by Susan Ward
My heart lodges in my throat. “I can’t come. Not ever, Alan. It’s better all around the way it is. But we’ll talk again. At greater length. But I can’t today. Ring you soon.”
Click.
I throw the phone, and it crashes against the wall. I could have borne his anger, but his kindness is unbearable.
My legs weaken, and I sink down on the nearest chair. My gaze roves the view beyond the window. The lawns are richly green and the trees brilliant with colored leaves even as late in the season as it is. An Indian summer is what Khloe had called it.
“Don’t have them rake up the leaves, Damon. They’re marvelous,” I hear her say in my memory. “Stop taking yourself too seriously, Your Highness. Come roll in the leaves with your cheeky girl.”
I should have rolled in the leaves with Khloe. Let her whim carry me where it would. Built that damn snowman.
I march out of the room, ignoring the curious stares of the staff, and go to my bedroom. Inside the closet, I grab the cap. I’d hated that she and Cody had put it on the snowman’s head instead of keeping it on her. I’d been afraid of each little thing that might harm her and completely missed the big thing that would eventually lead to me being alone here and her being alone out there.
All the things I’d failed to do with her, prompted by my love and worry over her, tick off in my memory. She lives more in a single minute than I have the past year. I don’t know how to live a single minute without her. No, I won’t ring Alan back. Not ever. He’ll only ask me again to let her go…and I can’t.
Chapter Fourteen
Khloe
The Past
I WAS LAUGHING so hard I almost couldn’t take it. We were behaving very ridiculously. I was sure Mrs. Freeburg was hidden in a curtain or something, frowning as she watched us from the house, but days when I felt like I did today were made for behaving ridiculously.
Beneath our feet was a fresh blanket of snow and over our heads a clear blue sky without a cloud in it. Our breaths danced on the chilled air, and even through my heavy gloves, my hands felt near frozen as Cody and I pushed the giant snowball toward its body.
“Seems like you’re settling in well here,” Cody said. He sounded pleased and confused wrapped into one.
My smile flashed so large it made my icy cheeks hurt. “I love it here. How could you doubt that? There are no rules. It’s completely my universe, and everyone must obey me here.”
That last part I said flippantly, and Cody’s head tilted as he gave me a hard stare. “How’s that different than how it’s always been?”
“My former universe didn’t have snow,” I countered lightheartedly. We stopped pushing and squatted to lift our creation. “I don’t think we’ve made his head proportional.”
“It’s a snowman, for Christ’s sake,” Cody grumbled.
“Well, it’s my first. I want it to be perfect.”
Cody rolled his eyes and positioned his hands to bear most of the weight lifting our final hard-packed ball.
“What do you do up at the house all day?” he asked, struggling to get a good hold on Frosty’s head.
I shrugged. “Mostly talk to the fam and my friends. Hang out with Damon. Visit with you and Gideon. Have my weekly health checks with your boyfriend so he can ship off the results to Dr. Hern. And try to avoid Mrs. Freeburg. Damon adores her, but I’m still lukewarm in that direction.”
“Sounds pretty much like your life in Pacific Palisades.”
“Yeah, pretty much is. Weird, huh? Except I’ve started keeping a journal the way my mom does. I never understood why she did it, but maybe I’ve inherited whatever it is that makes someone have to write every day. Every afternoon I sit down, stare for a second at the blank page, and then find myself scribbling away for hours. I’ve never thought of myself as a creative person, but I can write about nothing for hours.”
There was a bit of amazement in my voice because, living with Damon, I often surprised myself with the things I did, the things I enjoyed, the things I learned about myself. I felt more in tune with myself than ever before.
“You write about nothing?” Cody sounded dubious.
I nodded. “Yeah. How a snowflake looks falling to earth. How it feels on my cheeks when it lands there. Bits of nothing. It’s got me thinking I should start a blog or something. Like my sister Kaley. Write about life with cancer or something, the way she writes about being a famous filmmaker and raising a family. The changes to my life are so unexpected. I finally feel like I’m really living. Like everything before we came here was only a dress rehearsal for truly being my own person.”
The last part embarrassed me a bit, and I was glad Cody was turned away, focused on attaching the final part of our snowman. But still, it astonished me that I’d been so worried I’d have nothing to do in Wyoming. Most days it felt like I went from dawn to bedtime with barely a break in action.
Cody stepped back, crossed his arms, and stared at our creation. “What do you think?”
“He’s supposed to be your ex, Brody, right?”
He nodded, not looking pleased.
I yanked from my pocket the carrot for his nose and the walnuts for his eyes. I copied Cody’s posture and studied our creation.
“He’s too handsome. We did too good of a job,” I said. I took off my hat and smooshed his head a bit as I put it on him. Then I added an impression of my fist where his mouth should be. “There, now it looks like Brody. Well, the Brody after you were through with him once you tracked him down to retrieve your life savings that he stole.”
For accuracy purposes, I was sure, Cody added a more noticeable fist print in the snowman’s cheek. “Now he looks as I remember Brody. You were too gentle when you hit him.”
I roared with laughter, and he encircled my waist with his arms and pulled me down to the snow with him. I smooshed some in his face, then he returned the favor. Rolling and wrestling, we settled on our backs, staring at the sky. It was stupid and silly. At times we acted like we did when we were little, but I loved it.
“I’m glad that you’re here.” I turned my head sideways so he could see my smile. “I think I would have been lost without you.”
“Never lost. You have Damon.”
“Yeah, but it’s nice to have you near, too.” I bit my lower lip and tried not to look too deliriously happy as I thought of my fiancé. “He’s pretty wonderful, isn’t he?”
“From what I can tell, he’s an all right guy.”
“All right.” I threw another giant handful of snow at Cody’s face. “He’s marvelous, and you know it.”
“Fine. Marvelous,” he grumbled. His gaze strayed to the house. “What’s he doing in there? He’s been locked in his study since breakfast. It’s a great day. Why didn’t he have lunch on the patio then walk with us? On the days you feel this full of good, he should be with you.”
I ignored the poorly veiled criticism of Damon and shrugged. “Some kind of drama with his family. It started last week. Calls from his brothers. Calls from his dad. It’s been nonstop.”
Cody perked up. “His father? I never thought Damon would speak to him again after what he did.”
I gave him the me either expression. “It’s gotta be something serious or I don’t think Damon would be taking the calls from the King.” Then I pushed my thoughts onto something more pleasant. “His brother Liam is going to visit soon. I’m finally going to get to see one of Damon’s relatives in person rather than on FaceTime.”
“Liam’s coming here?” Cody looked more excited than I’d ever seen him before. Prince Liam was an all-out folk hero to the gay community after he refused to live a lie, denounce the man he loved, and pretend he wasn’t gay to continue being the King’s heir.
“Yeah. Early March, I think.”
“Jeez, Gid’s going to go nuts when he hears.”
I grimaced. “I already told him this morning during my exam.”
“You did?” Cody sounded anno
yed. “I wanted to have something to surprise him with. And you ruined my game.”
I pouted. “It just slipped out while he was poking and prodding me. You know how I ramble when I’m with the doctor.”
Cody was annoyed. “Can’t believe he didn’t tell me.”
“Maybe he forgot.”
“Not possible.”
“Maybe he got busy.”
Cody emitted a sound that was part disgust and part growl. “Sometimes it feels like he’s more interested in his research here than me. He’s in that lab night and day with the research team Dr. Hern sent here. Won’t talk about what they’re doing with me. All very hush-hush. I’ve been completely shut out of what he’s up to since he changed jobs. He used to come home after the hospital and tell me everything. Now, we’ve got all this time to do whatever, and it’s like he’s built a wall between us.”
“He has not,” I protested heatedly. “It doesn’t look that way to me. Not when we have dinner together.”
“Yeah, but that’s after work hours. During work hours he gets great gossip and doesn’t text me. When he’s done working for the day, he doesn’t tell me about his, and worse, he doesn’t ask about mine. When I ask him if he wants to go kick around in Jackson Hole, he always says he wants to stay and has work to do. That’s how the fizzle of a relationship always starts out: The texting stops, and they don’t want to do things with you anymore.”
I pushed up my face close to his. “You’re not fizzling.”
“You wouldn’t see it if we were. You’re still in that he’s-so-perfect phase. It makes you blind to everything around you.”
“Not blind. I can see how much Gid cares for you. And don’t call our happiness a phase. Damon is perfect, and there will be no fizzling for us.”
“I hope not.” Cody pursed his lips. “It really sucks when you can’t figure out what’s up with your partner.”
I pouted. “Then it’s a good thing we have each other. We can both talk sense when the other is talking nonsense.”
He smiled. “Yeah, there’s that, but it’s not the same thing. Great friendship though we have, Khloe, it doesn’t make up for my man fizzling out on me. Maybe I’m just not meant to be loved.”
His defeatist attitude was unlike him, and I gave him a shove, wanting to snap him out of it. “Not true. You were my first love, Cody. I found you very lovable.”
“We were ten, and that’s not exactly a prop-me-up kind of story. You’re the first person to dump my sorry ass. It wounded me at the time. The only silver lining is that all those jerks after me weren’t half as good-looking, and you were much harsher when you dumped them.”
“Not even close to as good-looking as you. Completely forgettable in every way. That is, until Damon.”
“Yeah,” he agreed solemnly. “Damon is the exception. He’s better looking than both of us.”
We laughed, even if it was the truth.
Once our humor melted, we lay quietly for a moment. “What do you want to do now?” he asked lazily.
“I don’t know. I’m perfectly happy just hanging out Wyoming-style with my best friend.”
Damon
The Past
“I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU’RE saying, Liam,” I stated into the phone. “There are always threats against the royal family, but I doubt this one is any more real than all the others have been. I will not permit RaSP on Winderly Ranch.”
“Pa sounded very worried when I spoke with him. Things are delicate in United Kingdom right now. The mood of the people is very fragile. Pa sounded most concerned, Damon.”
“Yes, he was with me as well. The concerned part I found particularly odd.” I regretted having said that the second it was out of my mouth. But from my perspective, it was very fair. He’d never shown any real concern over Liam’s or my happiness. Why should I believe he troubled over our safety?
“Damon, Pa has his faults, but that isn’t fair. Grayson agreed to the extra security. I don’t know why you’re not.”
Careful not to be seen, I lifted back the curtain and stared out the window at Khloe lying in the snow with Cody. She looked so wonderful today, happy and carefree, the way I always wanted to see her. A month off treatment and she nearly had her old glow about her. She grew more beautiful each passing day, which made it twice as disconcerting that Gideon seemed to grow increasingly troubled by something he had yet to share with us.
“Don’t think I’m being negligent over the safety of my family,” I firmly told Liam. “Far from it. I’ve made other arrangements for added security at Winderly.”
“You have?” Liam sounded relieved.
“Yes. The second I read the report Winthrop sent.”
“Good to hear you’re not being stubborn about this. But are they capable?”
“Very. You two don’t need to worry about us. I’ve hired the best private security team in the world to take over matters here. Better than the RaSP, Liam. You have nothing to concern yourself with over us.”
While I sounded unconcerned about the threat report that arrived a week ago from Deverell Palace, I’d immediately sent a copy to Graham Carson, the owner of Black Star Security, along with a request for heightened security on the ranch, with a caveat that Khloe not be made aware of it. I hadn’t even mentioned the potential dangers to her personal bodyguard—I wasn’t certain Cody would keep it from her even if I asked him to—and I was fearful of frightening her more than her heart could manage. Threats against the royal family were nothing new for us, but their ugliness and extremeness would be alarming to her, and I couldn’t be certain how severe her reaction would be.
I dropped the curtain and stepped back. “Please don’t mention this to Khloe if you talk to her. It’s better we not make her aware of this unless we have to.”
“You mean you haven’t shared this with her?” Liam sounded shocked and appalled.
“No. And you’re not going to either. I don’t want her distressed. Not in any way. It would serve no purpose. This threat will be contained by the RaSP as all the others before have. Why worry her needlessly? Understand?”
“Bloody hell, Damon,” Liam said gruffly. “You can’t keep things like this from her. She has a right to know. You’re going to marry her. You can’t keep her in the dark over what’s happening. By extension, she’s one of us now.”
My stomach turned. He was right. But he didn’t know about Khloe’s illness or that I couldn’t risk it. “If things reach a point where it becomes necessary, of course I’ll tell her. But they’re not there yet.”
“You’re making a mistake, Damon.”
No, I’m trying to keep her alive, Liam. That was my most pressing concern, not an obscene threat an ocean away. My fingers tightened around the phone. “This worry will pass. They always do.”
“Take care, Damon,” my brother said in an abrupt way to convey he thought I was making too light of events.
“You, too, Liam. See you soon.”
I settled back in my chair at the desk and attempted to focus on my overflowing in-box. Reports from my financial advisors over my heavy financial losses this month, with recommendations and suggestions that I act fast to pull my investments out of the UK, as the markets were in free fall again. An email from Winthrop filled with royal communications I didn’t wish to know about. Media requests forwarded to me by my private secretary. A curt note from Pa that included an order to make a public appearance for the benefit of the monarchy, equipped with what I should say.
Frustrated, I shoved my chair back from the desk. Concentration proved impossible. I couldn’t shake off the aftereffects of my call with Liam or my worry over Khloe. Damn, no matter how wonderful our life was, I couldn’t stop the world from crashing in on me. I just wanted to enjoy our life and love her; was that too much to ask? But every day since my return to Wyoming it seemed a new crisis was dropped at my door.
There was a loud knock, and I looked up, more than welcoming of an intrusion.
“Come in,” I called out.
Gideon stepped in. “Do you have a few minutes?”
My stomach sank from his expression: very thoughtful as it always was, but he seemed uncharacteristically edgy, like he was dreading whatever he had to say to me.
“Should I send for Khloe?” I asked.
“No. Not yet,” he said ominously. “I thought I’d run things by you first. I know it’s highly irregular to do that, but there’s nothing regular about the situation we’re in.”
That didn’t sound good at all. I motioned at the chair across from me for him to sit down. He raked a hand through his tawny hair, then pursed his lips.
“Your research? Is it going well?” I inquired after he’d been silent for several minutes.
His expression brightened up. “This week we’ve had a breakthrough. The team has been working nonstop on this project for five years. It’s nothing less than incredible what we’ve managed to accomplish in the month we’ve been here. If we succeed at what we’re preparing for, it will be the single greatest advancement in the past twenty years in the treatment of a wide range of heart illnesses and defects, thanks to Alan’s funding and Dr. Hern’s brilliance.”
My brows hitched up, as his answer was a bit lacking in details to make it understandable. Clearly, he was excited, but I wasn’t sure about what. I knew nothing about what the research team did in the lab Alan had insisted be built on the ranch before I moved with Khloe here. I assumed that whatever Alan was funding would be for the benefit of Khloe. “That sounds like remarkable news to me.”
“Yes…and no.” He looked uncomfortable.
“No?”
“I had reservations about taking the position Dr. Hern offered me. My friendship with Khloe in another circumstance would prohibit me from treating her. I only agreed because I was aware of your unique need for total confidentiality, but I’ve had reservations. I couldn’t know for sure if how I feel about Khloe might cloud my decision process. Could I make objective recommendations in her case? It’s difficult to remain remote and uninvolved with someone you care about, and I care very much for Khloe.”