“EJ.” Her gaze is hard and fixed on me. “There’s no reason to be crude.”
“And there’s no reason for you to be asking about my private life.”
“It’s the life you had before we were married I’m interested in it.” Her voice is defensive, along with her stance.
“Exactly. It was before we were married. The only thing I knew about you was that you were hot. I didn’t really even know who the hell you were as a person. I definitely didn’t know the two of us were going to get fucking hitched in Vegas after meeting.”
“It’s not like I expected it either,” she argues back. “But if we had been like normal couples, this would have been something we’d have discussed.”
“We aren’t like normal couples,” I remind her.
“You’re right, but obviously these are things we should be discussing at some point.”
“I’d rather discuss it than argue about it.” I rub my neck, trying to talk my wife down.
“Okay, then let’s make a date.” She looks up at me, her dark eyes serious. “Since all this started we haven’t spent a ton of time alone.”
“And you wanna waste it asking me about what my life was like before we met?”
“EJ,” she groans. “It’s not weird that I want to know these things. It’s normal.” She shrugs. “Don’t make me feel like a bitch for wanting to know.”
“Then don’t act like one questioning how many I had before you.”
She folds her arms over her middle. “That’s not what I want to know, what I’m really saying is I struggle because I don’t know what your past is like.”
I’m stubborn, tilting my chin. “You can read it just like anyone else can.”
Her face falls, crumbles and screws up in the most hurt expression I’ve ever seen. “Read about it?” She whispers, sniffling slightly. “I can’t believe you would say that to me.”
Truth is, I can’t believe I said it to her either. This is asshole behavior, even for me. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you, or is it a reflex just because you don’t want me to be mad at you? You know you’re pushing and being a dick, so now you feel as if you should apologize. Don’t do that unless you mean it.”
“Hey guys,” Kristen yells, interrupting us. “I found the clothes! C’mon back and try them on.”
It’s as if a switch flips and Brianna changes in front of me. Gone is the sad look, the almost tears in her eyes, the complete devastation written across her face. In its place, I see the performance version of my wife appear, and I fucking hate it. She turns, putting her back to me. “We’ll be right there.”
Watching my parents, and seeing how they handled things, I know if I don’t get ahead of the pain I’ve caused, we have no chance of working out long-term. But as she walks away from me, I’m not sure how I’m going to cash the check my mouth just wrote.
Chapter Thirteen
Bri
“Bye, Kristen, it was so nice to meet you.” I wave at her, happy to have gotten this opportunity. But when I get into my Range Rover and shut the door, my body deflates, the smile leaves my face, and I let the tears I’ve been holding back for the last few hours, fall.
Sobs, body-shaking sobs, envelope me. My chest hurts as I do my best to inhale and exhale. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this hurt. Even with the way things have gone with my parents, the disappointment and complete devastation has never been this bad.
The things Everett said, they fucking hurt.
As I pull out onto the street, my phone rings. Looking at the Bluetooth screen, I see it’s Everett. He’s the last person I want to talk to, and I immediately send him to voicemail.
The phone rings again, this time I see RJ’s name. They shouldn’t be together anymore, so I pick up the call. “Hello?”
“Hey,” he answers. “I just wanted to call and see how you’re doing. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but as soon as Kristen and I had the Halloween costume, something changed.”
“Thanks for calling. My voice breaks. “You’re right something did happen, and I’m not sure if I want to discuss it with you, since EJ and I haven’t really discussed it yet.”
“I understand that. He takes a drink of something. “I’ve known him my entire life. Sometimes he flies off the handle when he shouldn’t. He’s a lot like our dad, and if you haven’t noticed, they have to ask for forgiveness a lot.”
The way he says the words causes me to giggle. “You’re right about that.”
“There’s a lot about my brother I know, and an equal amount I don’t,” he continues. “Since you’ve come into his life, EJ is more focused on his life, less on me. It’s nice.”
“He still worries.”
“I know he does, but at least you’ve given him something else to bitch about.”
I sigh hard. “Oh yeah, he likes to bitch a lot.”
“And when he bitches,” RJ continues, “it’s because he either cares or he feels like he’s being targeted. Which is it, Bri?”
Checking my blind spot, I change lanes and take the exit off the interstate. “He feels like he’s being targeted. For some reason we started joking about him and Kristen dating in high school.”
“Shit,” he breathes.
In the background I can hear him light a cigarette and right now I wish I smoked. Just to be able to get rid of the tension I feel in between my shoulder blades. “Yeah,” I whisper. “So I made the stupid decision to ask him how many others there are waiting in the wings. He wondered if I meant dated or fucked.”
“Damn, Bri, I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” I blow out a breath. “I don’t even know how it turned into what it did. I was curious,” I continue quickly, wanting to get out my version of things to someone who might understand. “I’ve never truly had another relationship like this with someone, and I don’t know when it’s proper to have those conversations,” I hurry. “I didn’t realize it would piss him off so bad, or cause him to get as irritated as he did.”
“Again, that’s just like our dad. There’re a few things you have to understand about EJ. He’s always felt like the legacy of our family in the music industry rides on him. I can’t sing for shit really, and both Mom and Dad are known as singers. They’re known as amazing front people. With me, no one really expected anything because I’m playin’ guitar. Guitar players are a dime a dozen.”
“So are singers,” I interrupt. “Don’t sell yourself short. Everett wouldn’t be successful without you and you won’t be successful without him.”
“The same could be said for the two of you. Since you were thrown into the situation where you woke up married to one another, you’ve grown to depend on each other. Don’t forget that. EJ might be an asshole, but he’s your asshole.”
My heart constricts slightly. “He is my asshole, but he’s never been so rude before. I just didn’t expect it.”
“It’s because you’re getting to know the real EJ now. He’s not on his best behavior anymore. It should honestly make you feel good, it means he’s comfortable with and trusts you.”
I think about what he’s saying, and realize he’s half-way right. The gloves have come off with the both of us, but I’m unsure of whether he truly trusts me or not. I’m a few miles from the house, when I speak again. “I’m almost home, so I’m gonna go. Thank you for calling and talking me through this. I appreciate it, no one else in my life has ever taken the time.”
“You mean a lot to me, Bri. If my brother loves you, then I love you. If you’re important to him, you’re important to me. From the moment he put that ring on your finger, you became a part of our family. In the Thompson clan, you don’t handle shit on your own.”
I think about what RJ’s saying, and feel the need to remind him of what he’s just said to me. “I think maybe you need to hear that too, if I don’t handle shit on my own, you don’t either.”
He laughs, a sound that sounds so much like Everett. “Understood. I hope to see you soo
n, Sis.”
“I will see you soon. Bye, RJ.”
“Bye.”
Going through the gate, I wave at the guard, smiling as I drive down to our house. The closer I get, a pit develops in my stomach. Everett and I haven’t argued much since we got married, and maybe this is the part of growing as a couple we haven’t been able to do yet. All while we’re trying to get our record company off the ground, trying to figure out where we’re going as a couple.
It’s all going to take time to figure stuff out, but we’ll have to do it together. Tonight I’m going to do something I’ve never done before.
Stand up for myself, and pray I have a husband after I’m done. With my parents, they’d never speak to me again.
My hands shake as I enter the house through the garage. Even from the moment we woke up together in Vegas, I haven’t been this nervous to face Everett.
“Are you home?” I yell, knowing that he is. His SUV is parked out in the garage next to mine.
Stopping everything I’m doing, I listen, but I can’t hear him. He’s got to be outside. Walking to the French doors, I open them, and that’s when I see him. The setting sun frames him as he sits at our fire pit, with his feet propped up. There’s a cigarette in one hand, a bottle of beer in the other. I half-expect him to look up, but a part of me knows he won’t. He’s the type of person who refuses to let others see what’s going on, and that’s something we’ll need to address in our relationship.
Slowly, I go back inside. If we’re going to have this conversation I want to be comfortable. With determination, I stomp back to our bedroom and quickly change into a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt before putting my hair up in a messy bun. When I’ve wasted as much time as I can, I head back to the kitchen, grab a few more beers, and head outside again.
My steps are purposeful, and I hold my head high as I approach him. His green eyes flutter up to me, a grimace of a smile on his face. “You finally decide to come out here and confront me? Figured you’d stay in there all night with your tail tucked between your legs.”
This time I’m prepared for the ugly side of Everett. After talking with RJ, I understand things more than I did, and I’m not willing to let him walk all over me the way he did earlier. “Proves you don’t know shit about me, Thompson.”
His eyebrows lift to his hairline, a smirk plays across his face, before he takes another drag. “Why don’t you tell me about all the shit I don’t know?”
I have a quick seat, before twisting open the bottle of beer, and handing him it to him. He takes it, which allows me to open the other one for myself. As I take a long pull off it, I eye the cigarette between his lips.
He taps the ashes off the end of the glowing embers. He notices my gaze right then. “See something you wanna try?”
Everett makes everything look sexy and cool. “What does it taste like?”
“Smoking?”
“Yeah, I mean I taste it on your tongue when I kiss you after you’ve been smoking, but what’s it like?”
“For me, because I’m a nicotine freak, it feels good. Like there’s a low-level buzz in the back of my head. When I inhale and the smoke rolls through my body, it’s calming. Like waves crashing against the shore before they move back out to sea. Sometimes there’s nothing else that calms me down like a cigarette. You interested?”
Sharing a moment like this with him? It’s one of the things we’ve been missing. This is the type of things new couples learn about each other. They experiment and have experiences together. “Slightly.”
He crooks his finger in a “come hither” motion, which is exactly what I wanted him to do. Carefully I go over to where he sits. He opens his thighs for me, motioning to take a spot on his lap. I love being near him, so I’ll take whatever he’s willing to give me. I claim a position on his leg and scoot in next to him.
“We still mad at each other?” he asks softly as he reaches to the side of the chair.
“I think so,” I answer honestly. “We haven’t discussed anything that happened, and we need to. If we don’t, we’ll be stuck in this same situation and we’ll never move forward. This is what couples do, Everett. They argue, they get upset.”
“Then they make up.” His green eyes are shining in the waning light, reflecting the glow of the fire.
“If they both agree.”
He smirks. “If they both agree.” When he brings his hand back up so that I can see it, he’s holding a new cigarette in it. “You wanna try?”
My eyes search his face, the answer to this question means a lot. I’m not even sure either of us realize how much, but it hangs between us waiting for me to make a decision. “Yeah.” I bring my bottom lip in between my teeth.
“You nervous?”
“What if I don’t like it?”
A chuckle vibrates his chest. “Then you don’t like it. I’m just excited to have the experience with you.”
“Show me what to do?”
He scowls playfully. “Don’t act like you haven’t watched me enough. You seem to have a fascination when I light them, or smoke them. I’ll get it started for you if you want me to, though.”
“Yeah.”
As I always do, I take note of how he lights it, and then takes the first inhale. He moves his head to the side, blowing away from my face. “Your turn. Don’t inhale too deeply.”
He grips the stick of tobacco between his thumb and forefinger, gently placing it in my mouth. I purse my lips and inhale lightly, before turning my head from him and blowing away from his face, the same way he did for me. I cough harshly, not expecting the pungent taste, but proud of myself for trying something new.
“How was it?”
As he’s always told me, a calm flows through my body, and finally I get the appeal. “It was worth it.” I grin. “But I don’t think it’s something I’ll ever do again.”
His eyes darken. “Just like it was worth it for me to tell you how I was feeling earlier today, but I won’t ever talk to you the way I did again. Sometimes I forget we’re married and we come home to each other. In all my other relationships, it was out of sight, out of mind, but with you, it’s real. It’s forever.”
I hug him tightly. “Then remember my feelings from now on, and we’ll be good.”
“Asshole EJ is always gonna be here, but I’ll do my best babe, I promise.”
Chapter Fourteen
EJ
She looks so proud of herself, sitting there with a grin on her face, pulling it out of her mouth. It’s almost enough to make me not want to bring up the issues we obviously have going on, but I know those things won’t solve themselves. Our fingers tangle when I take the cigarette out of hand.
“I love you,” I tell her. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t ever be mad at you.”
“I know, and there’s a part of me that really does understand why you got mad at me, but you have to try and figure out where I’m coming from. And you have to remember you’re the one who’s been encouraging me to stand up for myself. Just because I’m your wife doesn’t mean I’m willing to take more from you than I am others, I’m more willing to take less.” She wraps her arm around my shoulder.
This means I have to be the man my dad’s taught me to be. He’s not always perfect and neither am I, but one thing I can do is listen. “Then why don’t you tell me where you’re coming from, and I promise I’ll do my best to not fly off the handle. You’re right, I have encouraged you to not allow others to treat you the way I did today. I’m sorry for how I acted earlier.”
“I’m sorry too. She uses her free hand to grab mine. “It just took me by surprise when I heard you dated her in high school. She shrugs. “It was slight jealousy,” she admits softly. “This girl, who I thought was just someone who’d be helping me try on outfits, knows you in a different way than I do.”
This is where I immediately get angry and want to dispute what she thinks, but I have to keep listening and hold my tongue. If there’s anything I’ve learned about wom
en from my mom, if I hold off long enough, she’ll tell me the answers I’m seeking.
“I didn’t have the option of knowing you as you were growing up, and it’s like since we got married, things have been a hundred miles an hour. In the beginning I was touring, then you were touring, and just when we thought things were going to get easier, we were served with the papers.”
“I get it.” I fold her hand in mine. “Believe me, I do. I just don’t know how to fix it, Bri. How do we get to a more comfortable situation with one another while we’re trying to deal with all the record company shit. I mean what do we do? Neither one of us know about each other’s history. It’s important to have those early moments of a relationship. But how do we fix it?”
“I don’t know.” She rests her head on my shoulder. “We’re always around other people, though.” She starts to talk, which is what I wanted her to do. “It’s hardly ever just the two of us. You have a band, I have managers and stylists and producers. It’s not very often, besides at night that we’re alone, and even then it’s only for a few hours. We go on date night, yeah, but it’s still Everett, Bri, and everybody in our house.”
It takes a minute for me to realize what she’s saying. I think back, I can’t remember the last time we were alone for an extended period of time. “You need time alone with me?”
“I think we need time to act like a normal couple. To have the conversations, to be with one another without all this other stuff hanging over our heads.”
“You’re right.” I run my hands up and down her back. “We’re so busy trying to make everything right for everyone else, we haven’t taken time to ourselves.”
“So what does that mean?” she asks, taking her head off my shoulder, those eyes of hers looking into mine.
“It means we have to make each other a priority.”
“But how do we do that, Everett?”
Breach of Contract: A Rocker Romance (The Nashvegas Series Book 2) Page 7