It was like she had been released from a long stint in prison and was having to readjust to the outside world.
Maybe she was waking up from her self-enforced solitude.
Perhaps that was the reason that she’d taken the bizarre step to fly to London.
She leaned her head on the cold window. She couldn’t believe she’d boarded a plane with nothing but a chocolate bar in her pocket and assumed that she would be able to find Amber in a city of millions of people.
If the taxi driver had taken her to London Bridge, what would have happened to her? Where would she be now? Finding Amber had been a stroke of luck, nothing more. She’d taken a risk and somehow everything had worked out, but it just as easily could have been a disaster.
Her warm breath fogged up the window. She tried to contain the panic welling within her.
Sheer dumb luck had taken her to Walker Clay and into Amber’s arms. And thank goodness, because without Amber’s kindness, she didn’t know where she would have ended up.
Amber would have been perfectly within her rights to turn her away, to want nothing more to do with her. Luckily for Emilia, Amber had a big heart.
She didn’t know if she had Amber’s forgiveness. She suspected she didn’t even deserve it.
They hadn’t spoken much throughout the evening. Amber had seemed content to watch movies back to back, pausing only to order food which was delivered to the door by a man in a crash helmet.
They’d eaten in silence before Amber announced that she wanted an early night. She’d shown Emilia the bedroom, thrust a pair of pyjamas into her hand, and said goodnight.
That had been two hours ago.
She peeled her forehead away from the glass and looked towards the closed bedroom door. She wondered if Amber was asleep out on the couch.
She’d been in shock for most of the evening. She knew she had stumbled her way through some kind of an apology, but also knew it wasn’t enough.
Sleep wasn’t coming anytime soon, and she was feeling claustrophobic in the cramped room. Not that she would tell Amber that her bedroom was small. She’d learnt that lesson on arrival. Sometimes her mouth went into motion before her brain.
The more she thought about it, the more she knew she had to leave the room. The air was becoming warm and thick, and she was starting to feel the edges of panic taking her over.
She pushed away the bedding and got out of bed. She decided to sit in the dining area, far away from Amber. Well, as far as possible in the small space. At least it wouldn’t be the bedroom anymore.
She tiptoed across the room and opened the bedroom door as slowly as she could. Upon entering the living space, she noticed that Amber was awake. She was laying on the sofa with the sheets she had pulled out of the cupboard covering her.
Her eyes were open, staring at the ceiling.
“Do you need something?” Amber asked without looking at her.
“No. I…” She reminded herself to not talk about her dislike of the cramped space. “Couldn’t sleep. And I wanted to apologise and explain.”
“It’s fine. You apologised.” Amber sounded dejected.
“But you didn’t accept my apology,” Emilia said.
Amber stopped looking at the ceiling and made eye contact with her. “Do you need me to accept your apology?”
“I’d like you to. I…”
I’d like us to be friends, she thought.
“Look, Emilia, maybe I will. But not right now. I’ve had a really bad day. Getting no sleep and then getting fired, and then you turning up—”
“You were fired?” Emilia couldn’t believe that Amber’s boss had done something so cruel so close to Christmas. She knew Amber had thought it was a possibility, but she’d assumed she was exaggerating.
“Yep.”
“But… it’s nearly Christmas.” Emilia sat on the coffee table and looked at Amber. “Who would do that so near to Christmas?”
“Bronwyn Walker,” Amber answered. “She’s evil. She’s like the story of Martin Martinsson, completely absorbed with herself with an evil plan in mind.”
Emilia blinked in surprise. Not only had Amber mentioned one of her grandmother’s stories, but she’d also picked a less common one that was rarely included in the translations. She’d obviously remembered it in between all the other books they had read in Swedish.
“Except Martin was eventually redeemed by baking the bread for the school. Bronwyn would probably set the school on fire because she wanted to build herself a home there,” Amber continued.
“You… know that story?” Emilia asked.
“I know all of your grandmother’s stories,” Amber said. “Like I know that in ‘The Gift That Keeps on Giving,’ the character of Maria is actually your mother when she was a child.”
Emilia froze. “That… that’s not true.”
“Yes, it is.” Amber sat up and pulled the sheets around her. “Maria is an outgoing and fun child, but she is always getting herself into trouble. She’s the only character in all the collection that never gets their comeuppance. Her crimes are small, but other characters who perform similar crimes get punished. Maria never does. She’s treated differently, she’s special. Because she’s the author’s daughter.”
Emilia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She’d heard the story a hundred times, read it a hundred more. Neither her mother nor her grandmother had ever said a word about Maria.
“I’m sorry, have I upset you?” Amber asked.
Emilia glanced up at her and shook her head. “No, no. I’m just… surprised. I didn’t know that.”
She wondered why no one had told her. Was it a secret? Or was it so obvious that they assumed she would know? Either way, finding out now was a shock.
“I’m sorry, perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything,” Amber said.
“No, it’s okay. I… I’m glad I know.” She looked around the darkened room. “Maybe…” she trailed off, wondering if she should ask. She’d already put Amber out so much. Was it right to ask for favours now?
“Maybe what?” Amber asked.
“I… can’t sleep. And it seems that you can’t either,” Emilia said. “Maybe we could sit together and watch some more television?”
Amber’s eyebrows raised. “You want to watch television?”
Emilia shrugged. “It’s kind of comforting.”
Amber reached for the remote control. She patted the seat next to her, and Emilia gratefully sat on the sofa. The glow from the TV illuminated the room. Amber pressed some buttons, and in a short amount of time an old black-and-white movie was starting.
Amber placed the remote control back on the coffee table and leaned back. She looked at Emilia for a moment before reaching behind herself and unfolding the sheets.
“It’s cold,” Amber said simply as she wrapped some of the bedding around them both.
“Thank you,” Emilia said. She knew she didn’t deserve the kindness, but she would gladly accept it.
31
An Adorable Nightmare
Amber felt herself slowly returning to consciousness. The sun was streaming in through the window. She could hear soft, unidentifiable sounds filtering through the apartment, and she could feel a warmth that could only be attributed to sleeping next to someone.
That last point caused her to open her eyes in surprise.
She was half-laying on top of Emilia Lund.
The sounds were the cutest half-snore she’d ever heard emanating from the body beneath her.
Her sleep-deprived brain raced to catch up with events. She remembered sleeping in the airport, flying home, seeing Caroline, the live news of the attack. She swallowed. Then there was half a day of work, Bronwyn firing her, Emilia turning up at the office.
Talk about a hectic day, she thought.
She gently moved herself away from Emilia. It was obvious that she had been the one to instigate the sleepy hug. It wasn’t as if Emilia possessed the strength to lift Amber and place her on top of
her.
She felt guilty that her feelings had risen and demonstrated themselves while Emilia had innocently slept. Then again, she had to pull herself away from Emilia’s legs that had intertwined with her own. Maybe it wasn’t as one-sided as she thought.
No, don’t go there, she told herself.
Thinking for even a moment that Emilia might want more than friendship led to heartache. She didn’t want to forget that Emilia had tricked her, lied to her, and foisted herself upon Amber’s mercy. The woman was a nightmare.
She stood up and looked down at Emilia’s sleeping features.
An adorable nightmare.
She shook her head. She was living her worst dream: unemployed, days before Christmas. She needed to get up, get dressed, and go to see the local recruitment consultants. Calling them was a start, but turning up at their doorstep was bound to prove more effective. It wasn’t like she had anything else to do to fill her time.
She went into her bedroom and grabbed some clean underwear before entering the bathroom to have a shower.
As the hot water hit her skin, she tried to make sense of the multiple turns the previous day had taken. Arriving at Heathrow in the morning, she had still harboured a tiny hope that she might be able to keep her job. A hope that Bronwyn might have found a speck of Christmas spirit.
Less than five minutes after being fired, Emilia had reappeared in her life. Her evening was supposed to be filled with working on her CV, panicking about employment and money, and counting down the hours until the next work day begun, but Emilia had quickly turned that on its head.
She hadn’t had time to think about being unemployed, which had been a blessing. But then she’d spent that time worrying about Emilia. Someone who had a panic attack in a shopping mall was not an ideal candidate to suddenly fly to another country, something that Amber knew she had never done before—planned or not.
Amber turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself up in a fluffy towel. She was looking forward to winter being over, even though she knew the worst had yet to come. January and February would be much colder than it was now. She wondered if she’d be able to afford heating then.
She pushed the thought to one side. She couldn’t allow herself to be disheartened. She had to think positively and assume she would get a job, a well-paying, good job. And soon.
She turned on the hairdryer, thankful that the noise of the device was able to drown out her negative thoughts.
She’d become so skilled at her morning routine that a shower, full hair and makeup, and underwear on took just under twenty minutes. Now she needed to raid her wardrobe and decide on clothes. Did she want to dress up in one of her Ted Baker suits, or might that put her out of the running for a lower-paid job that she’d quite happily do on a temporary basis?
She was still thinking about outfits when she opened the bathroom door and saw Emilia standing on the other side of it.
Amber had obviously worn underwear, and far less, in front of women before, but she still felt a little uncomfortable in such a state of undress with Emilia staring at her.
And she was staring at her.
“Um. Are… are you… going out?” Emilia asked, her eyes unashamedly roaming over Amber’s body.
She had to admit, she enjoyed the attention. Emilia was obviously not as oblivious as she first appeared.
Amber placed her hands on her hips, casual but still in control. “Yes, I need to look for work. I’m going to hit up some recruitment agencies,” she explained.
Emilia licked her lips and dragged her gaze up to meet Amber’s.
“Already?”
“Yes, I need to get back into work immediately. I can’t afford to be unemployed for more than a couple of days.”
“Days?” Emilia balked. “Don’t you have savings?”
Amber took a deep breath and reminded herself that Emilia came from another world, one where money arrived in royalty cheques from stories written by her grandmother half a century ago. She had no clue about getting a job or paying bills.
“Not enough. Rent is expensive, everything is expensive. If I don’t get back into work soon, I’ll lose my home. I’ll have to resort to credit cards to get by, and then I’ll get into a spiral of debt that will take me a long time to get out of. I pretty much live month to month.”
Emilia would have looked more surprised if her eyes hadn’t resumed their journey down Amber’s torso.
As nice as it was to feel attractive, she had things to do.
“Maybe you could… step aside, so I can get some clothes on?” Amber suggested.
Emilia blushed and quickly moved out of the way.
“Thank you.” Amber entered the bedroom and opened her wardrobe. She mentally continued her debate over what to wear. “You’re welcome to stay here, of course. I don’t know what your plans are.”
“Neither do I, yet,” Emilia admitted. “I’m still a little shaken up. Thank you, for last night.”
Amber stopped and turned around. “For?”
“For cuddling in front of the television. I felt much better, I must have because I fell asleep.”
Amber smiled. “You’re welcome. As I say, you can stay here if you like. I don’t know when I’ll be back, though.”
“I think I’d like that,” Emilia said.
Amber turned to her wardrobe. She decided on a simple black suit, classy and yet middle of the road enough to allow her to apply for any job that was available.
“Great, I’ll give you a key and show you how to lock up in case you want to go out. And how to deadbolt the door after I’ve gone.”
She slipped on the skirt and zipped it up, shuffling it around until it was positioned correctly. A white blouse was next, quickly buttoned, with a black jacket thrown over the top. She looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror and was satisfied. Slipping on some heels, she turned to leave the bedroom.
Emilia was still gaping at her. Amber smothered a smile. It was surprisingly pleasurable to be objectified by Emilia. She’d have to investigate this further, at another time when she wasn’t in such a hurry.
“There’s leftover takeaway from last night, and some stuff in the cupboards,” Amber explained as she walked out of the bedroom. “Help yourself to whatever you find. Which isn’t much as I’ve not had time to go shopping since I got home.”
“I’ll be fine,” Emilia reassured.
“Just… be careful. Don’t open the door, even if someone knocks. And if you go out, don’t talk to strangers.” She stopped when she realised that her extensive safety list would probably terrify Emilia. “You’ll be fine. Oh, and help yourself to clothes from my wardrobe if you want to shower or whatever. Just… help yourself to anything.”
“Thank you, you’re very kind,” Emilia said.
She supposed she was. Considering what had happened, she didn’t think she ought to be giving Emilia carte blanche to her home and belongings, but the anger she’d been holding onto had slipped away.
She wondered if it had simply been replaced with worry about her job situation, and the anger was still lurking in the background. Although, the warm feeling she got when she looked at Emilia’s face told her that probably wasn’t the case.
32
Exploring
Emilia sat on Amber’s sofa with a mug of foul-tasting coffee. It had been an hour since Amber left, and she’d not yet felt brave enough to do anything but sit in the living area.
The problem was that she was insanely curious about Amber’s home and lifestyle. She didn’t want to snoop, but the pull to learn more was extremely strong.
Her gaze drifted towards the bookshelf in the corner. She reasoned that if the books were on display in the living area, then they were safe to look at. She put the mug on the coffee table and bent in front of the shelves. She recognised some of the titles and slid some out of the shelf to look a little closer when she couldn’t identify them. A smile touched her lips when she came across a couple of lesb
ian romance novels.
Guilty pleasure, she reminded herself as she recalled Amber’s red-stained cheeks when she had caught her with one.
Emilia had read a few lesbian romances—and gay romances—in her time. As far as she was concerned, love was love. It was only now that she understood that she was a lot more comfortable with the idea than she first thought.
But she was still processing that information.
Along the bottom shelf, she noticed there were a handful of CDs, and then a long row of DVD box sets. She pivoted and looked at the television. Amber seemed to love watching movies and TV shows and knew a lot about them all.
Her hand snatched the remote control off the coffee table. She stared at the buttons, trying to recall how Amber had turned the screen on. She couldn’t believe that all the buttons were actually relevant.
After a while she pushed a button that caused the screen to flicker to life. She sat on the sofa, leaning forwards as she flipped through channels. News, weather, movies—both old and new—comedies, science fiction… everything she could imagine flashed by. She supposed she could understand Amber’s fascination with the device.
Curling up with her the night before had been lovely. She’d found herself drawn into the fantasy landscape of the movie that Amber had chosen. Though utter exhaustion had eventually sent her to sleep, even now she found herself wondering how the movie had ended.
She’d woken at one point during the night to find Amber almost laying on top of her. She had felt so warm and safe that she’d quickly slipped back to sleep. Finding Amber gone in the morning had been horrible, until she heard the distant sound of a hairdryer and realised where she was.
Her cheeks heated at the thought of seeing Amber in only her black bra and panties that morning. Walking around with such confidence, looking so gorgeous. Emilia knew she should have turned away and given her some privacy, but she couldn’t help it. She’d stared and probably embarrassed herself, but she’d do it again if she had another opportunity to see Amber like that.
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