by Renee Rose
“You’re being too harsh on yourself.” I feel dizzy. “First of all, you’re so wrong. I’ve only been here a short time, but I can see how necessary you are to this planet. And second…” I take a deep breath. “Coming from a being who wants children more than anything, it’s difficult to hear you casually dismiss them.”
He stands. “There’s nothing casual about my decision, Zina.” He snaps the next part. “Did you not hear a word I said?” His expression is twisted and unhappy.
I jump up, too. Adjust my dress, damp with sweat and the scent of sex. “I heard every word and I ache for you. But at some point, you have to grow up and make a different choice. You are not your father.”
“Well, you’re more than your leg and your belly,” he snarls. “Stop using that as an excuse to avoid life.”
“Excuse me?” White hot anger kindles. “How dare you say that?” I put my hands onto my hips and glare at him. “What part of helping Enya escape and doing my best to integrate here is avoidance? What part of me trying navigation is avoidance? I think you’re projecting, Tarek. You’re the one using your blindness to push away the chance at happiness. And a family.”
He grabs his breeches and steps into them fast, pulling them up over his magnificent ass. “You’re wrong.”
“Oh, just stop it!” I laugh despite my anger and sadness. “Tarek…” I shake my head. “This is ridiculous. How did we get here in like thirty seconds?” Tears well up in my eyes. “I don’t understand.”
His whole body slumps suddenly and he blinks hard. “Ah, Zina, I’m sorry.” His voice is low and sad. “I’m broken on the inside, all right? I have nothing to offer you.” He waves an arm around the room. “You want to train here, fine. I’ll train you. Come in three planet rotations, at the same time. But this can’t happen again. And forgive my comments about your leg.” His voice is stiff now. “I was an asshole. I don’t know why I said that.”
Tarek
“So, how did it go with the human?” My captain strolls over to my screen. Puts his arms behind his back. “You spent time alone with her?”
“She showed promise.” I think of the noises she made when she was coming. My cock gets hard at the memory, and I adjust myself.
I clear my throat. “I think it’s important that we work on that new satellite attachment arm. Does the tech dome have the updated spec?”
“Next week they’ll have it ready for testing. So, are you seriously considering Zina for your program?”
“We’ll see. Right now, I need to update these protocols.”
“Great. Remind me of her score?” He rocks on his heels. I don’t know why he’s smiling. DX protocols are no joke. Nor is my training.
“They… could be improved upon.”
“I see.” He slaps my shoulder. “Listen, if you want to be her master, then mate her. The mistake would be to let her think there is a future with you, if you’re certain there is not,” he points out. “A reminder that humans bond quickly to a master or mate. If you don’t intend to fulfill that role, you could hurt her.”
“And how are you such an expert? Just last week you said you only know about one human. Yours,” I snap.
“Mine is as capricious and emotional as they come.” His voice is mild. “I’ve learned to expect the unexpected with her. She’s… complicated, my fierce sweet mate.” He shakes his head, but I can hear the happiness in his voice. “Maybe you want a mate yourself.”
“You know I do not. I don’t want to discuss it.” I power down the screen.
“It’s acceptable to change one’s mind.”
“And it should be acceptable, as well, never to do so.” I grab my satchel. “Please respect that. I must go check on… something.”
He nods. “Just keep in mind that if you’re not planning a future with her, and she’s not a suitable fit for the nav program, you owe it to her and Zandia to tell her sooner rather than later.”
“I understand.”
Veck it all. She’s not nearly good enough to be in the nav program, and I’m most definitely wasting her time and mine—and Zandia’s. But it’s true that while I’m training her, she’s under my jurisdiction. And the idea that another Zandian male might take the liberties with her that I have? It makes me so angry I could rip apart a shuttle with my bare hands or deafen a fleet of beings with my roar. No one is going to touch Zina that way.
My captain is right. I’ll cut her loose. Soon. When the time is right. Spending time and vecking Zina is enjoyable. But it’s a fleeting pleasure, one of those transient moments a being must grab before they are gone forever. I’m not the kind of Zandian who gets a chance at mating and family life.
I don’t want to hurt her, but it’s just that right now she’s giving me something I haven’t had in a long time… and something I probably won’t get in the future.
Is it so wrong to seize the experience for what it is, and damn the future?
Chapter 8
Zina
“I wish I’d never met him.”
“Who?” Abbi hands me a portion of mandarin orange segment in sweet cream.
“Tarek.” I sigh.
“What happened?” Abbi takes a bite of her fruit. “Mirelle, Cambry, over here!” She waves to a tall blonde and a red-haired human in a camo flight suits. “Come join us.” She turns to me. “Hold that thought just a sec, okay? I want to hear all about it.”
The cafe area is crowded with humans, many of whom are toting halflings. My breath catches in my throat when an especially cute little toddler with the tiniest purple horns and a sweet smile comes up and hands me a leaf from the nearby Barri tree.
“Thank you,” I tell him, entranced with his sweet tiny hands.
His mother, a tall brunette human with a satchel over her shoulder, comes running up. “This is Braxton,” she says. “The son of my mates Andre and Laun.” She smiles. “I’m Kara. you’re Zina?”
“Everyone knows who I am?” I look around.
“We all know everything,” she proclaims with a grand gesture, then laughs. “Zandia is small. Word gets around. Welcome. It’s great to have you. Another human. So glad you’re here.”
She locks eyes with me, and under her smile and her love for her son, under that fancy satchel and her casual appropriation of this planet, I can see a worn being with a difficult past. She’s got lines at the corners of her eyes, and I see something in her stance, a wariness, that I feel in my bones. Some parts of slavery are not easy to shed if you’ve lived it all your life.
“Thank you.” Words aren’t enough, so I turn to her child. “He’s so adorable.” My heart tugs with desire for what she has.
She smiles. Touches my hand. “You can have your own.” Her face is earnest. “Zandia is full of opportunities.”
“We’ll see.” I have an appointment with a doctor in a few planet rotations, where he’ll check my implants and see if he can reverse the sterility. But that’s not something I wish to discuss here and now.
Her glance strays to my leg but she doesn’t ask. “If I can do anything, just ask.” I think she really means it.
After she leaves, I want to tell Abbi about Tarek, but Mirelle and Cambry join us. At first, I’m disappointed, but the two women turn out to be fun and vivacious, and I like them until Mirelle says, “So, you’re interested in navigation? If you end up turning it into a career, I’d love to have you on my ship. We’re fighter pilots.” She gestures to herself and Cambry.
My eyes widen. “Oh, you are?” I suddenly feel very inferior and fraudulent. “That’s wonderful.” I assess her anew and see things I missed the first time: her phenomenal muscle tone; she’s lean but built like a goddess warrior. Her alert eyes, how she constantly scans the area, whether she’s talking or not. Her stance, like she’s constantly leaning forward into the wind, ready to leap at something.
“It is!” She’s enthusiastic, bubbling over with energy.
Cambry, the redhead, looks at me a little more coolly. “My brother, Tal, is
a candidate for navigation training. He’s hoping Tarek will choose him.”
Now I feel horrible. Tarek’s giving me attention when there are candidates who are actually qualified standing in line for time with him. “Wow, you have a brother?” I murmur. “I haven’t seen any human males around here.”
“Oh, there are quite a few. Before we took back Zandia, Captain Rok hijacked an entire Ocretion death-pod to save Lily, the queen’s sister. All the beings on the death pod—mostly humans, but some other species as well—were sort of conscripted into the Zandian army. That’s how Tal and I learned to fly.”
“She had a training session with Tarek,” Abbi offers, over a mouthful of oranges.
I sink lower in my seat.
“It went well, right, Zina?”
“Oh, if he’s training you, wow.” Mirelle sits down. “He only takes the best of the best. My congratulations.”
Cambry leans in. “How’d you do on the initial assessment?”
I’m suddenly not hungry. I put down my fork. “Ah, I’m not sure of the final result.” I’m very sure. Negative 50 is stuck in my mind like a boulder.
“So, was Tarek a jerk?” Abbi takes another bite of her food. “Why do you wish you’d never met him?
I scowl at her and try to whisper, “Not now,” but she doesn’t seem to get it.
“A jerk?” Mirelle considers this. “Well, he’s definitely tough and gruff. But he’s fair. He’s an amazing navigator.”
All three look at me.
“Definitely not a jerk. I didn’t mean to say anything bad about him. We have a little… um, tension between us. That’s all.” I want to trust them, but I’m worried they’ll judge me.
“Tension, hmm?” Abbi leans in. “Why are you so pink?”
Mirelle whistles. “Oh, Zina. Are you and Tarek… did you do something together?” She moves her hands in a specific way that makes me flush harder. “Holy Zandian star, I never thought Tarek would take interest in a female.”
“No!” My voice is loud. I glance around and speak softly. “Why would you say that? I’d have to be some kind of awful being to do… that… right away with a Zandian. Without being mated. Right?” To my horror, my tone is plaintive, like I need some kind of affirmation. And it’s obvious that I did do more than “something” with the handsome, powerful navigator.
“Not at all!” Mirelle pats my hand. “It’s the Zandians. They’re just so attractive.” She grins at me. “My two mates are insatiable. Of course, so am I,” she adds and laughs. “Maybe why we get along so well.”
Abbi smiles. “If you’re attracted to Zandians, that’s a good thing.”
My words tumble out. “We made love and it was amazing, but then afterward he couldn’t get away fast enough. I guess he thinks he can never mate or have children because of his condition.” I can hear the hurt and pain in my voice.
Abbi’s smile fades.
Mirelle says, “Ohhhh. That’s hard. Yes, Tarek has said more than once that he’s a lifelong bachelor. He may not even be approved to mate—everything goes through the king on Zandia. So… yeah. It’s probably best not to get too attached.”
“Yes.” I nod, trying to staunch the horror flooding through me. Tarek may not be allowed to mate. It hadn’t occurred to me. “It’s just… we have a bond, you know?” I look at them, as if my gaze can convince not just them, but in fact all of Zandia and perhaps Tarek (from a distance) that it’s irrefutably true.
“Maybe it’s just your hormones waking up,” suggests Mirelle. “Getting you in the swing of things. Listen, there are plenty of males here who are willing and eager to find a mate.”
I put up a hand. “Not so fast. I can’t. Yet.” I push away my plate, actively nauseated now. “I’m sterile. I don’t know if it can be reversed. So, I’m not available myself.”
“Sterile, hmm?” Cambry looks particularly interested. “If so, then you’re fair game for a human male.”
“Like your brother?” Mirelle bumps shoulders with the other female warrior.
Cambry shrugs. “I’d love for him to settle down with a mate. It seems unfair that all the human females of breeding age are reserved for Zandians.”
“There just aren’t enough of us to go around,” Mirelle says. “But if word gets out in the galaxy that Zandia is a safe haven for humans, this planet will be overflowing with our species.”
“I think that’s what King Zander wants to avoid,” Cambry says. “That and starting a war with Ocretions who think they own every human in the galaxy since they’re the ones who harvested Earth.”
Abbi gives me a side hug. “Zina may not be permanently sterile. She’s seeing a doctor. He might be able to reverse the sterility. And you know… stranger things have happened. Living here, less stress, bodies have a way of healing. It’s happened to others, so I know it’s a possibility.” She smiles.
I cling to her words. “That would be great. Having a baby of my own would be a dream come true for me.”
And maybe I’m nuts, but Tarek’s the only male I can imagine having that baby with.
Even though he’s Mr. Hot-and-Cold.
Zina
I’m walking back from a visit to Kara and her son when I see him. My whole body tingles.
“Tarek.” My breath quickens. “Hi.”
“Zina.” For a split second his face lights up, then his expression snaps closed. He hoists his satchel on his shoulder.
Before I get a chance to say anything, we’re joined by his captain. “Tarek, a word?”
I step away and nod, showing my respect for his command and need for privacy.
Abbi sees me standing there, glassy-eyed and small, and grabs my hand. She pulls me to the outdoor cafe and finds me a seat with her, and I’m grateful that she had enough sense to pull me away.
I try not to stare at Tarek, who still stands in the cross-path a few dozen paces away, talking with some peers. He isn’t looking at me, as far as I can tell—with his sensors, who knows. But certainly he’s given me no sign that he knows—or cares—that I’m here.
“Excuse me, are you Zina?” A human male with lean muscles and a shock of red hair stands over me. Compared to Tarek he looks like a child.
“Yes?” I raise my brows and hastily wipe my eye with a soft napkin, because it feels moist.
“My name is Tal. I’m Cambry’s brother.” He looks uncomfortable.
“Hi. I’m Zina.”
“Yes, I know.” He smiles.
“Oh right.” My face grows warm. He’s good-looking and friendly, but all I can think about is Tarek, who definitely seems to be paying attention to me now.
I stand, too, because I feel weird sitting and looking up at him. “Are you…” I’m not sure what to ask. “Coming from or going to some kind of mission?” I toss the napkin at the table.
“Just training. I, uh, heard you’re interested in navigation.”
“Um, yes.” Actually, a certain navigator.
“Would you like to study together?”
Oh.
I check to see if Tarek is looking. He is looking! He immediately turns his head when I look over. Is it wrong to make him jealous?
“Sure, why not?” I give Tal a forced smile.
“Okay, follow me.”
“Oh, right now?”
He inclines his head.
“Um, okay. I can do that.” Oops. I don’t actually want to go with him. I only wanted to get Tarek’s attention.
I grab my cloth napkin and tuck it into my satchel. I’ll wash it later, back at the dorms.
Tarek turns his head toward us again, and I wave. Whether I want him to register it as a hello or goodbye, I’m not sure. I don’t even think Zandians wave. They have some other gesture of holding a fist up at a right angle.
Tarek frowns. Tal follows my gaze and stiffens when Tarek comes toward us.
We both wait for our master to arrive. “He looks mad,” Tal, says. “Does he look mad?”
“Um… maybe?” I’m all a-flu
tter, although unlike Tal, I’m secretly excited by Tarek’s anger.
“Shit.” Tal uses an old human curse word. “Tell me Tarek doesn’t have a thing for you. Did I just step in a pile of it?”
“Yeah, maybe.” I’m breathless with anticipation.
Tarek towers over both of us, his hands resting on his hips, the powerful muscles of his arms bulging. He turns his sightless eyes on Tal. “What are you doing here, human?”
“Nothing,” Tal says immediately. “I was just seeing if Zina wanted to study nav with me. But, ah, you know, I think I study better on my own. So, I’m going to just head off and do that.” He starts to back away. “Study, that is. I’m going to go to the barracks and study. So, I will see you later. For training. I hope.” He gives the Zandian salute as Tarek continues to frown and beam intimidation in his direction.
I tip my face up to gaze at Tarek. Just being near him has my body primed and ready. The pulse has begun between my legs. My nipples are hard.
“You don’t talk to that human,” Tarek growls.
Okay, that’s going too far. He basically dismissed me after we were intimate. He has no right to dictate who I can or can’t speak with. Not that I wasn’t trying to make him jealous.
“Why not?” I demand.
Tarek doesn’t answer, he simply throws me over his shoulder and slaps his big hand down on my ass.
“Eep! Tarek.”
He doesn’t say a word, just carries me to the training dome where he drops me inside and locks the door. “If I give you an order, you say, ‘yes, sir or yes, Master’. Understood?”
Oh stars, he’s sexy when he turns authoritative. “Yes, Master,” I say quickly.
“If I say stay away from that worthless male who was standing far too close to you, then you will vecking stay away from him.”
I try to keep the smile from breaking out on my face. “Why, Tarek? Were you jealous?”