The police called me this morning to tell me that Zach got into a fight. He was stabbed to death. He died this morning.
I know you were someone that was important to him, they gave me your email. You have to be someone special because he would talk about you when he called me. I just want to thank you for being there for my baby when I couldn’t.
Sincerely,
Zach’s mom, Aida.
I stare at the screen in disbelief, my stomach twisting in agony. I don’t believe it. It can’t be true. This has to be some sick, cruel joke. I shake my head. This didn’t happen. This woman is a liar. She’s a liar!
I shake my head, pushing the laptop away, refusing to believe Zach is dead.
It might be one of his friends playing a joke on me. I can’t accept this. It has to be! Tears free fall down my cheeks as I rise out of the chair. Not Zach.
I refuse to believe it.
He was going to get his life together. Even the parole officer said it. Things were going to be better for him.
“It’s not true,” I say over and over in denial. “This is a bunch of bullshit!”
I have to believe it’s not true, but a growing fear grips my heart. I have to find out.
I jump up from my seat and rush through the house in search of a landline phone. I find one in Joseph’s study. My hands fumbling over the ancient thing while I nearly rip the phone out of the wall in my haste to pick up the receiver.
I quickly dial the parole officer’s number. I know it by heart. Pick up. Pick up! My fingers twist around the cord as I pace the small area.
It rings three times before someone answers.
“Hello?” a woman’s husky voice answers.
My lips are suddenly dry and my words stick in my throat.
It’s okay, I tell myself. You’ll see. It was all a lie. He’s okay
I suck in a deep breath and then blurt, “It’s Lilly Wade … I’m calling to... find out about … Zach White?” is all I can manage.
I don’t know if it’s protocol to just say a name when calling to ask for information, but I can’t say anything else. My throat feels so tight, I almost can’t breathe.
The woman on the other end of the line gets it though, because I hear the tapping of keys.
Her next words nearly knock me off my feet.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Wade. He passed away this morning.”
The phone slips from my fingertips and swings up against Joseph’s desk with a bang. But I no longer care. The room is spinning around me. My heart is racing. I can’t fucking think. Not him. I couldn’t help him. But they were going to. They were going to save him. He told me they would. He told me he’d be fine!
Somewhere in the background, I hear the woman’s voice coming out of the receiver, “M’am are you there?”
I sink to my knees beside the desk, wrapping my arms around my chest, and begin rocking back and forth. Trying to calm myself. Trying to remember the relaxing yoga. But instead my rocks are fast. Too fast.
I’m not okay. It’s not okay.
“No, no, no, no!” I repeat over and over, the tears rolling from my eyes, so hot my eyes are burning. I can’t believe it. I failed him. I should have done more to help him. I should have snatched his ass in the car that day I saw him walk away from me.
It’s all my fucking fault.
“Ma’am are you all right?”
She tries again to get my attention several more times before hanging up, the sound of the dial tone mixing in with my quiet cries.
I don’t even hear the sound of footsteps, but I’m suddenly pulled up into a hard chest by strong arms.
“What happened?” Joseph asks, pushing my hair out of my face as I try to calm down.
I can’t answer him right away, the tears and sobs coming in even harder, seemingly brought on by his caring touch. But he waits patiently for me to get a hold of myself, his normally dark eyes filled with concern.
“Zach died,” I sob when I can finally say the words. “He was murdered.” Speaking haltingly, I tell him all about my relationship with the troubled kids in school and how I devoted a lot of myself to helping them and how special Zach was to me.
“I thought he was going to be okay.” It’s all I can say towards the end. His strong hand rubbing my back in large, soothing circles.
Joseph frowns, squeezing me gently. “I’m so sorry. But this wasn’t your fault, do you understand? You couldn’t have changed what happened to Zach. No one could.” I shake my head in denial, before burying my face into his hard chest.
I want to scream at him, ‘that doesn’t make it right’, but when I pull away from him and look at the softness in his eyes, I know that he’s only trying to make me see the truth. I couldn’t save him, just like I couldn’t save my mother. Just like my father couldn’t save her.
“Lilly, you can’t save people from themselves. I know that. So much better than most people. But you try. And you never stop. You’re a good person. Even if he’s gone,” I let out a small sob and try to pull away, but Joseph holds my chin firmly in his grasp, “even if he’s gone, you can still help others. I’m sure you have. Even if you don’t know it.” He grips my chin and forces me to look into his eyes. The intensity that he gazes at me with, actually stops my sobs and dries my tears. “I know you have”
I feel like shit. My heart is hurting. But I can’t deny the power he has over me. I shake my head, not fully believing him.
His next words steal the air for my lungs. “You’ve helped me.” He loosens his grip on me, to brush the hair from my face, “more than you’ll ever know.
I stare up into his eyes, and I see something I’ve never seen before, something so powerful that it makes me weak in the knees. Something that I’m not sure that I’m seeing because it’s truly there, or because I want it to be there.
That must be it. I’m only imagining the love I see reflected in his eyes.
Chapter 26
Joseph
I thought it was her that was playing a game when we started this. But it’s more more clear to me now that I was the one playing. The bottle of whiskey is empty. I keep bringing it to my lips, forgetting that it’s gone, having nothing to take this pain away.
There’s life beyond the hollow shell I’ve been living in. There’s a reason to fight, there’s a reason to feel. Lilly’s shown me that. My heart hurts for her. I wish I could give her something to take the pain away. But nothing can soothe grief. I know that all too well.
Over the last few days, she hasn’t been herself. I told her she’s blaming herself for something she couldn’t control. It’s something no one can control. But she doesn’t want to believe that.
I’ll show her with time. I’ll help her however I can. I just want her to be happy again.
Knock. Knock. Two soft knocks from the front entry distract me from my thoughts.
I’ve ordered her a new laptop. I put the bottle down on the end table and quickly make my way to the door. I’m eager to get her something that will make her smile. She’s been burying herself in her writing. I’m hoping this will make her happy. Even if only for a moment.
When I open the door without checking, my heart stops. I hate myself this very second. I should have known better. Fool! I’m a fucking fool for letting my guard down.
I stare down the barrel of two guns, men I don’t recognize, but I know who sent them. I stand there numb on the surface, but internally I’m screaming. How could I be so fucking stupid. I don’t have a gun. I have nothing! And Lilly’s upstairs. Vulnerable. It’s my fault.
“What do you want?” I ask without giving in to the fear and reflecting it in my voice. My hand grips the door. keeping me upright; as though without it, I’d fall.
Lilly. She’s all I can think about. I start to walk outside, my hand closing the door behind me, but they step forward, crowding my space. I need to get them away from here. As far away from Lilly as I can.
“We can discuss this somewhere else,” I say easily, a
s they ignore me and continue walking forward, pushing me back into my foyer. The one closes the front door and locks it. I start thinking about where every gun I have in this house is located. I have them stashed away in every room. My eyes dart to the corner of the foyer, it’s behind these two assholes, I won’t be able to get to the gun in the closet. There are two in the living room though. I only need to get these assholes to follow me in there. But that’s closer to Lilly. Fuck! I try not to clench my jaw and ball my hands into fists at the thought.
I’m not sure if these men know she’s here. I can’t risk them finding out. I wish I could tell her to run. To hide. I wish I could go back in time and never speak to her, never corrupt her with the sins of my past.
If only I could. I’d give it all up to keep her safe.
“You know how this ends Joe,” the one man says to my left. He’s nearly bald and short, his leather jacket is slightly too big. The man on his right is much taller; his military cut giving him an edge over the other fuck face. Both of them are holding their guns loose. They’re both arrogant. They think they’ve won. I take in a deep breath, quickly coming up with a plan. Something. Anything to keep her from them.
The bald man continues to point his gun at me as the other man asks, “we just need the code’s for your safe.” I huff a grunt. Of course. Money. It’s always about the money.
“And why would I tell you that?” I ask with a grin that doesn’t reflect a single thing I’m feeling.
“Because if you do, we won’t make you watch what we’re gonna do to your girl.” He smiles a crooked grin, showing his yellowed teeth. “We’ll put you out of your misery first.” The bald man’s answer chills my blood. My heart pounds in my chest.
As I swallow thickly, registering what they’re saying and trying not to give into the urge to beat the piss out of him, I see movement over the tall man’s right shoulder.
Lilly.
I swear my heart stops. What the fuck is she doing.
“You need to go back where you came from.” I tell the man standing in front of me, but I’m not speaking to him. I wish I could look at her as I talk, but I can’t. I’m afraid they’ll follow my eyesight, turn around and see her.
I’m fucking pissed as I say the same words louder. Both men seem thrown off by the command in my voice, but I don’t care. I can’t even think about them. She needs to listen. She needs to get out of here.
I dare to take a step forward when the floor creaks with Lilly’s steps, it distracts them enough that they don’t hear her; both men point their guns at my head. “You should go hide.” I tell them, a sick grin on my face with false confidence in my voice. Run Lilly!
Lilly must know that I’m speaking to her, but she doesn’t listen. Of all the times I need her to just listen to me, now is the time. But she doesn’t, she continues forward, entering the foyer and holding the gun in her hands high, pointing at the tall man to my right.
“You have two minutes Joe,” the bald man says. “Nikki here,” he sticks his thumb out pointing to the other man and turns his head slightly to look at him. My heart jumps up my throat when he does, because as he turns to look at his partner, he catches sight of Lilly. I see it all happen in slow motion.
Fuck!
He shouts and raises his gun at her, whipping around on his heels and I react instantaneously, pushing forward with all of my weight, shoving him down to the ground. All the sounds and screams turn to white noise, my lungs freezing, my heart beating frantically. A rush of heat takes over my body, nearly numbing me. I’ve never felt so much fear in my life.
“Run!” I yell at Lilly as several gunshots go off at once. Bang! Bang! Bang!
Lilly; not Lilly. My throat hurts from my screams as I fight for the gun. Trying to keep him from shooting it, but trying to look at Lilly. Run! Just run!
I hear her shrill scream as another bullet echoes off the wall. A stray piece of drywall falling into pieces and landing on the bald man’s face. And then another, this one from the gun I’m fighting over. The jolt of the trigger being pulled, loosening the grip this fucker has on it.
The bullet flies through the air and strikes me in my upper forearm. Fuck! I curse under my breath. In and out in the blink of an eye. I feel the urge to reach up and grab the wound, but I can’t. I won’t let it stop me from strengthening my hold on the gun. Nothing will stop me.
“Lilly!” I call for her. I can’t hear her. “Lilly!”
My fingertips slip against the gun as the bastard kicks me in the gut. Both of us wrestling on the ground, trying to rip the gun out from each other’s grip. The pain from the shot in my arm shoots up and down my shoulder. I ignore it. Merely clenching my teeth from the screaming pain as I continue to fight.
His head is close to the thick front leg of the foyer table. I could take a risk and stop fighting for the gun, going for his chin instead and try to slam his head into the hardwood. But that would mean letting go of the gun that I almost had a grip on. His fingertips fumble at the trigger again, a bullet whizzing through the air and landing into the plaster wall. He flinches from the sudden shot.
I take advantage of the moment, hurling my body upwards. Using my forearm instead of my hand and smash the back of his head against the leg of the table. It doesn’t do any real damage, but it makes him close his eyes. I’m able to jump forward and sink my teeth into his forearm and grab the gun the second he loosens his grip on it. In a swift moment, the gun is in my hands and I don’t hesitate to put a bullet through his skull. Bang!
My heart races as I quickly raise the gun in my hands and prepare to shoot the other bastard. But instead I find Lilly, staring at the man lying still on the floor. Three gunshot wounds visible from the blood staining on his shirt.
Lilly doesn’t look at me when I call her name, still gripping the gun in both of her hands. She shaking.
I stand slowly with my hands up, looking between the two men dead on the floor. There’s blood spilling from their open wounds and pooling on the marble floor beside them. At least it happened out here. Where I can easily clean up this mess.
I can hardly look at Lilly. I’m full of shame. It’s because of me that she had to fight for her life. I couldn’t protect her. I brought this pain to her. It’s my fault.
She drops the gun to the ground, it hits the marble hard with a loud thud, and she collapses into my open arms. The moment I close my arms around her, she sobs into my chest trembling uncontrollably. As if my touch broke the trance.
I’ve put up with my brother and father for years. But they brought Lilly into this and that firms my resolve.
I kiss Lilly’s hair softly, rubbing soothing circles on her back. But I stare straight ahead at the blank wall, knowing I need to kill them. Tonight.
Chapter 27
Lilly
I’m a ball of nerves as I sit in Madam Lynn’s office, my mind on what just happened.
I killed a man.
I still can’t believe it. It’s nearly impossible for me to process. I keep thinking that I’m going to wake up and find out this was all some horrible nightmare. I pull my legs up into the chair, wrapping my arms around my knees.
But it’s too fucking real.
Never in a million years, would I have thought I’d wind up in a situation like this. It’s like a real life action movie. Hell, it’s even like one of my romance novels. Except there might not be a happy ending for this one.
The thought chills my blood.
Even worse, I thought Joseph was going to die. I saw him die. I know I did. I couldn’t pull the trigger as the man came after me. But I saw Joseph. I saw the bullet. My chest tightens as I remember the gun pointed at his head. God, I can hardly breathe remembering it. My heart felt like it was ripped from my chest. Even now I get cold sweats thinking about it. He was so close to death.
Had I not walked in right at that moment, he would’ve died. They were going to kill him.
I’m glad I shot that asshole. I’m glad he’s dead. I’ll never te
ll a soul. But I don’t regret it. Not for a single moment.
And now I’m here. Stranded in an office in Club X. Joseph left me here, shoving cash into my purse and telling me that they’d protect me.
He pushed me away. He told me they would protect me, literally pushing me into the arms of People I don’t even know.
And now I’m ready to leave. I rest my face on my knees. My eyes feeling hot against my cool skin. I just want to get the fuck out.
I’m tired of being in this office. I either want to be with him, or I want to go home.
I’m tired of being a prisoner.
I know after what happened, he’s pushing me away for my safety, trying to figure things out. And he wants me to be where he thinks I’m safe. I understand, I do. But I still don’t want to be here. I feel helpless sitting here and waiting around for I don’t know how long.
I look around the office. It’s so depressing. Just a medium-size room with a large oak desk littered with papers and not a single window.
Besides the lamplight, it’s dark in here. Madam Lynn has been very nice to me and has done her best to make me feel comfortable with what she has to work with, but she hasn’t come back in, I glance at the clock above the door, for almost two hours. I haven’t seen anyone for hours. My heart flickers in my chest. I don’t even know if Joseph is still here. I cover my face with my hand.
How could he just leave me here?
I shake my head and put my feet back on the ground. He has to know by now I can’t live without him. Isn’t it obvious that I love him? He must know.
Restless, I get up from my seat and pace the floor, wondering what the hell I should do.
I want to leave, but I’m not sure if I’ll be safe. And he told me to stay here. He practically pleaded with me to do as I was told.
The door opens and I pause mid stride as Joseph walks into the room. My lips part and my breath halts.
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