by Cole Porter
Ravenna
Mercredi soir
C.
[Boris – We arrived this evening, after Padova + Ferrara, to see the treasures of Ravenna. If you don’t know them, perhaps we will go there next summer and see them together. Because as soon as I saw Sant Apollinare Nuovo – (I was there two years ago), I asked myself, why is it that instead of seeing it with all these people, he isn’t here, alone with me? This is a city entirely suited to give unforgettable joys to both of us. And besides, you have to, you know, make our stay in Ravenna.
I went to look for a letter at the post office but there was nothing. No doubt you didn’t receive my itinerary in time. But I wait for the next with great impatience.
Fortunately I’ve arranged to be in Florence on the 20th and 21st – perhaps the 22nd. I’m sure it will be very difficult to meet but in any case I will have the great luxury to look at those beautiful eyes of which I dream, night and day, my Boris.
Goodnight + don’t forget for an instant that I love you.
Ravenna
Wednesday evening
C.]
[18 September 1925]: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno
Perugia
Vendredi soir – 11 hrs
Boris –
Deux telegrammes – le premier en arrivant le deuxieme en rentrant maintenant. J’ai peur qu’on ne se verra pas a Florence. Et j’en suis desolé. J’avais tout fait pour être là, pendant qu tu y etais. D’abord, on voulait t’éviter, completement. J’avais insisté. Et meme aujordhui, j’ai été très desagreable quant on disait qu’il fallait rester un jour de plus a Perugia + au lieu d’arriver a Florence le 20, d’y arriver le 21. Donc, tout le monde a cedé, + nous partons, apres demain – Dimanche. On arrive le soir a l’hotel d’Italie + on le quitte mardi, ou, au plus tard, mercredi matin. Les dieux nous en veulent + il faut que nous remettions notre rendez-vous jusqu’au premier Octobre. Peut être quelque chose pourrait arriver pour que ça soit changer notre programme. Mais je ne le crois pas.
Et je vois tout en noir + voudrais bien m’en dormir pour les six [dix?] jours suivants.
Au moins, il y a une lettre pour moi a Florence – une lettre de toi, mon Boris. Comme j’ai envie de la toucher.
C.
[Perugia
Friday evening – 11 o’clock
Boris –
Two telegrams – the first already arrived, the second coming now. I’m afraid we will not see each other in Florence. And I’m very sorry about that. I did everything to be there when you are. First, we wanted to avoid you completely. I insisted. And even today I was uncomfortable when it was said you would stay one more day in Perugia + instead of arriving at Florence on the 20th, you would arrive there on the 21st. So everyone gave up + we leave the day after tomorrow – Sunday. We arrive at the Hotel d’Italie in the evening + we leave on Tuesday or, at the latest, Wednesday morning. The gods want us + and we have delayed our appointment until the first of October. Perhaps something could happen to change our programme. But I don’t think so.
And everything looks black to me + I would like to sleep for the next six [ten?] days.
At least there is a letter for me in Florence – a letter from you, my Boris. How I long to touch it.
C.]
[20 September 1925]: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno
Dimanche soir
Arrivé ce soir – Une lettre. Mais une lettre tellement difficile a suivie. Il faut numéroter les feuilles. J’ai lutté [?] avec cette lettre pendant une demi-heure. On commençait a Rome le 17, on voyagait subitement a Naples. On se trouvait au 16. On se croyait noyé dans une déclamation de faites. On tournait + on découvrait un [?] Il faut numéroter les feuilles, + ne pas être si russe. Je suis un simple american du middle-west + je ne peux pas te suivre.
Mais la chose qui me rend vraiment rouge, c’est que tu es trop calme. Tu m’écris comme un vieux philosophe, dans cette lettre, + c’est une mentalité de plusieurs jours. Je sais, par ça, que du 16 au 18, tu pensese a moi comme quelqu’un de fou qui a besoin d’être endormi. Et cela m’agasse.
Est-ce que je me fais comprendre. Je veux dire que, me voici bouleversé depuis ton arrivé a Venice. Je t’écris des folies? + je n’ai envieé que de t’en ecrire davantage. Et tu me reponds d’une manière si rangée, si repossée que je me demande – mais est-ce qu’il pense que je ne suis qu’un radio qui broadcast ses pensées a tout le monde?
C’est que tu deviens trop récepteur. Et moi j’ai besoin de recevoir un peu de mon coté aussi.
Peut-être que cela t’embête de me dire des choses pareilles, mais c’est ça que je demande de toi. C’est ça dont je rêve. J’ai si faim pour ça – que tu me dis que tu m’aimes + des milliers de fois, pour que je puisse regarder tes paroles écrites dans la nuit quand je souffre pour t’avoir serré contre moi, tes levres? sur le miennes – tes levres que j’embrasse si souvent + si tendrement, mon Boris.
Écris moi, au
Travellers Club.
25 Avenue des Champs-
Elysees.
Je quitte Florence Mercredi pour t’éviter. Il serait facile de l’arranger mais je sais bien qu’il ne faut pas.
Au revoir.
C.*
[Sunday evening
Arrived this evening – A letter. But a letter very difficult to follow. You must number the pages. I fought with this letter for a half hour. It started in Rome on the 17th, suddenly we travelled to Naples where we were on the 16th. We thought ourselves drowned in a recitation of events. We turned [the page] + discovered that they are unnumbered. Don’t be so Russian. I’m a simple American from the Midwest and I can’t follow you.
What really annoys me, though, is that you are too calm. You write to me in this letter like an old philosopher . . . I know from this that from the 16th to the 18th you thought of me as a crazy man who needs to be humored. And that annoys me.
Am I making myself clear? I mean to say, I have been bowled over since your arrival at Venice. I write you trivialities + I only want to write you more. And you answer me so calmly, so dismissively that I ask myself – but does he think that I’m a radio who broadcasts his thoughts to the whole world?
It’s because you are too much a taker. And me, I need to get a little on my side too.
Maybe this bothers you to tell me such things but that’s what I ask of you. That’s what I dream of. I am so hungry for that – that you tell me you love me + thousands of times so I can read the words you have written during the night when I suffer to have your lips against mine – your lips that I have kissed so often + so tenderly, my Boris.
Write to me, at
Travellers Club.
25 Avenue des Champs-
Elysées.
I’m leaving Florence on Wednesday in order to avoid seeing you. It would be easy to arrange but I know now that it shouldn’t be.
Goodbye.
C.]
23 September 1925: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno*
RESTONS ICI JUSQU A JEUDI† VENEZ ME CHERCHER QUAND VOUS ARRIVEREZ = COLE
[WE ARE STAYING HERE UNTIL THURSDAY COME LOOK FOR ME WHEN YOU ARRIVE = COLE]
After his return to Paris, Porter continued to write to Kochno:
[probably late September 1925]: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno
Jeudi soir – 2 hrs du matin
Mais Boris -
Ca devient difficile. Toute la nuit, je me reveillais, pensant a toi. Et, toute la journee, j’étais a Antwerp meme avant toi, pour voir ton arrivée. Et ce soir, on est venu me demander pourquoi j’avais cet air tellement préoccupé – mais tout ca est très serieux. Je ne le cache plus bien, + si ca continue je serais des vraies betises. Nous sommes allés au theatre, ce soir – + au lieu de voir la piece je voyait toi, mais tout le temps – je n’écoutait rien, j’étais devant toi, tu me souriait, tu me parlait mais c’est de la folie, n’est-ce pas?
Ah Boris comme tu m’as compliqué la vie!
Et comme j’en suis heureux, mon petit.
C.
<
br /> [Thursday evening – 2 in the morning
But Boris –
It’s getting difficult. All night I lay awake, thinking of you. And, all day, I was in Antwerp, even before you, to see you arrive. And tonight, you asked me why I have such preoccupied air – but this is all very serious. I don’t hide it well + and if it continues I’d be really foolish. We went to the theatre this evening + and instead of watching the piece I watched you, all the time – I didn’t listen to anything, I was before you, you smiled at me, you spoke to me, but it’s folly, isn’t it?
Ah Boris, how you have complicated my life!
And how happy I am, mon petit.
C.]
[about 15 October 1925]: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno*
Boris –
Ne sois pas si prima donna. Ecris moi, je t’en prie. Je suis a Paris depuis trois semaines – nous allons en Espagne pour Pacque – a Seville pour la Feria – Paris, mois de Mai, + Venise pour Juin–Octobre.
Quel est ton programme?
Ecris-moi – tu es tellement silent + moi, je suis si content d’être rentré + si heureux de redevenir vivant apres ses semaines noires a l’hôpital a New York, + jai envie de te voir. Est-ce possible ou m’as tu oublie?
En tout cas, il faut me dire.
Je t’embrasse
Cole
le 20
[Boris –
Don’t be such a prima donna. Write to me. I’ve been in Paris three weeks – we’re going to Spain for Easter – to Sevilla for Feria – Paris the month of May, + Venice for June–October.
What are your plans?
Write to me – you are so silent, + me, I’m content to be back + so happy to return to life after those black weeks in the hospital in New York + anxious to see you. Is that possible or have you forgotten me?
In any case, you should tell me.
I embrace you
Cole
the 20th]
18 October 1925: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno*
N’OUBLIE PAS DE ME PRÉVENIR QUAND TU RENTRAS LINDA SÉRIEUSEMENT MALADE TENDRE
[DON’T FORGET TO LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU RETURN LINDA SERIOUSLY ILL TENDERLY]
[21 or 28 October 1925]: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno*
Boris –
Tout va si mal que je ne sais pas ou il faut commencer.
D’abord Linda est dans un etat tres serieux. J’ai parlé au medecin, ce matin. Il trouve qu’il vaut mieux que je parte pour l’Amerique pour qu’elle soit plus tranquille ici. J’ai demandé aussi a Linda. Elle insiste que j’y aille. Alors – je pars le quatre + et après le medecin va m’envoyer ses nouvelles tous les jours. Mais, je ne veux pas la quitter pour aller a Londres: Elle est vraiment pitoyable - le poumon gauche est gravement touché + et l’estomac tres gonflé a cause du poumon. Aussi, elle est sie triste, la pauvre + et je serai endessous de tout si je la quittais avant le dernier instant – Je suis sûr que tu comprends, mon ange:
Tu rappelles la tête mysterieuses que j’avais! Alors je me suis couché avec + et pendant trois jours. Je suis sorti pour la premiere fois au-jourd’hui + et je commence a vivre encore une une fois, mais doucement.
Je ne te verrais plus avant mon départ, mon petit. Mais je veux le portrait. Envois-le au bateau La Majestie.
Ne sois pas furieux – tu devrais comprendre + et crois moi quand je te dis je t’aime plus que jamais.
J’ecrirai demain.
Ton
C.
Mercredi nuit.
[Boris –
Everything is going so badly that I don’t know where to begin.
Linda’s condition is very serious. I spoke with the doctor again this morning. He thinks [literally: finds] that it would be better if I were to leave for the States so that she can get more rest here. I talked to Linda about it, too. She insists that I go. So – I leave on the fourth + afterwards the doctor will send me reports every day. Only I don’t want to leave and go to London; she is really in pitiful shape – her left lung is seriously affected and her stomach is very bloated because of her lung. Also, she is very sad, the poor girl + and it would be wrong of me to leave her at the last moment – I’m sure you understand, my angel.
You remember the problem I was having with my head! Well I had to go to bed because of it and for three whole days. I went out for the first time today + I’m starting to feel alive once more, but only gradually.
I won’t see you again before I leave, my little one. But I want the portrait. Send it to the boat La Majestie.
Don’t be furious – you should understand + believe me when I tell you that I love you more than ever.
I will write tomorrow.
Your
C.
Wednesday night.]
4 November 1925: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno*
PARS CE SOIR DE CHERBOURG MON PETIT DÉSOLÉS DE NE PAS T AVOIR VU AVANT D ALLER EN AMERIQUE TENDRESSES = C =
[DEPARTING CHERBOURG THIS EVENING MON PETIT SORRY NOT TO HAVE SEEN YOU BEFORE DEPARTURE FOR AMERICA TENDERLY = C =]
5 November 1925: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno
But I believe that I explained why I can’t pass through England profound apologies I embrace you C.
Several other short letters or telegrams to Kochno survive from this time, including invitations to dinner and the cancellation of plans to meet. Two undated letters bear significantly on Porter’s feelings for Kochno:
[undated]: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno
Mercredi soir 2.45 AM.
Boris –
Voila la lettre EXPRESSE qui partira a onze hres demain – aujourdhui matin. Fais moi savoir quand elle sera arrivée, parce que ces nouvelles choses m’interesse a mourir!!
Ce-ci – ce’est un mot pour te dire simplement que je viens de te quitter, il y a un quart d’heure, + que tu me manques – mais tanto. Et pour m’excuser si j’éteins la lumiere + te prends dans mes bras + te dis que tu es la seule chose au monde qui m’est chère.
Good night, mon Boris.
C.
[Wednesday evening 2.45 AM.
Boris –
Here is the EXPRESS letter that goes out tomorrow at eleven – that is, this morning. Let me know when it arrives, since these new things interest me to death!!
This – it’s just a word simply to tell you that I just left you a quarter of an hour ago + and that I miss you – but tanto. And to apologize if I didn’t turn off the light + take you in my arms + tell you that you are the only thing in the world that is dear to me.
Goodnight, my Boris.
C.]
[undated]: Cole Porter to Boris Kochno (ALS)
Voila – la lettre officielle – + comme elle est emmerdante [?] mais je ne peux pas la faire. Il est cinq heures du matin. Meme le jour, il m’est presque impossible de faire des phrases [?]. Et meme avant d’oser de te dire la verité, avant de te connaitre, je voulais toujours chasser tout le monde qui etait la et t’annoncer simplement que je t’adorait. Donc tu peux, peut etre, comprendre comme c’est dûr maintenant. Car, j’ai si froid Boris + tu n’es pas la. Et je te veux dans mes bras – mais ici, dans mes bras pour toujours. Pourquoi est-ce que nous sommes si bêtes que tu n’y es pas?
C.
[Voilà – the official letter – + as it is [unreadable]. But I can’t do it. It’s five o’clock in the morning. Even during the day, it’s nearly impossible for me to write the words. And even before daring to tell you the truth, before I’d met you, I always wanted to chase away everybody there + tell you that I adored you. So you can, perhaps, understand how hard it is for me now. Because I’m so cold, Boris, + you aren’t there. And I want you in my arms – right now in my arms for always. Why are we so foolish that you’re not there?
C.]
For his part, Kochno’s two surviving accounts of his relationship to Porter are both anodyne and self-serving. The earlier (but undated) appears in a handwritten dictionary, of sorts, of Kochno’s friends and acquaintances, which he titled L’Abecedaire de mes amis:*
C. for Col
e Porter. I met Cole, like some others I came to know in unexpected places and who became my dearest friends – in front of a cabin on the Lido beach in Venice . . . One day, an unimportant incident on the beach put me in front of an American speaking fluent French and taking in the sun like all the other lords except for the Princess or Countess San Faustino, who was hidden by her black veils, wearing a cap by Marie Medisi and who, like other people of status stayed in the shadows of the cabins on the Lido . . . The American told me his name, which at that time was the same to me as being completely anonymous, and asked if I would have a drink with him that evening in Venice . . . P[orter] wanted to talk about my status of secretary of the Ballets Russes, he questioned me about the dance performances and the theatre. His insistence on these subjects made me think that he might be a man of the theatre . . . While D[iaghilev] showed me the architecture of palaces, the monuments in the public squares, the frescoes in the churches, and the paintings in the museums, Cole Porter – whose life after the prostrations of an entire day did not begin until the churches and the museums were closed – acquainted me with the sumptuousness of a life like his own that was carried inside of a palace of which, until then, I knew only the facade and the cellars’ paths hidden in the shadow of narrow streets by day but illuminated like multicolored lanterns at night . . . During these early times with C.P. there was never any conversation about his music . . .
The second and apparently later account was published in his Diaghilev and the Ballets Russes:
Diaghilev had a horror of jazz. He was a friend of Cole Porter, whose musical comedies were famous, but Diaghilev never talked to him about his music and pretended not to know that this charming, high-living “American in Paris” was a composer. He was aware, however, that with Princess Edmond de Polignac acting as a go-between, Porter had asked Stravinsky to give him lessons in orchestration. Nothing came of it because Stravinsky demanded such an exorbitant fee. Then, in 1927, Diaghilev wrote me from Venice: “Cole is writing a ballet . . . Danger!”
Shortly before one of my trips to Italy with Diaghilev, Cole Porter gave me a portable phonograph and a collection of dance and jazz records (none of his own composition). Diaghilev immediately replaced this “cabaret repertoire” with recordings of his “gods” – the Italian and Russian opera singers, Tamagno, Caruso, and Chaliapin.