by Deanna Hall
The guilt that washed over me was devastating. I have been nothing but a selfish prick through this whole ordeal. If I’d just trusted Mia, the way a mate should have, in the first place, she would be home safe with me, instead of off somewhere alone facing who knew what.
Hell, if I’d bothered to push the issue with Penny rather than take her word about the baby being mine or if I’d dug a little deeper as Mia had, I could have prevented all this. The truth was I felt guilty and miserable for spending that frivolous weekend with Penny even before I met Mia.
Instead of fighting for Mia, I accepted what Penny claimed without question, even knowing Penny was a manipulative bitch who always got her way. Then I married the crazy bitch and crawled into bed with her. What the hell was wrong with me?
Peter answered before I managed a coherent thought. “Good question Aunt Beth. I’d give anything to take it back. Mia begged me to let her handle it; only I lost it. Now I all I want to do is find her and bring her home. Next time I’ll let CJ beat the crap out of me. I swear.”
I looked at Peter. I realized then this wasn’t just about him wanting what was mine. He really did love Mia as much as I did. Could they really have bonded? Fuck.
It was as uncomfortable being called on the carpet by our fathers now as it had been when we were little kids, maybe more so. The whole story unfolded, including how Penny had tricked me.
When I explained that Mia and I had bonded, my father was angrier than I’d ever seen him. “You bonded with Mia, then married Penny? How in hell could you do something so incredibly stupid? You’re lucky Peter had enough of a connection to her that she sot comfort from him rather than do something crazy, like kill herself.
As if all that girl has been through wasn’t enough already? Now you’ve driven her away from the only home she’s had in years, broken-hearted and alone. When I told Mia, I thought she belonged with you; I thought I was trusting her to good hands, CJ. You best hope we find her before it’s too late.”
Hearing Dad say the words; I couldn’t believe I’d done such a ludicrous thing. “You’re right; I’m a total jerk. Mia has been suffering all this time. I not only didn’t think about her pain when I forced the bond on her; I didn’t care that I might have to marry Penny. I just had to claim Mia for myself.”
Peter bristled, “What do you mean forced her?”
My uncle put a restraining hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Calm down, Peter. Anger and jealously are how we got in this situation.”
Staring at the carpet intently, I explained, “The other night when we fought after your run. I took her by surprise when she went to get dressed. I did the unthinkable. All I could think about was claiming her before someone else did. She begged me not to.”
When Peter lunged at me, Uncle Paul held him back. “You fucking bastard. You mean before I did. You felt our connection. You knew if I made love to Mia first, I would have been the one to bond with her. So what, you raped her?”
Shoulders drooping, I hung my head. “Pretty much. My wolf took over and took what it wanted. Mia gave into to it without much fight, then responded to me eagerly enough, but she’d begged me not to at first, and I didn’t listen.”
Peter broke loose from my uncle and slugged me hard enough to knock me into the wall, leaving a dent in the plaster. I didn’t bother getting up. I deserved it.
“You did rape her. That’s why Mia said she wanted it to be her choice this time. You truly are a selfish, fucking, bastard. That’s why Mia was crying so hard when she came back to the loft. Did you even notice her back was ripped to shreds?”
Sure Peter’s words stung; only the look of shock and disdain on my father’s face was what made the reality of what I’d done hit home. Neither he nor my uncle said a word.
Peter, however, wasn’t done. “You saw how she responded to my kiss. Just as strongly as she does to yours. You weren’t the only one she was drawn to. You blew your chance because you let Penny and the pack rules lead you around like a good little soldier rather than put your mate first.
Even though you made your choice, you couldn’t let Mia be happy, could you? Guess what, asshole, Mia and I bonded, and she agreed to marry me. I can make her happy, even if I have to live with the hold you have on her. When we find her, you can go home to your wife, and I’ll make Mia my mine.”
My father pulled me up, looking me in the eye. “Son, what you did with Penny was bad enough. I’ve spent years trying to teach you how to be a responsible werewolf. I spent years trying to drive home the importance of never having unprotected sex with any girl you weren’t willing to spend the rest of your life with, because of the whole pregnancy thing.
But Rape? I can’t believe you would do such a thing to Mia. To a girl you claim to love. I feel like I don’t even know you, my own son. You’ve made mistakes; God knows we all have; however, this is the first time I’ve ever felt ashamed of you. The pack could vote to banish you for what you did to Mia.”
I looked at the floor. I felt tears in my eyes. “No more ashamed than I am of myself, Dad. It doesn’t matter what the pack does to me. Mia forgave me. She even promised to wait for me.
When she left for Denver she said she needed to get away and would be home Monday. She asked me to trust her. Hell, Mia went to Denver for me, for us, to find the truth, and what did I do? Being the jealous prick that I am, I convinced myself I’d lost her to Peter and married Penny for spite.
Then I spent the night and half the next day fucking Penny in order to drive Mia out of my head. Which I couldn’t do. I deserve whatever I get. I just need to find Mia and beg her forgiveness. Then she can be with Peter. I won’t try to stand in their way.”
Uncle Paul spoke up. “This confession is between us.”
Peter demanded, “Why, Dad? Why does CJ get away with rape? With almost destroying Mia’s life?”
Uncle Paul rested a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Because it’s what Mia would want. You and I both know it would only hurt Mia more to see CJ punished. Unless Mia decides to bring it before the pack, it stays between us.
Chase, don’t be too hard on CJ; he’s still young. Controlling our inner beast is hard enough when we’ve had years of practice. These were very unusual circumstances. I remember getting in a few fights and pushing the issue pretty hard with Becca when I was young.”
Dad put his arm around my shoulder. “Son, I’m angry and appalled at what you’ve done. I swore to protect that girl. Now she’s lost again. Despite how angry I am about that and everything else that has transpired, I love you. I always will. Keep that in mind, while I stew for a while.”
I muttered, “Thanks, Dad, I’m not sure I deserve your love.”
“Love isn’t about being deserving, CJ. It’s about seeing beyond someone’s shortcomings and caring about them regardless.”
Peter, who hadn’t let go of his rage, added angrily, “Guess you’re home free then, aren’t you, asshole. Mia would never blame you. She loves you too much.”
My uncle looked at Pete. “You said before Mia bonded to you, too?”
“Yeah, even after bonding with CJ. I asked Mia to marry me this morning, and she said yes.”
Uncle Paul frowned. “That’s not possible. Are you sure, Son?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve never experienced anything like it. I felt our wolves and spirits connect. I can still feel Mia somewhere in the distance.”
“She responds to both of you, even after she bonded to CJ.” My dad asked.
We both nodded. Paul looked at my dad. “What do you think, Chase? Do you think Beth is right?
“She could be. Mia has an allure she doesn’t even know she has. People, kids, even animals, are drawn to her. You know she’s Jackson's granddaughter. He rules with an iron fist and makes sure that the pack is pure, full-blooded werewolves as well as full-blooded, Ute Indians.
I don’t know much about Mia’s father, other than he was from the Sioux tribe and a full-blooded werewolf as well. Can’t get much purer than tha
t. Nonetheless, we haven’t seen a Spirit Healer in generations.
Beth said Mia admitted she can feel people’s emotions. Everyone’s mood seems to get better when she is around, even mine. I find myself smiling just watching her. All the petty bickering among the hands stop when Mia joins us for meals. This would explain a lot.”
“What are you talking about?” Pete blurted out. “What’s a spirit healer?”
Uncle Paul explained, “A spirit healer has the ability to empathize and heal weak, broken spirits. Others will be drawn to her because her spirit is so bright she eases their pain and suffering just by being around them. It used to be every tribe had one. They were meant to heal our people and keep a balance in the dominance of the males of our species by gentling our aggressive nature.
They were a stabilizing force. If we are left unchecked, pack rivalries can become deadly. That’s why we made the council and laws. In these modern times we can’t get away with pack wars, so we are forced to find peaceful solutions.
Back in the day, a spirit healer would mediate disputes to avoid bloodshed as well as soothing broken spirits. A Spirit Healer can even aide in the change as well by soothing the mind and spirit while the transition takes place.
It takes a lot of strength for the spirit healer to do this, though. When sharing their spirit with others, depending on how damaged or desperate the spirit is, it can take more than the healer has to give. She can draw on the strength of her mate to keep from being drained completely.
The healer’s wolf instincts would lead her to wolves with a healthy spirit, as well as the traits to strengthen weaknesses in her own spirit. Unlike most werewolves that find their one true mate, there may be more than one possible mate for a spirit healer, depending on what she needs to fill in the gaps in her own spirit at the time that she meets them.
CJ, you usually have a very protective nature. Mia has not felt safe in a long time. That part of her spirit would be very damaged. It makes sense she would be drawn to you. Pete has a playful, joyful way of looking at life despite losing his mom. Loving life and being happy is a real struggle for Mia. Again, Pete most likely feeds her spirit in a way no other can.
It would explain why she was drawn to Pete even after she bonded with CJ. Especially once Penny was in the picture. I think Mia’s need to help others caused her to seek out someone who could help her deal with the loss of CJ and allow her to survive it. If memory serves, spirit healers often had more than one mate. Probably for just that reason, to complete them and give them strength.
I mentioned, “She does seem to put everyone else’s hurt before her own. Even after what Penny did, Mia was the first one to stand up for her and comfort her. Most girls would have taken advantage of the situation for their own happiness. Not Mia. She wouldn’t let me hurt Penny.”
My uncle commented, “That sounds like something a spirit healer would do.”
“Does that mean she could find more possible mates if she needed to?” I asked.
Dad thought for a moment. “I suppose it’s possible. Her need to help others is stronger than her need to help herself, forcing her spirit to seek out what she needs to survive rather than succumb to despair. You boys have made quite a mess of things. Regardless, we need to find Mia before we can undo the damage.”
“Or someone else does.” Peter muttered.
Dad said if he knew Mia, she’d probably headed for the forest. All I knew was I felt her somewhere to the north-west, which wasn’t much to go on since there was a lot of wilderness in that direction. We lucked out on that front because the truck driver that dropped Mia off called Mom and told her where he’d left Mia.
Mia had almost two days on us. All we could do about it was hope she hadn’t gone far since she had no specific destination. Once we arrived at the truck terminal, we picked up her trail quickly. Within a half-hour, we’d found her clothes and some money hidden in a hollow tree.
We tracked her as far north as the Shoshone National Park. She had been following a river; therefore, we lost her trail a couple of times. We were always able to find it again because Pete and I could sense Mia through our bonds. By the third day, I knew we were getting close; I could feel it.
Then it hit me, a sharp pain that drove me to my knees. Dad caught me. “What’s wrong, Son?” He asked in a panicked voice.
“It’s Mia; she’s hurt. It’s bad.” I managed to choke out through the blinding pain. Glancing in Peter’s direction, I saw he was doubled over, moaning. I realized he was feeling the same thing. I worked through the pain, getting to my feet before I started running in the direction I sensed her. Her spirit was fading. Pete was right on my heels. We ran for several hours. We came to a river where I scented blood, long before we came upon it. I knew it was Mia’s.
When we reached it, we found a lot of Mia’s blood on a rock at the edge of a waterfall. Her pain was immense, like every bone in her body was broken. If I didn’t try to block it out, it would have consumed me. We were searching around the area, frantically, when I felt the pain cease and our tie severed. I could feel the blood drain from my face. “Oh God, I can’t feel her anymore? She’s, it's like she vanished into thin air.” Grabbing at my father’s shirt, as my panic rose, I pleaded, “Dad, why can’t I feel her anymore?”
Peter, who was in a complete panic, cried out, “I can’t feel her anymore either. What the hell is going on?”
Uncle Paul pulled Peter into an embrace. I didn’t like the expression on his face. “Son, I know what you’re feeling. I experienced that feeling once before. It was the day the hunter killed your mother. I’m sorry, Mia is probably gone.”
Eyes wide with fear, Peter blurted out, “You mean dead? No! No way, she can’t be dead. We would have found her body if she was dead. Someone must have found her and helped her. She’s just too far away for CJ and me to sense her.” Peter insisted.
Pete refused to give up. Nonetheless, I knew in my heart, my uncle was right. Death was the only thing that could have broken our connection to Mia.
We searched the area another day, finding no trace of Mia. Finally, Dad said, “Look, Son, I would spend the rest of my life looking for Mia if we had a clue where to start. I love that girl as much as you do, but without a trace of where to look, we’re just chasing our tails. We’ll go back to the motel; then we can check the local hospitals and police stations; maybe someone found her like Peter said.”
Arguments were useless. Dad was right; we didn’t even know where to start searching again. Peter didn’t want to accept it; he kept insisting someone had found Mia or we’d have found a body. I, on the other hand, knew it was useless. Mia was lost to us.
I felt like I was going through the motions of living. My mind was a mixture of guilt, regret, and despair. This was my fault. I did this; I caused Mia all that pain, then, in the end, I took her life. Maybe I hadn’t wielded the instrument of her demise, yet my betrayal had ultimately led to it. Life had no meaning without Mia in it.
Lost Wolf
Dakota
Iwas out with my little brother, Donovan, running the forest. He’d recently shifted for the first time and was charging ahead, as usual, heedless of his environment. Which is why I held back to watch over him while he tested the limits of his wolf.
When I heard him howl, I raced ahead to see what was up. As I approached, he thought, “Blood, lots of it.” The blood led to a boulder at the edge of a waterfall. The blood was human. From there, the only way an injured person could have gone was over the falls. I walked to the edge, peering over it. I thought I could see a flash of copper glistening at the bottom, about twenty feet down.
I half walked, half slid down the steep bank alongside the waterfall. When I got to the base of the falls, mostly hidden by the water, was the body of a naked girl. She was draped over the rocks, like a broken rag doll with an arrow sticking out of her side.
I scented her. She was definitely a werewolf. I howled to Donovan while changing form; then, I waded into the river. Despi
te the strong current, I managed to reach the girl. She was bleeding from multiple wounds, the worst being the arrow in her side. At least she was breathing, barely. I knew she had broken bones from the fall; however, I needed to get her to shore before I could access her injuries and help her.
As gently as possible, I scooped her into my arms, letting the water do most of the work. Donovan, who had already shifted back to human form, reached me just as picked I her up. The problem was moving her was making the bleeding worse. I told Donnie, “We need to get the arrow out; then we can put pressure on the wound.”
Donnie nodded in agreement. Holding her as gently as I could in the current, Donnie broke the arrow in half, pulling the two sides out. I wasn’t surprised to find it was a werewolf killer. The tip was about six inches of barbed, jagged silver. If it hadn’t gone all the way through her, getting it out would have caused a lot more damage. It was a good thing she was so tiny. The hunter’s arrow had struck too hard.
The bleeding increased once the arrow was out. Donnie applied pressure while I held her. Once the bleeding slowed down, Donnie packed both sides of the wound with mud. We struggled to the bank being as gentle as we could. While I was worried about her having a back injury, if we didn’t get her to help soon, it would be a mote point. Once on solid ground, I held her cradled in my arms. “Make sure you cover our tracks and disguise our scent completely, Donnie. If the hunters are still out here, we don’t want them following us.”
Donnie rolled his eyes at me. “I know, Kotah. I’m not a little kid anymore.” He did such a good job; there wasn’t so much as a misplaced leaf indicating we’d ever been there. I was impressed by my little brother’s skill.
We made the trip home as quickly as possible. It helped that the girl was light as a feather. My mother was in the yard, feeding the chickens when we arrived. She had us bring the girl to the kitchen table and lay her down.