by KL Donn
Digging her nails into my shoulder blades, she scores them down my flesh, leaving what I’m sure are red marks that I’ll be dying to see later. “Codie,” I hiss out. “Don’t do that.” She presses her naked pussy into my hard ridge and rubs back and forth.
“I need you, Ryder,” she whines quietly into the room. Her legs wrapping around my hips to drag me in closer to her heated core only makes it harder to say no. “Please, Ryder.”
“Fuck, woman. The things I’d like to do to you.” Slipping one hand between us, I trail down her body and find her warmth. “There she is.” Rubbing gently between her folds, I have to place a hand over Codie’s mouth to keep her moans quiet as I rub her into completion.
“Mmmm.” She humps into my hand as I slip a digit in her tight heat.
“That’s it, dove. Come all over my hand. Give it to me, baby.” Biting her neck, I can feel myself wanting to let go as she clenches on my fingers and cries into my hand as her body shivers and shakes out her orgasm.
Lifting my hand from her mouth, I lean up on my elbow and bring up my fingers that were just buried in her sweetness and suck her juices off. Her gasp of surprise is adorable. In so many ways, Codie is still completely innocent.
“Let’s get you in the shower, then we’ll talk to the doctors about getting home soon.” I grin as she nods, reluctant to leave the bed in her languid state.
Codie
* * *
Warm water hits my back and eases the stiffness from sleeping in hard hospital beds for so long, relaxing me as I beg Ryder to join me. “Please?” I pout.
The man is steadfast in his desire to help me that he forgets I want to be as close to him as he does me. I want to experience life with him, and he’s making it difficult.
I don’t know everything that happened on his last mission and the details surrounding his injuries, but I do know he risked his life further by coming for me when I needed him most.
“You don’t need me in there, dove.” He grins, but I see him wavering as I run my hands up my breasts and into my hair under the pretense of making sure I get it all wet. “Christ, woman,” he groans out as his hands begin unbuttoning his pants.
I step back to make room for him, and as soon as he clears the curtain, I wrap my arms around his waist, holding him close. Pressing my breasts into his body, I place my ear against his heart and listen to each beat. Saying a prayer of thanks that I still get a chance to tell him how I feel.
Leaning his head on mine, we stand under the warm spray and just enjoy each other until I feel a pulsing deep inside my body with the need to have him inside of me. My desire for this man has ramped up since facing death. I know can’t hide from my feelings any longer, and if I’m indeed going to embrace life, I need to start by being honest with myself.
Kissing his heart, I slowly work my way down his chest to the tiny barbell piercings in his nipples. I suck one into my mouth and feel an answering pulse in his dick as it jumps against my belly. Smiling up at him, I do the same to the other, the smooth metal a welcome relief on my tongue.
Moving down his chest, I dip my tongue into his belly button, nip at his hip until finally, I’m on my knees. His hardened member stares me in the face. Gazing up at him through hooded eyes, I see him biting his lip, and I know he won’t ask for what he wants, but he’s damn well praying I’ll give it to him anyways.
Leaning forward, I rub my cheek along his length, loving the feel of him. His flesh is soft, but he’s hard as a rod. Kissing the tip, I lick along the slit and waste no time sucking him to the back of my throat. Gagging a little when I go too far, his hands thread through my hair as he pulls me back with a warning look for me to calm down.
I love that most about him, I think. The way he’s always taking care of me. Even on the cusp of pleasure, Ryder puts me first.
Closing my eyes, I work his length in and out of my mouth slowly, feeling the large vein along his shaft pulsing with each inhale. The way his fists tighten and release in my hair tells me just what he likes most.
Taking him as deep as I can, I swallow around the head of him, and his long groan followed by the tensing of nearly every muscle in his body tells me he’s oh so close to releasing his pleasure.
Cupping his balls with one hand, I grip his shaft with the other and slowly slide his flesh up and down. With the head just inside my mouth, more pre-come drips on my tongue, and I enjoy the saltiness of his flavor.
Meeting his lust-filled stare, I tug my hand lightly and say to him, “Ryder, I think…” I pause, suddenly being unsure of my words.
“What? You think what?” he groans, the veins in his neck pumping with each beat of his heart.
“I think I love you.”
Time freezes.
I pause, wondering if now is the right time.
“Jesus,” he hisses. Picking me up, Ryder grips my hips as he slams his aching cock into my core. “Fuck, dove, you can’t do that to a man on the edge of insanity.”
“I’m sorry,” I whimper as he slowly drags his dick in and out of my pussy.
“No,” he barks, thrusting back inside. My head hits the wall as ecstasy pulls me into another universe. “I love you, too.”
Everything in me submits to the sweetest words I’ve ever heard. I could cry with how full my heart is.
“You don’t get to take them back,” Ryder growls, mistaking the meaning of my tears.
“Never. I’ll never take them back,” I vow.
“Good. Because you’re mine. I won’t ever let you go.” His lips smash down over mine, and his tongue fucks my mouth in the same manner his cock is taking over my cunt. I can’t breathe. I can’t move.
I don’t want to.
I want everything that we share to be just like this.
Rough.
Harsh.
Soft and sweet.
This is us.
Chapter 22
Codie
Inhale. One.
Exhale. Two.
Three.
I’m home. For the first time in three years, I’m back in Rapid City, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
I came to see Lucas. My light in a dark world that I’ve struggled to let go of since becoming part of the universe again and not just existing within it. Ryder has been a godsend the past week. Allowing me to have space when I need it. A shoulder to cry on when I’m overwhelmed.
The new medications I’m now taking make it easier to breathe in a reality where I can barely find my footing most days. Letting go of the fear that I’m not good enough isn’t over, but I’m learning to work through it.
“You’re sure you don’t want me to come?” Ryder asks as we pull up to the cemetery where Lucas was laid to rest.
Staring out over the grass and trees to the tiny angel headstone that I spent all the money I had on at the time, I know I have to do this alone. “Yeah. I’ll be okay.” I smile to reassure him as I slowly walk forward, still counting my steps.
Stopping behind the stone before I read the inscription, I take a deep breath in the chilly mountain air. His grave overlooks a valley below the mountain, providing me with a calm I desperately need.
“Hi, baby boy,” I murmur, stepping around and seeing his name for the first time in far longer than I like to admit. Sitting down in the dewy grass, I trace the letters with a finger. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long.”
My head hangs in shame. I hate how much I’ve failed his legacy. “I miss you. Every day I feel your loss in my entire being.” Tears hover on my lids. “I wish I’d been able to watch you grow up. Help you take your first steps. Listen to your infant babble. Wake up in the middle of the night to your cries.”
Running my fingers through the grass, I close my eyes and pretend I’m back at that hospital again. I speak to him all the things I should have said then but was too grief-stricken to acknowledge.
“I know, now, that you were given to me to test my strength. To make me a better person. We had a few short months togeth
er that I will cherish until my dying breath, Lucas.” A sob tries to break free, but I force it down. “I need you to know that I wanted you so badly. I want you to know how much I love you. How much I think of you.”
Tears flow freely down my face, now. “You were such a surprise to me and your father, Jason. We were young and immature.” I wipe a tear before it drops. “I don’t blame him for what happened or your loss. I used to blame myself. For so long, I shouldered the blame to a tragedy I never had control over.
“Over the years, I closed myself off. I became this woman I didn’t recognize. I sunk into this deep depression I couldn’t figure a way out of.” Sucking in a deep breath, I notice Ryder watching me as he leans against the rental car. His sister, Hayes, told me of a time when she had been doing this exact same thing, only it was over Ryder’s grave, and I now feel closer to her than I ever thought I would allow myself.
“I miss you, Lucas, and I hope one day I’ll get to hold you again. I hope one day I’ll get to kiss you goodnight and tell you all about the journey I’m about to embark on with Ryder Morrison.” The man in question grins sexily at me like he knows I’m talking about him. “I hate that I lost you, son, but I fear if I hadn’t, I never would have met Ryder. Or maybe I would have. Who knows? But I have a feeling no matter the outcome of our lives, he would have loved you every bit as much as if you were his boy.”
With a fortifying inhale and a clear mind, the pain in my heart eases as I stand. “I love you, Lucas. I always will. I hope that wherever you are, you’re at ease.” Placing a kiss on my fingers, I lay them lightly on the forehead of the angel and the pressure of not being enough frees me from my past.
I can move on now. Not without Lucas, but with him in my heart as a memory of love and loss. He’ll be my angel, and I’ll show him that I can live for the both of us now.
Walking right into Ryder’s arms, he cradles me to his chest as my tears flow freely. “He’d be proud of you, dove. So damn proud.”
“I hope so,” I whisper into his chest.
Ryder
* * *
Fuck am I in awe of this woman of mine. She’s pushed and pulled since leaving the hospital. Pushing me back so she can find her footing. Pulling me forward so I know she’s not going anywhere.
It’s been a rollercoaster of a week, and I’m glad to be nearly done with it so we can move forward together. The visit to see Lucas was far more emotionally exhausting for Codie, but as soon as she stood up to walk back to me, I saw the heaviness lifting from her shoulders. She no longer held the weight of the world on her small frame, and I couldn’t be prouder of her.
I wanted to take her back to the motel we rented for a couple of nights, but she’s insisting on going home to see her parents. When they came to the hospital, she hadn’t wanted to see them but asked that I tell them we’d see them when we arrived here.
Lucas was the priority. He was who she wanted to see first, and I have to say, it was probably best that she did.
“We don’t have to do this, you know.” I anticipate there’s going to be a confrontation between the small family, and I don’t like the idea of Codie feeling less than perfect because of their rejection all those years ago.
“I do.” She smiles at me again. “I know it’s your first instinct, but you don’t have to save me from everything.” Her hand cups my cheek as we stop in front of her childhood residence. A home that brought her nothing but pain and heartache. She’s so damn strong. Far more than she’s ever given herself credit for, and I couldn’t be happier to bear witness to it.
“Let’s do this.” Exiting the car, I walk around to her side where she waits for me to open the door and help her out. It’s a small act of chivalry that I quickly learned she enjoys, so I do it as often as I can.
Gripping my hand in her tiny fists, Codie holds my arm in front of her as we walk side by side to the front door of the small bungalow house. The closer we get, the tighter her hold becomes, giving away her anxiety about being here.
“Say the word, and we’re gone,” I whisper in her ear before she reaches for the doorbell. I know she’s pushing herself to do this. Coming back here, ringing the bell of a house that she used to come and go from as she pleased. I hate it, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last week, it’s that Codie’s as stubborn as Nix.
“I’ve got this,” she tells me as the chime rings through the house.
The door opens, and her mother stands there frozen with shock and fear bright in her blue eyes. “Codie.” Her hoarse voice is full of emotion.
“One, two, three.” The counting is under her breath so only I can hear it. I leave her be for now. When she explained the numbers and why it was soothing, I no longer considered it as an anxious tick.
It’s a coping mechanism brought on by Lucas’ birth. She counts the seconds down from the time her dream became a reality, and it helps keep her grounded to life.
“Mother.” Codie’s tone is a mix of cold greeting and desperation for love.
“Come in, come in.” Maya ushers us inside. “I’m glad you came. It’s been so long since we’ve spoken.” The rigid stance of Codie’s body tells me she’s already frustrated with the older woman.
“Over three years.” Her voice is hard, and I’m proud of my dove for not skirting around the issue.
Guilt flashes in her mother’s eyes, and I almost feel bad for her. “Your father will be down in a few minutes. He’s just changing from work.” She guides us to the living room before disappearing into what I assume is the kitchen.
“How are you doing, dove?” Wrapping an arm around her waist, I pull Codie into my side as she stares around the room in awe. Photos of her in different stages of her life are hung all around the room like a shrine.
“There were never these many pictures up when I lived here,” she comments.
That doesn’t surprise me. My own parents don’t have this many up of Hayes and me. “You think it’s for show?” I don’t know what her parents were like before, other than Codie didn’t feel as loved as she should have.
“I’m not sure,” she whispers as her mother re-enters the room with coffee on a tray.
“Here we go! There’s cream and sugar if you like.” Maya sits quietly on the chair across from us and stares at the staircase as if willing her husband to come down.
“This is fine, Mrs. Ray, thank you.” I break the silence because I want to see her face. I need to get a better read on her when she’s not hustling around us. “Codie said you’re a teacher?”
She finally brings her head around to look at us. “Oh, yes. I’m just a homeroom teacher now for the high school. I help in the library between classes, as well.”
“What happened to your geography class?” Codie asks with a tilt to her head.
“Oh, well, it just wasn’t a good fit anymore is all.” She smiles, and behind it, I see her own pain. She’s trying to push past it and be upbeat, for Codie’s sake, I assume. But I recognize her demons. She’s haunted by what they did to their only child.
“I see,” Codie mutters as she stirs sugar into her coffee, which she doesn’t even like.
“Hi there!” Clark booms as he comes into the room, a fake smile on his face, pain in his indifferent stare. “Oh good, you got the coffee, Maya.” He leans down to kiss his wife’s cheek, and I believe that’s the first sincere move I’ve seen since arriving.
Silence surrounds the room as they all stir coffee that they aren’t drinking or smile in the hopes someone else will start a conversation.
So, I do. “Almost four years ago, I was held captive in a cave in a part of the world no decent human being should ever be.” Codie’s eyes immediately swell with tears because she knows this story. “They had me for a year. Only a couple of months into my captivity, they took each piece of identifying clothing or jewelry I had, put it on someone else and burned the body, so there was no way to distinguish who it was except for my dog tags.”
Horror covers their faces
. “Good lord,” Maya whispers, covering her mouth.
“My family was notified of my death on the same night my little sister was run over and left for dead.” To this day the anger over Hayes’ accident hasn’t vanished. “They lost me hours before they nearly lost Hayes.”
“I’m so sorry, Ryder.”
“Not your fault, ma’am.” I give her a genuine smile because I can tell she knows where I’m going with this. “My point is, my family was given a second chance. It took me two years to come home. It was a full year before I thought I was whole enough to even return after being rescued.” I pause a beat because that day is still so fresh in my memory. “My welcoming wasn’t completely warm. Hayes was pissed, and I’ll tell you, that girl can hold a grudge like no one I know.”
“She’s okay, after her accident?” Maya’s motherly instincts kick in.
“She is. Found herself a real good man, and they’re expecting their first baby any day now.” I smile thinking of those two. They’re disgusting to watch as a couple, but the love they share is one I can foresee for Codie and me. “I can’t say I understand what went down in this house three years ago. I can, however, understand what’s happening right now. The awkwardness, the need to say sorry, and hopefully forgive, is present in the room, but it’s up to the two of you to start.”
Staring down at Codie, I see relief and love reflected back at me. Leaning forward I kiss her lightly before addressing her parents again. “Obviously, no one expected to lose Lucas. That sweet boy should have lived a full life. But if your daughter has taught me anything in the few months I’ve known her, it’s that everything happens for a reason. Everything.”
“Codie,” Clark calls her name softly, and I can feel the emotion emitting off of him as he moves to sit next to his daughter. A girl he should have protected far more than he ever did.