“I don’t have to know him the way you do to realize exactly how he’s going to react to this.” Mom gives me a smile.
It’s not a normal one though, not like the loving one most parents give their children. This one is reminiscent of a villain in a cartoon movie. She’s hit me right where I’m the most vulnerable. Where I’ve never felt like I belong. Neither she nor my dad gave me a good foundation. Even though I believe Everett loves me, there’s always going to be a little spot in the back of my head that gets triggered where issues like this are concerned. The negative voice always wins out.
Every. Single. Time.
“You know every trigger that will send me down into a spiral of depression and anxiety,” I accuse her. “Because you’re the reason I am how I am. I was never given coping skills, I was never loved unconditionally before I met him.”
She holds up her hand to get me to stop.
“Do you want EJ to know how bad off you were? How close you were to death? How easy it would have been to let you give up? We could’ve let you, but we didn’t.”
“You act like you should be celebrated for it.”
“We should be, .Do you know how hard it was to get you the help you needed, Brianna?”
“Forgive me for ruining your plans.” I do my best to keep the emotion out of my voice, to not let her know how much her words affect me. It’s hard though; no one can affect me the way she can.
“All it takes is a tip phoned into a gossip rag, they don’t give a shit. All they want is the scoop, and since you cut us off, all I want is the money.”
So this is what it’s all come down to?
“Stop.” I put my hands up into my hair, holding the sides of my head. “Fucking stop,” I grit the words between clenched teeth. When I look up, she’s pushed her way inside, sitting on the bench in the entryway.
“Do you want the world to know?” She folds her hands in her lap, tilting her head to the side. If anyone were looking at the two of us, they’d think we were a mother and daughter who loved each other unconditionally. The truth is, it’s anything but. “Your dad and I need the money we get as your managers from when you were with your record company. Residuals are stopping because you and EJ are more popular doing your own thing than you ever were by yourselves. I need you to put a halt on this deal, Brianna. If you don’t, I’ll tell everybody where you really went for those four weeks you were gone.”
“You would do that to me?” I whisper, feeling like the world is closing in, like elevator doors shutting right before I’m about to hop onto them. I want to beat against them, make them open for me again so I can escape this place.
“I would do whatever it takes to not have to work. I thought you’d realize that, Brianna.”
I should’ve. She’s been like this my entire life. Why I thought she’d change in this moment is completely beyond me. “You can’t ask me to choose between my husband and you.”
“I can and I am. Either you tell your husband the deal with your own record company is off, or everyone will know how far you were willing to go to get out of a situation you didn’t like. You’re selfish, that’s the heart of the matter.”
“I’m selfish?” The tears fall, dripping down my face, falling off my chin. “I was willing to kill myself to get away from you,” I whisper, beyond hurt at what she’s saying to me.
“Yes, selfish,” she continues. “It was all about you and how you felt. There was no thought to how your fans would have felt.”
“My fans? What about you? Shouldn’t you have cared about me? You’re my mother.”
“I am, and I taught you better than to leave your family high and dry.”
She gets up, and I push her, trying to get her out of my house. When her footing slides, I shove against her, before closing the door and locking it. My body shakes as I slide down to the floor, leaning against the solid wood, and allowing myself to lose it for the first time in a long time.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Bri
When Everett gets home, he can tell something’s wrong. When he left, I was excited to work with Mal, ready to lay down some of the last cuts on my album. Instead of the happy wife he expected to encounter when he got home, I know I look like hell.
“What happened while I was gone?”
“Nothing.” I paste a smile across my face, hoping to distance myself from him, but it doesn’t work.
He comes across the living room, barricading me in his arms. “We promised each other we’d never lie. What the fuck happened in the time I was gone. Was it Mal? I’ll kill him if he hurt you.”
It warms my heart that he’s so quick to come to my defense, but not even that can take away the sting of having my mom here today. The things she said to me, the doubts she raised in my head. They’d been gone for a hot minute, but now they’re back, sizzling like an egg on a hot sidewalk in summer. Wiping at the tears already starting to fall, I press out the words I know I have to say. “The deal with our record company is off, EJ. We have to do what they’re asking us to.”
His arms drop, a blank look crossing his face. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”
I’ve never been scared of him before, but the way his eyes are dark and lifeless terrify me. In the time we’ve been together, I’ve never seen him angry, but I get the feeling that right now I’m about to.
“I said we have to go back to our record label.” I fold my arms around myself. “Instead of forming our own.”
“It’s fucking done, Bri. There’s no going back. Contracts are signed, deals are made. What the hell happened in the few hours I was gone?”
“Nothing, I’ve just been thinking about it.” I push my fingers through my hair, trying to untangle a knot, kinda like I’m also trying to untangle my life.
“You’ve been thinking about it?”
“You keep parroting back everything I’m saying,” I accuse him. “Don’t you have a thought of your own.”
Wrong. Thing. To. Say.
He leans forward. “I’m about this close to fucking losing my temper with you, and that’s something I swore to myself I’d never do. Either you tell me what happened while I was gone, or I look at the security footage and figure it out for my damn self. Because more than anything, Brianna ,this sounds like someone else in your life getting to you. They’ve gotten in your head and now you’re using what they’ve said as an excuse.”
I flinch when he uses my full name, the same way she does. I hate it. Hate that he’s not calling me by my nickname and annoyed that she’s been able to get to me so quickly when she shouldn’t even matter. But inside of me there’s always that little girl who just wanted to make her parents happy and get their unconditional love.
“What if I’m unsure?” I whisper, trying to push past the tightening of my throat. “I’m not as confident as you are.”
All the things my mom said about me are replaying in my head. I’m trying hard to push them out, but she knows exactly where to hit me when I’m down. I wish I were strong enough not to pay attention, but I’m not. It’s always going to be a struggle.
“The fuck are you talking about, Bri? Not only me, but my band have put our future in your hands. Now you’re telling me, us, you aren’t sure?”
“I didn’t ask you to,” I yell at him. “Neither one of us even knows what the hell we’re doing.”
“I do know what I’m doing.” His voice is low, deadly, and full of disappointment. “I’m following my heart. Which always leads me to you. What I don’t understand is why you’re lying and pretending that we didn’t talk this through numerous times. That we didn’t have a plan for what we’re doing. Goddammit, we had a plan, Bri. It was foolproof and ready to be executed. We have everyone behind us. They’re all excited and prepared to go on this journey with us. What does she have on you?”
“Nothing!” I scream, sick of fighting when it comes to her, and equally sick of hiding.
“Obviously it’s something. If you’d just tell me, we coul
d work this out. We could make sure she never touches us again, but until you trust me enough to tell me we’re going to be stuck in this situation. What do you want me to do? Call my guys and tell them sorry there’s no feeding your family over the next year while we fight with our record company because Brianna’s scared of her parents. Grow the fuck up.”
“How dare you talk to me that way?”
The venom in his voice cuts deeper than anything else I could have ever imagined. This isn’t the Everett I know. Not at all. He’s always been so careful with me, making sure things are okay, even when we both know they aren’t. Giving everything of himself so that I’m comfortable. Looks like he finally hit his breaking point, because right now it feels like he doesn’t care.
“How dare you not think about me in this situation? I fucking love you, but until you trust me, it’s never going to matter, is it?” He throws the words out like stones. They hit with the ferocity of them too, smacking and hurting a little bit more with each one.
“What are you talking about?”
He gets up in my face. “Tell me what she has on you. We can meet it head on, we can get in front of it, and it’s not going to do anything to break us apart. That’s what I’m talking about. Be honest with me, for once.”
“I’m always honest with you.”
“No you aren’t. You’ve always held something back, it might be a little something, but you’ve never been fully honest with me.”
I wish I could argue, call him a liar, and make all of this about him. But he’s right, I do hold things back, as evidenced by the fact my mother has something she can hold over my head. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I do need to grow up and be an adult.
It’s so hard though, to admit to the shit about yourself you hate. I’ve always said I couldn’t stand my mom, but I’m the one who lets her do this to me. I let her manipulate me into doing whatever she wants me to do. How many times have I said I’ll stand up to her, and I never have? It’s a pattern. One I have to break, but I’m not sure how to do it.
Every single time she knows I’m happy, I let her do this. She sneaks in under my armor and threatens to take away each bit of peace I build. This keeps happening, because I let it keep happening.
“It’s hard,” I try to explain to him.
“What, you think this shit is easy? You think marriage is easy? Or even living with another person? If you thought it was easy, you’ve been living in a dream world. I work every day to make you happy, to gain your trust because I know you have issues from the way you were raised, and now I find out you’ll take their side over mine? You wanna know how I feel, Brianna? Fucking betrayed.”
Shame rides high on my cheeks. Hot and most definitely red. As much as I want to say he’s wrong, I can’t. This is a betrayal. I’ve done this to him, and I’ve let people put me in situations I never should have.
I took my marriage vows seriously, yet I can’t hold onto them when threatened by the people I’ve been scared of for most of my life. I’m not growing, even though I thought I was, I’m staying stagnant, willing to let the people who have hurt me, continue to hurt me, although I said I wouldn’t.
“Everett, I don’t want you to feel that way,” I stumble over my words, trying to get him to understand.
“Oh, is this going to turn into an ‘it’s not you, it’s me thing’? Give me a fuckin’ break. I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do to make this marriage successful. I jumped in head first with my eyes wide open, and you haven’t. Fuck it, I’m going out tonight. Don’t wait up.”
I watch him leave, a burning deep in my chest, scared of what he’s going to do. Beyond scared he won’t come back.
He squeals out of the driveway and all I can think of is how much this breaks my heart, not only the way he’s spoken, but the way I’m doubted. God, why did I let them get to me? How did it all come to this?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
EJ
“Are you sure you wanna do this?”
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a bar, since I turned twenty-one, and then I only did it because I was finally allowed to legally be there. Drinking in public hasn’t been a thing for me; I much prefer to have fun in private, not worry about the cameras everyone has on their phone. Tonight though, I need to forget the argument Bri and I just had.
Am I sure I wanna do this? It’s a question I’ve asked myself since I left the house tonight, after the argument Bri and I had.
Thinking back to how we screamed at each other, I realize it wasn’t an argument. It was a fight.
I’m partially ashamed, but at the same time, I’m pissed. Seriously irritated she’s questioning my loyalty and love for her. The asshole I can be is making me want to get even.
“Give me a shot.” I slap my hand on the bar. I haven’t been in this headspace in almost a year. Not since Bri and I got married, but tonight I’m gonna do it up right.
“Make it two.” Rhett has a seat next to me.
“This is a bad idea, RJ. You’re clean and sober.”
“No, I’m not, and you know I’m not.” He shakes his head. “I was, but I haven’t been good for a few weeks.”
Motherfucker, I knew it. I had a goddamn feeling. Something I couldn’t put my finger on, but right now I see it. The way he’s been acting. The secretive phone calls, the too-bright eyes.
The bartender slaps the two shots down in front of us. Picking it up, I raise it to RJ, he does the same and we toast before pouring them down our throats.
Making a motion with my hand, I throw my credit card on the counter. “Keep ‘em coming. Don’t stop until we tell you to.”
Hours later we’ve got a bit of a crowd. There are men and women hanging around, one woman has her arm draped across my shoulder, her breast digging into my side.
“You about ready to get out of here, EJ?” She smirks, her bright red lipstick reflecting the shine from the overhead lights.
Clearing my throat, I shake my head. “Not sure I’ll be leaving here with you. Never said I was going to. Not tonight, not any other night.”
“We don't have to leave.” She situates herself closer to my side, taking her arm from my shoulder and running her finger down my chest. She keeps going, not stopping until she gets to the button of my jeans. Reaching down, I fold my fingers over hers, wrenching her touch away. “Not right now.”
She purses her lips. “C’mon. I’ve heard things about you. How you fuck like a god and make women scream. Let me have a piece of that.”
“You want a piece of me?” I grab her by the back of the neck, bringing her lips even to mine. “Everybody wants one. You’re no different than all the other ones before her.”
“Before who?” She bites her lip, basically climbing up into my lap.
My eyes rove down her body, taking in the peaked tips of her nipples. This is exciting for her. Everything about this is probably some damn wet dream she’s had for as long as she’s known what sexuality was.
“Before Bri,” I push out from between my lips. My tongue is heavy, feeling the effects of the alcohol I’ve drank. “She’s the only one whose’s ever made me feel alive.”
“I’m right here baby, I can make you feel alive.”
She presses against me, taking my lips with hers. The taste is wrong, the feel is completely foreign, and I know it’s going to take a lot to come back from this. Her tongue sweeps against mine before she pulls back. Her head swoops down to my jawline, and I grab her hair before she can land a kiss. That’s Bri’s spot, and no matter if I’m mad at her or not, no one else will ever touch me there.
“Everett, let’s go somewhere private.”
It’s the Everett that gets me. Only one person is allowed to call me that and she isn’t here. If she gets wind of this, she’ll probably never forgive me.
Truth is, I’m unsure if I’ll ever forgive myself for what I’ve done here tonight.
Pushing her off my lap, I grab RJ. “Let’s get out of here. Time to go.”
&n
bsp; I know I shouldn’t be driving. The white lines on the road are moving from left to right as Rhett and I go toward his house. A horn blares from somewhere.
“Screw you,” I scream out. I don’t see anyone, but whoever it is has pissed me off.
“I’m gonna puke, EJ, you gotta pull over.” I hear my brother. It’s been years since he’s puked as far as I know. Not since the first time we got drunk together as teenagers.
“You better not do it in my car,” I warn him as I pull over to the side of the road, flipping my hazards on. At least I have the presence of mind to do that. RJ throws the door open, leaning out and loses everything in his stomach along the shoulder.
“You okay?” I reach over, rubbing my hand up and down his back in a sloppy motion.
“Yeah,” he coughs, puking again.
Resting my head against the steering wheel, I try to stay awake. It’s then that I see blue lights come up behind us and I know I’m good and fucked.
“Do either of you have anything on you?” They cop is asking.
“No.” I shake my head. “Just slightly drunk.”
“Slightly?” he questions. “Looks like you’re more than slightly.”
“Maybe.” I grin up at him.
Another cop comes to the passenger side, talking to RJ. “You got anything on you?” He asks.
“Yeah.” RJ coughs again. “I’ve got pills in my pocket.”
“Anything that’ll poke or stick me?”
“Yeah,” RJ answers again, and this time it makes me turn my head to the side, glaring at him.
“You have needles?” I scream at him. “What the fuck are you thinking? When did this start?”
“Now’s not the time,” he throws back at me.
Breach of Contract: A Rocker Romance (The Nashvegas Series Book 2) Page 14