face. She was in take-no-prisoners mode, and she’d already made up her mind. As Erin continued explaining the deal, Leah had to agree with her sister. It was a great opportunity. But even as her sisters’ excitement grew, Leah couldn’t help feeling more disconcerted. She’d spent only a day at Shane’s ranch, and already she knew they were getting in way over their heads.
“This sounds great,” Nicole said. “I was saving this for a rainy day, but this seems like a good time to share. I’ve been selling off the things from my wedding, and a few women got into a bidding war over my wedding dress. I actually have quite a bit of money to contribute.”
Erin’s grin couldn’t possibly be any bigger. “An opportunity like this happens once in a lifetime. I say we get the cows.”
“I agree,” Nicole said. “So we’re going for it?”
At Erin’s enthusiastic yes, Leah couldn’t bring herself to say no. But she couldn’t agree either, so she didn’t say anything.
Both of her sisters looked so excited, so happy. Only it made the sick feeling in her stomach grow worse. While her sisters were enthusiastically discussing finances and what they could contribute, Leah had nothing. True, she had a job now, so she could help with household expenses. But she had nothing to give to the start-up cost.
“I don’t really have anything to contribute,” Leah said, sighing. She’d have liked to have reminded them of Shane’s misgivings, but the last thing she needed were more questions about her feelings for him.
Erin smiled at her. “But that’s the point. With the great deals we’re getting, plus Nicole’s money, you don’t have to contribute anything. This is the best news ever. I know you’re worried about finances, but we have enough so that you don’t need to. It’s time for us all to start living.”
Easy for her to say. She was bringing significantly more to the table.
As her sisters continued making plans, Leah told herself that at least she would be pitching in by learning the ropes at Shane’s ranch. Her new job would not only give her money for the household expenses but give her practical knowledge on how to make the ranch run more effectively.
Still, it didn’t feel like enough.
When her sisters gave her room to talk, Leah asked, “So, what do I tell Shane about leasing the land? He told me that he was only going to lease part of it for the summer, leaving the rest for us to have when we get cattle in the fall. Do you think that land will be enough?”
“That’s a great idea,” Erin said. “It’ll give us another revenue stream, so we can look at other things we want for the ranch. I feel bad that we still haven’t achieved Nicole’s dream of getting all the animals she wants. At the very least, we need a few horses.”
Nicole nodded. “Definitely. Not only am I dying for horses for my sake, but I’ve been reading a lot about equine therapy and how it helps children with behavioral issues. The boys are so fascinated by horses. I want them to have exposure to that.”
Leah tried not to be too offended at the way her sister was taking over her sons’ care. She knew Nicole meant well and that Nicole wasn’t just getting this information for the sake of her boys, but because she genuinely liked working with children and wanted to learn about all the different ways she could help them. Fortunately, that was another way Leah would be taking care of her own future.
Erin stood. “I’m glad to hear it. And now, since we are getting some cows, some ranch equipment and maybe even some horses, it’s time we break out the secret stash of celebratory chocolate I’ve been hiding. We deserve a little treat.”
As Erin walked out of the room, Leah heard a noise from the hallway. She turned and saw Dylan, hiding around the corner.
She turned to him. “What are you doing out of bed? You know the rules.”
Instead of looking offended that he’d been caught in the act, Dylan smiled. “We’re getting cows? And horses?”
Great. He’d overheard everything. What happened if it didn’t work out? The boys would be disappointed, and she hated having to manage the disappointments. They’d had so many in their short lives already.
Nicole stood. “We sure are. But you know what happens to little boys who don’t follow the rules. If you’re going to enjoy our new animals, you’ve got to get your sleep.”
Dylan let out an excited whoop, then turned and ran back to his room. While Leah was grateful that her son could be so easily appeased, she also couldn’t help worrying. Nicole seemed to sense her thoughts.
“It’ll be fine. No one’s going to take the ranch out from under us. You don’t always have to brace yourself for the worst-case scenarios. Sometimes, good things are just good things, and you’re allowed to celebrate.”
Optimism was a luxury Leah didn’t have right now. She had to hope that, somehow, everything would work out in the end. And it wouldn’t hurt to say a prayer, too.
As she closed her eyes to try to come up with something that sounded intelligent enough for God to listen to, she thought about what Shane said earlier today. That just because she believed in God and trusted in Him, it didn’t mean that everything was going to work out for her perfectly. But she liked what Shane had said about not going it alone. As she settled in her chair, she bumped the table beside it and heard something fall. She turned and looked to see what she’d knocked over. A book lay wedged between the table and the wall. Leah reached for it.
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