by Kaylee, Katy
It didn’t seem likely that would happen, and yet, he and I were getting along. He acted like a husband even when no one was watching. Maybe, if I played my cards right, before the end of our agreement, he might decide he cared for me enough to want me to stay. Then I could tell him.
I chastised my silly heart for such a plan. He should know about the baby, and I’d need to deal with his response regardless of how he felt about me. But my heart was adamant. Wait and see if he asks you to stay. It’s only a couple of weeks.
My next idiotic thought came in the morning after a sleepless night. Maybe the tests were wrong. What I needed to do was see a doctor. I went through the morning as usual, heading to work to make the hotel restaurant’s morning pastries and lunch desserts. During my break, I called a clinic and made an appointment to see a doctor that afternoon.
I sat on the doctor’s table after she had me pee in a cup. Didn’t they do blood tests? I waited for what seemed like forever before she finally came in.
“Sorry about the wait. The test confirms your two previous tests. You’re pregnant.” She didn’t look much older than me. She was too young to be a doctor. She had to be wrong.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I take it this isn’t planned.”
I shook my head. Tears came to my eyes. Everything was going to change. How was I going to manage it?
“Is the father involved?”
“He will be.” I knew Jake well enough to know he wouldn’t walk away. But he’d probably feel resentful of me, and maybe the baby. Would he end up like Tony? Living a life he didn’t plan on?
“But he won’t be happy about it?”
I shrugged. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was on the pill.”
“They’re usually effective, but can fail. If you’re not on the combination pill and you’re not consistent about when you take it or you miss a time, that can make you vulnerable.”
I sat there unable to move or think.
“There are resources that can help you.”
“I just need a minute.” I took several deep breaths. I’m a strong intelligent woman. Even though I got knocked up. I could do this. Whatever Jake’s response, I could do this. My parents would go nuts, but they’d support me. I looked at the doctor. “What do I need to do now?”
“First, we should get you on prenatal vitamins. You can live your life normally for the most part. You should rest if you’re tired and don’t do any strenuous activity beyond moderate exercise.”
“I can do that.”
“You look like a woman who can do whatever she puts her mind to.”
“Damn straight.”
Except there was one thing I couldn’t make happen. I couldn’t make Jake love me.
20
Jake
I couldn’t say that Sofia was different since the hamburger gorging incident because overall, she was the same. And yet, I couldn’t help but feel like there was something different. She still seemed tired, but that was to be expected with all the work she was putting in to finish her job and open her bakery. She initiated sex less, but I was happy to just hold her.
Perhaps it was the sense that there was something she wasn’t telling me that had me feeling a little off-kilter. Several times over the last few weeks she’d acted like she was about to tell me something, but then didn’t. Or she did, but the news didn’t seem to fit with the reluctance she was showing. Did she want to stay with me, but was afraid to say it?
Maybe I was projecting my own feelings and reluctance on to her, because as the day of our agreement termination loomed closer, the more antsy I felt. I wanted her to stay. That feeling alone scared me to death. Emotional attachments were risky. I'd seen first hand the heartbreak and vitriol that could come when those emotional bonds break. I didn’t want that, and yet, the idea of Sofia not being here anymore made me feel like I was about to lose something.
Wanting her to stay also caused problems because this whole marriage thing was a secret among our families and friends back home. Asking her to stay would mean having a real relationship. My heart felt full at the idea until I’d think about Tony and what he might do when he learned I’d seen his sister naked. That I fucked her.
Then there was the fact that despite how tired she seemed, she was running at her business full force. I saw the joy and excitement she had. One of her new staff was artistic and drew a beautiful, colorful menu on the chalkboard behind the counter. Her pastry cook contributed a banana pecan biscotti and hazelnut chocolate biscotti to the menu. I was the taste tester and had to admit they were really good, especially dipped in the dark coffee they served me. Her dreams were coming true and who was I to get in the way of that by asking her to give more time to me?
But good God, so many nights as she lay quietly in my arms, the words were on the tip of my lips. “I want you to stay with me.”
All this ricocheted through my head as I ran through the park as I did every morning. I was well and truly fucked, I realized. There was no solution that didn’t cause problems.
After my shower I headed to work, committed to focusing on the whole reason we got married; so I could become partner and be a successful lawyer.
At ten, Peter Madigan showed up for his appointment. I’d met with him and his three other potential board members last week to help them make sure their bylaws were compliant with New York law. Today, I would be giving him the Articles of Incorporation I’d drawn up for him to check, and counsel him on the legal aspects of running a non-profit foundation.
He showed up wearing jeans and a button-down shirt, a style I realized was common among young tech types.
“I can’t believe this is getting closer to reality,” he said, sitting at the table I had in my office.
“You’ll be fundraising shortly.”
He grinned at me. “I have donors lined up already. I knew everyone loved Lacey, but I didn’t realize just how many people she knew or how deep their love for her went.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“I think she’d be proud of me.”
I handed him the Articles of Incorporation to check. “I’m sure she would.”
“I just wish she was here. I’d rather have given her this in person. This was a dream of hers. I’d have loved to see the look on her face.”
Sofia’s beautiful smile as she looked over her bakery flashed in my head. “I’m sure it would have been very satisfying.”
He sighed. “I wasted so much time. That’s what’s the hardest, you know?”
I didn’t know, but I nodded.
“I put so many things off until…until my app was ready…until I made six-figures and then seven figures. I could have married her three years sooner than I did. We could have had a couple of kids. We could have gone to Paris.” His eyes watered again. “Fuck, man, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. They say regrets are what get people in the end. When looking back on life, it’s not what you achieved that you think about, but what you didn’t do that haunts you.” Wasn’t that why I was so driven in life? Why I’d come up with this scheme to marry Sofia so I could achieve my goals all the faster? So why the fuck did I have that niggle in the pit of my stomach that hinted at regret?
“You’re married, right?” Peter nodded toward my left hand where I wore the wedding band Sofia insisted I had to wear.
I nodded, feeling like a fake. I was married, but not like Peter was. My marriage was a sham, even though it felt real more often than not. I sat back as that thought settled in my brain. It felt real.
“Are you happy?”
I quirked a brow at his personal question.
He shook his head. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. I just… If you love her, you can’t put off your life together. I’ve learned that most marriages aren’t like mine and Lacey’s. I think people mistake lust or even affection for love, but those aren’t enduring, you know?”
I nodded, although I wasn’t sure what he was talking a
bout.
“For me, it was like my soul latched on to hers. For lack of a better cliché, she completed me. Other women I dated, I liked them, even cared for them, but with Lacey, it was like I couldn’t breathe without her. Like nothing I did in life would matter without her.”
Jesus. To have that level of feeling and then to lose her, how was the guy able to get out of bed? “That makes your loss even worse. I admire your ability to fight for her dream.”
“It makes me feel closer to her. It gives me purpose.”
I went through the paperwork with Peter, and then discussed the legal issues around the handling of donations and fundraising money. I sent him home with the paperwork to share with his board members, but said if they were happy with it, I’d file it with the state.
When he left, I pulled out my other client work, but Peter’s words kept filtering in my brain.
“If you love her, you can’t put off your life together.”
I didn’t love Sofia, did I? I mean I cared for her. A lot, but love? Was my soul connected to hers? Did she complete me? None of this I could answer. I only knew that the thought of her being gone made my chest compress.
“It was like I couldn’t breathe without her.”
That was the answer. Whether it was love or not, I felt alive with her around. The idea of her being gone brought darkness, and yes, I couldn’t breathe.
I left the office early that day and headed to the bakery. The banner announcing the grand opening in a few weeks fluttered in the wind. I knocked on the door.
Loraine, Sofie’s pastry cook answered. “Oh hey, Jake.” She opened the door to let me in. “I’m working on the Internet orders that came in.”
“Is Sofia around?”
“She’s up in the apartment. I think she’s doing paperwork or something.”
My heart stuttered in my chest. For weeks neither of us talked about the studio apartment. I wanted to take that as a sign she didn’t want to leave. Apparently, I was wrong.
“Thanks.”
I exited the shop and walked one door down to the entrance of the apartment building, taking the narrow steps up to the second floor. I knocked on the door.
“Jake.” Sofia smiled brightly, although it didn’t hide the tiredness in her eyes.
“Hey.”
She opened the door to let me in. The place still wasn’t painted or furnished. “What brings you here?”
What the hell did I say to that? “I can’t breathe without you?” “I just wanted to check in and see how things are going. The grand opening is just around the corner.”
She nodded. “That’s why I’m here, I figured I needed to get this place done.”
My heart dropped, but I took a deep breath and soldiered on. “It needs a paint.”
She shook her head. “No, it will be okay.”
“If you don’t want to do it, I’ll hire someone. The bakery is so nice, Sofia. You don’t want to come home to a drab apartment.”
She looked down. “No, I don’t.”
I studied her. “Is something wrong?”
She smiled, but I didn’t buy it. “Just tired. I’m trying to figure out the best way to maximize this space.”
“Let’s get it painted first. It will only take a few days.” Maybe I could push back her moving by hiring people to work on her place.
“But there will be all the fumes—”
“So let it air out.” I frowned as it dawned on me that she was ready to go. “You know if you want to move out sooner, you can.” God, that tasted bitter on my tongue. “It’s close enough to the six months.”
“I don’t want to move out.”
At all? All of a sudden, I thought maybe I had it wrong.
“I mean, not early. We had an agreement.”
Jesus fucking Christ. My heart couldn’t handle the roller coaster ride. I nodded because I couldn’t form words. I was a lawyer who couldn’t make my case. What a fucking pussy. I wondered if I should just lay it on the line, but I could smell the sweet scent of baked goods wafting up from her bakery. I knew how excited she was to take this next step in her journey.
“This was a dream of hers. I’d have loved to see the look on her face.” Peter’s comment flashed in my mind. I’d been able to do what he hadn’t, give the woman I loved her dream. If only I could have the woman too.
I checked my watch. “I should probably get back to the office. Do you need anything?”
“No. Thank you for everything Jake. Really. This last six months, it went by so fast.”
I nodded. “It did. And you thought it would be hard.”
She gave me that sexy smile of hers. “It was hard a lot.”
Because I knew I was supposed to banter back, I said, “It’s hard now.”
She laughed. “I can help you with that later.”
I bent over and kissed her on the cheek, taking in her sweet scent. It sent a powerful yearning through my body. Not a lustful yearning, but something deeper. I ignored it and left her to work on her studio apartment.
I worked the rest of the day in a daze. Knowing I wasn’t on my game, I hid in my office, avoiding everyone, especially Val.
When I got home that evening, Sofia was sitting at the kitchen table. I feared she was looking at plans for her studio, but she was going through her marketing plans for the bakery.
“Ready to open?” I said, kissing her on the cheek again.
She pulled in a stuttering breath. “I hope so. I’m excited and nervous all at the same time.”
I rubbed her shoulders. “It will be great.”
“That feels so good.”
“Come on.” I reached out my hand for hers.
“Where are we going?” She took my hand and let me lead her to my room.
“I’m going to give you a real massage.” Maybe then I’d get the guts to ask her to stay.
“Oh, that sounds divine.” She stripped down to her panties. “These are done better directly on the flesh.” She said with a wink over her shoulder as she lay face down on the bed.
My goal hadn’t been to make love to her, but of course, my dick took one look at her body and that flirty smile, and he had other ideas. Down, boy.
I straddled her thighs and leaned over to massage her shoulders.
She let out a long moan. “God, I needed this.”
“Why didn’t you ask for it?” I used my thumbs on the back of her neck, noting the tension there.
“I didn’t know you gave massages,” she sighed.
“I’m very good with my hands.”
She snorted. “I know.”
For the next twenty minutes, I massaged her neck and back, down her arms and her legs. I wanted to switch up my touch to something sensual, but reined in my own sexual desire. When I was about done, I looked down at her. Her long dark hair was strewn to the side. Her face looked soft and serene. I was sure she was asleep.
“That was wonderful. There’s just one problem,” she said as she turned over onto her back.
“What’s that,” I asked, still straddled on my knees over her thighs.
“It turned me on.”
I laughed. “And that’s a problem?”
She thought for a moment. “Not if you’re willing to take care of that too.”
I leaned forward, putting my hands on the bed beside her head. “I’m ready, willing and able.”
“Good.” She undid the buttons of my shirt, but I was eager to be skin to skin with her. I stood and stripped while she took off her panties.
Normally, we were playful and a little wild in the sack, but this time, when I pulled her to me, I was determined to take my time. This would be my opportunity to show her how I was feeling and short of that, it could be the last time I’d have her. Either way, I needed to go slow and savor every touch and gasp. I wanted to imprint her body, this moment, on my brain so I’d always remember it.
I kissed her, firmly and deeply as I held her. Her arms slid around to my back and held me to her. My dick
ached to be inside her, but I ignored him and focused solely on her. I drew kisses over her jaw, along the sweet curve of her neck, and across her collarbone. She sighed and it was like music.
I squeezed her tit and she hissed and flinched. I lifted my head. “Did I hurt you?”
She got a strange look in her eyes. “They’re just a little tender. They get like that sometimes.”
“I’m sorry.” I gently kissed her nipple and then lightly lapped at it with my tongue. Wet from my mouth, I gently blew on it, watching it distend and tighten even more. “You have the most beautiful tits, Sofia.”
“Jake.” She ran her fingers through my hair, pulling my head to her other tit. I was gentle with that one too, and then I slowly trailed my kisses down her belly until I reached her sweet pussy. I took my time there as well, gently licking her folds and sucking on her clit.
“Jake…” Her hips lifted to my mouth like an offering. “I love your mouth.”
I love you. The worlds filled my brain, but my mouth stayed on her, pushing her up and up until I heard her sweet cry of ecstasy. I slowly brought her back down and then moved back up her body. Her eyes were closed and she had a sated smile.
“Sofia.”
Her deep brown eyes opened and my heart filled with such emotion, I didn’t know how it remained in my chest.
I pressed my dick to her entrance as I gripped her hands in mine over her head. Her gaze held mine as I pushed in, inch by slow inch.
She let out a stuttering breath as I filled her. I held still, my body steeped inside hers. I was a part of her. Something even more intense washed through me.
“It was like my soul latched onto hers.”
Fuck, that was it. My soul was connected to hers. I kissed her, wanting to complete the connection; body, heart, soul.
She kissed me back, and I wanted to believe she was feeling this. The power of what was between us. I wanted to lay there forever inside her.
But our bodies had other ideas. Her hips tilted, taking me in deeper, triggering my own instinct to thrust. Soon I was moving in and out of her in long slow strokes. I watched her eyes as they clouded with desire.