by Nana Malone
I knew I should have expected it because it was Sebastian, and he always insisted we were family. Outside of Penny and her family, team Winston Isles was my ride or die, the kind of family and friends I’d always wished for. I hadn’t known that they could exist when I was younger, and it would hurt to lose them.
But while His Majesty wasn’t thinking about the future, I was. Which meant that I had to find my father fast, and I prayed he hadn’t done something stupid that would jeopardize all of our lives.
Roone
Back at the flat, things were still tense with Jessa. She was silent on the drive back. Not solemn exactly, just introspective.
It was the weekend, so we hadn’t had to go into the office. I’d had Ben cover for me by requesting me for a ‘special assignment’ while I was gone, so that had explained my absence from Evans PR.
We’d been home for a couple of days, and Jessa still hadn’t said a word to me. Home. That was a strange word. Especially in relation to Jessa.
Of course, neither one of us had said a thing about that kiss earlier, either. Fuck. What the hell was that?
Dick: If you need me to explain… I can’t help you. This is probably why I’m not getting any.
Ariel came over to Jessa’s flat, and she looked like shit. While Jessa was working in her room, I pulled Ariel aside. “What’s going on?”
She glanced toward the bathroom and then lowered her voice. “I messed up. Remember how I told you about my dad?”
“Yeah? What’s the problem?”
“Well, the problem is I should have listened to my instincts. Somehow, he has my access code to access our private servers. The one with all the details on the mission, including Jessa’s personal information.”
My brows snapped down. “The fuck?”
She nodded slowly. “Yes, it was accessed using my code while we were here in London, so clearly, it wasn’t me. And before you even ask, no, my father is not some secret super-hacker. He’s just a guy. But knowing him, he could have found some kind of unscrupulous help somewhere then accessed her personal information.”
Roone blew out a breath. “Shit. Are we sure they have that information already?”
“I don’t know. All I know is there was a secure server with all the details about the Jessa mission. How many guards, who they were, personal information, rotating shifts, everything… our whole plan of watching her.”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
“Well, I made it as secure as possible. It was only accessible on-site, and it was protected by Fort Knox-level firewalls, so none of that information should be accessible by any normal person who doesn’t have the right access codes. I have them. Ethan has them. The king and Penny obviously have them. But your average Royal Guard wouldn’t have them. I think you’re on the list and allowed access, but Lucas is not. He’s not Intelligence, so he has no reason to have that information. Bryna certainly doesn’t either. Do you see what I mean? Of team Winston Isles, only a select few of us have access to the information on that server, so it took someone with a whole lot of knowledge and a huge set of balls to access it.
“Shit, why didn’t you say something?”
I knew we’d talked about her father. I knew he’d pulled a vanishing act, but I didn’t know it was this level of fucked up.
“Well, once we got back to the island, I went looking. He’s vanished without a trace. Not a hint or a hair. No hits on his passport, nothing.”
“You should have said something. I could have helped you look and turned over some hidey holes.”
Her gaze shifted toward the bedroom again. “I think you had your hands full.”
That was utter bollocks. “You are my partner. If you need me, I’m there. None of this bull shit.”
She squared her shoulders and gave me a brisk nod. “Thanks. Which leads me to this… I need to go track him down. Matthias has come through with a lead, so while we’re looking, I need you to take point.”
I frowned. “This is your mission.”
“I know, it’s just that right now, I need to find out how we’re compromised, or how dangerous this information leak is going to be to us. I have to track him down, and at the end of the day, it’s going to require most of my attention. And I can’t be in charge of two things.”
I nodded slowly. “Look, we’ll figure out what’s happening, okay? It’s fine. The team will sort it out.”
She gave a long exhale. “God, this is so embarrassing. How is this my life?”
“I think we all have embarrassing shit in our lives. You’re not the only one with skeletons dancing in the closet.”
She gave me a soft smile. It was the first time I’d ever seen Ariel truly down. She always had a snappy come back, a quick line, so I knew she wasn’t okay.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. If we find him and I find out that he endangered this mission in any way, that he endangered the princess, I’m not going to be able to stay.”
What the hell? “Stop talking bullshit right now, and let’s just worry about finding him. Then we can ask him all kinds of questions. And even if we find out it’s the worst-case scenario, like hell is Sebastian going to let you quit.”
She shook her head. “Yeah, he wasn’t willing to listen either, but it won’t be up to him. The Royal Guard is the Regents Council’s problem, and they won’t be so forgiving. They will vote me off in a heartbeat, but I can choose to leave before they decide my fate.”
“Bollocks. Sebastian has votes. We can force their hand.”
“It’s never good for a monarch to force their hand unless it’s urgent. Me leaving the Royal Guard wouldn’t be urgent.”
“The hell it wouldn’t.”
“Roone, you don’t understand. The laws are clear. Should any immediate family member commit treason, you’re out of the Royal Guard.”
“I know the bylaws. I understand them. I just think that there are exceptions to be made. Besides, there’s no way in hell that Penny will let you quit, so this is a moot point.”
“Yeah, I know. But still, she might not have a choice.”
“I’m not willing to lose another partner. We’ll find a solution. We have to.”
13
Jessa
I knew this dream.
It was familiar.
I was drowning. It was dark. The water was choppy, crashing all around me. I could see a light in the distance, reaching for me, offering to save me. And I was so relieved. I’d finally be safe. Secure. I will be able to survive.
But it was a lie, because as soon as the boat would come near, my father would be on the other side. He would call me his little princess. And instead of reaching for me, he would place a crown on my head and then tell me I had to swim. Swim to safety. Swim now. And instead of staying on the boat where it was safe and warm, he would jump in with me.
Except my father couldn’t swim. So, while I was drowning, I would then expect to see him going down with me as well.
The shrink I had seen in my teenage years had said it was a basic anxiety dream, but there was sort of no point in having a shrink when you couldn’t actually tell him the truth. And I had insisted that he couldn’t know all the dirty details. He couldn’t know what was wrong. But there was something wrong with me because I kept having that dream, and my desire to stay perfect, to be perfect, was literally killing me.
It didn’t matter if it was anxiety or not, I was still drowning. And not only was I drowning, I had to try to save someone else. Someone who, unlike myself, knew all the rules.
It was always the fear that wound its way around me, and every time, I would gasp for air before it would drag me down with a sudden jerky force.
And then my father would hold on to me and tell me, “Swim Jessa, you have to swim princess. Time to move.”
I woke in a cold sweat with a scream on my lips, desperately gasping for air and searching for solid ground. I was in the dark, alone, just like in the ocean. Except this time, a big hu
lking shadow shoved my door open, gun in hand.
I knew exactly who it was before I could even process. I was safe. Safe enough anyway. My body would be safe, but my heart wouldn’t be.
“Roone…”
He ran to the bed. “Princess? What’s wrong?”
I didn’t mean to do it, but I was so desperate for something solid, something well-grounded to cling to. Need fluttered low in my belly.
How is that sexy? Just look at him. Completely sexy. I needed him because the world as I’d known it, topsy-turvy and crazy as it was, had come to a crashing halt. And I didn’t know which side was up, who my father really was, or how sick he’d been. But he’d been right… there had been people hunting me down. Had the threat only exacerbated his illness?
Or, was he never ill at all? Just hypervigilant.
“Hey. Hey, hey. Hey love. Look at me, princess. You’re okay. Bad dream?”
I couldn’t find the words. All I could do was nod my head desperately as I tried to make sense of it all.
“God, I’m so scared.”
“Sshh. Sshh.” He ran his hands over my hair and held me tight. Gently he tucked his gun into his back pocket and pulled me close. “You’re okay. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m right here.”
I knew I shouldn’t have said it. Even as the words tumbled out, I wished I could recall them. Tuck them somewhere I wouldn’t have to look at them or face them. “Will you stay with me?”
To his credit, there was zero hesitance. “Yeah, of course. I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
I wanted to shake my head and tell him, ‘No, I mean stay forever,’ but I knew I didn’t mean that. I was still angry with him, wasn’t I? Shouldn’t I be? I didn’t trust him, right?
Yeah, you didn’t trust him, but he came running in here and you know you’re safe. I’d deal with that in the morning, but at that moment, I was just relieved he was there and I didn’t have to be alone. I’d been holding up the entire ship alone for too long. I scooted over to make room in the queen-size bed. My bed wasn’t exactly small, but Lord, the man was big.
He slid right in next to me and pulled me close. Then he stroked my hair. “You’re safe now.”
“Yeah, but for how long?”
“As long as I am breathing, you will be safe. I will protect you with my life.”
“How can you even say something like that to me? How can you be so steady? So perfect?”
“Well, you know. I don’t know what to tell you. It’s just one of my many skills.”
“It’s not fair. I’m like a mess all the time, and here you are, knowing exactly what to say and do.”
“Hate to break it to you, princess, but I’m faking it.”
“Then it’ll be our secret.”
“Thanks. Now, close your eyes. Try and get some sleep. I’ll be right here.”
“I don’t want to sleep. There’re too many scary things when I sleep.”
“You’ve got to sleep, princess. We all need sleep. Tomorrow, you have work. You’ll need all the rest you can get.”
That little reminder was enough to make me groan. How had I gone from loving my job one week, to hating the thought of going back to it in another? Was it because I had a better view of the truth now? Evan and his machinations? The dull threat he posed? I wasn’t sure which was worse; his stalking tendencies or the fact that I actually had real homicidal killers who were trying to kill my family.
My family.
How long had it been since I could say those words? Even though I didn’t know them, even if I was still working on those connections, they were my family.
Roone
No way in hell was I sleeping. Shit. She was inches away and I couldn’t have her. I couldn’t touch her.
Yes, you can. You already have.
Yes, I could, but not like this. She was clearly scared and terrified and she still wasn’t sure if she wanted me.
Oh, she wants you.
Maybe. But I didn’t want her to be pissed off about it. I wanted her with the core of my being. I wanted everything about her. The fire in her eyes when she got angry, the way her eyes danced when she was happy, and the way she laughed with her full body.
“Roone?”
“Yes, princess?”
“What are you thinking?”
Dick: Go on, tell her. I’m real good at bedtime stories.
Fuck no. I wasn’t telling her what I was thinking. I went with the tried and true classic. “Nothing.”
“Do you think maybe you could tell me something true?”
Shit. “What do you want to know?”
“Well, maybe your real background?”
“It might surprise you to know that most of it is actually real. I just left out some important bits.”
She rolled onto her side. “Okay. Tell me one thing you left out.”
I sighed. “Well, I was British military. Technically, I still am. It was an exchange program. I was meant to be on loan to the Winston Isles. Basically, I was meant to be on loan for Sebastian. Every member of the royal family goes to some kind of military training, even the princesses. Sebastian wanted to see real combat. So he went to some of the most insane places on earth, and it was my job to go with him and back him up, as much as possible.”
“Are you serious right now?”
I nodded, even though in the dark she probably couldn’t see it. “Yeah. So, I was on loan, and then King Cassius asked me to stay on, and I did. The next thing I knew, it had become a semi-permanent position. Although if there were a time that I wanted to return to Her Majesty’s army, all I had to do was say the word, and I’d have returned with the post that reflected my military rank, years of service, etc.”
“So, you’re actually British Military?”
“Yes. But, it’s unlikely I’d return to SAS. I’ve been out for too long. The training is brutal. Really rigorous. And I’ve gotten used to people not shooting at me. But who knows, one day? I did love SAS. I miss the team, but that’s a high-adrenaline environment. Always on the go. It just wears on you.”
She whispered, “Wow. I can’t say I ever would have guessed that. You seem quite comfortable in a business suit.”
I grinned in the dark. “It’s because I’m so bloody dashing.”
I couldn’t see her, but I could almost hear the eye roll. “Can you tell me something else that’s real?”
Oh God, what did she want to know? “Well, I’m terrified of heights.”
She laughed then. “What? You did trapeze with me.”
“Yeah, because Ariel was fucking with me. It was my least favorite training in SAS.”
I could feel the shift of her head on her pillow. “And you still did it?”
“Yeah. I knew why Ariel picked it. There was supposed to be trust. Nothing says we can trust each other like me catching you during trapeze.”
“You caught me, every single time.”
The questions kept coming.
“So, your mother, she really did die?”
I swallowed. “Yeah, she did.”
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t know if that was all for show or what.”
She had a point. “No, it’s a fair question.”
She was silent for a beat. “Everything you said about her… it seems like you guys were close.”
“We were. After my father was gone, we only had each other.”
She kept asking about the family angle, which just made me itchy. “And your dad? Is he alive?”
“He died when I was young.”
“You said the guy at the gravesite was your brother. Which one of you is older?”
Oh boy, how did I explain this? “My mom was not wealthy. Dad approached her at a museum, if you can imagine it. They were young and stupid. She didn’t realize that dad came from money or anything like that. And I guess they were really in love, at least that’s the way I heard my mother talk about it. But his family didn’t approve. They went ahead and got married and had me anyway. But even
tually it got to him, being cut off from the rest of the family. Or maybe he was weak and missed the title and wealth. Either way, he left. He got accustomed to a certain lifestyle as an Earl, I guess, and didn’t want to give it up. I was only four when he left. Almost immediately, he married someone his parents approved of. They had a son. A little boy, my brother. He was doted on and spoiled and given all the best things in life. Me and my mom struggled. Although, I guess, we didn’t really struggle. We were fine, but we weren’t rich or anything like that. But I was happy. I had her. I didn’t really know quite how much money Dad had until he passed. He was born into the gentry, with a title and all that it came with.”
“Jeez.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, whatever. I was his first born. So technically, I should have inherited his title, but all that went to my little brother when he died.”
“But that’s not fair.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Fair or not, it’s not like I would have wanted that or known what to do with it. I hadn’t attended any of the right schools when I was very young. I did eventually go to Eton though, his alma mater, and then I went to Sandhurst.”
“Your mom passed away when you were at Eton?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I was one of the kids that was given a scholarship.”
“That’s insane. Your father could have easily paid for your tuition.”
“I know. But his new wife wasn’t into that. So anyway, mom, she’d been sick for a while. But she was a fighter. God, she’s exactly what true grit is about. When she died, there was no money to send her off right, you know?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I went to my half brother and stepmother. She had never liked me. I think she envied my mother’s place in Dad’s heart. Even though my parents had divorced, Dad still came to get me every year for my birthday and a few holidays, you know? He wanted me to get to know my brother, Reese, better. But when my mom died, she refused to give any money to help with the funeral. She told me I was on my own.”