“Silas called and told us which route you’d taken. It was the perfect timing. There were enough people around to authenticate the story, but none close enough to interfere. And, Rafael was right there in our line of sight—so it was perfect.” Shadow quickly lifts and lowers his eyebrows before his smile covers his face.
“I don’t get it. What am I missing?” I search their faces, waiting for the punch line—something—to explain what they obviously already know.
“You know, Tawnee… we had to ask ourselves if you knew what was going on. Ultimately, we decided there was no way you knew. But I’ve got to tell you, the evidence against you looks very damning.” Reaper moves to sit down across from me and levels his assessing gaze on me.
“Evidence against me? What the fuck are you talking about? And how could you ever suspect me, Reap? You’re the one who hired me after a thorough background check.” I’m still so lost. I’ve worked on dangerous cases with these men. I’ve trusted them with my life, and they’ve trusted me with theirs. Reaper trusted me to protect his parents. But now they are looking at me as if I’m the criminal under investigation. “Someone needs to explain right now.”
“Wait here.” Bull walks into the house and returns with a file in his hand. “You need to read this. Just don’t kill the messenger.”
With an unsteady hand, I take the folder from him and flip it open. The first page is mundane business information, but I take note of the key details and move on to page two. As the pieces of the scattered puzzle start to fall into place, I flip the pages faster and faster. When I reach the end of their research and have the full picture clear in my mind, I slam the file shut and stare at it for a long, heated minute.
“Now you see why we needed a moment to gather our wits?” Reaper asks.
The sympathetic tone of his voice nearly shatters my outward façade. I need to hold on to this anger… this hatred… because the last thing I want to do is cry in front of these men. I haven’t fought the stereotype of women in the security game all these years just to let it crumble in front of me now over this bullshit.
“Yeah, I see it all very clearly now… and I know what I have to do. I have a bullet with someone’s name on it.” My fingers curl around the manila folder, gripping until my knuckles are white. It strikes me as funny since I just watched my unconscious reaction happen right before my eyes.
But I’m not laughing right now.
The betrayal is far too fresh. The wound is way too deep. My revenge will be all too swift.
“You can’t kill anyone, Tawnee. Not yet, anyway. You and I know who the villain is, but all of that is circumstantial. You’ll take the blame for everything if we don’t handle this exactly right. We’re on your side, and you know we won’t let you down.” Shadow loosens my grip one finger at a time then takes the folder from me.
“Someone want to clue me in?” Roman stands and faces Shadow, waiting for his chance to read the file.
“No. We talked it over with Silas, and he wants you to remain in the dark about what’s happening with this case. Tawnee needs to know what she’s facing, but it’s best that you don’t know yet. Your reactions to everything that happens from this point forward must be genuine. No acting allowed on your part.” Shadow walks back into the house, slides the folder into his laptop bag, and rejoins us on the lanai.
“You’re fucking serious? I thought you were just pulling my leg with that whole keeping me in the dark fuckery. This isn’t funny, man. What is Tawnee being blamed for? Who’s setting her up? How am I supposed to have her back when I don’t know what to watch for?”
“This is no different from any other job you’ve done before, Roman. It’s no different from it was ten minutes ago when you knew even less. You’ll never know all the variables, but you still have to find a way to account for every possible scenario. Stop putting your personal feelings in the mix and look at this from the same standpoint as you would for any other mission.” Reaper stares Roman down until he submits.
“You’re right, man. I know you are. Okay, if it’s that important to Tawnee’s safety, I’ll be the odd man out and act all surprised over whatever’s coming our way. Doesn’t mean I have to like this shit, though.” His sarcasm is spot-on. I only recognized it because I know him so well.
Plus, I know Roman better than to believe he’ll just let this go with no further explanation. The first second he catches me alone, he’ll grill me with every question under the sun. When I don’t cave in, we’ll end up in a huge fight and be right back where we started.
It’s kind of our thing.
Or, it used to be our thing, anyway.
“Next steps are easy,” Shadow continues, ignoring Roman’s sarcastic digs if he even realized them. “Hang out here until we ‘release’ you. Try not to kill each other. If you do, hide the body so it doesn’t smell. Don’t do anything to get the police called on you.”
“Where’s the best place to hide a body around here?” I ask. Completely serious.
“Probably dump it in the gulf and let the sharks eat it. Tiger sharks are mean, you know.” Shadow gets me.
“Are you guys not staying here in your posh kidnapper pad?” I ask when they all stand and walk toward the garage door.
“No, this place is way too shabby for us. We’ll check back in on you soon, though.” Shadow smiles and walks out first. They climb into a Range Rover parked in the second carport and wave goodbye.
Roman and I stand at the door to the garage and watch our captors leave. As soon as the garage door closes, Roman turns to me, folds his arms over his chest, and quirks one eyebrow.
“Let’s have it, Milano. Don’t leave out one single word of what you read in that file. I don’t care what they say. I can’t cover your ass as well if I don’t know who and what we’re up against.”
“Sorry, Roman, no can do. I really do agree with the guys on this one. It’s best that you don’t know what was in there ahead of time.”
“Fuck that, Tawnee. If I have to hold you down and torture you all night, you will give up the intel I need. One…” He takes a predatory move toward me with a sinister gleam in his eye.
I turn on my heel and dash through the house, trying not to scream and laugh too loud as I outrun him. When I reach the bedroom, I grab the lock on the doorknob, ready to turn it the second the door shuts, but a size thirteen shoe slips inside the opening at the last second. Then he squeezes his face between the door and the frame, his eyes wild and crazy, and a grin so big it shows all his teeth.
“Let me in, Tawnee. Open the door and let me in on your own. If I have to open it, you’ll be very sorry.”
I can’t stop laughing. “No, Roman, I’m not letting you in here. You’re not holding me down and torturing me. Now move your foot and your face before I cut them off with the door.”
“Nuh-uh, sweets. My fingers are itching to get to you. Every second that passes only makes it worse…for you. When I get ahold of you…”
“Roman, no. I mean it. No, no, no, no, no!”
When another fit of laughter hits me from the crazy expression on his face, he pushes the door open and rushes toward me. I stumble backward, trying to stay out of his reach, but the back of my legs hit the edge of the bed. It’s too late to get away. He pushes me down on my back and pounces on top of me, placing his knees at my sides to cage me in. He holds my hands above my head with one hand and wiggles his fingers on the other while hovering over my ribs.
“Tell me… or the torture session commences.”
“I can’t tell you anything.”
His fingers move closer, and I squirm involuntarily at the mere thought.
“Tawnee. You know I won’t stop.”
“Roman, this is not very nice of you at all.”
“It’s not nice to keep secrets from me. Last chance, Milano. Tell me what was in that file.”
I shake my head. “You know I can’t. This is Shadow’s job. What he showed me in that file is classified.”
&nbs
p; “I don’t care. I’m a CIA officer, too. I have top-secret clearance the same as he does. Two…”
“Don’t do it, Roman!”
“Three!”
He is relentless. His brand of torture is to tickle the information out of me. The bad thing is, it usually works because I can’t stand it for long. He uses my weakness against me, and he enjoys it immensely. He releases my hands so he can use both of his to torment me more. I try to push his hands away, but he’s much stronger than I am, so it does little good.
“Ready to talk yet?”
“Yes! Now let me up. I need something to drink after all that screaming.”
His face is barely an inch above mine. His lips hover just over my mouth—so close, but so far away. The heady scent of his cologne envelops me, lingering in the air until all I want is to breathe him into me. “Hmm. I think you’re trying to trick me. You know what’ll happen if that’s what you’re up to, Tawnee.”
Busted. I planned to run into the other bedroom and lock the door. To save myself from doing something even stupider than telling him what I read in that file. “Fine. You win. Just stop tickling me now.”
“Good. Let’s go raid the fridge and talk over a nice, long meal. I’ll even cook for you. All you have to do is whisper in my ear and tell me all your secrets, sweets.”
It’s times like this that make me miss Roman more than usual. But that’s one secret I won’t spill tonight.
Chapter 13
Roman
Shadow wasn’t kidding when he said they stocked the kitchen with everything we could possibly want to eat or drink. I’m keeping my promise to Tawnee and cooking a meal to make up for the lunch we missed earlier.
“You know, I wish they had let us stay long enough to hear Dad’s speech. I’m not worried about him because I know Silas is watching him, but I would have liked to hear about his work.” I start taking out all the ingredients I need to make our date night meal. Or, afternoon date. Whatever.
“I would have enjoyed hearing him speak, too. It’s been so long since the last time I saw him. Too long. I’ve always loved your dad. Don’t suppose he got remarried in the last three years, did he?”
“No, there’s no way he’ll ever do that. Losing my mom so suddenly and at such a young age scarred him for life. He won’t put his heart out there and risk having it sliced into a million pieces again.” I drop the ground beef into the frying pan and chop it until all the small pieces crumble.
“Guess you still don’t get to see him very often, huh?” Tawnee moves to the refrigerator to retrieve a bottle of wine.
“Can you hand me the lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and sour cream while you’re in there, sweets?” She pulls one ingredient out at a time and passes it to me. “No, I don’t get to see him in person nearly enough. We video chat at least once a week, but it’s always so bittersweet. I know his work is important to him, but I wish he’d move back to the States. He could have retired years ago and spent his remaining time with me.”
“He loves you more than anything in the world, Roman. But he obviously never healed from his broken heart. Everything back home reminds him of your mom.” The memory of the phone call telling us Mom had died of a sudden heart attack grips me, stealing my breath all over again. Tawnee continues speaking, thankfully pulling me back into this moment. “I’ll never forget what he said to me one day. It struck a chord so deep inside me, I haven’t been able to shake it to this day. He said, ‘Tawnee, you only get one love of a lifetime. When you lose that, you lose the will to love again.’ What scares me the most is thinking he’s right.”
I force air into my lungs again and quickly turn toward her. “I never knew—” Not realizing she was standing so close since I was in my own little world, I crash into her outstretched hand holding my glass of wine. The cold liquid splashes all over my shirt, soaking me until the fabric sticks to my chest. “Shit, that’s cold!”
“Oh no—I’m sorry, Roman. I hope I didn’t just ruin your shirt.”
I chuckle to myself as she rushes to the sink to wet a dish towel. “Don’t worry about it, Tawnee.” Reaching behind me, I grab the back and snatch it over my head. “I’ll throw it in the washer, and it’ll be as good as new. No big deal. It’s not like it’s one of those thousand-dollar silk shirts your boss wears.”
“Still, I feel bad for pouring wine all over you. You’ll be all sticky now.”
“I’ve been worse than sticky before. I’ll survive.” I wink at her and toss the shirt in the general direction of the laundry room. “How about getting me a refill while I start on our side dishes?”
“Sure. I’ll try not to give you a bath in it this time.” She tops off my glass and hands it to me.
After a few sips in between removing the skins and pits from the avocadoes, I kick off my shoes and make myself comfortable. I’m focused on making homemade guacamole, adding all the ingredients, and ensuring it tastes perfect, when I remember what we were talking about.
“Hang on. You said you were afraid my dad was right about only having one love of a lifetime. I never knew he told you about his ‘love theory.’ He started saying that shortly after Mom died.”
“Yeah, we were talking one day when he came home to visit. I think you were working. He was struggling with all the memories of Barbara hitting him at once, and I tried to console him. The hollow expression in his eyes broke my heart. He truly believed what he was saying. He doesn’t think he can ever love or be loved again. It’s sad because he can still have a full life, with love and laughter and family. From what you’ve both told me about your mom, I don’t think she’d want him to be unhappy for one second. She certainly wouldn’t want to be the cause of him not finding love again.”
Tawnee’s insight hits me like a bolt of lightning—all one billion volts strike me square in the chest. I have trouble catching my breath again while small black dots dance in the air in front of my face. My grip around the handle of the frying pan tightens, but I can’t move the rest of my body.
“Here, let me help you with that. You’re about to burn our dinner. It takes a special talent to ruin tacos.” Under normal circumstances, I’d have a quick retort to her joke about my culinary skills.
But I can’t think of a single comeback now.
When I realize I’m no longer holding the pan or the spatula, I take a step back from the stove and lean against the island before I fall to the floor from the smallest puff of air. She adds the finishing touches to our meal and turns to me with her beautiful smile in place.
Then it instantly fades.
“Roman, are you okay? What’s wrong? Should I call an ambulance?” The sheer panic in her voice clears the fog from between my ears.
“What? No. Why would you think I need an ambulance?”
“Because you’re gripping your chest. Your face is all contorted as if you’re in pain, and you’re suddenly as white as a ghost.”
“Oh.” I look down and realize my fingers are curled into my skin, over my heart.
“I thought you were having a heart attack or something. You scared me. What’s going on, Roman? And don’t tell me it’s nothing because it’s clearly something.”
“All right. Let me finish making the guacamole and salsa for the chips, then I’ll tell you. I promised you a full meal after all.”
The skeptical look she shoots me isn’t exactly subtle, but she arranges the fixings for the tacos along the bar while I finish the sides. When we sit down together, she watches me expectantly, and I know without a doubt she won’t let me off the hook with this one. Not that she should… I deserved that slap in the face of perspective and self-awareness.
“Tawnee, first I want to apologize for how we split up. You were right about a lot of my deficits, but I never corrected you about one assumption you made. I was selfish, immature, stupid, bullheaded, and all the other idiotic things. But I never—never—thought there was someone better waiting around the corner. I’ve always known there’s no one better than you. Th
ere’s no one I’d ever want more than I want you. There’s no one who would ever compare to you.”
Her throat muscles work to swallow the emotion bubbling up. Unshed tears glisten in her eyes. Her chest heaves, rising and falling rapidly with her ragged breaths. She gently shakes her head from side to side as if she doubts her own ears. This confession has been a long time coming, and there’s a very real probability I’m too late.
But it’s now or never, and I can’t let this moment pass without trying.
“Mom and Dad’s love was like a fire that could never be extinguished. It kept them warm, protected… alive. One thrived off the other, and everyone around them could feel how pure their love was. Even when they fought, it was always with the understanding that nothing could take their love away.
“But then she died. Without warning. Without a chance to say goodbye. There was no way to prepare for the devastation she left behind. My father’s very essence withered up and died without my mother there to give him a reason to go on. Obviously, he loved me and provided for me. He was a great father. But he couldn’t teach me the right way to love a woman, because he simply didn’t have it in him anymore.”
We both need a second to digest all that I’m throwing at her, so I empty my wineglass. She’s still fighting the emotions raging inside, unable to verbalize what’s she’s thinking or feeling. So, I continue.
“It was devastating, losing someone I loved with all my heart. Somehow, I forgot how good it felt to love. My father’s vow never to allow anyone into his heart became mine, although not intentionally. What you said to me just now nearly drove me to my knees, Tawnee. Mom would be furious with Dad and me if she knew how we’d shut ourselves off from sharing our love with someone special. She’d say we were cowards for being afraid of getting hurt again. She’d also blame herself for causing us so much unnecessary pain. She’d be so disappointed in us—in me. She’d be disappointed in me… for not making a life with the woman I still want more than anything. All this time, I never realized the truth until you said it.”
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