by Kaylee, Katy
She sat in the chair in front of my desk, unfazed by my outburst. “You have your partnership. There’s no reason why you can’t have a life and happiness too.”
“What do you know about life and happiness?” I bolted from my chair, deciding I needed a drink, even though I hadn’t fully recovered from my consumption the night before. I was at my bar before I realized she hadn’t responded. I looked over to her.
She stared at me with sharp, disappointed eyes. “I know that I made the choice you’re making now and it was a mistake.”
I shook my head. “You live for the fight, Val. Don’t give me any bullshit that you lost in love.”
“Not bullshit, Jake. Fact. Like you, I wanted to be a successful, respected attorney. I wanted the fast track to partnership. I worked my ass off like you did. I didn’t have a fake marriage, but I did have a real fiancé.”
I stared at her, not sure if I believed her. She stood and came toward me, taking my drink from my hand and downing it.
“Vodka.” She made a face.
“I have your whiskey.”
She shook her head and strode to the window looking out over a dreary day in Manhattan. “I lived for the job first. Even with Kurt, work came first before him. He told me I was working too much. Not putting enough time into us, but I was sure if I made partner, then I’d have time. I was sure I could have both.”
I laughed. “But you can’t. Sofia and I both have goals that don’t include each other.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You did what I couldn’t or didn’t. You fit in both. I envy you that. And it pisses me off that you’re tossing it aside.”
“I didn’t have both.”
“Stop bullshitting yourself, Jake. When Sofia was with you, you didn’t work weekends—”
“I had to help her get her bakery.”
Val rolled her eyes. “I’m sure that was a hardship. All you had to do was sign the checks. But you were there with her. You came in earlier. Why? Sofia is a baker so her day must start at four or five in the morning. Don’t tell me you didn’t adjust your schedule for her because you’re a terrible liar.”
I poured another shot of vodka and downed it, wishing the burn running down my throat would torch all this angst away.
“I wanted to marry Kurt, but by the time I decided to threaten discrimination and got my partnership, he was gone.” She walked back toward me. “There’s a saying, be careful what you wish for. I got my wish, but I lost my dream.”
“I got my wish which is my dream.”
She shook her head. “You keep telling yourself that, Jake.” She nodded toward my drink. “That won’t help either.” She left me alone feeling pissed and frustrated. I wanted to throw my glass, but managed to set it down. Instead, I headed to the firm’s gym, changed into a set of workout clothes I kept there and then jumped on a treadmill.
Twelve miles later I was sweaty, thirsty and exhausted. I was almost too tired to feel anything which was probably as good as it was going to get. I showered, dressed and headed back to my office, where I worked well into the night. I got home, went to bed and the next morning, more out of rote than with any thought, I was up before the dawn, running, and back at the office by seven. All I had to do was keep to the schedule. Sleep. Run. Work. Sleep. Run. Work.
By Friday, I was sure I had it down. I bulldozed through my day, slept at night, and while Sofia haunted me all the time, I was able to make it through the week. I only had to continue the pattern for the rest of my life.
The problem was the weekend. I could work, but Saturday was Sofia’s opening day. I’d convinced myself I wouldn’t go. Seeing her would just make the yearning return and I’d have to start all over trying to get her out of my system.
But how could I not go? How could I not see the fruition of all our hard work? How could I miss seeing her living her dream? I needed to go, and yet I spent most of the day pacing my apartment wondering about the wisdom of each choice.
At four-thirty, knowing she’d close at six, I said “fuck it” to my heart and headed out the door. It was already busted, what were a few more cracks? I arrived just before five to a nearly empty bakery. Oh shit. Had the day gone badly?
I pushed the door open and stepped in. There was a couple sitting in a table near the window, and a group of what I took to be tourists sitting at a table along the wall.
“Jake.” Jenn, one of Sofia’s workers called to me behind the counter.
“Hi, Jenn.” I looked around again. “How was it today?”
She nodded. “It was good.” She pointed to the refrigerated display. “We’re out of a lot.”
“Good but not great?”
“We had a couple of runs during the day. I think it’s slowed down because it’s about dinner time.”
“Is Sofia around?”
“She’s out back prepping for tomorrow.” Jenn motioned with her thumb over her shoulder.
“Mind if I go back?” Knowing Sofia was just behind the swinging door made me anxious to see her.
“You should order something first. No special treatment.”
Considering I funded this place, it seemed like I should have coffee and cookies for life. Then again, I wanted to support Sofia and her staff. I looked at the colorful chalk menu.
“Double espresso and a hazelnut chocolate biscotti.”
Jenn grinned. “We’re out of the biscotti. But we’ve got a hazelnut chocolate cookie.”
“I’ll take that.” I pulled out a few dollars and handed them to Jenn. “Keep the change. Now can I go back?”
She laughed at me like she knew I was antsy to see Sofia. “Yes. I’ll have your drink and cookie waiting.”
I moved behind the counter and through the swinging door. Sofia was wearing her chef’s coat and chopping something. Her head lifted to the sound of my entering. Her smile was immediate and it warmed up every damn cold place in my life over the last week.
“Jake, hey. I was beginning to think you wouldn’t make it.”
“Sorry.” I kissed her cheek, inhaling the scent of sugar and Sofia. “I was hoping to come when you weren’t too busy.”
She shrugged. “We had a few busy times.”
“But it was okay?”
“I’d have liked to have more, but it’s only day one of many. Maybe my grandkids will someday be running this place and tell the story of our mediocre first day.”
Grandkids. She hadn’t given up the idea of love and family. She’d only postponed it while focusing on her dream career. Me, I’d given up on anything but being a lawyer. But the idea of my grandkids baking croissants with their grandmother while I watched was a powerful image.
“Good attitude. I lost my first client and my first case in court.”
“I don’t believe you.” She put the nuts she’d chopped into a container.
“It’s true. Lots of great people failed initially.” I leaned against the counter as she prepped other items for her day tomorrow.
“I don’t think today was a failure. It just wasn’t a big hit.”
“Did your family come?”
She blew out a breath. “Good God, no. Today was stressful enough. I wouldn’t have managed with them hovering. Besides, they know my baking.”
“I know they’ll be proud to see your name over the door of this place.”
She smiled smugly. “It is cool, isn’t it?”
I laughed, loving the chance to just be around her again. “It is. Where’s your assistant?”
“I sent her home. It’s slow now and we’ll be closing soon.” She looked up from her worktable at me. “Can you stay for a minute? I have some leftover lasagna I can heat up for dinner.”
My logical mind said no. Too much time alone with her would be detrimental to my heart. My heart didn’t give a fuck. It wanted whatever morsels of time Sofia could give. “Sure. I can get takeout if you rather. You shouldn’t have to cook after a long day of baking.”
“I don’t mind.”
I hu
ng around and chatted with Sofia until closing. My espresso was cold by then, but the cookie was excellent. I helped her and Jenn clean up, then Sofia locked up and I followed her up to her studio.
“It’s not quite as neat as last time,” she said, opening the door. She was right, but it wasn’t untidy. It looked lived in. Like she’d settled in and was living life. My place looked like a bomb hit it. When the cleaning lady came this week, she’d probably charge me more. But I didn’t have time to clean when all I did was sleep, run, work.
We sat at her little table having leftover lasagna, which in my opinion was usually better than fresh. She offered me wine but didn’t have any herself.
“Becoming a teetotaler?” I joked with her.
She gave me a hesitant smile. “Just don’t want brain fog. I have to be in the bakery by four or four-thirty.”
I shivered. “That’s the middle of the night.”
We did a good job keeping the conversation light. There was no use of the word hard, and the subsequent reference to my dick. Not that he wasn’t active during this time. More interestingly, she didn’t ask about the annulment or divorce. But maybe she was tired. She did have a slight dark shade under her eyes.
A little after eight, I figured I should leave. If she had to be in the bakery at four, she’d need to get to bed soon.
I helped her with the dishes and then made my way to her door.
“Thanks for the dinner, Sofia. If the bakery thing doesn’t work, you could open an Italian restaurant.”
She laughed. “Just what New York needs, another Italian restaurant.” Then she surprised me by launching herself in my arms. She hugged me tight. “Thank you so much, Jake. You’ve given me the world.”
I felt like frickin’ Superman. “I just helped.”
She kissed my cheek. Because I was holding her up, when she turned her head to me, we were practically nose to nose. A powerful need bloomed hot and wild as I looked into her dark eyes. Her lips were right there, a whisper away from mine for the taking.
For a moment we just stared at each other as electricity sparked and cracked around us. I didn’t know if it was me or her who moved first, but a nanosecond later, I was kissing her and it was glorious. I was a depleted man and her kiss filled me with life.
She wrapped her legs around my waist, grinding her cleft against my throbbing cock.
I groaned. “Sofia.”
“Don’t talk. Just touch, Jake.”
That was all I needed to hear. My hands were everywhere on her, like they didn’t know where to start. Somehow, with my lips fused to hers, and her body wrapped around me, I stumbled through the small space to her bed.
“Yes, yes, yes…” she chanted as our clothes melted away and our bodies crashed together.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this wouldn’t change anything and that in the end, it would be a mistake. But hell, if I could stop it. I wouldn’t.
“Now, Jake, God, please, now.” She grabbed and tugged at me until I was over her. I might have liked to have more finesse, but in that moment, white-hot need drove me. I was mad with desire and so I thrust in.
“Fuck yeah.” Her pussy took me in, pulling me deep and holding me tight.
She whimpered. “God Jake…so good…so good.”
I levered up on my hands, looking down at her lush body. There was a slight change, but I was too lost in my own lust to decipher it.
“Fast and furious, honey,” I groaned out as I thrust in hard and deep.
“Yes, more…faster.”
Knowing she was with me, I let loose, pumping and thrusting like a crazed man. Her legs wrapped tighter around my hips, pulling me deeper.
She arched, bowing off the bed and cried out, “I’m coming...”
I watched for a second as pleasure flushed over her face. When I thrust in again, her pussy was so fucking tight, it shot me to high heaven. I growled loudly as my release tore through me, until I collapsed on her.
“Fuck.” My breath came in harsh breaths.
“Is that a good fuck?”
“You’re the best fuck.” I rolled, careful not to fall off the small bed.
She rested her head on my shoulder. “Do you suppose this will be a problem for us?”
God, was she really going to have to launch into a discussion about this now?
“I mean, if we’re home and we see each other at my parents’ restaurant, will we end up fucking in the bathroom or something?”
I laughed as I realized she was being funny. It also suggested that she recognized this benefits thing might not be done.
“Only if Tony isn’t there. Or your parents. You’ll have to con me into taking you to the lake again.”
“You’re so easy.”
I ran my hand over her tit and then her belly, finally realizing what was different. “You’ve gained weight this week.”
She stiffened.
“It can’t be from the pastry because you’ve been around that for a long time. So it must be from the lack of sexercise.”
She relaxed again. “That must be it.” She was quieter after that and I wondered if she didn’t like my noticing she’d put on a few pounds. I didn’t care. Her tits were a little bigger. What was there to complain about that?
Then again, maybe she was tired. As much as I hated to leave, I heaved myself out of her bed.
“I’d invite you to stay, but my bed isn’t really big enough for two.”
I tugged on my pants and slipped on my shirt. “No worries, Sof. Don’t get up. You need to sleep.” I kissed her forehead.
“Thank you for coming to my opening.”
“It was my pleasure.” I reached the door. “Oh, Sof?”
“Hmm.” I heard sleep in her voice.
“Have you ever thought of wearing your chef’s coat and only your chef’s coat?”
“Perv.”
I laughed. “Sleep tight.”
Do I feel better? I wondered as I lay in my own bed. Yes and no. Being with her had replenished my energy. Leaving her again reminded me that our lives were now on separate tracks. But tonight also suggested that, on occasion, our lives might converge. It left room for the possibility that there could be a merger in the future. Would she want that? Not now maybe. Her mediocre opening had put the fire under her to do better and that would require even more of her time and energy. But if I bided my time, maybe there was still a chance for us. My brain tried to remind me about the pitfalls of love and Tony’s fists, but I ignored it. Instead, I imagined Sofia in her chef’s coat and only her chef’s coat as I drifted to sleep.
23
Sofia
I was exhausted and yet couldn’t sleep. My brain neurons were firing on all cylinders and my body was still humming from Jake’s touch. What an incredible crazy day. While I didn’t have the opening I’d hoped for, I couldn’t complain too much. We had a steady flow of customers and a couple of rushes.
But instead of replaying my day, the only thing on my mind was Jake. All day I’d looked for him. I desperately wanted him there for my opening, not just for support, but also to share in the fruits of our labor. He was as much a part of my bakery as I was, and not just because of the money. He’d helped me paint and decorate. Guided me through the legal issues. Offered support when I wasn’t feeling confident.
As the day went by and he wasn’t there, I reminded myself that all this had been a business deal. Sure, we had some fun, but in the end, we had an agreement that was now ended. Still, he could have come by as a friend.
Eventually, I gave up hoping, focusing again on building my business and I went back to do prep for tomorrow. And then he was there. Seeing him again made my heart jump. I wanted to rush into his arms and make him see how good we could be together. How our separate dreams could still be achieved together. Tell him about the baby he’d made that was growing inside me.
Of course, I didn’t do any of that. I wouldn’t be able to bear the expression of pity on his face if I did. “It was fu
n, Sofia, but it was just a business deal.” Hearing that would destroy me.
I couldn’t say the words, but I could try to prolong the visit. I was so happy when he agreed to have dinner with me. In the quiet comfort of my apartment, I was able to get a better look at him. He was still ridiculously handsome, but I noted tired eyes. I imagined he was working hard, probably putting in more hours to prove he’d earned his partnership and gain his dream list of clients.
I waited on pins and needles for him to pull out legal paperwork to end the marriage or at least bring it up, but he didn’t. Had he forgotten we were still technically married? Did he still need the fake marriage? If so, why didn’t he say so? I’d have stayed with him longer.
Around eight, I was tired and needed to get to bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him so. He must have guessed because he helped me with the dishes and then made a move to leave. My gratitude couldn’t let him go without a hug. My heart couldn’t watch him leave without one last embrace. So I launched myself into his arms, loving how they felt as they banded around me and lifted me from the floor.
When I looked at him and our gazes caught, it stole my breath. My entire body went hot with liquid heat, and in the next instant, he was kissing me. Or maybe I was kissing him. Either way, his mouth consumed mine and I was back in heaven. I needed him. His touch. The feel of his body moving within mine. I knew it wasn’t real. He didn’t love me or want me by his side. But I could have this moment in which his need matched mine.
I wanted him to stay, but a double bed wasn’t big enough for him even if he was by himself. At least he lay with me for a moment. But when he mentioned weight gain, fear and guilt overtook all the lovely sensations he’d just given me. And then he left, and I didn’t say a word about the baby.
It was wrong, and yet, I clearly was still hoping he’d change his mind and ask me to be with him. That he’d love me as I loved him. It was stupid and so dangerous. If he found out about the baby another way, it would ruin our friendship. Of course, I didn’t know how he could find out another way, but that wasn’t the point. The point was, I needed to tell him.