It’s definitely not how I thought it would be when I signed up for it. I thought I would be able to tell children my story, give them a sense of hope, let them know that I was here for them, and everything would be alright.
It’s a job that’s much harder than I ever thought it would be.
Maybe it will get better with the middle school kids, I tell myself. But deep down, I feel like I’m lying to myself. I shake my head as I sit at the stop sign in my car. I refuse to let Zach give up on himself. I won’t stop trying. Even if he doesn’t listen. I won’t give up on him.
I reach the highway and get on it, flying down the road like a bat out of hell. Shaking my head and biting back tears, I turn the radio on full blast, mindlessly singing along to a pop tune. I don’t even slow down when I pass the highway exit that will take me to my townhouse. Instead, I turn onto a highway that will take me to the upscale part of town.
I need a distraction.
And I know exactly where to get it.
Chapter 10
Joseph
It’s private in the dungeon today. Without the crowds of people the air is chilled. It’s perfect for Lilly’s training. “Curve your back more.” I swish the flogger in the air and Lilly’s eyes are drawn to it as she curves her back, raising her ass beautifully on all fours, and showing me her glistening pussy.
She loves it when I use the flogger. I think it’s her favorite.
We’ve only had three sessions here since I’ve found out, each one makes me more and more anxious. I want her out of here, but she doesn’t take me up on my offer to play outside of the club. She’s always anxious at the end of training. She expects me to want more in return, she expects me to push her for sex. But I haven’t, and I won’t. Not yet and not here.
This week, I’ve been showing up every night, because she has been too.
I keep forgetting to tell her that she needs to call me before she comes and ask for permission. Not that she needs to with the tracker and the phone I gave her. But she needs to start using it. Or else the phone will be useless to her and forgotten. I can’t have that, not until we’ve made different arrangements.
The tails of the flogger gently brush along her back as she crawls on all fours in large circles around me. I can just imagine training her in the study at my house. Her knees would be on lush carpet, rather than this concrete floor. I’ve already started gathering things for her arrival. She’s yet to consent to it though. Every night she comes and she obeys every command that I give her. The commands are simple; the tasks at hand are her choice.
I’ve given her so much control, although she doesn’t realize it. I never thought I’d want to give up control, to win her over, but it’s becoming addictive. Like a game.
I know she wants a collar more than anything, I’ve been hanging it over her head. I see the way her eyes linger on the couples whose submissives have collars and leashes. She’s jealous. I can give that to her and I want to. I want her to be mine in every way. I have no reason to give it to her here though. No man here would come between us. No one has even tried. They’re all aware that she’s mine with or without a strip of leather around her throat.
And the only bargaining chip I have to get her out of this club is that collar.
“Stop.” I tell Lilly, my firm voice echoing off the walls of the empty room, although the command was spoken softly.
Lilly’s breathing comes in quicker and I watch as her pussy clenches. She loves being told what to do. She holds her position easily. She’s learned well. Every small mistake that’s corrected with the whip or paddle, she’s quick to memorize. Not because she doesn’t like the sting that travels through her body and the heated pleasure left behind. No, it’s not that. It’s because she wants to please me. Lilly desires approval.
I can give her that. I want to.
I let the tails of the flogger scratch along the concrete floor so she can hear it. I enjoy it when I tease her like this. Making her wonder what I’ll do next.
“Are you enjoying this Lilly?” I’m tempted to purchase us a private room upstairs. I could have it fitted with any equipment I need. But it’s not the same as being home. And I’m not interested in only having this arrangement within the walls and confines of Club X. I’m holding back so much. For nearly 2 weeks I’ve been holding onto this desire for her.
I unbuckle my belt and unbutton my pants as she answers, “I am, Sir.” I circle her a few times, lifting the flogger in the air before gently slapping it against her ass. She hardly feels it although each time her body gently pushes forward; she’s expecting more. It’s a natural instinct.
I’m conditioning her to be still, to stop expecting my reaction during play. She’ll get what I give her. Part of me doesn’t want to though. I love this side of her. I love that she’s not broken in. I love that I can train her to be exactly what I want her to be. She’s a virgin in every way.
I bring the flogger up higher in the air behind her, whirling it to make a perfect circle and landing it directly on her right ass cheek.
Smack! She didn’t see it coming. She takes the hit well, even though she tenses her body, which I’d rather she didn’t do. It creates more pain that’s unnecessary and the point of this isn’t to hurt her. It’s to elicit a higher thresh hold of her sense of touch that will intensify her pleasure beyond what I could give her otherwise. She knows this, she knows better than to tense her body.
“Curve your back!” I give her the command and she’s quick to obey. I slowly crouch in front of her as she catches her breath, recovering from the sting on her backside. My hand wraps around her throat as I talk, my lips just inches from hers. “Don’t you dare move.” I watch her thighs tremble as she stays in position. With a flick of my wrist, the flogger rips through the air and strikes her along her upper right thigh. It’s not a hard blow, I still don’t know how much to push her, but more than that, from this angle it’s difficult for me to see whether or not the tails of the flog are only hitting her thigh or whether they’re also hitting her pussy. And I sure as fuck don’t want to hurt her there.
She gasps and nearly straightens her back, but after her instinctual reaction, she curves her back a little bit more. The tempting curve of her body is gorgeous. I kiss her shoulder as she moans into the air, swaying her hips slightly. “I told you not to move, flower.” I say teasingly against her lips.
Quickly moving away from her, I release her throat and bring the flogger behind me, hiding it from her sight. I circle her again, loving the heavy pants spilling from her lips. It’s the only sound in the room other than the smacking of my boots against the floor. I take a look at her ass and her right side is beautifully flushed. Tails of the flogger have left red lines in their place. They’ve blurred together the adrenaline and blush of her skin spreading. I smack her again on her left cheek. Smack! And again on her right.
Each time she gives me a beautiful cry of pleasure, panting between the blows. She doesn’t move anymore though. Like the good girl I know she is. I continue cracking the whip through the air and landing it on her tender lush ass. Her left side; her right side, hitting only her cheeks and upper thighs. With her focused on her back, her body is less tense. And the lashings are affecting her as they should.
The natural reaction to move away from the flogger greeting her flesh with the hot sting, turns to her pushing her ass higher in the air greeting it eagerly upon impact. Wanting more. And that’s when I know she’s there.
I place my hand along her heated flesh, massaging her ass and thighs before bending lower to lick the center of her pussy. I suckle on her clit, but I don’t get her off. She tries to stay still, I know she does, but she shifts her balance and arches her back. I’ve yet to take pleasure from her while she’s learning. But I’m ready to change that.
Her curiosity and being my pet has changed to a desire and craving of my touch. Last night was the first time she asked me if she could please me. I knew what she meant, but I answered her with a simple fa
ct, “you already are.” She didn’t press the issue although she kept her gaze on my hardened cock.
I lick the taste of her from my lips as I stand. She groans slightly in protest but she’s quick to be quiet. She’s learned that she’ll get hers, I’m good to her, she knows that.
I unzip my pants, pulling out my throbbing cock and stroking it once, and once more as I stand in front of her. Her chest rises and falls with heavy quick breaths. She looks up at me through her thick lashes, her baby blues begging me for my cock. She nearly crawls forward, my dick so close to her lips and her so eager to please me.
“I’d like to be your Master,” I tell her with her eyes on my dick, watching me stroke myself.
“You are, Sir,” she answers me with a breathy voice full of desperation. Her hips sway again and her thighs clench. She’s so close to getting off. We both know I’m not really though. I want more.
“You’ve been so good, my flower,” I tell her sweetly, “what would you like most right now?”
Her eyes focus on my dick, darting to it, and then back up to my gaze, “I’d like to suck you off, Sir.” She hesitates before saying “suck”, so innocently. Fuck, it’s hard to keep my eyes open and hold back the groan threatening to climb up my throat.
A blush rises to her cheeks and she shifts slightly in her position. Out of all the things we’ve done, simply telling me what she wants seems to be the most difficult. She’s not very good at voicing her desires. But she’ll learn.
A rough chuckle rises from my chest. “Don’t worry my flower, you’ll be doing that soon. Is there anything else?” I ask her.
“I want to know your name.” She tells me immediately, no hesitation, no shame, and she holds my eye contact the entire time.
“I’ll tell you if you come home with me.” I’m quick to answer her. Her eyes widened slightly comprehending what I’m telling her.
She’s quiet for a moment. Truly giving my request consideration. It’s the most she’s given me so far. I asked her three days ago and she made it clear that she wasn’t ready. I’m tired of waiting. “Would I see your face?” She asks me.
“Yes.” Although I’ve given her the answers that I know she wants, she’s still hesitant. My heart races, waiting for her answer. Don’t deny me. I know she wants me, but I also know she’ll be very aware of the fact that she’s a virgin. That she’s scared to commit so much.
She looks at the ground for a moment before telling me, “I’m scared.”
“You should be.” I hold her gaze as I tell her, “I want full control and that’s a hard thing to give someone.” Her eyes close slowly as she sucks in a breath. The idea turns her on; I’ve known that from the start. She’s smart to be so resistant though; I can’t be angry about that. Maybe I shouldn’t be so forward, to tell her I want so much. But at least I’m being honest.
“Open your mouth,” I tell her after a moment. She keeps her eyes on me as she does what I tell her. “Wider.” My own breathing quickens as my body heats at the sight of her curving her back, her wide mouth open eagerly, waiting to please me. I place the head of my dick just inside her mouth. Only the head. “Suck.”
Her mouth closes around the head of my cock, her tongue massaging the underside of the tip. Her hands move along the cement floor as I pull back slightly, desperate to touch me and stroke my length and do everything she can to get me off.
The sight of her so desperate for me makes me crave more.
I want this whenever the fuck I desire her. I don’t want to have to come here. I’m getting sick of it.
She moans around my dick, but I pull away. Leaving her wanting and falling forward slightly. Worry makes her beautiful eyes seem that much wider. She’s concerned that she did something wrong. She didn’t, but I’m not ready to give her what she wants. I need more from her.
“I want you to come home with me tonight. I don’t want to have to come here to see you.” I’m completely honest with her.
Her wide eyes stare up at me, flashing with genuine concern. “I’m just not sure if I’m ready.” She answers softly with disappointment in her voice.
I need to sweeten the deal. I need to be able to provide her with something that she won’t get from coming here.
“I can pay you…two hundred and fifty grand... if you come with me.” My thoughts were on the auction that the club hosts when I make her the offer. I know it’s a bit lower than what she’d get from the auction, but it was the first number that came to mind. Even if Kiersten disagrees, I don’t give a fuck anymore.
But the second they come from my lips, I regret them. She moves from position, still sitting in a respectful kneel, but she knows that moving from how I requested her is displeasing.
“I’m not a whore.” She doesn’t look me in the eyes as she answers me, barely above a murmur. Her chest seems to stutter on her inhale. Fuck.
“It’s just an incentive.” I say quickly. “It wasn’t meant to offend you. I’m fully aware that you are not a whore. And I would never see you as that.” I’m quick with my words as my heart races and my body heats. Fuck!
I crouch in front of her, meeting her eyes and taking her hands in mine, rubbing soothing circles on her wrists. I ignore the fact that she’s completely disobeyed me.
I’m that desperate and I should have known better than to say it the way that I did. “I apologize, my flower.” I lean in and kiss her. Her lips are hard at first as she holds onto the anger that I’ve caused her, but then they soften, molding to mine. The tension ebbs from my body. Good girl. Forgive me.
“I know leaving here is going to be hard for you,” I whisper against her lips, cupping the sides of her face and trying to explain myself. “You deserve to be compensated. Especially with what I want from you.”
“It doesn’t feel right.” She answers calmly; at least she’s looking me in the eye. The moment is lost between us. I nod my head, my chest feeling tight, disappointment lacing my blood.
I stand, tucking my dick back in and buttoning my pants, feeling like a fucking fool. I reach my hand out for her, “Let’s go see the show.” I haven’t gotten her off yet, but I will. I always do. Especially during the shows. I offer her a tight smile, but what we had was ruined.
Her brows furrow, tilting up towards the center with concern etched on her face. Her eyes focus on my crotch as she stands and frowns. “I’m sorry,” her voice cracks as she realizes that I’m once again not allowing her to please me sexually. Not that she’d want to now anyway.
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” I answer her honestly. I lead her to the exit as the door to the stairwell opens, taking her away from here yet again, and having no commitment from her to leave.
Chapter 11
Lilly
It will definitely make me a whore, I tell myself over and over again.
I’ve never read a book where a woman accepted money in exchange for sex and I didn’t think she was a whore. So if I’m going to judge myself by that same logic, then that makes me one too.
If I accept Sir’s offer. The keyword being “if”.
No matter which way I look at it, no matter how it’s said, I can’t see the offer in a positive light.
Sir called it an incentive, but the wording doesn’t matter. You can put lipstick on a pig all you want, but it’s still a pig. What he wanted was a contract with me.
And isn’t that what prostitution is? A contract between two consenting adults involving sex and money?
Anger burns my throat.
I feel insulted that he would offer to pay me. It cheapened the experience that I had with him. I don’t even know why he felt the need to offer me money. Did he think I was that cheap and could be bought after I rebuffed his advances to take me out of the club?
I bite my thumbnail, remembering the look of want in his eyes. I fucking want him too.
I’m tempted. The kind of money he was offering could make such a huge difference in my life. I could pay off my student loans, my car payment and s
tash the money away for future investments. There’s no shortage of things I could do with that money. And it means I’d get him. I’d get to live out a forbidden desire that keeps me awake late at night.
Do whatever you want with it. It will still mean you’re whore, that annoying voice at the back of my head whispers.
I grit my teeth, angry that I’m even considering his offer. But at the same time, I’m breathless just thinking about it. The very idea of being paid for makes my body tingle with excitement and exhilaration. It’s something forbidden. And that in and of itself is tempting.
“But I am not a whore.” I mutter, closing the textbook on my desk. It’s not like I could focus on it anyway.
Every time I’m with him, I feel safe. Even though there is something behind his eyes that scares me, something that warns me away, it’s what draws me to him. I know I love the way he turns me on and how he gets me off. I’ve never experience anything this sexually intense with anyone. And I think… I bite down on my thumbnail again, staring aimlessly straight ahead, I think I want to give myself to him.
I need to shake this off. I want to just pretend like he never offered it, but I know the topic of me going beyond the safety of club acts is going to come up again. Not only that, but he’s going to keep withholding himself from me. At first I didn’t get what he was doing, but now I know exactly what he’s been up to. I should be happy, I get all the rewards of being an obedient pet to him, and I don’t have to pleasure him in the least. But I want to. I feel like I need to. Even worse, the pit of my stomach sinks as I think I’m failing him. He gives me so much, and I give him nothing. I groan, arching my neck back and staring at the ceiling. Why is this so fucking complicated? Why can’t I just be normal?
I flip open my laptop to my document for my book, brushing the hair out of my face and ready to focus on something else, anything else. My fingers itch to tap away at the keys and get out all of my frustration by getting lost in the world of romance. I stare at the cursor blinking on the screen of the blank Word document for several moments as I run through the images of me with Sir in my head for inspiration. My breath comes in shallow and my thighs clench. After a moment, I close my eyes, place my hands over the keys and begin writing the scene that plays before my eyes.
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