“Blue is your favorite and you’re my favorite, so I wanted them in the same place.” I turned around to look at her, not sure what to say. She shifted on her feet and reached into her pocket and pulled out something. When she opened her hand I noticed it was a house key. I jerked my eyes back to hers and blew out a deep breath.
“Sayer . . .”
She stepped closer and grabbed my hand and put the key in it before curling my fingers around the metal object. I held it so tightly that the teeth bit painfully into my skin.
“You made this house, Zeb. You’re everywhere in it. I feel you in every room. You belong here just as much as I do.” She stepped closer to me and put a hand in the center of my chest. “You were the first man I ever kissed, do you know that?”
I grunted. “You were engaged, Sayer.”
She curled around my waist and leaned her head under my chin. I wanted to hold her, but my head was still spinning. “I know, but he kissed me. I never kissed him. I wanted to kiss you, Zeb. I wanted to have sex with you. I wanted to love you. I wanted to be with you just for me, not for anyone else. Not because it was right or wrong but because it felt inevitable. It felt important and right. I wanted to be with you because I felt it . . . still feel it . . . everywhere.”
I slid the key she gave me into my pocket and put a finger under her chin in a way that made her tilt her head back so she had to look at me.
“What are you telling me?” I could see what she was trying to say on the walls and in her liquid gaze, but I still needed the words. I needed to know she had saved herself, that she was where she needed to be, or at least getting close. I needed to hear her tell me her truth before I could believe it.
“I’m telling you that I choose color, I choose happiness, I choose to be all the things I am, and I won’t feel bad about any of them. I choose to be better than my parents were and not to let them define me. I choose me and what I want. I choose to be brave and risk my heart. I choose love, Zeb, so that means I choose you and Hyde. I’m never going to be totally comfortable with all the space you take up and how much you make me feel, but I want you here, so you don’t have to push against the door anymore. I’m giving you the key to it. Being uncomfortable is a good thing. It makes me human even after all my father did to make me nothing.”
She hugged me where she was holding on to me and I finally lifted an arm to squeeze her back.
Her voice was quiet when she told me, “The walls are gone. The ground is leveled. You can build whatever you want. I’m a blank slate.” She had found a way to speak to me that I couldn’t ignore. Her words were a balm to all the wounds her actions had inflicted. She had told me I could make her mine, we could finally construct our future, together.
I swore softly and bent so I could put my cheek on the top of her head. “I love you, Sayer, and my kid loves you. If you do this, let us in, give us the key, then you have to be prepared for us to stay. I’m not letting Hyde love anyone else that might leave him, at least not if I can help it.”
“I’m not going to leave, Zeb. Whatever we build we do it together, and it’s forever.”
“Did you reach the shore?” I slid a hand under the heavy fall of her hair and gripped the back of her neck. She tilted her face up so I could put my lips on hers.
It was a sweet kiss, a soft kiss. It was a kiss of homecoming, a kiss of settling in, and a kiss of breaking ground on something lasting and unbreakable. It was a kiss that sealed our fate, sealed us together, and forged something strong and resilient that would last no matter what came at us. It was a kiss that unified us, wound us together, and spoke to how we would fight for each other, for our family, and for this beautiful, brilliant thing we chose that lived between us.
“The shore is in sight and I’ll keep kicking, but I reached you, and that was what I have been swimming toward since we met.”
“I’ve got you, Say.”
“I know you do, Zeb.” She slid her fingers through the buttons on my shirt and pressed her lower half against mine. “Can we kiss and make up now?”
I growled low in my throat and walked her backward toward the bed. “Don’t you have something you want me to fix before we get naked?”
She rolled her eyes and started pulling at my shirt. “Yeah, I need you to fix this endless and constant ache I have between my legs. It hurts all the time and only you have the proper tool to fix it.”
I tossed my head back and laughed at her. “So really, you want to fuck and make up?”
She nodded vigorously, which surprised a laugh out of me as she hit the bed with the back of her knees and went down on her back, pulling me with her. She was wrestling my shirt off my shoulders and kissing the side of my neck. It felt like her hands and her mouth were all over me, and when I tried to tell her to slow down so I could fully savor having her back in my arms, she pouted at me in such a cute way I just had to kiss her, which led to lots of tangled tongues and my dick screaming at me to be set free.
I wanted to take my time. She wanted to take me.
She wiggled until I let her up and she crawled over me so that she could pull my shirt open. The buttons popped off and clattered on the floor, which made her laugh. I leaned up enough that I could pull it off and helped her get my T-shirt off over my head. She paused for a second and used her finger to lightly trace over my lips.
“I really missed you, Zeb.”
I grunted as she scooted down and started to work on my belt and the zipper my cock was trying to push its way through. “Good thing, because I really missed you, too.”
My very eager and ready dick jumped into her palm as soon as she had my pants open.
She snickered at me. “Obviously.” Her face sobered up as she curled her fingers around my dick and rubbed her thumb around the throbbing tip. “You are the only thing I have ever wanted for real, Zeb, and that is the truth.”
What a fine truth it happened to be. Her eyes sparkled up at me and then my dick was in her mouth and I forgot how to think. Forgot how to breathe. Forgot all the nights spent alone and wanting her because all I could feel was her pressed against me and her quick tongue rolling around and around. The time without her was insignificant and meaningless compared to the time with her.
I buried my hands in her hair and felt my eyes roll back in my head when one of her hands snaked between my legs and gently started to fondle my tightly drawn-up sac. She didn’t let up when I told her to take it easy. She acted like she was on a mission to get me off, and while I appreciated the enthusiasm, it had been too long since I had been inside of her and there was no way we weren’t finishing this beautiful reunion joined together and at the same time.
I growled at her and used my hold on her hair to pull her off my dick that was now shiny with saliva and harder than I think it had ever been. I started tugging at her brightly colored top and ordered her to peel out of those tight-ass pants. She pouted as she did it, but she complied with my demands. I took a second to appreciate her navy-blue bra and her barely-there panties before stripping her out of them. All I wanted on her skin was my hands and my mouth.
“Don’t pout. You can have my dick in your mouth whenever you want, but right now I need to be inside you. It’s how we said good-bye, it’s how we’re going to reunite. In fact, it might be how we communicate everything from here on out.”
She laughed at that, but it faded into a groan as I kissed her and backed her into the bed again. This time when she fell backward her arms were around my neck, I had a knee between her spread legs, and when I landed on her I also landed inside her. I sank all the way in, deep, endless, and as far inside of her as I could go. Our hips pressed together. Her breasts rubbed against my chest, her nipples poked at me, and her eyes got a little misty.
I was more than happy to drown in her as her body welcomed me back and held on tight like it never wanted me to leave again. I was perfectly happy with that. I lifted up on an arm and clasped the side of her face with one hand. I bent down so I could kiss the ver
y tip of her nose.
“I love you, Sayer.”
Her arms wrapped around me and she curled one of her long legs up around her my waist. “I love you, too, Zeb.” Her pale eyebrows lifted up and she smiled at me. “Now that the making-up part is done, can we move on to the fucking? Please?”
I chuckled and started to move with her. Every time I pressed inside of her, every time she lifted up to meet my thrust, I knew this was the only choice either of us could have ever made.
EPILOGUE
Eight months later
I was on top of Zeb and he was buried deep inside of me as I rode him like I was trying to break him.
He had one hand on my hip, another around my bouncing breast as he played with my nipple to the point that it hurt and burned a little. I was panting like I had run a marathon and my hands were curling into the ink on his chest as I felt my orgasm looming hot and blinding behind my eyes. It was so close. I was so close. All it would take was the slightest brush of his work-roughened fingertip on my clit to send me over and I wasn’t above begging him to make it happen.
“Zeb . . . touch me.” I pleaded with him in a hushed tone and continued to rock on him frantically. If he wouldn’t get on board I had no problem taking care of it myself. I glared down at him so he would get with the program and then sighed when his hand skipped along the smooth skin of my hip and headed for where I needed him.
He skimmed his light touch along my slippery folds and teased me as he told me to bend down and give him a kiss. I grumbled a little through my groan of satisfaction as he finally made contact. It was right there and it felt so good. He always made it feel so good.
My lips were just about to land on his, about to swallow up his moan as my body clamped down on him—hard—ready to break apart in the release only he could deliver when suddenly we both froze and scrambled apart like the other person had skin made of fire. Tiny footsteps and the bedroom door creaking open had us sharing a frustrated and bemused look as Hyde was suddenly at his father’s side of the bed.
“I had a bad dream.”
I pulled the comforter up to my chin and hoped that the light coming from the hallway wasn’t enough for him to make out the fact that Zeb and I were both flushed and sweaty.
“Did you really? Or do you just not want to sleep in your own room? We talked about this, little man.”
Even though I had handed Zeb the key to my house months ago, we had both agreed it would be best to wait awhile to uproot and move Hyde again so soon. As a result, it had been eight months of us bouncing around from my house to his condo and trying to get the little boy used to the idea of living here full-time. He and Zeb had been officially moved in for two weeks, and at least three nights out of the week Hyde wanted to sleep in bed between us. Zeb typically gave in, but I doubted that would be the case tonight. Adjusting an active sex life around an inquisitive five-year-old had proven interesting for both of us. Needless to say, the shower saw a lot of action and I had become extremely proficient at getting off while we were both still mostly dressed.
“My room is far.” His room was a level below the master suit and he had spent plenty of nights in it while Zeb and I were waiting to cohabitate. My personal opinion was that he missed having Poppy just down the hall. She had moved into her own apartment the week before the boys made my home their home.
“It’s not that far, Hyde.”
“Can I sleep with you guys tonight?” He was whiny and it was late, but Zeb still had a hard-on and his eyes were still blistering black with want.
“Not tonight, bud. You have to get comfortable in your room. It’s yours for the long haul. Remember how much work you and Sayer put into making it special just for you?”
He tried to peek over the bed at me, but I was hiding under the covers and behind Zeb’s much bigger frame.
“Yeah. I remember.” He stuck his little lip out in an adorable pout and I almost laughed at the way Zeb groaned. He shoved his hands through his hair, which was tangled and wild from my hands.
“How about I come in and read you a story? I’ll hang out with you until you fall back asleep.”
I could see the little boy considering it and finally he nodded. “Okay. Sayer, you wanna come hear a story?”
I snorted and tried to cover it with a cough. “Thanks, kiddo, but I’m gonna pass tonight. You go with your dad and I’ll see you in the morning.”
His eyebrows dipped over his tiny nose. “I do like my room. Promise.”
“I know you do, Hyde. Sometimes this old house makes noises and it can be hard to sleep. It’s fine.”
Zeb asked me to toss him the jeans I pulled off him a little while ago. He got himself situated and leaned over me so he could press his mouth to mine. The scrape of his beard across my face never got old. I loved how it felt now just as much as I loved it the first time I kissed him. I put my fingers on the new tattoo on the side of his neck that had a man holding a monsterlike mask over half of his face. Dr. Jekyll and his Hyde forever imprinted for the world to see. It was Zeb’s take on fatherly pride and I loved how him it was. It wasn’t Hyde’s name, but it was a more literal translation that the little boy would understand when he was older.
“I’ll be back.”
I giggled a little and snuggled farther into the covers. “I’ll be here.” I wasn’t going anywhere no matter how many earth-shattering orgasms might be interrupted.
I watched my shirtless, tattooed, ripped, gigantic, and now sexually frustrated man handle his son like he was glass as he guided him out of the room, and thought about how foolish I had been to be scared of all the space he took up. With him being everywhere, there was no room for any of the bad things to fit anymore. Every day he made me feel like I was worthy of him, and that he was worthy of me and we were both worthy of this life and all the great things in it. I might not have earned it all just yet, but I wasn’t scared of spending the rest of my life working toward it.
And it was work. There were still times I wanted to slip into old habits, to shut down and freeze everyone out because I was overwhelmed with the amount of feeling and love that existed in my every day. I fought against it and I fought hard. My boys and I deserved better.
Talking about things helped as well. When Poppy first moved out she had started going to a therapist to talk about her abuse and her past. The one-on-one sessions hadn’t really helped but she found a women’s group of abuse survivors, and hearing other women tell their stories, seeing some that had had it far worse than she had, made all the difference in helping her make strides toward living an independent life again. Watching her be so brave helped me be brave and it helped name the horrific emotional abuse that I had survived at my father’s hands.
Once it had a title, once the demon had a name, I had an easier time talking to Zeb about it, and even discussing the past with Rowdy. I was a survivor, too, now that I was no longer floating.
I shifted under the covers and sucked in a breath as my still puckered nipples rubbed against the fabric. The lights were off, the door was shut, and I still had the sluggish thrum of desire in my blood. There was an orgasm hovering on the horizon and I figured there was nothing wrong with chasing it down on my own while Zeb was busy. I would just owe him one later. Like that was any kind of chore.
I let my legs drift open and skimmed my hand over my tummy and into the cleft that was still swollen and damp from where Zeb had been working at it. The first brush of my own fingers made me shudder. It wouldn’t take very long at all to get there because my man was extremely good at what he did and I was already primed. I sighed into the darkness as I started to rub slow, agonizing circles around my straining clit. It felt good, but not nearly as good as when Zeb’s rough fingers did it.
I shrieked in surprise when the comforter was yanked off of me and blinked up at Zeb where he stood at the end of the bed staring down at me with a lecherous look on his face.
“Don’t stop on my account. You know how much I like to watch you get yourself
off.” He kicked out of his jeans as I stiffened up.
“Hyde?”
“Is out like a light. I didn’t even get halfway into the book. He’s settling. He just needs some time.” A smile flashed in his beard. “If you aren’t going to finish for me, then I’m going to do it for you.”
I shouted his name as he caught my ankle and pulled me toward the end of the bed across the sinfully expensive sheets. Before I could protest he had my legs spread wide and his face buried between my quivering thighs. His tongue was on my clit and his facial hair was brushing enticingly against my inner thighs. I couldn’t breathe.
That orgasm that I had to chase down on my own was back to being right front and center and he worked me over with his mouth and his fingers. I shattered on a deep moan and spilled all across his tongue as he refused to let up on me. He pulled away so he could kiss my belly button and then crawled up and over me so that he could seat himself inside my satiated body.
I wanted to tell him that after that orgasm there was nothing left for me to give him, but like always, I found more because it was him and he was worth everything.
I curled my legs around him and he knelt between my legs and started to work into me with slow shallow thrusts. We watched each other intently as he built the pleasure back up, as he worked the desire like it was a living thing until I was writhing under him again and my body was begging his for release.
He stretched out over me so he could move fast and hard, and before I knew it we were coming together and holding on to each other while we waited for the world to stop spinning.
His face was buried in the side of my neck as I stroked my palms over his painted and toned shoulders.
“Hyde asked me if you would mind if he started calling you his mom.”
Built Page 29