by Yara Gharios
I'm exaggerating, obviously, but I'm too excited to suppress my dramatic reactions. Dylan gave me free reigns to ask whatever I want, and I'm taking advantage of that to fill the gaps that none of the guys I knew ever agree to fill.
Surprisingly, it hasn't been strange to stop calling her 'he' in my head and start thinking of her as a 'she'. Like I told her earlier, I did have my suspicions that she wasn't being honest about her personality. Truthfully, I had a hunch that her sexual preference is what she's really hiding, which I would have still been fine with, but this is even better.
She is sitting cross-legged on my bench. Her uncomfortable expression reminds me of a suspect about to be interrogated. Meanwhile, I roll my desk chair closer to the bench and settle into it comfortably.
She joins her hands together seriously. "What do you want to know?"
"You’ll answer any question I want, right?" I check mischievously.
She nods in confirmation.
Where do I start? I sigh.
Obviously, I want to know everything about the kind of life she's been leading so far, but I can't let the opportunity of seeing into the eyes of a werewolf pass. So after a pause, I know exactly how to proceed.
"First things first, how hard was your first transformation?" I ask. "I mean, I hear it used to be much more painful for females than for males, back when both were common."
That's one of the few things people agreed to tell me, mainly because it's one of the stories we usually hear around campfires.
"It was, but not in the sense you think," she tells me. "It takes more time to get through it the first time for females, because it would come at the same time as their first, uh, other thing."
It's so cute that she can't even say it.
I smirk. "Say the word."
Dylan rolls her eyes, smiling. "Period," she forces out reluctantly. "Anyway, aside from being in pain because of the first transformation, you’re also experiencing other kinds of pain, and it takes you longer to give in to the shift and end your torment."
Confused, I frown. "I don’t understand what you mean."
"Shifting is supposed to be relatively painless once you get the hang of it," she explains. "But because it’s your first time, you wouldn’t know the right way to do it, and your body would be urging the shift but at the same time fighting it. See, you sort of form a wall in your head where all you can focus on is how much it hurts, and you don’t allow yourself to react on instinct in order to shift because you think it’s going to bring you more pain."
I nod intently. This is even more fascinating to listen to than I imagined.
"Besides," Dylan goes on, "when your body goes into the phase for the first time, your senses at that moment become heightened and remain that way for good."
This is another thing my dad agreed to tell me. I'm so excited about knowing something that I practically bounce in my seat. "Oh, I knew that! It’s because until you shift for the first time, you’re no different than a human, even in your scent."
"That’s right," she confirms, looking amused. "The werewolf gene usually gets activated around the same time that puberty begins. Sometimes, it takes more, but that's the norm for almost everyone. Before that, everything about a werewolf is strictly human; their strength, their immunity system, their senses, the scent released by their body, everything.
"But when the gene is activated, everything about you changes. Your strength increases, your immunity is heightened, and even your body heat varies because it becomes dependant on your environment. You don't feel cold or hot, unless the degrees are to an extreme. Your body also gives out a scent that lets others know that the gene has been activated.
"One of the hardest parts to deal with is the heightened senses, because it means your nervous system is suddenly receiving an influx of information from all over your body, and processing them in a magnified way. If you have a headache, you’ll feel like you’re banging your head against concrete. Even the touch a feather would be excruciating, because you would feel like it’s going under your skin and directly onto your synapses. It’s an assault of all the nerves in your body, and it’s overwhelming. So imagine the… menstrual pains added to all of that. Females fight it for longer."
I can practically recite what she's about to say next, because that's the part everyone usually skips to.
"But once you’re in wolf form, you can adjust your senses and learn to control them even during human form, so that you don’t feel the same pain again when you shift voluntarily the next time," I finish.
Dylan nods. "Exactly. It even becomes a good experience after that."
There's a follow-up question I'm thinking of, but I'm hesitating to ask in case she will get nervous about it. "When you say heightened senses, does that mean like you can smell when I'm horny or something? Because I've never really asked Cade that."
As I expected, she blushes. "Uh, no, n-not really," she stammers. "We, uh, we don't really pick up scents like... like that. It's more like... the essence of things, you know? What distinguishes a tree, from a human, from a werewolf. Not what-what bodies... emanate. But it covers long distances."
"Cool." I smile excitedly, moving on to the next part. "So when did you first shift?"
"I was thirteen," she tells me, a bit relieved at the change of subject. A shudder rips through her spine at the memory. "It was a very long three hours."
Dylan's first transformation must have been a terrible experience. Now I understand more why people don't talk about their personal experience. I don't want to make her relive it any more than she does. Instead, I switch back to the 'my best friend is a girl' situation.
"How long have you known that you’re a girl?"
It may sound like a stupid question, but if her parents raised her to be a boy, maybe she didn't originally realize that she was a girl, and thought herself to be the same as her brothers.
She gives an evasive shrug. "I always have, I just didn’t really want to be different from my brothers and accepted the secret. My parents treated me like a tomboy for the first seven years of my life, and then the secrecy began and I became a boy all the time, even with them."
It seems weird that she's known her secret and has been able to hide for so long. "Wasn’t it hard to keep at such a young age?"
"Yeah, very hard," she affirms. "There were so many times when I was almost exposed, and once I slipped up so badly that a human guessed, but my parents were able to sort that out. Besides, they never let me out of their sight until I was eleven."
Curious, I prop myself on the palm of my hand, with my elbow leaning against the armchair. "How did you slip up?"
"At the time, my parents never really talked about my gender in front of others, whether to say I’m a girl or a boy," she tells me. "They always used my first name without saying ‘he’ or ‘him’. So one time, my brothers and I had a play date in the park, and this pregnant lady walked by. I said something about how when I grow up, I’m going to have babies like her. The other kids took it as me telling them I’m a girl and they told their parents, but mine convinced them that I have an overactive imagination. That’s when they started taking turns watching me all the time."
I pause. A mystery from a while ago resurfaces, and I make the connection. "Is that why you won’t go shift with any of the guys? Because they’d know?"
"Yeah," Dylan confirms. "My gender’s pretty hard not to deduce when I’m in wolf form."
I grin when the next logical question occurs to me. "What color is your wolf?"
"White," she answers dismally. "Snow white, unfortunately."
I can't understand her sadness over such a great fact. "What do you mean ‘unfortunately’? White is a beautiful color."
"It’s girly," she grumbles.
This makes me laugh. It's just such a childish answer, one my little brother would give in such a situation.
"Well guess what, honey?" I tell her. "You are a girl; you need to accept it and live with it. Of course you sti
ll have to hide it, but you have to be okay with yourself, at least."
From the way she chips her fingernails and looks away, I can tell she's grown uncomfortable with the topic. So I save her from her unease and change the subject.
"Is it okay if I see what you look like in wolf form?" I finally ask the question that I've been dying to ask, trying to contain my glee.
Dylan suppresses a smile, amused by my reaction. "Sure, someday," she agrees.
I beam. "Can we now?"
Her smile is replaced by surprise and disbelief. "What, here? In your room?"
I giggle and wave my hand dismissively, feeling kind of gleeful that she even agreed. "No, silly. We'll go to the forest!"
"Uh," she hesitates. "Sadie, I can't risk being seen."
I realize my mistake just then. I almost forgot that no one but me knows she's a girl. It's kind of a privilege, to be honest.
"Oh. Right," I say. "Well, what if we wait for them to come back? I know their schedules, and no one will be going into the forest for another two hours after they return."
"Still, Sadie, they'll know I'm there, and maybe someone will want to come," she adds, hinting at something.
She means Cade, I realize. He would not like that.
Well, it's because of his protective nature that I haven't seen anyone shift, yet, and because of another reason I don't understand that he's hiding it from me. I am sure that if we're careful about it, no one will ever know.
"Yeah, I know. We could always sneak out?" I suggest, instantly brightening again.
Dylan stares at me wordlessly for a moment. "You're not going to let this go, are you?" she guesses.
I smile innocently and shake my head. We may not have been friends for long, but Dylan knows me so well. Defeated, she sighs and agrees to sneak out when the guys come back. I know a spot. It's secluded and far enough from the pack house.
While we wait, I ask her more questions about her family's history. They used to be part of the Redwood pack in Columbia. Her dad was good friends with the alpha, he was even his beta before they left. When her parents found out that one of the new twins her mom was pregnant with is a girl, they didn't tell anyone other than the human doctor who gave them the news.
Steven's immediate thought was to move the whole family away. He trusted the alpha, but he knew that he might not be allowed to leave the pack. Dylan's dad told him that it was important that the family moves, but he asked the alpha to trust him and not ask questions or come looking for them. It took them a month to settle where they are now, and then three months later, Danny and Dylan came along, in that order.
My fascination with her family history doesn't stop there. I ask about her parents and how they met, what her brothers are like, which ones have mates or are in a serious relationship that could lead to them having mates. When Dylan tells me that she frequently forgets the name of her brother Connor's girlfriend, I find it hilarious, and her brother Mason's story with his mate Marianna is the cutest thing ever. She even tells me that my sister and her brother Daniel might have had something going during the party, but that she doesn't think it led to anything.
Then things take a more serious turn when we get to her hobbies. Dylan may talk about it like a simple pastime, but I can tell music is a big part of her life. She tells me her experience with the piano and how much she loves to play and sing. That's when I remember what she was doing when I walked in on her, and Dylan suddenly turns anxious again.
"This is my second biggest secret," she warns.
"I won't tell anyone," I swear.
"I was sending out college applications," she admits, looking sheepish.
I gasp in surprise. "What?! How?"
She shrugs. "I guess it's more a pipe dream than me actually hoping to go to college. My parents would never allow it."
That's not really why I am so surprised. She's been trying very hard to keep her gender secret, and yet she's okay sending out a video that basically reveals it to the world?
"But isn't that like a neon sign exposing your secret?" I express my concerns out loud. "I mean you do realize that you sounded like a girl on that tape and that they'll just mistake you for a tomboy?"
She looks away shamefully and nods. "Yeah, it occurred to me. That's why I didn't send that tape. I'll do another one with just the piano."
Right now, she's keeping her secret while attending school. But she has her entire family to look after her in case something went wrong. Granted, it sounds like they don't give her a lot of freedom and they could be a bit overbearing, but the only reason she hasn't been exposed already is because of them. If she went to college, and she accidentally let it slip, or if her roommate saw her in the shower, who would be there to do some damage control? She's already slipped up before, it could happen again.
"Dylan, I don't know if that's such a good idea," I voice my thoughts. "Even if your parents do let you go, you can't. You think hiding your gender here is hard, imagine what it would be like on campus where no one knows and you're on your own protecting the secret."
"I know it's going to be hard, Sadie," she assures me. "But I can't stay with my parents for the rest of my life. Plus, I want to do something with my life, and music is what I really love."
"Dylan," I try again.
She cuts me off. "Sadie, you don't have to worry. I don't think I'll get accepted anyway."
She must have realized that I'm not going to budge. Like I said, she knows me, she understands how stubborn I can be. However, unlike how she conceded when I insisted to see her shift, I can tell that this crosses a line, and I don't push her on it. We switch back to lighter things, until a whole hour has gone by, and I receive a text from Cade.
On my way back, it says. He better be gone when I get there.
I bite my lip and hesitate as to how to answer him. If I don't say anything, he'll worry and either come bursting through my bedroom door or follow my scent. But if I say the wrong thing, he'll get angry and still do one of those things.
We made up, I start. I'm going to Dylan's place to hang out.
His response is to panic and immediately start calling me. I love him, but he needs to learn to let some things go. I can take care of myself. I hang up on him and start texting him back.
You promised to be more open-minded, I type. Dylan is my friend. He made a mistake, but he apologized, and he is not the problem you're making him out to be; it's your irrational jealousy. Please TRUST me, Cadey. Stop overreacting or I will never forgive you.
It takes me a while to send that, because he keeps trying to call again as I'm texting, and it's a pretty long message. But when it gets through, my phone stops ringing altogether.
I hate pulling the 'or I will never forgive you' card. I never use it unless it's necessary, when I know he won't take me seriously any other way. He's being unreasonable. It's fortunate for me that he worries almost just as much about upsetting me that he does about me talking to other guys, because it means I got the message through.
"Let's go!" I announce cheerfully once that's out of the way. "I am going to show you the best way to get out of this house unnoticed."
"Don't you need your phone?" Dylan asks, pointing to the device I've thrown under my pillow.
"No," I reply. "I want to teach him a lesson about worrying."
We get out from the back door and stand hidden behind the house, watching for their arrival. When we see them approaching, we scale the edge of the compound to go unnoticed to the gate.
I've always been into spy movies, so I kind of get a little too much into it and start humming the James Bond theme song. I even crouch and cross the wall like a spy. Dylan seems to find it hilarious, but she doesn't join in on the fun with me. Her loss.
Leaving the gate is easy, as is turning around and going in the opposite direction when we're far enough for Malcolm's replacement not to notice. From here, Dylan takes the lead and gets us to the clearing in forty minutes.
Nobody will be coming for two hours
, which means we have a bit over one hour to be gone. But it's not a big deal; I only want to see her shift into wolf form real quick. We don't have to stay longer than five minutes.
"Now what happens?" I ask once we're standing in the clearing. I can't contain my excitement, and I keep jumping up and down excitedly.
One of her eyebrows shoots up in surprise. "You've never seen anyone shift?"
I laugh and cock my hips to the side, placing my hand on it. Does she not know my mate? "How well do you think that would sit with my boyfriend? Me seeing other men naked?"
"But what about Cade? I mean, I'm sure nudity's not a barrier there, too," she teases.
Laughing again, I playfully push her shoulder back. "Shut up. Of course it's not a problem, but I've only seen him naked for the first time on my eighteenth birthday, last February, and he's been a little weird about me seeing him shift since then. I've seen him in wolf form many times before that, but I've just never seen him turn right before my eyes. Before my birthday, there was the nudity excuse, but now, it's like he's afraid that if I see him shift, he'll scare me away."
Dylan frowns. "That's odd," she comments.
"Tell me about it," I agree worriedly.
I sometimes get afraid that this is a sign that he doesn't actually want to be with me. But then I remember his moments of jealousy, and our undeniable love, and I am even more confused. What could he possibly be hiding?
It's pointless to think about this right now, so I shake my head and bring my attention back to the situation. "Anyway, what are you going to do first?"
"Well, uh, I'll go behind that tree," -she points at the one behind her- "hide my clothes and change, then I'll come out, and... I guess you'll see me in wolf form. Then I'll go back behind the tree, change back, get dressed and we'll leave."
My eyes go wide. This is so not what I had in mind "What? No!" I object. Dylan flinches in surprise. "I don't just want to see your wolf, I want to see you shift!"
Dylan looks outraged and uncomfortable. "I'm not going to strip in front of you!" she protests.
Being the tactless girl that I am, I don't immediately understand why she's so against this. "Why not?" I complain. "We're both girls here."