by Huss, JA
Maybe that first day I was able to tell myself the lie. That I’m over her. She’s over me. We’re just… over.
But nothing is over between us. Because I walked out after the abortion. I turned my back on her and washed my hands of the whole sad situation.
She’s silent for a few moments, her eyes closed now, her face a mixture of serene and stupid. “I feel… numb.” She opens one eye. “And I like it. Numb is nice.”
I turn away from her and open the door to her patio, fully intending on going next door and shoving Mona’s head up her ass for putting me in this situation. But her bodyguards have beat me to it, because they are fighting with her, trying to pull her inside. One of them spots me, points at me, then shakes his head.
“Fuck.” I slam the door.
“What’s wrong?” Cadee asks sleepily.
“Mona, that’s what’s wrong.”
“It was a joint, Cooper. Who cares? It’s legal. Don’t be a bogart.”
I laugh. “What?”
“Don’t be a bogart. You’re such a fucking bogart.”
I laugh again and shake my head. “Do you even know what that word means?”
She giggles. And even though I should be very angry with her right now, I’m not. I like her happy. I haven’t had a lot of chances to see her this way.
“Mona was calling me a bogart. So I just figure it’s something bad. Like a bitch.” She sits up and opens her eyes wide to stare at me. “You’re a pussy, bitch bogart, Christopher Valcourt. That’s what you are.”
I place two fingers on her forehead and push, making her fall back into the pillows again. “Go to sleep.”
“No. I don’t want to go to sleep.” She swings her legs over the side of the bed like she’s going to go somewhere.
But I grab her ankles and slide her legs back on the bed. She doesn’t put up much of a fight. “How much did you smoke?”
“Only a few sips.”
“Sips?”
“Sips.”
“Define a few. Two?”
“Mmmm…ore.”
“Three?” She thinks a little too long about this. “Four?”
She lifts up her arm slowly and holds her thumb and forefinger close together. Her eyes cross as she looks at them. Then she laughs and lets her arm fall back on the bed.
“More than five?”
She shrugs. “I forget.”
“Jesus Christ. You were only over there for like ten minutes.”
“Mona had it all ready.” She hums the words out. “Did you know she keeps that stuff in her hair?”
“Her hair.” I sigh and take a seat on the bed. Why the fuck weren’t her bodyguards checking her hair? “Tomorrow is going to be a disaster.”
“Why?” Cadee turns over so she’s on her side, facing me. But her eyes are closed. She’s still smiling. “Why, Cooper?”
“Because there’s a drug test, Cadee. And she just made sure she failed.”
“Is that bad?”
“Very bad. Because the instructions my father gave me explicitly stated that Mona Monroe must get through to the end.”
“Oops. I guess I’ll fail too.”
“You’re fine. You don’t need a drug test. You’re not one of them, Cadee. You’re just a stand-in.”
“Oh, that’s right. I don’t count. I’m just the Fugling.”
I roll my eyes. “Trust me on this, you do not want to count in this situation. The Fugling has it easy compared to the pledge girls.”
“That’s funny. They didn’t piss their pants today. They didn’t get pelted with water balloons by the boys. They got to lounge by the pool all day and work on their tans.”
“It’s not real. Tomorrow they’ll be crying before breakfast and you’ll be thanking your lucky stars that you don’t count.”
She reaches out and touches my waist. Then she slips her finger underneath my t-shirt and hooks it around the belt loop of my shorts.
I look down at it and hold my breath as she tugs on it. Like she wants to pull me closer. “What are you doing?”
“Come down here with me.”
“Why?” My heart is beating fast.
“Because…” She pauses and lets out a long breath. “Because I’m sad too, Cooper.” Then she frowns so deep, I can’t help but follow her lead. “And that good feeling has suddenly turned into something very dark and scary.”
I briefly wonder if Mona’s joint was laced with anything. But Cadee tugs again. Harder. With more insistence. And wasn’t this what I really wanted in my senior year of Prep when Cadee and I got close?
Something slow, and easy, and real?
My defenses down. Her able to admit she likes me.
She does like me. But admitting it out loud? That was always a step too far for Cadee. That was always a line she refused to cross.
I would’ve killed for a moment like this with Cadee Hunter that year.
“Don’t do that,” she mumbles. “Don’t reject me right now, Cooper. Not after the day I had. Just be nice to me for a little bit. Even if you don’t mean it.”
“I don’t want you to go back tomorrow, Cadee.”
“I’m going back.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not going to be a victim ever again.”
“You’re not gonna win anything in the end. Not anything good. I promise. I will give you anything you want—”
“Then lie down next to me.”
I consider using emotional blackmail. Make her promise to stay home tomorrow if I comfort her.
But I’m tired. And sad. And I just don’t have it in me.
So I give in and lie down next to her. She snuggles her body up against mine and I have an uncontrollable urge to put my arms around her the same way I did that one night three years ago.
“I forgive you,” she says, her words just a low whisper.
“I’m sorry, you know. I am. I’m sorry for all of it.”
“Never mind, Cooper. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want someone to hold me until I fall asleep. I promise it won’t take long.”
I hug her a little tighter. It’s not her fault. None of it was her fault. It was my fault. I should’ve made better choices. At the very least, I shouldn’t have… blamed her. I should’ve stayed friends with her. And checked up on her. Or… done the right thing.
I should’ve done the right thing.
“I know you did your best, Coop. I really do know that.”
And then I hold my breath for so long, my head starts to spin. And when I let it out, I say, “Thanks, Cades.”
But she’s already asleep.
So I just lie there in her bed. Holding her. Thinking about what Mona did and how I might fix it.
But there is only one way. Only one answer.
Sometime around five AM I pull myself away from Cadee and get up from her bed. Then I lean down and kiss her head. “You’re not one of them. Just please remember that tomorrow. You’re just a stand-in.”
A part of me wishes she would wake up and ask me what that means.
So I could tell her the truth.
So I could prepare her for what’s coming.
So she could have one last chance to bow out and not make me go through with this.
But the part of me in control knows I said the words too softly for a reason.
I need her now.
I need her so I can save Mona.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO - CADEE
I wake up because my head is pounding. And Cooper is knocking on it.
“Stop that!” I push his hand away. “It hurts.”
“Time to get up. We gotta go. It’s not my fault you got high last night.”
“Oh.” I groan and cup my hand over my eyes. “Why did I do that?”
“Because you’re dumb.”
I squint my eyes, then stop. Because that makes my head pound worse.
“I have to go. I’m late. Are you staying?”
I open one eye and peel part of my hand away from
my eyeball to see him. “Staying home? No. I’m going.”
“Then get your ass up. Take a fucking shower. And…” He pauses. “Look pretty for me today, huh? And bring a bikini.” He pulls me to my feet and kisses me on the cheek as he turns to the door.
My hand comes up to touch the place where his lips just were. “Look pretty for you?” Then I have a brief panic attack. “Did we… do something last night?”
He opens the door to my patio and looks over his shoulder. “No. What the fuck? I wouldn’t take advantage of you when you’re wasted. Give me some fucking credit.” Then he points behind me. “I left some aspirin on the nightstand. Take it. It’ll help. And there’s a travel cup of orange juice and a croissant in that bag. Eat on your way. There’s no breakfast this morning. Today is all business.”
Well. OK, then. I feel like a jerk. “Sorry.”
“Just… put on something nice, OK?” He grins at me. And suddenly those electric-blue eyes that normally broadcast the full depths of his despair are bright and… twinkling. “I know my stepmom’s clothes are kinda slutty, but… I saw your tits yesterday, Cades. Several times. Thanks for that. Kinda got me through the day. And they’re pretty nice. If you’ve got it, might as well flaunt it.”
Then he winks at me.
My mouth drops open. But he doesn’t hang around to explain these comments. Just leaves and closes the door behind him.
I don’t really know what to think about that. Does he… like me? I mean I know he likes me. As a friend. Or ‘frenemy’ might be the more accurate word. But I am living in his house and he was nice to me last night.
I think.
I remember some of it. I remember him holding me. That was nice.
But does he like-like me? Or is this just some new way to get something he needs?
I don’t know. I don’t understand anything right now.
I reach for the aspirin, swallow them, and take a swig of OJ. Then consider the idea that Cooper Valcourt and I might be starting something.
Jesus, Cadee. The effects from the pot must be lingering. I must be high to imagine myself with Cooper. He’s the King. You’re the Fugling.
Never the two shall meet.
And yet… here I am. And he wants me to wear something pretty today.
No. He said, “Look pretty for me today.”
That’s quite a bit different than just ‘Wear something pretty today.’
“Uggh.” I feel like such a dumbass right now.
The shower feels way too good and even though I know I’m in a hurry, I linger in there, letting the hot water pound on the back of my neck until most of the tension and throbbing subsides. I finish washing, then wrap a towel around myself and go back out to find something to wear.
I’m pretty familiar with the closet. I have sorted through most of it already. So there’s not much here that isn’t meant to make a sexy statement.
But then… that’s what Cooper wanted, right?
Shouldn’t a good Fugling please her King?
Yeah. I am never smoking pot again. It’s really fucking with my head.
But I do decide to wear something cute and sexy.
I choose a flashy beaded bikini. Cooper did say this was going to be a bad day for the pledges and an easier day for me, so I see a pool in my future. Then I cover it up with a flirty yellow flare skirt made of several layers of sheer chiffon and a loose gauzy button-down that I leave buttoned down.
When I study myself in the mirror, I do look both sexy and cute.
I put my hair up, trying my best to make it look professionally messy the way Mona does, and then hurriedly slip on my sneakers. They don’t match. They’re red, but oh, well. I did my best. Then I grab my croissant and slip out the door, hoping Mona might be smoking on her patio and we can walk to the Glass House together.
But she’s not.
Bummer. I feel like my original plan with Mona might not be so stupid. We could be friends. And if I make it through the summer and go to High Court next year, I’ll need a friend. I could do a lot worse than Mona Monroe. She gives off a certain kind of vibe that none of the other girls have. Like she knows things.
Yeah. Wasn’t she telling me something about that last night?
I can’t remember.
The walk over to the Glass House is familiar now and it only takes a few minutes. But when I get there the place looks totally different.
First, there is a large canvas tent. The sides have been drawn back and tied up, so it’s open all the way around. That’s where all the servers are. But they are not fussing with coffee or breakfast. They are setting up white wooden folding chairs in front of a stage.
Hmm.
The next thing I notice is that all the boys—including Cooper, Ax, and Lars—are wearing suits. I’m talking full-on wedding day attire.
Jesus. What’s going on here? Are people getting married?
And then I notice the Glass House is no longer glass. Well, it is. But inside the curtains are drawn. Did it have curtains yesterday? And all the girls are missing.
“Cadee,” Lars says, walking towards me.
“Hey. You look nice.”
He smiles, then stops and gets serious. “Cooper needs you inside.” He juts his chin at the Glass House. “Isabella has been drinking since five AM and Valentina and Selina aren’t being very helpful.”
“Well, that’s not very professional.”
Lars doesn’t smile. He grabs my arm. Tight. “Just go inside and fucking help. We’ve already got a huge problem. Mona is missing.”
Oh. I suddenly remember Cooper saying something about a drug test. “OK,” I say, jerking my arm out of his grip. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Lars walks off and I look around to find Cooper. I swear he sees me, but when I wave, he pretends he doesn’t. Jerk.
So I just go inside the Glass House and find all the pledges crying. Just like Cooper said they would be. Elexa Simpson is almost hysterical. “Why?” she cries. “Why do we have to do this?”
Isabella is lounging on a loveseat with a sleep mask over her eyes that says ‘I need my bitch sleep’, ignoring her.
“Because,” Natasha Waring says. “It’s the fucking rules, Elexa. How many times do we have say it?”
“I don’t want to do it.”
“Then walk the fuck out!” Selina screams. And that’s a real scream. I’m talking high-pitched and shrill. “We don’t have time for this baby bullshit, OK? We’re behind schedule, Mona is missing, and the nurse will be here in twenty minutes for the blood draw! Now say the fucking script word for word, and get your fucking ass in the room, Elexa! Now!”
That’s when I realize that Valentina is holding up her phone, shooting a video. Natasha is holding a white index card. She thrusts it at Elexa. “Pull yourself together, Elexa. It’s not that bad! Just read the card and—”
“I’m not a virgin!” Elexa shouts. “OK? I’m not a virgin.”
“Oh. My. God-daaaaahhhh.” We all turn in time to see Isabella throw her face mask across the room and get to her feet. She struts over to Elexa, slaps her face, grabs her shoulders, and shakes her. “None of us were fucking virgins, you dipshit!”
“What?” Elexa looks like she wants to laugh, but can’t quite work up the nerve.
“Wait!” Natasha Waring says, raising her hand. “I’m soooo virginal, it’s not funny.”
“Me too,” Sophie Bettington says meekly.
“Well, you two are stupid,” Isabella says. “Our fathers pay the doctor off, dumbasses!”
“So we don’t have to do this?” Elexa says, hopeful.
“You do have to do this!” Isabella shakes her again. “It’s protocol.” She takes a deep breath and the next time she speaks, her voice is low and calm. “Just let him examine you and he will check all the right boxes.”
Oh, fuck.
I suddenly feel very sorry for them. But especially Elexa. Because she says, “Oh.”
And she says this one, small word with hop
e. Like… when she gets up on that table, that’s all that will happen.
Stop it, Cadee. You don’t know.
“That’s it?” Elexa says. And all the pledges are looking at Isabella now. Begging her with their eyes to lie to them and say, Yes, girls. That’s all that will happen.
But Isabella is drunk. And I’m getting the feeling she’s reliving her ‘exam’ from three years ago in this very moment. “Just close your eyes, Elexa. And think of something else. Because your only other choice is to walk out.”
“I can’t walk out. My father—”
“I know,” Isabella says, somber now. “Trust me. I know.”
“Where’s Mona?” Sophie says. “Why isn’t Mona here?”
“She will be. Soon.” But Isabella doesn’t sound convinced, so none of us believe it.
“Elexa,” Valentina says. “We’ve all been you. We all made a choice to stay. And if that’s your choice, we need the certification before we get this day started.”
“Started?” I mumble. Jesus Christ, what comes after the rigged virginity check and drug test? I don’t even want to imagine.
“Choose,” Selina says. “Either read the card or walk out. It’s up to you. But if you read that card, you better really be on board. Because it only gets worse from here, Elexa.”
The words they’ve been telling me for days suddenly feel heavy with threats now that they’re in context.
Elexa nods and takes a deep breath. And then she stands there while Natasha pats her face down with a hot cloth and cleans away the tears.
Then Elexa looks at Valentina and begins to read the card for the camera, giving her explicit permission for the doctor to examine her.
Isabella turns to look for her facemask, then catches my eye as she heads back to her couch. She shakes her head. “You should’ve stayed home today, Cadee. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.”
“Me? What do I have to do with this?”
But then a door opens in the back of the room and a nurse calls Elexa Simpson’s name.
Elexa tips her head up and walks to the door with her back straight and her chin high, disappearing inside the room.
I just stare at that door, horrified, while Natasha, Sophie, and Maddie—who has not uttered a single word this whole time—recite the words on the little card for Valentina’s camera.