I’ve waited for the last two hours for her to appear, but she hasn’t logged on. I’ve sent direct message after message, hoping she’d get a notification on her cell, but nothing. I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand, trying desperately to get a hold of my emotions. I don’t know what to do.
I pull my knees to my chest, my feet sitting on the microfiber seat, biting down on the inside of my cheek with enough force to almost break the skin.
You can survive this, I tell myself. I am a strong woman. I’ve been through hell and back, and look at me. I survived.
“I’m a survivor,” I intone, but my voice cracks and a wave of emotions threatens to send me over the top, and I cover my mouth to keep sobs from escaping. Stop crying. I can’t let him do this to me. It’s my fault for pushing him. But I knew something was wrong. I just wish he’d tell me how to fix it. I will. I’ll do anything I can to fix it.
Fighting back more tears, I look around the house, trying to gain comfort from the yellow color, my animal ornaments, every little knickknack that was put here with purpose. To create a happy, soothing environment. A place that feels safe and inviting. But right now, it does nothing for me. I feel so empty.
A knock on the door causes my head to snap up so fast, I almost get whiplash. Hope spreads through my chest. Isaac?
Knock. Knock.
The sound is soft, not like Isaac. But I can’t help but hope. I know he didn’t mean what he said. I know he loves me, even if he won’t admit it.
I quickly rise from my seat, the chain lock sliding and then clinking as I move it off the track and open the door without looking to see who’s there.
Standing in the doorway is Madam Lynn, looking gorgeous as all hell. She’s wearing a claret red dress with a white belt at the waist and matching white pumps; her hair pulled up into a gorgeous sleek ponytail , her makeup flawless. A soft earthy scent tickles my nose as she gives me a gentle compassionate smile that calms my anxiety somewhat. She’s holding a thin envelope in her hand, but I’m more worried about how awful I look right now with my red-rimmed puffy eyes and disheveled hair. She has to think I look an absolute mess. I want to question why she’s here, but more than that, I want to run into her arms and just be held, to confide in her and tell her how I fucked it all up.
She must see how upset I am, as if it isn’t completely obvious. But I ignore her look of sympathy and let her come in, shutting the door as she walks into my tiny apartment.
“Hello, Katia,” Madam Lynn says, handing the envelope out to me. “I came to give you this.”
I look at it for a moment before taking it. “What’s this?”
“I got a call from Isaac, stating that the contract ended before schedule, but that you were to be paid in full.”
Anger tightens my chest and I offer the check back to her. “I don’t want this,” I say stiffly. “He can keep it.” I just want him, or nothing at all. Fuck the money. I cross my arms and back away. I’m pissed, but more than that, hurt.
Madam Lynn refuses to take the check back, placing her hands behind her back and peering at me closely. “I see things didn’t end well between the both of you. I normally don’t inquire into the business of my clients, but if someone was hurt… well, I have to know. Can you tell me what happened?”
My heart pounds as I think about a response. “I-I-I think I pushed him.” My heart clenches. If I’d just stayed quiet and behaved… but I thought, he needed me to push him. I thought he needed me. “I just wanted to-” my throat hurts, and it’s hard to say what I’m feeling. It’s hard to form what we had into words. “He wouldn’t let me in, when all I wanted to do was help him, just like he helped me.”
Madam Lynn’s expression is sympathetic as she looks at me. “That sounds like him.” She shakes her head. “I wouldn’t take it too personally. I’ve known Isaac for a very long time, and because of what happened to him, he doesn’t let many people in.”
But this is different. I’m not just any person. He cared about me. I know he did. What we had was real.
The pain gripping my sore heart is almost enough to bring me to tears in front of Madam Lynn, but I fight them back.
“You can find someone else?” Madam Lynn suggests tenderly, her expression turning hopeful. “You don’t have to go to pieces over just one man, no matter how good he was to you.”
I suck in a breath, anger gripping my throat. I’ve never had reason to be angered with Madam Lynn, and I know she’s just trying to get me to see another point of view, but the very idea of finding another Master is appalling. There can be no other Master for me. Only Isaac.
“I have no desire for a new Master,” I say with utmost confidence. “I only want Isaac.”
Madam Lynn shakes her head, a small smile stretching on her lips. “And I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to have another Master either.” Her eyes shine with mischief. “He’s going to be regretting this. Very soon.”
I want him to regret it, but more than that, I want him back.
“Do you really think so?” I ask, trying to not sound too desperate.
Madam Lynn nods, a devious smile playing across her lips. “I do; I think he just needs a push to realize what he really wants and how desperate he’ll be to make that happe..”
I swallow thickly, not knowing what to think. “I don’t want another Master. Ever. If I can’t have Isaac back... if he doesn’t want me,” my voice trails off and it’s hard to think that he’s really through with me.
“Isaac is being foolish, and he will have you back. Trust me, I know when a man is in love.”
Love. My heart hurts so fucking much.
I close my eyes, praying that what she’s saying is true. I don’t want to hope if it’s really over.
As if reading my mind, Madam Lynn says, “It’s not over, Katia. Just give him this push.”
I nod my head, feeling as though I at least have a plan. “I’ll go.”
It’s not over just yet. I won’t give up hope.
Chapter 31
Isaac
The faint hum of the car seems louder than usual as I drive through the dark night on my way to Katia.
It’s only been hours, but I know I’ve made a horrible mistake. I’ve thrown away the most beautiful and pure creature to ever light up my life.
I can’t believe I let her go. No, I threw her away.
Fuck!
I grip the steering wheel tighter. It hurts so fucking much. I keep seeing the look in her eyes.
She told me she loved me. I know she does. She did.
But now…
If she doesn’t forgive me, I’ll never recover from this. I had my perfect kitten. So gorgeous and full of life and hope and happiness. And healed. So strong in every way.
I take in a breath so violently it hurts my lungs. My chest feels like it’s collapsing in.
My kitten. My Katia.
I lean my head forward, resting on my fists as I sit at a red light and fight with the emotions tormenting me.
I’m not worthy of her, that’s the problem. I’ve murdered. I’ve watched men die. Worse, there’s a darkness in me that will dim her beautiful light. That’s my biggest fear. I need to remember that.
But for her, I’ll try. I promise to fucking God, I will try to be better for her.
I just need a chance. I need her to forgive me.
I need her back. I’m a selfish man for it, but I need her back in my life.
It’s a reckless thing for me to do. To go take her back. But if she lets me, I’ll never let her go.
My phone rings in the car, and for a moment I think it’s her. My kitten.
I swerve on the road, nearly losing control, but only for a moment. Fuck! I’m losing it.
Because I lost her.
I nearly throw the fucking phone out of the window when I see it’s Madam Lynn. I don’t know what the fuck she wants, but I don’t have the time. I almost toss it onto the floor, but I can’t. It’s late. It’s really fucking late, and if she
’s calling at this hour, there’s a damn good reason for it.
“Fuck,” I curse beneath my breath and try to answer the phone without anger as I drive closer to Katia. I’ll have her back soon and then everything will be alright.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Hello, Isaac,” her voice is even and calm, no hint of urgency.
“Now’s not a good time,” I grit out between my teeth. I instantly regret answering.
“Oh? I thought you should know as soon as possible that Katia has agreed to go up for auction tomorrow. But I suppose if you don’t have the time...”
My blood chills, and my heart nearly stops beating. “Bullshit.”
“No, that’s what stomping on a woman’s heart will do to you, Isaac.”
I slow the car and drive off the road, stopping in the shoulder. My throat dries, and I can’t fucking stand the pain. It’s only been hours. It was one mistake.
One fucking mistake.
And she’s done.
I threw her out. I deserve this. I shake my head, denying it. I didn’t want to. I didn’t mean to.
I was scared. Scared to let her close. Scared that I would destroy the strong woman she is.
“I’m sorry,” I say into the phone, but it’s not for Madam Lynn, it’s for my Katia. “I fucked up.”
“I know you did.”
“She can’t go up there. I can’t let her.”
“You don’t have a choice,” Madam Lynn huffs into the phone.
“You don’t understand-” I start. I’m not going to let anyone else have her. There’s no fucking way anyone in there deserves her more than me.
“Oh, don’t I, though?” Madam Lynn’s voice is hard. “She fell in love; you fell in love. You need to go get her, Isaac. You need to apologize and make this right.”
Before she’s even finished, I’m slamming my foot on the gas and making my way to her.
“She’s not going up there tomorrow,” I tell her.
“I hope I don’t see her, but if I do, I will feel very sorry for you.”
“She won’t be there,” I say flatly and hang up without waiting for a response.
She belongs with me.
Knock, knock, knock. I slam my fist against the door. The outside air is bitter cold and harsh on my skin. Making my knuckles pain with every hard blow to the door. I relish the pain. I’d rather feel it than the hole in my chest.
As my hand slams down against the door, it opens. The swift swoosh brings the cold air past Katia’s bare shoulders and she covers herself with the shawl wrapped around her.
Her long blonde hair blows slightly and the chill causes her shoulders to shudder. Her cheeks are flushed and red, and obviously tearstained. My poor Katia. I did this to her.
But I’ll make it right. I’ll fix this.
“Isaac.” She says my name softly.
“Katia.” I want to pull her into my arms, but I can’t. Not knowing what she did. Agreeing to go up for auction. “You’re going up for auction?” I ask her, although it’s more of a statement.
Her eyes flash with a heated anger. “It’s none of your business, if that’s why you’re here.” Her grip tightens on the door and I know she’s going to slam it shut in a moment.
“I won’t allow it, Katia.” I say the words hard and take a step in. Katia slowly closes the door and it looks like it takes restraint not to shove it closed with an angry push, but the look on her face is anything but submissive.
She’s pissed.
She shakes her head and says, “You told me you didn’t want me.” She’s trying to be strong, but the pain in her voice is evident. It shreds me.
“I was wrong to say that,” I say calmly, holding my hands up and approaching her like a wounded animal. My poor kitten. I did this. This is all my fault.
“I will have a Master,” she says slowly, her voice gravely low.
“Then you will have me,” I say with conviction, balling my fists at my side. There is no fucking way I’ll let another have her that way.
“Will I?” she asks, crossing her arms. I tilt my head slightly, my heart beating frantically and anxiety coursing through my limbs.
Please don’t deny me, kitten.
I don’t show fear. I take a step closer to her, and she holds her ground. “You will,” I answer her.
“You will never lie to me again, Isaac.” Katia stares at me with red-rimmed eyes. Her bottom lip is trembling, but strength is the dominant feature in her expression.
I’m struck by the strength, but also the hurt in her voice.
“Lie to you?” My eyebrows raise in surprise.
“You said you didn’t want me.”
Fuck, my heart drops in my chest.
“I’m sorry, Katia. It wasn’t true.”
“I know it wasn’t true. But you will never lie to me again,” she says as she brushes the tears angrily away from her face.
“Never,” I say just above a murmur, moving forward to take her in my arms, but she takes a step back.
“You need to tell me,” she says softly. Her defenses are crumbling around her. My breath is stolen from my lungs at the raw vulnerability on her face.
Tell her what? Whatever she needs to hear, I’ll tell her. Anything, just to get that hurt look off her face. I need her happiness back. “I’ll tell you anything.”
“Then tell me!” she yells at me, and I’m at a loss for words. I take a step toward her again, so close to touching her, but she steps back, moving from my reach. I drop to my knees in front of her. Desperate for her to stop moving away from me, to stop denying me.
“I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry! I’m broken. I’m hurt. I need you in my life. I need to lean on you and learn to put faith and trust in you like you do me!” I reach out for her, gripping onto her thighs and pulling her closer to me. “Is that what you want?”
Her shoulders rock forward with a sob as she shakes her head no. My heart shatters into a million shards.
“Just tell me what you want to hear!” I’ll tell her whatever she needs to hear. Whatever it is, I need her. I have to have her back.
“I told you I loved you!” she yells at me before covering her mouth and breathing in deep.
That’s what she wants?
“Of course I love you!”
She falls to the ground, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and finally letting me hold her again.
“I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you,” I whisper in her ear, kissing her shoulder, her cheek. Finally, her lips. She kisses me with the same intensity I feel. She's equal to me in every way.
“You deserve better than me. More than what I can give you. But if you want me, I won’t deny you.” I give her a soft chaste kiss, pressing my lips to hers and feeling closer to her than I’ve ever been to anyone. “I fucking love you, Katia.”
“I love you, Isaac.” Her voice is soft and gentle. “My Master,” she says in a whisper. “I love you.”
“I love you, kitten.”
Epilogue
“I’m gonna bring you home to daddy,” I coo, rubbing Toby’s belly, the Golden Retriever I’ve fallen in love with, even if he is a stubborn dog sometimes. Toby grins at me, his mouth open, his teeth exposed as he paws playfully at my hands. “Yes I am, boo boo.”
Looking at him makes me think of Roxy, but today I’m not filled with sadness when the image of her pops up in my mind. Roxy would be ecstatic for me right now. I’ve finally found someone who I can spend the rest of my life with. I only wish Roxy was here to spend it with us.
“But you’re going to fix that, aren’t you, Toby?” I ask, tickling his belly, eliciting a cute whine from his canine lips. Toby will never take Roxy’s place in my heart, but I think he’ll be a good substitute. I just know that Isaac is going to love him. He told me he’s ambivalent with dogs, but I’m positive that Toby will win him over. He can win anyone over. His adorableness is infectious. “Aren’t you, boo boo?” Toby continues to grin at me, pawing at me and m
y eyes fill with tears of happiness. God, I’m so happy. I can’t remember ever feeling this complete. Things are going far better than I expected.
It’s been two months since I moved in with Isaac, and everything is perfect. Not just between us, but everything. Absolutely everything.
I know it’s early to say that I want to spend the rest of my life with Isaac, but what we have is stronger than anything I could ever imagine having with someone else. I can’t even imagine being with anyone else. Isaac is my heart and soul. My Master. But he’s so much more than even that. One day, hopefully soon, he’ll know how much meaning he’s brought to my life, how much I appreciate him for saving me.
I feel normal now. Which is a weird thing to say, since I’m anything but. But I’m making friends and feeling at ease. I feel whole.
I’ve even made a friend at the club named Dahlia. Isaac’s been taking me to the club more and more. I love it there. Not only because of the allure, but for the company. Like Dahlia. Her Dom and Isaac are close. I don’t know what all they’ve been through, but I know he helped heal Dahlia. They’re going to therapy together, which is new for them. Lucian said they should go together. She’s proud of it. She’s proud of him. But she still hasn’t told me why. I understand not wanting to open up to me just yet, but she tells Lucian everything. And it shows when they’re together.
“So is this the one?” asks that deep familiar voice.
Speak of the devil.
I suck in a breath as I take in Isaac standing in the doorway, his hands casually stuffed inside his pant pockets. He’s a fucking vision today, wearing a breezy dress shirt that’s unbuttoned at the chest, showing the beautiful tanned skin beneath. I almost feel guilty at the sinful thoughts that run through my mind as I pet Toby, ashamed that I’m aroused in my place of work. But I can’t help myself. Isaac always does this to me. I could be in the same room with the pope, and one look from Isaac would have me blushing violently.
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