by Amiee Louise
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he says a little too calmly, and Ruby steps in front of him, cupping his face in her hands.
“Stop, that’s enough, Remy.”
He steps around her and strides towards me. Before I know what is happening, Remy’s fist connects with my face and knocks me off balance. I swipe my hand across my nose and find it is bleeding.
“Next time, it won’t be just your nose. I’ll fucking end you, Newbolt, and that’s not a threat, it’s a promise.”
The chill in his voice is evident as Remy turns around, and with a slight limp, strides off down the corridor.
“You really can’t go anywhere without causing trouble, can you, Sam? Acting like a prick seems to come naturally to you these days, doesn’t it?” Ruby says furiously, and for once, I don’t disagree.
31
Peyton
Watching Sam walk out of that door shattered my already broken world into a million more tiny pieces. This feeling of utter despair, this deep ache I feel, makes me think that no amount of glue can fix this mess. This...wreck, this carnage is irreparable, we are irreparable. Each gut wrenching sob and each tear that falls is a cruel reminder that a part of us is gone. What I feel right now is beyond words. I feel that somehow this is all my fault. I’m to blame, this is my punishment for behaving so recklessly.
“Penny for ‘em, sweets.”
Brody interrupts my thoughts and for once, I’m grateful for the distraction. As I continue to sob softly, Brody moves silently and stealthily across the room, until he is standing next to my bed. He leans over and places a gentle kiss on my forehead. He hops up onto the bed.
“Budge up.”
He smiles, and I manage a weak smile in return at his gesture. I move up to make room for him, and he tucks me under his arm. He wriggles to get himself comfortable and softly kisses the top of my head.
“Fuck me, these beds are tiny!” he mutters as he stretches out his long legs, clad in blue tights.
He looks ridiculous still dressed as Superman, and I smile inwardly. I snuggle into him. He smells of apples, beer, and all things Brody Hart. I find myself snuggling closer to him, desperately craving comfort. He wraps his thick, sinewy arm around me, and I cry silently.
“Shh, shh, I’ve got you, sweets. I’m so fucking sorry,” he says so quietly I barely hear him.
I’m not sure how long we lie in complete silence, but we are interrupted by a soft tap on the door. I look up and my eyes meet Remy’s.
“Am I interrupting, beaut?” he says softly, his brown eyes are tender and glossy.
Brody lifts my hand to his lips and places a kiss on the back.
“It’s fine, mate, I was just leaving. You need anything at all, sweets? Just holler and I’ll come straight back. I’ll go and find Sam, I’ll talk to him.”
He winks, and I nod. He leaps off the bed and salutes Remy as he leaves the room.
“Later,” he calls as he leaves the room.
Remy moves further into the room, closing the door behind him. I look up at him and his appearance makes me sob harder. He has dried blood all over his t-shirt and his trousers, as well as blood smeared on his left cheek and up his arms. The blood that remains on Remy is all that’s left of our baby. He moves quickly over to my bed and scoops me up in his arms.
“Jesus, if I could take the pain away, beaut, I would in a fucking heartbeat. I’m so sorry.”
I cling to him, as if he is a life raft, and I sob hard into his shoulder. He runs his hands up and down my back soothingly, whispering softly in my ear how sorry he is, how he wishes he could take away the pain, how he’s going to be there for me, and I don’t doubt him, not for one second.
***
I’m not sure how much time passes, but I wake to find an empty space next to me. The room is shrouded in darkness, and as I look around the room, my eyes come to rest on Sam sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. His hands are resting on his stomach, and he looks deep in thought. I take a brief moment to collect myself before I notice tear stains down his face. I can see the sadness etched there.
“Sam?” I whisper, and he seems to momentarily snap out of his trance.
“Angel.”
His voice barely sounds like his own. He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees.
“I’m so sorry.”
The raw emotion in his voice causes my heart to slam violently against my rib cage. I suddenly realise that it’s not just me, he has experienced a loss too.
“I should never have just left you like that. It was unforgivable, and I can’t apologise enough. It was selfish…I’m not good at dealing with stuff like this.”
The agony I feel is mirrored in his clear green pools, and before I can gather my thoughts, I find myself blurting out.
“Boo hoo, you pathetic cunt!”
I don’t know where the sudden anger comes from, but I see him flinch as he hears the venom in my voice.
“Angel, I…”
I cut him off abruptly. I am unexpectedly boiling with such rage and every single bit of it is directed at the man in front of me.
“Shove it up your arse, Newbolt. Fuck off, I don’t want you here.”
Even as I say those words, I know they aren’t true. I do want him here. He stands up and begins to pace, running his hands through his hair.
“What can I do, angel? Tell me what I can do to make it right.”
As he paces closer to me, I notice he has dried blood under his nose.
“You have blood under your nose, what happened?”
I briefly change the subject, and he laughs bitterly.
“Remy punched me after I walked out on you. I don’t blame him, I fucking deserved it.”
I roll my eyes.
“Oh please, stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself, and take responsibility for your own actions for once in your bloody life!”
I raise my voice, and he blanches at my more than irate tone.
“You fucking left me when I needed you the most, Sam. How do you think that made me feel? I expected it from Callum, but never from you. I thought you were different, but you and him, you're exactly the same,” I say icily.
Something flashes in his eyes and his nostrils flare.
“I get that you're angry at me, but don't ever fucking compare me to that cock sucker, angel. I'm nothing like him,” he says with an edge to his voice.
He folds his arms, and I try not to let myself get distracted by the flex of his muscles.
“You're a selfish prick, Sam. I needed you and all you cared about was yourself. All you fucking cared about was how it was affecting you. You didn’t, not once, consider my feelings.”
I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat, and the frown line between his eyebrows is firmly in place.
“Seeing you cry, watching you break down like that, it shreds me, angel. I'd rather rip out my own heart than see you like that.”
My eyes widen at his blatant selfishness. Fucking arrogant arsehole.
“You’re unbelievable, you’re doing it again! You think this is all about you. You’re a selfish prick, Sam Newbolt!” I scream, and he growls.
He runs his fingers frantically through his hair.
“What the fuck do you want from me, Peyton?” he says with a clenched jaw.
“Just get the fuck out, Sam.”
I turn my head away from him, and it takes everything I have not to burst into tears.
“Go,” I say a little louder as I hear his footsteps across the floor. I feel his presence, even though I don’t look in his direction.
“Tell me what I can do to make it right, angel, please,” he says softly, and I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Please, just go.”
I let out a strangled sob, and before I know what is happening, he envelopes me in his arms. I try to struggle free, but the truth is, I need this, I need him. I need him here to comfort me, and I cling to him tightly. I sob hard into his warm chest as he gently rubs his
hands up and down my back in a soothing motion. He rests his chin on top of my head.
“Shhh, I’ve got you, angel. We’ll get through this together. You’re not alone anymore; I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
As he says those words, I’m hopeful that we will find a way to reconcile and finally have our happily ever after.
32
Peyton
I place my hand on my stomach, and I don’t know what I expected to feel, but I feel...empty. I feel as if I have no right to feel this way since I didn’t even know that he or she existed. I know it’s messed up, but I can’t help feeling that way. After I was released from hospital a week ago, I called my mum, and after much persuading, I talked her and my dad out of coming up here. Even though I feel like I have a limb missing, I asked them to keep Freddie for a few more days. I feel like a terrible mother, but deep down, I know it’s the right thing to do.
Every day for the past week Sam has been ever present in my life. After our reconciliation at the hospital a week ago, he has been attentive, flirty, and his usual charming self. Even through the grief I feel for our baby, I look forward to his calls and texts and find myself strangely looking forward to his nightly phone calls before I go to sleep. Hearing his voice before I drift off has been oddly comforting and has become part of my nightly routine. Even though he has been really busy with the band, he’s managed to find time for me, and it really does feel like this past year never happened.
Today is Monday, and it’s my first day back at work. I’m looking forward to getting back to the shop, to tattooing, and doing what I love. Tattooing is my passion, and my form of therapy. It centres me, and it’s a part of who I am. The flat is so quiet without Freddie. I miss him so much, but I need some time to heal and to get over this terrible tragedy we’ve suffered.
After my morning shower, I dry off, dry and straighten my hair, and get dressed to begin my day. Today, I’m opting for a purple t-shirt with ‘Keep calm and get tattooed’ across the front, a purple black and white checked shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a short, distressed denim skirt, black tights, and I finish my look with purple Converse. I apply my natural make up and slick my lips with a light coating of lip gloss. I grab my black hoodie, pull it over my head, and roll up the sleeves. I grab my bag, and as if he’s an expert in my morning routine, Kai steps out of his bedroom wearing his signature black suit, white shirt, black tie, and a new feature to his attire, a clear earpiece which curls behind his ear. He nods his usual greeting and we leave the flat.
The journey to work is filled with the familiar awkward silence. We pull into the shop car park, and I jump out of the car. As I turn the corner, I glimpse the familiar yellow and black sign of Saint Sinner Ink. I plaster a smile on my face and push the door open. The familiar smell of disinfectant instantly calms me, and I find a cup of Starbucks finest coffee waiting for me at my work station. It’s my usual large espresso macchiato with one sugar, easy on the milk.
“Good morning, honey bunny,” Seb says brightly as he looks up from a tattoo magazine and smiles his familiar crooked smile.
“Good morning, pumpkin.”
I wink and go into the back to put my stuff away. There is a huge bunch of black dahlias on the counter. I take off my coat, hang it up, and peer around the door frame.
“Who are the flowers for, babe?” I inquire, and Seb rolls his eyes.
“Do you really need to ask? You, of course. They came around half an hour ago. I’d literally just opened the door and they arrived.”
I nod and go to the counter to look at the card.
Angel,
Just so you know, you’re never far from my thoughts.
We have a gig tonight
The info is on the back
All my love
S xx
As I read the words, I bite my lip. What Sam wrote in the note brings those familiar butterflies to my stomach. I haven’t felt those in a while, and I welcome them. I almost feel exactly the way I did when he bought me flowers all those months ago, after our first date. I pull my phone out and dial Sam’s number. He answers on the second ring, almost as if he was waiting for my call.
“Angel,” he rasps, and he sounds like he’s just woken up.
I imagine him spread out across his king size bed, his hair sleep mussed, his muscular, tattooed body a contrast to his sheets. I bite my lip at the thought. Now is not the time to act like a wanton hussy who’s lacking a man between her thighs.
“Hey,” I say, my voice is small and apprehensive.
“Did you get my flowers?”
I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Yeah, they’re lovely, thank you. It’s been a long time since anyone bought me flowers.”
He chuckles softly.
“I’m glad you like them, angel. A beautiful woman like you deserves flowers every day.”
I melt at his words and smile to myself. I feel like a fucking teenager again.
“The gig tonight is at The Roundhouse. It’s a small, intimate gig for a bunch of competition winners. We can meet after the show, and maybe I can take you for dinner?”
As he says those words, I find myself smiling and readily agreeing to his offer.
“Ok, I’ll be there.”
He breathes audibly down the phone.
“That’s great, babe. Ruby will be there too. Security already know you, but I’ll put your name on the guest list just in case, I’ll see you later.”
“Ok, see you later, Sam.”
We say our goodbyes and I press the end call button by swiping my finger across the screen. I put my phone away and go back out into the shop to prepare for the day ahead. Throughout the day, I feel a sort of nervous energy at the thought of seeing Sam again. I know I should hate him for the way he behaved, but the truth is, I still love him. I’ve always loved him. Ever since the day I set eyes on him, it’s been him and only him. I know I tried to stupidly convince myself he would be better off without me, but I know now that’s not true.
The rest of the day goes by in a blur of tattoos and the usual banter between me and Seb. As Seb flips the closed sign, I am wiping down my station.
“Go on, get yourself off home, babe. I’ll finish doing that.”
I wipe my brow with the back of my hand and look at him.
“Are you sure?”
Seb cocks his eyebrow.
“Do you really need to ask me that? Go. I’m assuming the shit-eating grin you haven’t been able to wipe off your boat all day has something to do with Sam?”
I smirk.
“Now, that would be telling. Don’t you know that ladies never kiss and tell?”
Seb snickers.
“Yeah. Show me the lady and I’ll ask her, shall I?”
He winks, and I throw my head back and laugh.
“Cheeky, you’re lucky I love you, Henry.”
He snatches the cloth from my hand.
“You wouldn’t have me any other way, honey. Now go, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
He winks cheekily and swats my bum as I make my way into the back to grab my stuff. I pull on my jacket, sling my bag on my shoulder, and hug Seb.
“It’s good to see you back to your old self, babe,” he says into my neck and I cling to him tighter.
He kisses the top of my head and pulls away from our embrace.
“Now go, that’s an order!”
He smiles his crooked grin, and I blow him a kiss as I leave the shop. Kai is waiting at the kerb leaning against his black 4x4 with his hands tucked casually in his pockets. As he catches sight of me, he nods curtly.
“Peyton.”
I smile.
“Hey, Kai.”
He returns my gesture and opens the back door for me. I climb in, and he closes the door after me. He jumps in the driver’s seat, closes his door, and does one final sweep of the area with his eyes as he starts the engine and pulls smoothly away from the kerb. The journey back to the flat is uneventful and in ou
r usual awkward silence. He pulls up outside the building, and I climb out.
“I need to go to the office to check in with Cole, but Trey is covering me, He’s sitting right across the street, he’s got your back, doll,” he says.
I look over at the man machine that is Trey. He is sat in a gunmetal grey Bentley with a pair of sunglasses shielding his eyes. He salutes me from across the street, and I nod as I climb the steps into the building. I wave a greeting to Jimmy as I make my way up to the flat in the lift. I unlock the door and lock it behind me. I am greeted by Ruby, with her feet up on the sofa, and a cup of tea resting on her large bump.