by L A Cotton
I’d been doing it my whole life.
In seventh grade, a boy in my class found out Maverick was dyslexic; a secret we all worked hard to keep. He threatened to tell the whole school if I didn’t kiss him underneath the bleachers. I was so scared of how Maverick would react to his secret getting out, I met zit-faced Zander Mollins and gave him my first kiss. I couldn’t tell Maverick because I knew he’d beat the slimy kid’s ass black and blue. Even as a young kid, Maverick struggled with his temper. I guess that’s what happens when you try to live up to your father’s unrealistic expectations.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that Zander Mollins was only one of many. Guys who would go to great lengths to get what they wanted, and over the years, I became a barrier of sorts between Maverick and the guys who would try to hurt him.
Like in ninth grade when I found out that Joel Jenkins was so jealous of Maverick he pulled a cheap shot on the basketball court that resulted in Rick spraining his ankle. When I confronted him, he said Maverick deserved to get knocked down a peg or two and that if I didn’t agree to go on a date with him, he would make sure next time he finished the job. Basketball was Rick’s whole life, and I knew that if he couldn’t play, he wouldn’t deal. So I did what I needed to do. Joel was handsy. The whole time I remember thinking, ‘this is for Rick’. Knowing my brother would get to keep basketball meant more to me than tolerating Joel’s roaming hands and clumsy kisses.
Girls weren’t much better. They would befriend me, worming their way into my life until one day I’d see through their fake smiles and realize they were more interested in catching a glimpse of Maverick at the house, than listening to anything I had to say. So I stopped making new friends. And slowly, over the years, we closed ranks. I refused to let people use me to get to my brother because he was a star heading straight for the NBA.
Then the summer before tenth grade I met Nathan Peters. We were staying with our father and his wife, Maxine, and their kids. Dad made Rick attend a lot of business meetings, insisting he start learning the ropes early, which left me to own my devices. I hung out with Elle, my half-sister a lot at the mall, and it was there I met Nathan.
He was older than me. Sixteen, like my brother. Yet they were so different. Maverick was always so intense. But Nathan was like a breath of fresh air and he made me laugh, and before I knew it, I was sneaking out to meet him. It was a whirlwind, and I fell hard. I’d never let anyone in before, but Nathan was different. He didn’t care about my name or who my brother was or my father. He only saw me. And until meeting him, I hadn’t realized how much I needed it. To shine on my own, out from under Rick’s shadow. I was infatuated.
And it wasn’t long before I was falling in love with him.
But I soon learned, the ones we love are usually the ones who hurt us most.
Chapter 8
DEVON
Ignoring Macey was easier than I imagined, considering it was always me chasing her. All I had to do was delete her number, stop searching her out at every opportunity, and problem solved. Granted, it had taken me ten minutes to actually do it but who’s counting? We only had one class together and we didn’t run in the same circles, so for the remainder of the week life went back to normal, pre-Macey Prince.
“Bonfire at the beach tonight?” Jared tipped his chin as I approached our usual table in the cafeteria.
“I’m in,” I said my eyes scanning the room. It wasn’t a conscious action; they had a mind of their own lately.
“Looking for someone?” he asked, and I gave him a half-hearted shrug.
“No one in particular.”
“The football team have a game in Long Beach, so we’ll have the place to ourselves.”
“Sounds cozy.” I smirked.
“Fuck off, you know what I mean. No football players means more chance of me finding some pussy.”
“You always find pussy.” My brows quirked up. “You’re like a pussy magnet.”
He grinned. “Yeah, but not the prime pussy. That shit is usually jock-territory only.”
“Is it me or did this conversation just get really weird?”
“What’s weird?” Liam joined us.
“That sweater, dude, what the fuck is that?” Jared threw his head back and exploded with laughter as Liam sat down next to me and flipped him off.
“Fuck you. My mom bought it for me for this dinner with Autumn’s family. She said, and I quote, ‘if you’re meeting your girlfriend’s family you need to look respectable’.”
“Okaaaay,” Jared said. “But why are you wearing it now?”
“She wanted me to break it in.”
“It’s a sweater, not a virgin.”
“Dude!” I threw a chip at him.
“What?”
“Seriously?” I gawked. “You want me to answer that question?”
“You need to lighten up Lions or get laid. I think Bryn and Hallie will be there tonight.” His brows waggled, mischief twinkling in his eyes. “Hallie is hot, and I heard she thinks you’re cute.”
“Cute?” Cute was what you called your baby sister, or a cuddly toy, or that god awful sweater Liam was wearing.
I was an eighteen-year-old guy whose wardrobe consisted of precisely three colors: white, black, and gray.
I wasn’t cute.
“What can I say?” Jared puffed out his chest and slicked back his hair. “We can’t all be hot like me.”
“You’re a dick,” I shot back.
“At least my dick gets regular action.” He grabbed his junk under the table and started thrusting. I shook my head, fighting a smile.
If only you knew. But I couldn’t say the words because Macey would never forgive me. So I pressed my lips together and kept my head down. Trying to think of anything but her.
And failing miserably.
“NOT THAT I DON’T LOVE you guys, but can you please keep your tongues out of each other’s mouth for at least five seconds?” I raised a brow at Liam and Autumn.
She blushed, burying her head in his shoulder while he mouthed, “Fuck off”.
“Hallie’s over there.” He changed the subject, no doubt trying to deflect the fact that he and Autumn had ignored me for the last ten minutes.
“Yeah, I know.”
“So...”
“So, what?”
“So, you heard Jared, you should go talk to her. I haven’t seen you talk to a girl since Lo. You need to get back in the game.”
“I don’t know.” I took a long pull on my beer, letting my eyes run over the party. With the football team gone it was more chilled than usual. “She’s not my type.”
“Dude, the only type you have is girls who are out of your league.”
“Nice, jackass.” I stood up. “Real nice.”
“Come on, Devon, I’m just—”
“Yeah, I’m out.”
Autumn started chewing out Liam, but I walked away. I knew it was a joke. But even though it was below the belt, he had no idea how much it stung. Because he was right. My track record with girls wasn’t exactly great. First there was Caitlin, and then there was Lo. And now... now there was Macey Prince. Some might say I was a sucker for punishment or maybe I just enjoyed the burn of rejection. Either way, if Liam ever found out the truth about Macey and me, he’d probably suggest therapy.
Why couldn’t I just be normal? Why couldn’t I be attracted to girls who didn’t want to use me or friend zone me or only be with me after drinking enough vodka to sink a ship?
“Hey, Devon.”
I turned around to find Hallie smiling at me. “Hey.”
“Cool party.”
“Yeah.” I nodded hoping she’d get the hint. She didn’t, creeping nearer until her hands curled over the railing and she stared at the ocean with me.
“I was hoping you’d be here.” Her fingers inched closer to mine until her pinky grazed my hand. “I really like yo—”
“Listen, Hallie. I’m not really good company tonight. I have some shit going on
. Another time maybe?”
I watched as her hopeful expression melted away. “Oh, okay.”
Traces of dejection lingered in her voice, and a tiny part of me felt bad. But being honest was better than leading her on. Right?
“I’ll see you around, Devon.” She spun on her heels and left me standing there. Jared spotted me across the bonfire and held his hands up in a ‘what the hell’ motion. I shook my head, letting my hair fall over my eyes and groaned. Hallie was cute. But she had that good girl vibe going on. In other words, she wasn’t my type. And I was still hung up on a certain Prince. Even if my plan of ignoring her until she came knocking had seemingly backfired. Because Macey hadn’t looked once in my direction, let alone texted me.
I finished my beer, watching the waves lap against the shore. The Bay was our local hangout but lately it didn’t feel the same. There was a shift in the air. The future lingering off in the distance waiting for us to make the decisions that would shape our lives. For most kids, it was all college applications and SAT scores. But not for me. A riveting future at Lions Construction awaited me. So while everyone around seemed to be racing toward graduation, I was all too happy to hang back and soak up my final year in high school.
Before the real hard work started.
Literally.
My dad’s company wasn’t a bad place to end up. I’d helped out every summer since I was fourteen. He had a good group of guys working for him and watching something form out of nothing was satisfying in its own way. But it wasn’t my dream.
“I come bearing apologies.” Liam handed me another beer and leaned back against the railing. “That was a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry.”
“Nah, you didn’t say anything I don’t already know.”
“I saw Hallie leave looking like her favorite chew toy got ruined.” His question filled the space between us and I tipped my head back, letting out a long sigh.
“She’s nice, but—”
“But you’re still hung up on her, aren’t you?” Liam rubbed the back of his neck watching me.
“Who?” Did he know? Impossible. We’d been careful, covered our tracks and yet, the way he was looking at me...
“Cat.”
“Cat?” I choked on the mouthful of beer, slamming a hand to my chest. When I could breathe again I added, “Trust me when I say I’m not thinking about Cat.”
“Lo then?” he asked.
“Nah, I’m just... thinking.”
“Don’t do too much of that, I’ve heard it’s dangerous.”
“So, dinner with Autumn’s family; you ready for that?”
“Yeah, I think so. I mean it’s important to her, so...”
“You love her?”
“What is this, man? Relationship advice with Dr Phil? Yeah, I love her, but it’s senior year. A few more months and everything will change.”
“Yeah, you’ll be in Arizona, and I’ll be stuck here.”
“Your old man still guilt-tripping you into staying?”
“He isn’t guilt-tripping me, he just wants me to share his dream.” And since Mom walked out, he’d been more pushy than usual. I knew deep down he was probably just scared of losing me too, but how could I push for college when every penny we had was keeping his business afloat following a tough few years?
“And what about your dreams?”
“Music isn’t a viable career choice,” I mimicked my father.
“But it’s your passion.”
“I appreciate the pep talk, but I’m good, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“What’s this? Bromance 101? I swear you two look five seconds away from hugging. Next thing you know, you’ll be braiding each other’s hair, and I’ll be buying you matching purses to keep all your girly shit in.” Jared teased.
“Just make sure mine matches my sweater.” Liam roared with laughter and for the next few minutes we were just three friends enjoying the bonfire.
And the future seemed like a world away.
“HEY, KID,” DAD WAS hunched over the coffee maker when I entered the kitchen the next morning.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Coffee?”
“Nah, I’m good with juice. Everything okay?” I eyed him closely. The unshaven scruff on his jaw and dark circles around his eyes were a clear sign, but he refused to talk about it and I’d stopped asking.
“Yeah, late night was all.”
Late night drinking with his buddies at the bar no doubt.
“How’s school?” he asked, barely looking up from his coffee.
“It’s... school.” I shrugged, grabbing a bowl and cereal from the cabinet.
He shuffled his papers and then said, “Only a few more months, then you can join the crew and start earning your way.”
“Sure thing, Dad.” I’d given up arguing. Since Mom walked out five months ago, Dad was a shell of himself focused only on two things: work, and drowning his sorrows at the local bar. We went through the motions. How was school? How were classes? How was the party at the Bay? But my dad—the steady, motivated, interested guy he used to be—no longer existed. While Mom lived it up with her new family in Santa Barbara not sparing us a second thought.
When it happened, I’d wanted to be surprised, but sadly, I had seen the signs long before she came into the kitchen, sat us both down and told us she was leaving. The late night calls. The extra sparkle in her eyes. The makeup and new outfits. Mom was having an affair and Dad was too busy to notice.
Until it was too late.
“What’s the plan for today?” His question pulled me from my thoughts.
“Nothing planned. Why do you want—”
“I have to head into the office, run over some figures. There’s a big contract coming up and I don’t want to overlook anything.”
“Sounds important.”
“It is. If we pull this off, things could really turn around.” His words sounded hopeful, but his eyes told a different story.
“I’ll see you later?” I asked. “We could get takeout? Watch a movie?”
“It could be a late one. I’ll check in though.”
“Sure,” I said wondering why I’d even bothered asking. Growing up, Dad was always busy with work, but he made time for me. Lately, he was checked out from our lives. From my life.
Maybe Liam was right. Maybe I should have just stood up for myself and applied for college. But how could I do that to Dad when all he’d ever wanted was for me to follow in his footsteps?
The answer was, I couldn’t.
Chapter 9
MACEY
Our team won in the last minute of play. It was an important game for the Wreckers, especially since they didn’t make the play-offs last year. Despite the rift between me and Kyle, I knew this was a big deal for him.
We all did.
So it was no surprise that party plans quickly circulated. Coach Munford knew the score; knew his ‘lights out before eleven’ speech would fall on deaf ears. But as long as we all made it on the bus tomorrow morning, and no complaints were made to the hotel, he and the staff turned a blind eye.
“Are you ready?” Kara asked me. Thankfully, Caitlin had roomed us together, so I was able to breathe a sigh of relief I didn’t have to worry about playing nice with one of the other girls.
“I think so.” I checked my reflection in the mirror of our small bathroom, blotting my red-glossed lips again. There was no use in trying to get out of tonight. Everyone would be there. I threw on my favorite pair of skinny black jeans and sparkly halter top and prepared to survive a night with my teammates.
“You look hot.” Kara grinned.
“Too bad we’re partying with our football team and not Long Beach. Did you see some of those guys?” There might have been a block of ice where my heart was supposed to be, but I wasn’t blind. Those guys were yummy.
Kara’s grin grew wider, and I frowned. “What?”
“Promise you won’t freak out?” Mischief glittered in her usually innocent blu
e eyes.
“Kara...” I leaned back against the desk and waited.
“We’re not partying with our team tonight,” she said around a coy smile.
“What do you mean we’re not partying with our team?”
“Caitlin knows the Bull Dog’s linebacker, and he invited us to a party.”
“And you were planning on telling me this when?”
“I’m sorry, okay. I just didn’t want you to freak out and bail. I know you haven’t been yourself lately.”
She had a point. But a party with the home team? It sounded a damn sight better than a party with Kyle watching my every move all night. My lip curved. “Who said anything about bailing?”
“You mean you’re in?”
“Why not?” I lifted my shoulders in a shrug, grabbing my purse and smacking my lips together again. “Besides, we need to get you laid.”
“Macey!” Kara gawked at me, her cheeks flushed. I snickered, looping my arm through hers as we slipped out of our room and made for the stairs.
“It’s time, K. We’re seniors. You’re almost eighteen. You can’t hold onto your v card forever.”
“I know, I’m just...” she trailed off as we checked the hall for any signs of our chaperones. When the coast was clear, we hurried across to the emergency stairwell.
“Just what?”
“Waiting for the right guy, I guess.”
Memories I fought hard to keep locked away rattled to the surface, but I inhaled a harsh breath and pushed them back down. “And that’s admirable, it is.” I tried my best to sound sincere. “But don’t build him up in your mind too much, K, because chances are, you’ll be sorely disappointed.”
Her hand grabbing mine had me glancing back. “What happened to you, Macey?” she said, concern laced in her words.
“I—”
“Hurry!” someone called from below us. “They won’t wait all night.”
I yanked Kara down the last couple of flights of stairs with me to where Caitlin, Trina, and a couple of other senior girls were waiting for us. “What took you so long?” Caitlin scowled.