by Fiona Starr
She tastes sweet and her tongue explores mine with an ease as if we anticipate each other’s movements.
She smiles and pulls away and looks at me, her breathing heavy. She presses her hands on my chest. “Your heart is pounding.”
I nod. “So’s yours.”
She bites her lip and moves her hands to my collar and undoes my tie. Then she’s at my buttons, working her way down.
I arch my neck when she moves her mouth over my chin and then down. Her lips are like warm silk on my skin. She’s so beautiful and sweet, I can’t believe she’s here with me. She can’t get my shirt undone with me holding her in my arms, so she stops with the buttons and presses her bottom against me, easing herself along the length of my erection. I moan in her ear as I bend to kiss her again.
“Thomas?” She gasps as she whispers in my ear.
I swallow and try to speak but can only manage a low hmm?
She nibbles on my lip. “Take me to bed, Thomas.”
A growl escapes my throat. “As you wish.”
I cup her bottom in my hands and adjust us so I can move us to the bedroom. When we get through the door, she leans over and swings the door shut, leaving Animal outside in the living room.
CLAIRE
It’s been so long since I’ve felt like giving myself to a man like this, I want to cry with relief. Thomas is so gentle, so attentive, and his touch awakens my body in ways I forgot were possible.
Every time I’ve tried to be intimate with a man since David, it never felt right. But this, here, with Thomas—it feels perfect.
He lays me back on his bed and I let go of his neck as he straddles me, standing up on his knees. I tug the bottom of his shirt out of his pants and finish off with the last of the buttons. He shrugs out of his shirt and leans down to kiss me.
His chest is strong and his muscles tense under my touch as I run my fingers through the blanket of soft, dark hair that covers the top of his chest. I shift and push him to the side and urge him onto his back so I can straddle him.
I press myself against his hardness and bend over, circling my tongue around one nipple and then licking my way across to the other. I breathe deep, inhaling the earthy scent that clings to his skin. I move my fingers lower on his abdomen, following the narrow line of downy dark hair that leads to his navel. I want to taste every inch of him. I can’t believe the need rising inside me. I feel like I could break in two with the fullness of it.
“God, you smell so good.” I moan as I breathe him in again and let the warmth of his touch envelop me.
He lifts the bottom of my shirt, tugging it out of my jeans. His hands move over my belly and I gasp at the thrill his touch sends through me. My skin is on fire. On fire for him.
I pull my tee-shirt over my head and he sits up, cupping my breasts in his hands. He kisses the top of my breast and licks the skin between them as he reaches behind me to undo my bra. I let it fall and he takes my breast in his mouth, sucking it gently as his tongue flicks my hardened nipple.
I want him. I want all of him. And I want him now.
THOMAS
Claire’s tiny hands move over my stomach, her fingers tracing a line where her mouth soon follows. She’s sucking and licking and pressing her mouth into my skin as if she can’t get enough of me. I’m in awe of her attention. I’m in awe of her.
She moves to my belt buckle and quickly has it open. Then her hands are fighting against my weight, trying to get my pants off. I lift my back off the bed, pressing my cock against her as I wiggle out of my jeans. Then I reach for the button on hers.
She shimmies out of her pants and kneels on the bed next to me, her chest rising and falling in time with her rapid breaths. I roll my hands over her hips, catching the fabric under my palms as I push her pink lace panties down to her knees, revealing a tiny dark strip of hair covering her. I reach between her legs, fingering her wetness as she moans. She crawls out of her panties and comes back to me on all fours.
“I want you.” Her tongue darts into my ear and she bites my earlobe.
I cup her face in my hands and we kiss, our tongues pressing and probing with renewed desire. She takes off my shorts and wraps her hands around my cock and I feel my blood racing through my veins.
I can’t take another moment apart from her. I slide my arms around her, lift her to me and lay her on the bed beneath me. She spreads her legs and arches her back, inviting me, welcoming me.
She takes my cock in her hand and guides me to her. When I feel the heat of her pressing against me I ease myself inside.
“Oh, god. Yes.” Claire whimpers as I enter her and it’s all I can do to hold on.
CLAIRE
Thomas feels so good inside me, I close my eyes and let myself go. I am no longer Claire McHugh; I am fire and heat and need. His mouth moves over me, exploring my body. I feel him discover the curve of my shoulder and linger there like it’s the only part of me that matters. Then he moves along my collarbone, all the while his hips move against mine, slowly, slowly.
I feel so small under him, so full with him inside me. I don’t ever want this to end.
I roll over, pushing him onto his back. He holds me to him, keeping himself inside me as we shift positions. Once I am on top I am free to ride him, enjoying the thickness of his cock as the heat of him rises through my body.
He moans as I move over him, the pulsing of my pussy directing my rhythm. He cups my breasts and sits up, cradling me in his lap as he sucks on my nipples. The feel of him moving over my skin with his hands while he moves inside me is enough to make me scream.
I grab him by the neck and thrust hard against him. He looks at me, his eyes pleading as he licks his lips and grabs me by the hips.
THOMAS
Claire is sublime. She’s pure and perfect and amazing. I’ve never experienced sexual connection like I feel with her. We’re bound in time, in this moment. She’s everything, and my entire body is focused solely on her—her body, her sounds, her movement, and her pleasure.
Her touch feels strangely familiar, comfortable. I wonder if she’s experiencing the same thing that I am. The thought arrives and then it’s gone as she rams her hips against mine. Every nerve in my body is alive with tension as I grab her hips and take control.
She holds on to me as I move for both of us, thrusting and straining and filling every inch of her with every inch of me. Her body tenses and she throws her head back, panting and crying out.
“Yes! Oh god, Thomas, yes.”
Hearing her call my name with such need brings me to the edge. I can’t hold on any longer. I press my fingers against her, feeling my cock slide in and out as I finger her clit. Her mouth falls open and she moans with pleasure.
When she reaches the top I let go and we come together, her body quivering in my arms as I fill her with my release.
CLAIRE
I wake to something cold pressing against my cheek. When I open my eyes, a shaggy red dog is there, his nose in my face, and his entire body wagging with joy.
I smile and stretch a hand out from under the covers, scratching the hair on his chin. “Good morning, Animal,” I whisper. Then I close my eyes and replay last night in my mind, frame by delicious frame. We spent most of the night awake, exploring each other’s bodies and talking and then starting in again for another round of incredible… My brain freezes as my thoughts home in on a single detail.
I sit up, clutching the bed sheets to my chest. My skin goes cold. Oh, no.
The movement wakes Thomas. He touches my shoulder. “Morning.” His voice is raspy with sleep.
“Hey,” I say, distracted.
He shifts to get closer to me, spooning my hip. I scoot backward to lean against the headboard and close my eyes. I can’t believe I let this happen. I am so stupid. I shake my head and berate myself some more.
“Hey… what’s wrong? You look pale.”
I look at Thomas, his face puffy, and his warm brown eyes glowing in the morning sun. I can’t sink int
o him again. I can’t. I look away and I slip out of bed, pulling the top sheet with me. I stand facing him, a weight of dread filling my body. “Thomas, we didn’t use condoms last night.”
“Oh.” He sits up. “Claire, I’m clean. I can get tested if you want me to, but I swear…”
“No. It isn’t that. I mean, we should have probably discussed that too, but… I… I’m not on birth control.” I look at his face, and I can’t get a read on it. I’m afraid I am ruining everything we’re about to start. “I mean, it’s probably fine, right? What are the odds that anything would happen? But…” I grip the sheet to my chest and pace the floor. I can’t believe I was so irresponsible. My heart races.
He laughs a little. “Oh, there’s nothing to worry about there.”
I hear my phone ringing from the other room. Did Thomas just laugh at my birth control worries? I can’t focus because my text notification is going off now. There it is again. And again. My first thought is that something’s happening at the shop. I open the bedroom door and step outside, looking for my purse.
“Claire? Are you all right?” he asks.
I hold up a finger, asking him to be quiet so I can locate my phone. I don’t see my bag and I don’t remember where I dropped it when we came in last night. I wait for another ding of the text. There.
I hurry across the room and find my bag in the kitchen, around the curve on the counter. I head back to the bedroom, fighting to tuck the sheet under my arms while I dig inside my purse for my phone. Three more texts come through on my way back to the bedroom.
I stand in the doorway and remember that I was in the middle of a conversation. Why did Thomas laugh? I unlock my phone and look at Thomas. “I don’t think it’s funny. What do you mean there’s nothing to worry about with not using protection?”
He looks concerned. “Is everything okay? Your phone is blowing up.”
I’m trying to remain calm and get him to explain. “Why isn’t there anything to worry about, Thomas?”
He shrugs, sliding to the edge of the bed and slipping into his jeans. “Oh. It’s nothing. You don’t have to worry about getting pregnant. There’s like a two percent chance that it could happen.”
His words hit me like a slap. “Two percent?” I don’t understand. My phone dings again with another text. I look down finally and see messages from Laura, and my sister Amelia, and my mom.
Dad’s in Intensive Care. They think it was a heart attack. He’s not awake. Please call home.
I scroll back through the messages and missed calls and realize they’ve been trying to reach me since last night. While I was having sex, my dad was dying. “Oh, my god.” I double over, unable to catch my breath.
“Claire, I’m sorry. I’m confused. Is something wrong?”
I try to switch tracks in my brain, but my thoughts are jumbled. My dad is sick. I look up at Thomas. He’s standing in front of me. “What do you mean, two percent?”
He drops his shoulders and looks resigned. “It’s from the cancer. The treatment. It’s made me sterile. The doctors say there’s a two percent chance of me being able to have a kid.” He points at my phone. “Is everything all right? Are you okay? What’s going on, Claire?”
“You said you wanted kids.” My head is spinning with our conversation that first night and even last night and then the matchmaker questionnaire and my ‘must haves’ for a potential match. Wants children was definitely one of my musts. If he was matched with me, but he’s unable to… “You lied?”
His eye go wide. “Lied? No. Claire, what’s going on?”
My phone dings again with a new text. I look at the screen and it’s my mom, she’s seems panicked since she’s trying to get hold of me for hours.
Dad isn’t doing well. Can you get home?
I type a quick reply so she can stop worrying about reaching me.
I’m here. Give me a sec.
I look up at Thomas. I feel like everything is falling apart around me. My head spins with everything all at once. My dad is in the ICU… They think it’s his heart… They need me there…
“We talked about this, a couple of times. You said you wanted a family.” I sound like a crazy person. I take a deep breath. “Thomas, I realize this is all totally new with us, but the matchmaker questionnaire, and our conversations… You said you wanted to have a big family. But… if you can’t…” I need to find my clothes and go. I need to get home. I can’t think about this. We’d started this relationship off talking about being open and honest. But this… “It means you lied.”
THOMAS
Somehow the most perfect night ever is disintegrating in front of me and I don’t know what went wrong.
She freaked about not using birth control, and then she freaked because I’m infertile. This doesn’t make sense. What the hell is happening?
“It means you lied.” The look on her face makes my heart drop.
I have to fix this. I have to make it right. Problem is, I don’t know where I went wrong. “Lied about what? Claire, I don’t understand.”
She’s rummaging around on the floor looking for her clothes. “With the matchmaker. Your questionnaire. You must have said you wanted children or she wouldn’t have paired us up.”
I nod, watching her as she moves around the bedroom. Things aren’t getting any clearer. “Yeah. I do want children. I want a family.”
She’s darting around the apartment grabbing up all of her stuff.
“Claire, can you please stop a minute? Sit down. Let’s talk about this.”
“I can’t. I can’t think about this. I have to get home.” She has her arms full of her clothing. She hurries to the bathroom and slams the door. “Something happened to my dad,” she says through the door. “He’s in the hospital. I have to go.” Her voice is shaking.
The one-eighty of the conversation topic stuns me for a second. It takes a moment to precess. “What? Oh, my god. Ok. Wow. Claire, I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
She opens the door and moves past me. She’s got tears in her eyes. “I need to go. I’ll call you. I have to get home.”
I stand there in the doorway of my bedroom and watch her leave the apartment. I can’t help but think that I had a glimpse of something amazing and now it’s over.
Animal whines on the floor next to me.
I look down at my dog. “Yeah. Me too, buddy.”
CLAIRE
I book my flight in the cab on the way back to my place. I shower and change and glance one more time around my apartment before I grab my suitcase and head downstairs. When I step into the shop, Laura’s there waiting for me. I haven’t seen her since yesterday, and we’ve only talked via text from the cab.
She comes over and gives me a hug. “Oh, honey. I am so sorry. I’ve been talking to your mom and Mel all night. Uncle Malcolm’s strong, Claire. He’s a fighter—your dad’s going to be all right. I know it.”
I nod and hug my cousin back. I talked to Amelia and my mom and they both shared how Laura tried to find me last night. She didn’t tell them I was with anyone, just that I was out. When Laura grabs hold of me I let go of all my stress and fear and worry and I burst into tears. When I pull back I am a mess of sniffles.
She hands me a napkin from the counter. “Here. Are you sure you don’t want me to give you a ride to the airport?”
I nod. “I need you stay here and run things until Carli can come. She was expecting to have this week off, so I don’t know when she’ll make it in.” I cringe. “Are you sure you can manage? I can close for a few days, put up a sign saying family emergency.” Laura’s taken on more of the back office admin of our partnership, and hasn’t worked much in the front of the shop in years. A cab pulls up outside and honks once. My phone dings with the driver’s alert.
“Go. Don’t worry about me. I haven’t forgotten how to run things. Besides, Douglas is coming by later for some cake, I can always recruit him to help.” She smiles.
“Oh! That reminds me.” I dig in my
bag for the envelope. “I left Thomas in a crazy rush this morning and I can’t believe I don’t have his number. All I have are the labels from the matchmaker. Would you please get this in the mail today? I don’t have time… my flight…”
She takes the envelope and smiles. “Consider it done. Now go!”
THOMAS
She says she’ll call but she’s out the door and in the elevator before I realize we haven’t exchanged numbers. I have finally found the drawback to the whole matchmaker letter writing… I have no way to reach her.
I go back through the events of this morning and it’s like a horror show. I can’t believe what happened. I feel terrible for Claire that her dad’s sick, but even worse for dropping the fertility bomb on her like that. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking. I want to kick myself for letting her leave like that.
I can’t tell if she’s upset about the whole two percent thing or because she thinks I lied about having kids. As if one option is better than the other. But, I didn’t lie—the questionnaire from the matchmaker asked if we wanted children. I do want children. I’ve always wanted to have a family. The questions didn’t ask anything about if we were able to have them biologically. Damn it!
I can’t leave things like this. I can’t lose Claire because she thinks I tricked her.
CLAIRE
After three days in the ICU, my dad is finally awake and talking. His doctors say he had a major cardiac event and minor stroke, and will have to go to rehab once he’s strong enough to leave the hospital. They’re thinking it will be another week in the ICU and then at least that long again in the cardiac unit. Then it will be months—maybe even a year before he’s able to get back to anything close to normal activity. It’s going to be a long haul, but we’re all grateful he’s still with us and that the stroke didn’t paralyze him.