by Kaylee, Katy
Rafe stood and handed me the flowers. “Thank you, again.”
I took them. “I was glad I could help.”
“Well, now that that’s out of the way, how about I walk you out Rafe?” Gavin said patting Rafe on the back.
Rafe looked at me and then Gavin.
“What about dinner?” Emma asked.
“Yes, would you like to stay for dinner?” I hoped it sounded like a spur of the moment request and not a pre-planned date. “I’d invite you, Gavin, but I know Lainey is waiting for you.”
“Right.” His brow furrowed into a frown as he looked at us. “I guess I should go.”
“Tell Lainey hello. I’ll have Emma there tomorrow after work.”
“Want to stop by the restaurant later, Rafe?”
“Maybe.”
Finally, Gavin was out the door. I rolled my eyes and went to the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers.
“What should I name my dog, Rafe?”
“I don’t know. What name fits it?” Rafe followed me into the kitchen with Emma in tow.
“Can I call it Scout? Like your dog.”
I turned to Rafe to gauge his reaction. His smile was soft like he was touched. “It’s a great name.”
“Emma, go wash your hands for dinner.”
Rafe stood behind me, as Emma left the room. He was so close I could smell his soap and scent. “It seems like Gavin should know.”
I nodded. “I just didn’t want to deal with it now.”
He turned me to him, his dark eyes studying mine like he was trying to decide if I was telling him the truth. I was, mostly. I guess he decided I was, as he leaned forward and gave me a quick, but firm kiss and then stepped back as Emma entered the kitchen.
“We’re having ‘sgetti, Rafe. Do you like it?”
“I love spaghetti.”
Dinner was much like the tea party. Rafe was kind and gentle with Emma. He asked her about her favorite color, games and other aspects of her life.
“Do you play soccer, Rafe?”
“I did when I was in school.”
“Chloe’s daddy plays soccer and is teaching her. I don’t have a daddy.”
Rafe chanced a glance at me, and in his dark eyes, I saw all sort of questions about Emma’s father. He probably wanted to pummel the man who he likely thought had knocked me up and abandoned me.
“Can you teach me soccer?”
“I think I can remember how the game is played. Is the rec league still around?” he asked me.
I nodded. “I’ll sign her up in the fall.”
“I go to school then too. Not kindergarten because you got to be five.” Emma held up her hand showing five fingers. “I’m only four.” She pushed her thumb toward her hand, so she only had four fingers up.
“Wow, you’re practically all grown up.” He winked at her.
“How old are you?”
“I’m thirty.”
Her eyes widened. “That old.”
Rafe barked out a laugh. “To be honest, little Emma, I feel a lot older.”
“My Paw Paw is really old. He’s over fifty.”
“Don’t tell him that, sweetie, okay,” I said.
“Why not?” Emma slurped spaghetti into her mouth, getting sauce all over her face.
“People don’t like to be told they’re old.”
Emma shrugged and then turned to Rafe. “Do you have a Paw Paw?”
Rafe shook his head. “I had a Memaw, but she went to heaven a couple of years ago.”
“Maybe she has your dog?”
His smile was sweet. “I hope so.”
“What about a mommy or daddy? I don’t have a daddy and my mommy doesn’t have a mommy.”
“I don’t have either.”
Her eyes widened. “Who took care of you when you were little?”
“My Memaw.”
Emma frowned. “But she’s gone.”
“Now she is, but she took care of me when I was a kid.”
“You don’t have any family?” She looked at me with an expression of worry.
“Rafe has friends, though, like me and Uncle Gavin, and you.”
Emma reached toward Rafe and patted his hand. “We can be your family, Rafe.”
He smiled, giving her little hand a squeeze. “Thank you, Emma.”
* * *
After dinner, Rafe read to Emma, and then just before her bedtime, he left, giving me another small kiss when Emma wasn’t looking.
Once I got her to bed, I settled in to read a book when my phone rang. I’d hoped it was Rafe, but my caller ID read Gavin.
I poked the answer button and hoped he was calling about something other than Rafe.
“What’s the deal with you and Rafe?”
Crap. “He’s a friend. Why are you hung up on this?”
“He’s my friend.”
“Geez Gavin, you sound like a petulant child. We can both be his friend. Or don’t you want to share.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Summer. You’re not one to lie.”
“I’m not lying.” I just wasn’t telling the whole truth.
“Your neighbor said he spent the night.”
“You interrogated my neighbor? What the hell, Gavin?”
“No, when I was leaving, she came out to say hello, and I told her we planned to take Emma overnight and would have her on Wednesday. And she asked if it was because your new man would be staying over again.”
Fuck. But she didn’t say who it was. “And you assumed it was Rafe.”
“Tell me the truth, Summer.”
I sighed because while I could try to hide the truth, I wasn’t one to lie. “Gavin—”
“Fuck, I knew it.”
“I like him, Gavin. And he likes me.”
“Jesus…I can’t picture that…is he touching you?”
“Gavin, I’ve got to check on Emma. We can talk about this later. Just know that it’s all good. There’s no problem unless you decide to be an asshole about it.” Okay, so I probably didn’t need to check on Emma, but, so I wouldn’t be a liar, I would.
“Summer.”
“I’ve got to go.” I hung up and went up to Emma’s room. I opened the door to look in on her. She was like an angel, sleeping so peacefully. She looked so much like her father, and I wondered how long I could hold off the truth before Rafe, or Gavin, put two and two together.
I just needed enough time to know that Rafe would stick around, and was emotionally and psychologically ready to take on the duties and role of a father.
12
Rafe
I was a thirty-year-old man and I just had my first date. Okay, so I went out with girls in high school, but almost always Gavin and Lainey were with us.
Five years ago, Summer and I spent time together, but we never went out or had dinner together. Our relationship then was hidden. At the time, that’s the way I wanted it. As much as I wanted and needed her, I felt I was betraying Gavin’s friendship. If I was being honest, I think I also wanted something good and pure that was all my own. Something I didn’t have to share with the world.
Today, I wasn’t feeling that way. This wasn’t just a six-week fling to me. While I couldn’t say it would go on forever, I could say that I wanted to take it as far as it would go, which meant Gavin needed to know. I wanted everyone, especially other men, to know Summer was taken. She was mine. And I was hers for as long as she’d have me.
We can be your family, Rafe. Emma’s words came back to me. Warmth had spread through my chest when she said that. Family. It wasn’t something I’d ever thought about having. But after the tea party, and then dinner tonight, I found myself yearning for that kind of connection. That kind of permanence.
But I couldn’t let that happen, I warned myself. I had too much baggage to count on anything permanent with Summer and Emma. And all signs from Summer suggested she didn’t want others, especially Gavin, to know what was going on with us. That stung a little, even though I understood. I wasn’t good enough and
Summer had a child to put first.
Come on Rafe. You’re a fucking badass Marine. Stop wallowing like a pussy. I’d taken a night swim, for fun, not for therapy. I’d put my jeans back on and was sitting on the bank of the river, pitching rocks into the dark moonlit water.
“Rafe!” Gavin’s pissed off voice shouted from the front of my house, followed by a pounding on the door.
“Fuck.” That was the sound of a brother that knew I’d been sleeping with his sister. Knowing he’d make his way back here if I didn’t answer, I stayed where I was.
“There you are you asshole.”
My adrenaline started to pump, and I hoped to hell I could keep it together. I stood, ready for him to come at me. I held my hands out to my side in surrender.
“You’ve been fucking my sister.”
“It’s not like that, Gav.”
“You’re denying it?”
“I’m not using her.”
“So, you are fucking her.” He stepped into my space, his face contorted with rage.
I tried to see it from his point of view, but I also had to make him understand. “I care for her.”
“She’s my sister, you fucking asshole.”
My heart rate was picking up speed, so I took a deep breath.
He poked me in the chest hard enough that I had to step back. “We’re brothers, man. And you’re fucking my sister. How could you?”
I began to feel detached like I was watching the scene from outside my body.
“Look at you. You’re fucking broken. You’re not good enough for her.”
He was right on both counts.
He pushed me again, and this time, the energy in me had me wanting to lash out, to protect myself as opposed to withdrawing. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Push you? I should fucking kick your ass. Jesus, Rafe, what were you thinking?” He pushed me again.
I grabbed his shirt by the front and pushed him back until he was against a tree. “Don’t push me.”
“You going to hit me, Rafe? Is this how you’ll deal with Summer when she gets mad. Will you hit Emma?”
“Fuck.” I let him go. “I would never.” I stepped back. My lungs felt like bellows as I heaved in a breath. “If we’re truly friends, then you should know me, Gavin. You should know I’d never disrespect or hurt your sister.”
“You’re shoving your dick inside her…it doesn’t get more disrespectful than that.” He stared at me with hard eyes. “How long. How long have you been fucking my sister?”
“I don’t fuck her, and if you had any respect for her, you’d stop saying that.”
He stepped to me but didn’t touch me. “You don’t get to tell me about how I talk about my own sister. You just stay away from her. She deserves better. Emma deserves better.”
With one last glare, he turned and stalked out of my yard. A few moments later, I heard the roar of his truck and a squeal of tires as he drove off.
“Fucking hell.” I sank to the ground on the bank of the river. I ran my fingers through my hair, as I worked to get my heart rate back in control.
On a good note, I hadn’t had a full-blown episode. On the downside, I had grabbed him and now he thought I was violent. I didn’t think I had it in me to be violent toward a woman or a child, but then I never thought I’d want to hit my best friend either. Could I be pushed that far? I had little control over myself during an episode, so it was possible.
I closed my eyes and dropped my head. I should have never touched her. Not five years ago, and not this time. I should have never come home. I wasn’t cut out for this world. Not anymore. If I was smart, I’d get in my car, drive to the closest Marine recruiter’s office or straight to the Marine base in Quantico and re-enlist. War was hell, but I knew hell.
I looked back over the water, wishing my head and heart could get on the same page. Why was I even letting my heart have a say? “Pussy!” I chastised myself. That was the problem. The reality was that the world was a violent dark place filled with people that couldn’t be trusted. Isn’t that what the Marine’s taught me? Letting my heart think there was something nice only made me weak.
Sure, Summer was sweet and good, but she wasn’t something I could have. Gavin was right. I was broken, and Summer and Emma deserved better.
13
Summer
I was having lunch at my desk in my office the next day, wondering what Gavin might be thinking or doing, when I got a call from Lainey.
“Is it true?”
“Is what true?” I asked.
“About you and Rafe.”
“What did Gavin tell you?”
“His exact words were, ‘Rafe is fucking my sister.’”
I groaned.
“So, it’s true?”
“It’s not like that.” But even as I said it, I wondered if that’s what it was. Yes, we had a nice dinner with no sex involved, but pretty much most of the time we were together, we were fucking. Not that I thought Rafe was using me. If he was, then I was using him. But I thought he cared for me and knew I cared for him.
“So, you’re in love?”
I couldn’t say that for sure. “We like each other. And it’s none of Gavin’s business.”
“He’s worried, Summer.”
“I might be his younger sister, but I’m not a kid and he’s not the boss of me.”
“No, but Rafe has issues. Gavin is worried he could hurt you. Apparently, he almost hit Gavin last night.”
I didn’t believe that for a minute. “I can’t believe you, of all people, Lainey, are saying this. Gavin is an alcoholic with a history of a DUI.” I left out the part where Gavin had also spent a lot of time with other women because I didn’t want to hurt Lainey. “I don’t see you leaving him.”
“He doesn’t drink anymore, Summer.” Her voice was defensive. “Rafe isn’t steady.”
“Lainey, if you think Gavin isn’t at risk for falling off the wagon, then you’re being naïve. And I know for a fact that he still has occasional episodes, so you’re being hypocritical.”
“I know Gavin.”
“I do too. I know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about Rafe and me if he wasn’t Rafe’s friend.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “He’s probably feeling betrayed, and I’ll give him that. But what Rafe and I do, isn’t his business. Or yours for that matter.”
There was silence on the other end of the line, and I was about to tell her she could forget about taking Emma that night. Not that I’d keep her from them, but I didn’t want Emma there if there was going to be animosity toward me or Rafe. They’d have to accept or at least keep their mouths shut about me and Rafe before I’d let her over to visit them.
“How is he with Emma?” she finally asked.
“Not that it’s your business, but he’s really great. Better than Gavin. Rafe let her do his hair.”
“Summer…we’re just worried about you.”
“Why? I’m a grown woman with a successful career and well-adjusted child. What gives you the right or the authority to judge me?”
“Honey, it’s not like that.”
“Yes, it is.” I looked at my watch, knowing my next appointment would be there soon.
“Is it serious?”
“Lainey, if it wasn’t, whatever I did would still be okay. It would be my and Rafe’s choice. You and Gavin have no say in whether or not I choose to fuck someone because he turns me on or because I like him. But, to answer your question, I care for him and he cares for me.” At least I thought he did.
“He did say Rafe almost hit him.”
“Uh huh, and what did Gavin do? He probably provoked him. And if he really cared, he might see Rafe’s aggression as a way to protect me. If he was sleeping with me just for fun, he’d be indifferent.”
“I guess you’re right. You know more about why people act the way they do than I or Gavin does.”
That’s right, sister.
“I’m sorry if I offend
ed you. I just want you to be happy and okay. Does Rafe make you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Well then.” Her voice was strong, and I felt like she was now going to be on my side. “That’s what matters. You have good judgment, and Gavin will just have to accept it.”
“And you?”
“If Rafe makes you happy and he’s good to you, then I’m all for it. I like Rafe. I’ve always liked Rafe.”
“Good.”
“Can Emma still come tonight?”
“Will Gavin behave?”
“I’ll make sure he does.”
I laughed. “It will be like having two four-year-olds, with both Emma and Gavin there.”
“Emma is a piece of cake. Gavin, I may need to put him in timeout. Or maybe, next time we’re in bed, I’ll edge him to death.”
“What?” Once I said the word I wanted to take it back. I didn’t want to imagine my brother in bed, which is perhaps what he was struggling about with Rafe and me. But what did she mean by ‘edge to death’?
“It’s where I give him a hand and blow job, but stop right before he’s done. I do it over and over…you know…keep taking him to the edge.”
“Sounds like torture.”
“It is a little, but in the end, it’s worth it, if he can handle it. Often he takes things into his own hands.”
Eww. I didn’t want to think about my brother jerking off.
“Ideally, I’d tie him up so he couldn’t do that, but well…you know. Feeling trapped is one of his triggers.”
I nodded. My brother didn’t like small spaces or feeling confined. For example, he couldn’t ride in elevators. He’d been trapped in rubble for nearly 36 hours after an explosion in Iraq. He’d survived, but his leg just below his knee had to be amputated, and he was unable to cope with small spaces or feeling trapped. He probably wouldn’t be able to deal with being tied up, even with his wife giving him a blow job.
“This is too much information.”
She laughed. “Sorry. And we don’t do any of that when Emma’s here.”
“Good.”
“Summer, you know this comes from love, right? Gavin feels protective, even if you don’t need it.”