15
Penny winced at the sight of him, and her tears soon turned into a strangled sob.
‘Asshole!’ she said, struggling to get away from him. She got on the bus and Marcus followed.
It was empty apart a few souls slumped in the front seats. Penny sat somewhere at random, her hair dripping like a leaky downpipe. She stared out the window in a grotesque display of indifference. A pool of rainwater had collected on the floor, and she stared out through the window as if Marcus were invisible.
In reality, it was the opposite. She was trembling all over, a little from the cold and a little from anger, clenching her fists as if to signal imminent and ceaseless conflict between them both.
‘You should have waited for me,’ Marcus told her.
She turned and gave him a fierce look, but it was a fragile ferocity that risked melting into a sea of tears. Then she imagined Marcus and Rebecca having sex in the basement and laughing at her, and once again was overwhelmed by rage.
‘Get away from me!’ she ordered him. ‘You didn’t keep your end of the deal. Go sit somewhere else – I don’t want you here. You disgust me.’
‘Stop talking bullshit,’ he replied in an icy tone that irritated her even more.
She got up from her seat, scrambled past him with her nose in the air, and went to stand by one of the doors, clinging to the metal bar. Marcus quickly joined her. They stood there in silence – Penny soaked through and tottering on her high heels, losing her balance with each brake and turn, his arms always ready to catch her. Every time it happened Penny told him not to touch her, but every time he did, and her heart skipped a beat, making her feel miserable as well as helpless.
At one of the many stops, Marcus took her hand. ‘Let’s get off here,’ he said, pulling her from the bus.
‘No! I’m not home yet.’
He showed no sign of listening to her, but continued holding her hand, as if leading her off in a specific direction. The rain had let up but it was still mercilessly cold.
Marcus stopped in front of a diner that was like a portal back to the era of flared trousers and feathered hair. They passed through a glass door with a polished brass frame, stamped with the words ‘The Gold Cat’. Marcus greeted an older lady behind the counter as if he knew her.
‘Hi, Sherrie. Could you please bring us a towel?’
The woman nodded at his request. She was plump and petite, around sixty years old, with a bright, yellow-gold crest atop her white hair, which was styled like Farrah Fawcett’s in Charlie’s Angels. The room itself was decorated in different shades of yellow, from the floor up to the pendant lamps. Three or four customers sat in booths devouring mountains of mashed potato doused in gravy or slices of apple pie à la mode, and there was someone else seated at the bar, eyes glued to an old TV with the sound turned low.
Marcus dragged Penny towards the ladies’ bathroom. It was small and unadorned – unlike the bathrooms at Tucker’s house – but clean, and there were no snakes slithering around. He went in with her, ignoring the stylised symbol of a woman with a skirt on the door. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing and punched the button on the hand dryer. It fired a jet of hot air that would uproot an oak.
‘Come here,’ he ordered. ‘Dry your hair. Sherrie’s on her way.’
Penny looked at him in shock. ‘Where are we, and who’s Sherrie?’
The woman with the flossy white hair came in. ‘Oh my goodness, you’re all wet! You’d better dry off before you catch your death of cold! And you get out of here, you rascal!’ she said, turning to Marcus. ‘This is the ladies’ bathroom.’
Marcus gave Sherrie an easy smile in return, and left with her. Penny stayed under the stream of hot air and soon felt like a new woman. After a while, she heard a knock at the door.
‘Can I come in?’ asked Marcus.
Penny was horrified by her reflection in the mirror – she looked like something the cat had dragged in. Her hair was sticking up all over the place, her make-up had trickled down her face and her nose was as red as a tomato. She tried combing her hair with her fingers, but the final result didn’t look any better.
Oh, what the heck?
Marcus entered without waiting for Penny to respond.
‘Feeling better?’ he asked. ‘Let’s go eat.’
‘I’ll eat at home, thank you.’
‘Eat something here – have some pie at least.’
‘You’re not normal.’
‘I never pretended to be. Is your dress dry now?’
‘Yes, but . . .’
He walked over to the dryer and punched it again, silencing it. ‘It’s the only way to turn it on and off.’
‘And when you’re not around to sneak into the women’s bathroom, how do they do it then?’ she asked sarcastically.
‘They don’t. Let’s go.’
‘Stop dragging me around like a schoolbag; it bothers me.’
‘I don’t want you to run off again.’
‘I didn’t run off.’
‘You ran from that house full of assholes.’
‘I didn’t run off – I left of my own free will, and if I want to leave again, I will.’
‘Don’t even think about trying it.’
‘You threatening me?’
‘I just want you to have something to eat, rest for two seconds and hear me out. Come on. Sherrie put on some fresh coffee and she makes an excellent apple pie.’
Penny was hungry in spite of herself, and couldn’t resist the offer. Within five minutes they were sitting at a booth by the window, which had a gold decal of a smiling cat with long whiskers and a definite purr. Penny gobbled down the pie and drank the coffee as if she didn’t know where her next meal was coming from.
‘Look how much you’re eating! Are they starving you back home? You want more coffee?’
‘No, I’m fine.’
‘So, you gonna be less of an idiot now?’
‘I was never an idiot!’
‘You sure were when you ran off like that. Will you listen to me for once?’
‘No.’
Unexpectedly, Marcus reached across the table and took her hand. Penny jerked it away like she’d had an electric shock or something. He frowned and then said, ‘Look, nothing happened with Rebecca.’
‘I don’t give a crap what happened!’ Penny exclaimed, but then she immediately blurted out, ‘Actually, you know what? I do care – a lot! We had an arrangement! So I order you to report on everything that happened while you were working for me.’
‘Don’t, Penny. I’m not working for anyone. But I didn’t fuck Rebecca, so are you happy now?’
‘You don’t actually need to fuck someone to have done something wrong,’ Penny grunted, annoyed, as she stared out the window.
‘Nothing happened.’
‘Nothing? So why did you go down to the basement with her?’
‘Because I knew what she wanted from me. I wanted to see how far she’d take it and then send her to hell.’
‘And . . . ?’
‘And I sent her to hell.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘Why does that surprise you? She’s a dirty whore, and one of the bitchiest women I’ve ever met.’
‘You think . . . she’s ugly?’
‘I think she’s rotten, inside and out.’
‘But how did you know that . . . that you wouldn’t like her? And then if . . . while you were down there . . .’
‘It didn’t happen. While I was down there, I just thought about how damp it smelled in the basement.’
‘You are so not normal, Marcus.’
‘I have standards, that’s all. I don’t aim for just anything with a hole, you know.’
‘Now she’s going to hate me even more than before.’
‘Do you care?’
‘Not really. Can I have another piece of pie?’
‘You’re paying.’
‘I get it. You’re getting a separate cheque, aren’t you?’
‘Something like that.’
‘You’re an asshole. I’ve honestly never met anyone so obsessed with money.’
Marcus nodded to Sherrie, who had arrived with more pie. He smiled at her fondly. Once they were alone again, Penny asked him, ‘So who is she? How do you know her?’
Marcus was silent for a few seconds, and Penny interpreted this to mean Mind your own business, but then he answered.
‘When I was a child, I called her my aunt, even though she isn’t really.’
‘When you were a child?’ Penny exclaimed in amazement. ‘So you did already know someone in this city!’
‘Yeah. That’s really why I chose to come here, so I could check in on her – nothing strange about that.’
‘It’s wonderful you have someone around from when you were young. If it weren’t for my grandma, I wouldn’t have a home town either.’
‘Actually, I prefer to forget about my childhood, but I love her anyway. None of it was her fault.’
‘Her fault?’
‘Have you finished stuffing yourself yet?’
‘Yup.’
‘The rain’s stopped. Let’s try to get home. It’s not so far from here.’
Shortly before they left, Sherrie came up to Penny and gave her a hug.
‘Thank you,’ she said as Penny left, thinking that, for whatever reason of her own, Sherrie was pleased she’d come.
Why do I feel so good when I’m around him?
She asked herself this over and over as they walked together in a darkness as thick as molasses.
They exchanged a few words, and suddenly Marcus asked her, ‘Are you cold?’
‘A little, but we’re almost there now.’
Without another word, he took off his leather coat and handed it to her.
‘I’m fine, thanks,’ Penny replied, pushing it away.
‘Put the fucking coat on.’
‘You have good intentions but bad manners.’
‘If you don’t want it, I’ll take it back.’
Penny bit her bottom lip. She really was cold. ‘OK, thanks.’ She put the coat on, and it was like donning a metal cape. It was huge, heavy and very long, but it kept her warm and smelled of Marcus.
They continued in silence for a stretch. The sky was clearing and the stars looked like shards of glass.
‘I think I know why Rebecca hated you in high school,’ Marcus said after a while.
‘I know why too – because I wasn’t rich and beautiful, and she felt contaminated by my simple existence.’
‘Maybe that too, but more because that guy liked you . . . What the fuck’s his name?’
‘Who?’
‘The boy with the curly hair.’
‘Igor?’
‘They all have such shit names!’
‘Why does everyone keep saying Igor liked me?’
‘Who else said it?’
‘Um . . . he did.’
‘He actually told you he liked you?’
‘Yes, but he was only leading me on.’
‘When did he tell you?’
‘While you were in the basement with Rebecca.’
‘And he told you he still likes you?’
‘What is this? An interrogation?’
‘I wanna know.’
‘You want, you want . . . You’re always ordering me around. Anyway, yes, he still likes me, but I didn’t really believe him.’
‘So what about you?’
‘What about me?’
‘Do you like him?’
‘Stop it!’ she grumbled, wondering what the point was to this whole conversation.
No, I don’t like him. I like you, you asshole.
‘In any case, Rebecca was jealous of you,’ Marcus concluded. He took out a Chesterfield. It occurred to Penny that he hadn’t lit one for hours, and it had been strange to see him without that pale appendage hanging from his lips. He smoked furiously for a few minutes.
‘That’s just nonsense. I don’t want anything to do with any of them,’ Penny said.
‘Including Igor?’
‘I’m not stupid. I’m not going to fall for him just because he looks at me twice.’
Marcus lit another cigarette, sucking down mouthfuls of poison as if they were fresh air. After a few minutes, he turned to her and said, ‘Was he batting his eyelashes at you and everything?’
‘Well, hell – I mean, yeah, I do have that effect on some guys. I’m no heartbreaker, but I have impressed the odd guy or two. Of course, so far they’ve mostly been psychos, but it’s not my fault. Don’t be so surprised that other people see something in me.’
‘You sure have a short memory.’
‘What?’
‘I thought I’d made it clear that I also find you . . . um . . . fuckable.’
‘Ah yes, and since you’re not attracted to every single hole you see, I guess I should be flattered. Something tells me you fall into the psychopath category.’
Marcus laughed for the first time that strange evening. ‘I take your point,’ he admitted.
‘Do you really like me . . . in that way?’
‘In the fuckable way? Sure. But don’t worry, I’m not gonna fuck you.’
‘Why ever not?’
‘Because it would be a trap.’
‘A trap?’
‘I can’t just fuck you and be done with it, and I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m already in one.’
‘But what if I swore to you that I’m not after any kind of relationship either? What if I just wanted to fuck you and be done with it?’
Marcus frowned. ‘Don’t make jokes like that, Penny.’
‘Who said I’m joking? Look, I’m twenty-two years old, not eight, and I’m made of flesh and blood, same as you. I’m not gonna do it behind the club, of course, but I could also use a . . . temporary and uncomplicated arrangement. So what do you think? We know each other well enough – but not too intimately. You wouldn’t be just anyone, but it wouldn’t have to be a big thing either. Somewhere in the middle.’
‘I said quit joking around, OK?’
‘The truth is you don’t like me. You’re just making excuses now.’
They had arrived home. The building stood out in the dark like a crumbling monolith. The light was out again, and Penny pulled her phone from her bag.
There were several calls from Marcus, then three from unknown numbers and as many texts. She read them by the door while Marcus paced up and down, chain-smoking like a madman.
The texts were from Igor.
How had he got her number?
Are you OK, Penny? Did you get home safe? It’s me, Igor.
Please, I’m worried about you. You were so upset.
If Marcus pisses you off one day, please reach out to me.
‘Look, you see? If you’re going to act like some precious virgin princess, I’ll go console myself with Igor.’
She held up her phone to show Marcus the messages. He didn’t look at them; he didn’t look at anything but her eyes. He threw his cigarette in a dramatic arc and it plopped into a distant puddle with a faint hiss. Then he grabbed Penny by the wrist and, with his face menacingly close to hers, said to her, ‘No one has ever called me a “virgin princess”. You win. Come on, I’ll show you what kind of princess I am.’
They’d been in the attic for ten minutes and Penny’s heart was in danger of choking her. Marcus had taken off his sweater and shoes and was walking around the apartment half-naked. In the dim light, his tattoos looked like dark warning signs. He was no longer wearing his leather necklace, and when he turned his back to her, Penny noticed another Maori stingray, this one larger than the one on his chest, spreading its wings all the way down to the base of his spine. She watched him, hypnotised; his every movement seemed to bring life to the markings on his beautiful bronze skin.
‘D’you want a coffee?’ he asked as he fumbled with an old coffee maker. ‘I do. I’m going to need a lot of energy tonight.’
Pe
nny answered with a silent nod. She had followed suit and taken off his long coat and her shoes, but then had remained standing in the middle of the room like an empty hanger.
‘Make yourself comfortable,’ Marcus said. His tone was ironic and his eyes gleamed like a raptor’s in the dark.
‘I’ll make myself comfortable as and when I feel like it,’ Penny answered crossly.
I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to bait me. You think I won’t have the guts to go through with this madness – you’re trying to scare me out of it – but I’m not going to chicken out. And besides, the one thing you don’t know is that I love you.
That private confession had somehow appeared in her general thoughts, swift as a pistol shot.
I love you.
When had it happened? How and why? Penny didn’t know, but she knew it was real all right. It was the first time she had admitted it to herself. It was a whole new feeling, fizzily lightweight but terrifying, starting from that one little organ in her chest, pumping blood and love and longing to every goddamn part of her.
If I wait for you to love me back, I’ll die a virgin, so my feelings will just have to be enough for the both of us.
Then, in one brazen step, she went over to the bed and sat down on it. Marcus was pouring coffee into the cups and didn’t notice right away. When he saw her, he frowned and spilled some coffee on the table.
‘What the hell . . . ?’
‘Could you hurry up with that coffee? I’m also going to need a lot of energy tonight.’
Marcus walked towards her, both serious and furious. ‘Tell me you’re kidding and we can quit while we’re ahead.’
‘I’m not kidding at all. Don’t get the wrong idea about me. I’m not some fairy with tinsel wings and I’m not looking for your love – just pure sex. Fuck me like you fuck the others, and don’t pretend you have any scruples.’
‘Penny, you don’t know what you’re getting into.’
‘I know perfectly well.’
Marcus pointed to his jeans and Penny saw exactly what she was getting into. A glaring erection strained against his pants.
That’s for me?
Marcus sat on the bed. He gave her one last angry look and then, without any more hesitation, squeezed the back of her neck with one hand and kissed her. Penny ended up lying on her back, her tongue once again working its way over Marcus’s lips, mouth and teeth. Marcus licked her in turn, panting like someone who knows what he wants. Maybe Penny should have told him she was a virgin, but if she had, he would have stopped, she was sure of it. And she didn’t want him to stop.
Trying Not To Love You Page 14