“I want to, but I don’t know how to start a conversation with them about her. I mean, I have no doubt that they’ll believe me, but I just don’t know how to put into words what I see. It’s a twin thing, I think. That I can feel her deeper and better than even Dad can when he can see into her mind. He’s done that for me, by the way. The other day I mentioned that I thought Becky might need to talk about something, and he looked when she refused to talk. But it’s there. As surely as I’m her brother, there is something not right about her.” Ryan waited, thinking Jon had more to say. “I don’t mean to say she’s mental or anything like that. I just think she’s not dealing with life. That even though we’re both safe, she is waiting for something to jump out of the shadows and hurt her again. It’s being raped the way she was. They took more than just her body, but a part of her that no one can see.” He growled. “I’m not explaining this right.”
“You are. As a matter of fact, I understand you completely. You should explain it just like this to Sean. Tell him I said it’s like baby vamps that have been changed without permission, and they lose all their humanity.” Jon said that was it exactly. “Good. I’m glad to have been able to help. Talk to them, Jon. I don’t want you to think I’m not worried, because I am. I’ve seen it before. Go home and sit him down and tell him what you’re thinking.”
After Jon left him, he thought about telling Sean what he’d spoken to his son about, then decided that Jon would do a good enough job. However, if he had any questions, Sean would know to reach out to him about them. The kid was smart. He’d do a good job of talking to his brother.
Finishing up his work, he got up just as Mel came into the house. Things were ready for them to have dinner, and after holding her for a few minutes, the two of them ate in the kitchen, a place where they ate more meals than in the dining room.
“I was talking to Jefferson today. He came by the office to tell me his brother is back in prison. I don’t think he was telling me for any other reason than he thought I should berate him about not helping him more. Of course, I did pound on his head a little because he was feeling guilty. His brother deserves whatever they can punish him with.” Ryan told her about the information he’d gotten. “I didn’t know that they really have a commissary in prison. But how did they allow him to charge up so much without funds?”
“I don’t know. I checked, and it seems he’d been in prison a couple of times before this, and his paperwork slipped under the carpet. They’re going to make him work it off. In addition to him being in solitary confinement, he’s going to be without even the most basic of needs until he gets his shit together. I don’t see him ever getting his shit together for any reason. Do you?” Mel said she didn’t. “Anyway, as to his confinement, they’re also going to make sure he isn’t able to make any phone calls or write letters. That was something else that happened while he was inside. He caused just as much trouble in prison as he did out, including murder. I haven’t any idea why he was released in the first place. But he won’t be again, I’m thinking.”
“No. I’ve already decided if that happens, I’m going to hire myself a hitman or a vampire I know really well to hunt him down. He’ll be toast either way.” He told her he’d gladly do it. “I thought you’d say that. He’s a monster and should have been put out of our lives a long time ago.”
The rest of the meal was made with small talk. They talked again about camping, and he told her how dead set against it he was. Not that it mattered, he supposed—she was just as against it. There were people, he knew, that loved it—his brother was a prime example—but not him. He’d been a city boy, or some form of one, for too long to go back to sleeping in caves or falling down places to keep safe. Ryan loved the luxuries a hotel or its equivalent gave a person.
When Mel fell asleep in his arms, Ryan took his lovely wife to bed. She’d been working much too hard lately, and he wanted her to relax more. Going to his office again, he wrote an email to her boss, Ben Shore, and told him he’d like to request two weeks off when this new job was finished for his wife. Ben must have been sitting at his computer because he answered him right away.
She’s been really running herself to death lately. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to get her to take some time off for a while now. Please, take her away and don’t let her have her phone. I, as her boss, would appreciate that.
Glad that this was working out for both of them, he sat there long enough to make several reservations, as well as putting things together for some lovely dinners and a couple things they could see while away. By the time he went to bed, Ryan had everything laid out so that he and Mel could have a wonderful vacation. Maybe they’d not return, he thought with a small laugh.
~*~
Sean listened to Jon. He had come straight from Ryan’s home and asked to speak to him. He hadn’t any idea that the conversation was going to be so serious. If he was honest with himself, Sean wasn’t sure he should be doing this without Rachel there. But Jon assured him that he would talk to her next.
“Do you think she might harm herself, Jon? I know you understand immortality, so you know that she won’t die, correct?” He said he did, but as for harming herself, he thought she was already doing that. “Yes, I guess you’re right on that. I looked the other day, as you know, and there didn’t seem to be anything there that would have you thinking this. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t believe you. As I’ve told you, no one knows her better than you do.”
Sean sat there, trying to wrap his mind around what he could do to help Becky. There were several things that he could do, but as her adoptive father, he was going to have to talk this over with Rachel. She might well have a better way to help her than he could. After looking at Jon, he figured that he needed to tell him straight up something that had been on his mind for some time.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Jon. I’m worried about her as much as you are. She does seem to drift off to places where I don’t believe even you can reach her. I do have a couple of things I can do for her as a vampire. They’re dangerous, as well as very difficult to do. I will do it, but I’d have to talk to you and Rachel first. I can essentially adjust around her ever being raped that day. I want you to think about all the consequences of what my doing this to her mind could be.” Jon didn’t immediately say yes, for which Sean was grateful. “There will be a blank spot of that time when it occurred. That doesn’t mean it will be gone forever, however. What it means is just what I said—it’s a place she won’t be able to remember. Now here is the hard part. Something could trigger it to come back to her.”
“Like, what can trigger it?” Sean told him it could be nothing more than someone remarking on her hair. Or something more horrific, like another rape. “I don’t want anyone to hurt her again, Dad. She’s suffered more than anyone I know.”
“She has.” Sean wished that Rachel were here. She’d tell him to be quiet and to go away. But this was important to Jon, and he was going to explain it as best he could. “She might well be pissed at all of us, especially me, if she does remember it again. I don’t want her to do that, but if you and Rachel think it would help her out, I’m willing to have her hate me if she feels better about life.”
“You’re a good man, Dad. I don’t think you get told that as often as you should.” Sean hugged Jon tightly to his heart, where all of them had moved into as soon as he met them. “Do you want me to talk to Mom? I think I need to anyway. I’m not saying I’m all right with the erasing things yet. I think there is more to this than just her not liking you anymore. Isn’t there?”
“Yes. More the process of hiding it than anything. But I want her to be happy. I don’t think, as you said, she has been for a while.” Jon nodded and sat back down when he did. “I’ll work on everything I can think of that can go wrong. Because when you mess with someone’s head, there are all kinds of things that can go wrong. That’s something I want you to know about more tha
n anything. All right?”
“All right.” Jon sat there for several minutes without speaking. “I love you. So much, Dad. I don’t mean just because you have the ability to help my sister. It’s so much more than that. I also know that even if you knew Becky would hate you forever, no turning back from her pain in her heart, you’d still do it in hopes of saving her.”
“I’d do that for you as well, Jon.” Jon said he knew that. “How about tonight we sit down and have a long conversation with both Rachel and Becky. This affects her most of all, so we want to make sure she has all the facts beforehand. I won’t do this to her without her permission either, Jon. It would be going behind her back on something, and to me, that’s the same as lying to her.”
“I thought you’d say that. I’m glad you think that too.”
Relief like he’d never felt before rolled over his body like he’d been carrying a large weight. Sitting back, Sean watched Jon. The kid was only twelve, but he had the heart and soul of someone much older. Sean knew that growing up the way he had, without much in the way of help or love, would do that to someone. Thinking how he might well have grown up if his dad had joined their mother, Sean shivered at the thought.
“I’m going to figure out this book thing with Uncle Ryan. He said he’d look into what needed to be done so I can get it together. I’ve already started it, sort of.”
“What do you have? An outline or something?” Jon told him that whenever he thought of something that had happened, he’d write it down and try to keep putting it in order with the rest of his thoughts, he’d been writing down. “That’s a good idea. I don’t know if I told you, but there was an envelope that came for you from the hospital in your town. Did you get it?”
“Yes. They’re sending me copies of the incidents at the hospital. They actually called them incidents, like they were nothing more than boo-boos.” Sean didn’t dare laugh until Jon did. He knew he was serious, but he didn’t know if he thought it was cause for laughter. Apparently, he did, and Sean marveled at the kid’s ability to do so. “The information on the back of them is going to be a good way for the files to be pulled, Uncle Ryan said.”
“He will be the best on the case to keep you from getting into trouble later down the line.” Jon nodded. “Have you thought about a pen name? Or did you decide to go with your own name on this project?”
“I’m going to use my own. I thought about it a lot, mostly because Aunt Jewel told me she wanted to be able to show it to people and let them know that a Crosby was famous. I don’t know about all that.” Sean asked him if he’d thought about what would happen if he did write a bestseller. “Yeah, every once in a while, I think about it. But I can’t get past anyone making fun of me as a kid, thinking that I know so much about being abused. I’m thinking, just from my own experience as a kid, that not too many even realize that kids have feelings and a mind too.”
“I think you might be right on that.”
Yesterday after talking to Jon, they’d set him up an account at the bank. Not for any money the book might bring him, but he had asked for one, so he could work and put money away for a car when he was old enough to drive. Becky had one too, but she didn’t think she’d go to college, nor did she see herself driving. Sean figured she’d change her mind about that soon enough.
Jon reminded him again before leaving him that he needed to write down what might happen to Becky if he did this for her. There wasn’t a great deal. Since her dying wasn’t an option, mostly all that was left was how she’d regard him. What he’d said to Jon was true. If Becky wanted this, there wasn’t anything that would stop him from doing it, even if it meant she’d hate him forever.
Sean was working on some of the latest contracts he had for his jewelry when Rachel joined him. She looked rested, for which he was glad. He thought her working too much and stressing about Sandy. He would be glad when her sentencing hearing was finished so she’d be out of their town. Having her so close had been good so that none of them had to travel too far on trial days, but it was wearing them all out.
“I’m supposed to line up three things for Sandy. She wants to see the kids—well, she’s demanding to see them once more. I’m thinking that’s a decision they need to make. Secondly, she is demanding money from me. The amount she wants and the amount I’m willing to give her are on opposite ends of the spectrum. The third thing is that I’m to set her up with a real attorney so she can get out sometime soon. That, my dear, isn’t ever going to happen.” He asked her if she thought the kids would want to go. “Five days ago, I would have said no way. But that would have been my heart trying to keep them from her. It’s not my call at all. She is no blood relation to me, so I can’t say what they’re going to want. I’d just tell her to fuck off if it were me. But as I said, it’s not my call.”
“I think, and I have no idea why, but I think that Jon will say yes. Only so he can tell her off. He’s getting braver every day about his opinions. I’m glad for that.” He told her everything he and Jon had been talking about today. “So, as for Becky, I just have no idea. She’s a complete mystery to me.”
“When you told me that the other day, I started to watch her closer. I never realized she was drifting away from us. It broke my heart to see her so crushed.” Sean said he was sorry. “Don’t be. We’re doing the best we can here, and getting her help and being there for her. And even though it’s not enough right now, I have a feeling we’re going to have her back with us soon. She’s going to be all right. I keep telling myself that because if I don’t, I hurt worse for her.”
“I love you, Rachel. So much.” She came and sat on his lap, something they did a great deal. Sean thought Rachel thought he was giving her comfort, and perhaps he was. But mostly, she was sharing her comfort with him.
“I think we need to get all dressed up and go to a nice big fancy place and have a fun night out. What do you say?”
“Yes.” Standing up, she said she’d tell the kids. “Great. I’ll see what sort of table I can find us. Perhaps too, we should figure out a hotel to stay the night in that has a pool. Then on the way back through, we can pick up the camper. It’ll be fun to load it up with the things we want in it as a family.”
The camper was getting some upgrades in it. Mostly it was getting the things they’d been told they’d need to start out—blocks to keep the camper from rolling, sewer hoses, things like that. He was thrilled that his brother had told him what they were doing so they could be a part of the fun. Sean was excited for the kids to have some fun like camping too. He’d done it before, he knew, but it had been to keep him safe rather than just a place to enjoy. Getting things cleared off his desk, Sean was ready to go as soon as the kids came down the stairs. Apparently, they were ready for some fun as well.
Chapter 9
“Are you sure about this, Becky? If you have any doubts, we can wait for some other time, a time when you feel better about this.” She shook her head, the tears that she’d been shedding earlier flowing again. “Honey, this is an important decision. When we came to you, we never meant for you to make it today. Just giving you all the pros and cons of it was my only intention.”
“I don’t sleep well anymore. I know she’s in prison and will be for the rest of her life, but I’m just so terrified. Every shadow, even if it’s during the day, I think is someone coming after me. She’s a nightmare. Sandy is my nightmare.” She cried a bit more, and Sean glanced over at her brother. He was trying his best to be brave; it was written all over his face. But this was his sister, and he was hurting for her. “Please, Dad. Will you please do this for me? It will be wonderful to sleep the entire night through.”
As they prepped her for what he was about to do, he called his brothers to help him out. Not so much help, but to keep him on track. Sean was afraid, honestly. Afraid when he got to the part in her life where she’d been raped that he was going to lose it. He knew the men were dead, than
ks to Emerald, but that didn’t mean he was going to like it any more. They all, including his dad, agreed to be there for him.
When the time came for him to take care of the bad dreams and such, he went to find Rachel. She’d been acting tender since last night as well. Sean knew she hurt—he did as well. The thing about all this was that the person who had caused it all never thought it was that big of a deal.
“If I could get to her without causing any trouble for us, I’d kill her myself.” Sean held her. “I’d not make it easy for her either. I’d just go in there and start chopping on her so that she’d fall apart before she was ready to die. I don’t have a devious mind as Emerald does, but I think I could do some real damage to the bitch. I cannot believe she killed my brother too.”
“I wish I could have known him. I’m sure we would have been friends.” She leaned back against his chest, and he held her while she cried. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I wish I could do something to take your hurt away too.”
“I need mine. I need to let myself hate her. Not just for what she did to my brother, but to those kids. She could have destroyed them, Sean. If not for being immortal, I think Becky would have ended her life. Then what would Jon have done? He would have joined her, that’s what. I hate her. I never in my life thought I’d hate that woman, but I do. With every fiber of my being.”
“Sandy never deserved all she had. Not just you and Jonathon in her life, but those children.” When she turned into his chest, he held her tightly. The sobs were making his heart hurt, and his beast roar at him to fix it for her. “I love you, Rachel. With all that I am, I wish that things were different for the three of you.”
“Just help Becky. Please help her. I know there is a chance it won’t last. I spoke to her just a little while ago, and I think this is as excited as I’ve seen her about anything.” Sean told her that was good. “Thank you for doing this for her. Even in the event she does have it breakthrough, she promises she won’t blame you. She even made herself a note. I know she was being silly, but she is happy that this might make her feel better.”
Sean: The Sons of Crosby: Vampire Paranormal Romance Page 12