by Kaylee, Katy
“Katiebug,” my father said when he picked up. “How’s my girl?”
I smiled, loving how my father continued to call me my childhood nickname. Would I do that with my child? “Hi, dad.”
“Is Danny behaving himself?” my father asked.
“He’s the usual.”
“Hmm.”
“Listen, I have some important news I need to tell you.”
“Oh?” They both said.
I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m… I’m going to have a baby.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Finally, my mother said, “I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone.”
“Yes.”
“And you’re together on this?” I could hear the caution in my mother’s voice as if she wasn’t sure if this news was good or bad.
“We both want the baby.”
“Are you getting married?” my father asked. My parents weren’t strict traditionalists, but I knew they’d prefer that I get married if I was having a baby.
“Jim, people don’t have to get married anymore. They’re very progressive out in California about such things.”
Should I tell them the truth? That the father was willing to get married? “That might have happened, but now… I don’t think so.”
“Why? What’s wrong with him that he won’t step up?” my father asked indignantly.
I inhaled another breath. “It’s Ryder. And Danny is what happened.”
“Ryder Malloy?” my mother asked, the shock evident in her tone.
“Yes.”
There was another long pause. “I thought you didn’t like him,” my father said.
“He hired me to help him with publicity and I got to know him again.”
“Pretty well from the sound of it.”
It was a similar comment that Danny had made, although didn’t sound quite as vulgar.
“Oh Jim,” my mother chastised.
“I take it he and Danny got into it?” my father said.
“Yes… and well I sided with Danny, which upset Ryder.”
“Still no reason to leave you alone with a baby,” my father quipped.
“He’s not leaving me alone. I mean, yes, he’s angry with me and it’s over for us, but he’ll be a part of the baby’s life. Just not mine.” My chest contracted at the loss. It was telling me I’d totally messed up, and yet my brain still couldn’t sort out what to believe.
“Is that what you want?” my mother asked, her voice turning soft as it always did when she was comforting or gently prodding her children.
“No… I don’t know. I mean if he did what Danny said, then he’s not a trustworthy man.”
There was another long pause.
I continued on to fill the silence. “Sometimes he’s very sweet and generous, but he doesn’t care about his reputation, and as far as I can tell he’s not very appreciative of the people who helped him. He said he thanked you for all you did, but I know he didn’t.”
“What do you mean?” my mother asked.
“You never said he’d thanked you and you would have. So that must not be true.”
My mother let out a long sigh. “Ryder has thanked us, Katie. More than we deserve.”
“What?” My stomach clenched.
“I don’t think we’re supposed to share that, Midge,” my father said.
“Maybe that’s the problem,” my mother responded to my father. Then to me she said, “When Ryder got his contract with the Copperheads, he paid off Danny’s student loans and then he gave us money towards your education.”
“What?” My heart beat a million miles a minute. Why hadn’t I heard this before?
“He said he wanted to pay us back for all we did for him, but he didn’t want us to tell people about it.”
I dropped my head to my forearm on the table as guilt rose.
“Then two years ago, when I sick, he took care of the hospital bill and paid off our mortgage,” my father said. “We told him it was too much, but he said he had the money because of what we’d done for him, so as far as he was concerned it was our money too.”
I swallowed hard.
“And I’ll tell you something else, Katie, I’m not so sure I believe that whole story with Phoebe,” my mother continued.
“You think Danny is lying?”
“No. I think he saw what he saw, but he misinterpreted it and Phoebe lied.”
I rubbed my temple. My brain was starting to ache with all the information my parents were imparting. “Why?”
“Who knows why that woman did anything.” There was no missing my mother’s disdain for Phoebe in her tone. “Did you hear about DJ? I’m not sure I believe that, but she wants full custody and is moving with her new sugar daddy to Nashville, taking DJ with her.”
“Now, Midge, we don’t know—”
“I know I never trusted her.”
“If it is true, Ryder betrayed us all. How could you still support him?”
“The same way I’d still support you and Danny if you made a big mistake. I didn’t give birth to Ryder, but I love him like a son.” My mother’s voice was strong and committed. “And if he did betray Danny, I’d be disappointed. Just like I’m going to be disappointed if it ever turns out Danny perpetuated a lie that hurt Ryder. But I love you all.”
I didn’t know what to think except that my parents seemed to believe Ryder. At the very least, they loved him unconditionally. What did that say about me?
“Why haven’t you said any of this before?” I asked.
“Probably the same reason you didn’t tell us you were seeing Ryder. It’s a topic that upset you and Danny both,” my mother said.
“Listen, Katiebug. I don’t know what you’re going to do about Ryder and the baby, but don’t tell him we told you about the money. He asked your mom and me not to say anything. I don’t know why, but he likes to keep his good deeds to himself.”
I knew all about that. “I won’t say anything.”
“Is Danny there?” my mom asked.
“He’s getting takeout.”
“Well, while we wait for him to come back, tell me when my grandbaby is due and how you’re feeling.”
22
Ryder
I would much rather get pounded into the dirt by a 300-pound linebacker than go through the pain of having the woman I love rip my heart from my chest. The emotional pain was a fucking bitch and I should have been tougher than to let it affect me. But it did.
To deal with the emotional pain, I pushed my body to the limit during training. My workouts were harder, and at one point I thought I might have re-injured my shoulder. I couldn’t sleep without Katie haunting my dreams. And the last thing I wanted to do was head to training camp looking like a lovesick puppy. The guys would eat me alive.
The worst part was that to be in my child’s life, I’d have to endure this pain every time I met with Katie. It was killing me that she believed I’d betrayed her brother, and I’d to feel that stab of rejection over and over.
Stop being a pussy, Malloy, I told myself. But Jesus, it was hard.
I tried to go through life as normal, but I didn’t want to visit my uncle, knowing he’d try to give me advice I didn’t want. Probably to fight for her, but what for? She thought I was a man who’d betray those he cared about. Or maybe he’d tell me there were more fish in the sea, but I’ve been with plenty of fish, and none made me feel like Katie did.
So mostly I hid at home, taking runs on the beach, working out, and ending my nights with a little too much whiskey. It felt like a lifetime, but it had only been a week since she made her choice. At least I had training camp coming up next week. If I was lucky, it would be a distraction or maybe my teammates would pound sense into me.
I’d just gotten off the phone with my lawyer to finalize some of the many decisions that needed to be made regarding the baby and my rights, when I got a text from Katie. I hated how my heart soared with the hope that she realized her mistake. But the text only said that
she wanted to talk to me about the baby. Not us.
I didn’t want to meet her, and yet, I had to. This was going to be my life from now on; only seeing Katie about our child. And that was for best, I reminded myself. Even if she wanted to reconcile, I wasn’t sure I could put my heart through the risk of getting it smashed to smithereens again. I texted back that I’d meet her at her place later that afternoon.
When I arrived at her condo, I took several minutes to get the courage to knock on her door. I knew when I saw her, I’d want to beg her to reconsider. My head said ‘fuck that!’ If she didn’t believe in me, then she wasn’t worth it. If only my heart would realize that.
I knocked on the door and waited. When it opened, Danny was standing on the other side. Shit.
“Katie asked me to stop by.”
“Actually, I did. I didn’t think you’d come if I asked myself.”
I shook my head. “What do you want, Danny?”
“I want to hear your side of the story.”
I scoffed. “Call me when you’re ready to hear the truth.” I started to leave.
“Wait.”
I stopped and turned back to him.
“I want to talk this out. For Katie and the baby’s sake.” He held the door open.
I wasn’t in the mood to do anything for Katie’s sake, but already, I was prepared to crawl across broken glass for my child.
I nodded and entered the apartment. “Are they okay?”
“Yes. She’s at the doctor.”
Anger flared in my gut that she didn’t tell me about the doctor’s visit. It was my baby too, dammit.
“Want a beer?”
I shook my head. “Let’s get this over with.”
Danny sat at Katie’s little dining table and motioned for me to join him. Reluctantly, I sat across from him. I wondered what he’d think if I told him I’d fucked her on this table.
“I walked in on you in a towel with Phoebe in her underwear.” At least he got to the point.
I shook my head. “I came out of the shower to find you and Phoebe in my room. And then you went berserk, accusing me of shit I didn’t do.”
His jaw tightened. “What was I supposed to think?”
I leaned forward. “You were supposed to know your best friend wouldn’t touch your woman.”
“You did before.”
I sat back shaking my head. “You weren’t clear about her in college. You talked about her like you talked about all the girls at school. I didn’t know she was special. Besides…” I decided not to finish the sentence.
“Besides what?” His eyes narrowed as they studied me.
“I didn’t pursue her. She came on to me.”
He laughed derisively. “Right. The Malloy mystique.”
I shrugged.
“I can’t believe my sister fell for you.”
I turned my head away, working to keep my emotions in check. When I turned back, I said, “She didn’t.”
“Tell me what happened in your hotel room four years ago.”
“Goddammit, Danny, how many times do I have to say it? I didn’t fuck Phoebe that day or any day past that one time in college.”
“Then why did she say you did? Why was she in her underwear in your hotel room?” Danny’s voice was calm, nearly detached, which differed from before. It made me wonder what had changed for him. Had Phoebe finally told the truth?
“I don’t know, man, I swear. She—” I didn’t finish because while I’d told the truth about not touching her, I hadn’t told him all that had happened that day.
“She what?”
But maybe it was time to come clean. He hadn’t ever wanted to hear that anyone but me was to blame, but maybe now his attitude was changing.
“Phoebe came to see me earlier that day, wanting to… rekindle things with me.”
Danny’s eyes flared with heat.
“I sent her packing, Danny. And I was going to tell you about it at our meeting that afternoon. I’d never thought she was good enough for you, and that was proof. But I never got the chance.” I took a breath. “I worked out and went to my room and showered. When I came out, the two of you were there. That’s the God’s honest truth.” He’d either believe me or not.
“Why did she say she slept with you then?”
I held my hands up in surrender. “I don’t know. The only thing I can think of is that she knew we were meeting, and she wanted to get back at me for turning her down. She succeeded. I lost my best friend that day.”
He shook his head like he didn’t believe the sincerity of my comment. “Some friend.”
I leaned forward again. “I felt the same about you. You believed her over me. As far as I can tell, you and Katie both believe her despite the fact that Phoebe is the liar. And if she’s telling you your son is mine, she’s lying about that too. I wasn’t kidding that I’d take legal action if she or you try to say otherwise.”
He scoffed. “Don’t want to ruin your reputation.”
“What the hell, Danny? I was ready to marry your sister because of the baby. I would never abandon my child. If you really knew me, you’d know that. If there was any chance that your kid was really mine I’d do what was right and take care of him. I’m telling you, man, I never touched Phoebe and you’re a fucking fool for believing her. How you don’t know this is beyond me.”
He sank back in his chair as if the air had gone out of him. “Is it hard to be so perfect, Ryder? To be worshiped and adored by women all over the world.”
“I don’t know, Danny. I’m not perfect and the only woman I want to be adored by believes the same bullshit you do.”
He jerked forward. “Oh come on. Life has been so easy for you. You took my spot on the football team. You got the full-ride to college. And then you took my girl, twice.”
I leaned forward too ready to counter him. “I earned my spot on the team by working harder than you, Danny. I got that scholarship because I earned it too—”
“You wouldn’t have gotten it without my parents’ help.”
“You’re right. They pushed me to work harder, got me a tutor… I’ll forever be indebted to them.” I hoped to hell they knew that. While they never confronted me about Danny the few times I’d been in touch, they’d never come out and said whether they thought I was telling the truth or not.
“You’re their favorite son.”
I frowned, confused by his statement. It sounded like he was jealous. “No. I was a stray brought home by their favorite son. Your folks are good people, Danny. Mine weren’t. I envied you for that.”
“So that’s why you took them too? Everything I ever valued, you took.”
Jesus. Did he really see it like that? “You’re a fucking whiner. I didn’t take anything from you, Danny. You just didn’t fight as hard as I did to earn it. And I definitely didn’t take Phoebe, because I never wanted her.”
He pounded his fist on the table. “You don’t think I worked hard?”
“You didn’t work as hard as I did, you know it’s true. I practiced football morning and afternoon, you only went to afternoon practice and most the time you were flirting with girls who were watching. I studied as much as I played, especially in college. If you were honest with yourself, you’d know it was true.”
He looked away as if he didn’t want to see the truth.
I figured I’d go for broke since I had nothing to lose. “I’m where I am today because of your parents, coach Wilson, and working my ass off. I wanted to make them proud. I wanted them to see that I wasn’t a loser like my dad or a coward like my mother. The one person I felt had my back the whole time, was you. Four years ago, I learned that wasn’t true, and it broke my heart, Danny. But the joke’s on me because I let your sister tear it to shreds too.” I stood. “Anything else you want to know?”
He inhaled a deep breath. “Want a beer?”
I hadn’t expected that, so I simply stared at him.
He shrugged. “I believe you Ryder, and as soon as m
y balls grow back, I’ll apologize for it.” He stood and went to Katie’s kitchen, opening the fridge and getting two beers. He popped both tops and came back setting one in front of me.
He sat and after a moment, I sat too.
“Why all this now?” I was trying to figure out what changed. Had I said something to change his mind or did Phoebe tell the truth and he wanted my side? Did Katie say something? No, because if she believed me, she would have reached out to me. But she hadn’t.
“Katie.”
I shook my head. “I don’t buy that. She believes the lie.”
“No, I don’t think she does. She’s just trying to be a good sister. It’s made her miserable and confused.”
A part of me wanted to see hope in that, but I was done with believing in love. “She made her choice, and it wasn’t me.”
“I can’t speak for her, but she’s pushed me hard on this, wanting me to be sure because she didn’t want to let you go.”
Not wanting to talk about Katie, I asked, “What changed your mind? Did Phoebe finally confess?”
“I told her I’d confronted you about DJ and how you’d threaten to sue her. She’d have never told the truth otherwise.”
There was some relief in that, but not much. In the end, he hadn’t believed me because I’d been his friend. If Phoebe hadn’t come clean, he’d still believe the lie, and by extension Katie would too, assuming her mind was changed. She hadn’t reached out to me. She hadn’t told me about her doctor’s visit. As far as I was concerned, that was the answer.
He took a long swig of his drink and set the bottle down, playing with the condensation running down the side. “I was so jealous of you.”
“Why?”
He looked at me like I’d grown a third eye. “Everything I wanted, you got.”
“But you had the most important thing. Loving parents.”
“You had them too. My parents think of you like a son.”
I looked down as emotion swept through me. I didn’t know if Danny understood how felt to be discarded by parents and cared for by people who had no tie to me.
“I didn’t earn that, but I’m grateful to them.” I looked up at Danny then. “They’re why I worked so hard. If I didn’t, they’d abandon me too.”