by Marnee Blake
“She’s stable. My father and brother are with her.” He gave a sad smile. “And a bunch of law enforcement officers, too.”
She nodded. Watching him beat himself up, even silently, it hurt her too much. She opened her mouth, but he interrupted.
“I’m so sorry, Heidi. I know it won’t ever be enough, but I need you to know that I never meant for anything to happen to you.”
“I know—”
“No, you’ve already been through so much. You’ve already had to recover after someone’s bullshit spilled over and affected your life. Now, you’re going to have to do that again, and I’m so damn sorry that it’s because of me.” He reached out, as if he was going to take her hand, but he stopped when he saw the bandages there. His eyes widened, filled with regret, and he pulled his fingers away. “You were right. I’m not good for you. You are definitely better off steering clear of me.”
Those were her words. Well, she hadn’t said exactly those things, but the sentiment was the same. As she looked at him, this man who’d been dragged through so much, who had overcome so many things, she recognized that in some ways, she had been right. It would be easier if she stayed away from him. Yes, things with his mother were now in the hands of the police and federal officers. That chapter was over, but Dak’s job would always be dangerous.
Before she left DC, if she’d have been told that she would be the kind of girl to run from danger, she would have scoffed. She’d joined the DEA because she wanted to keep others safe. Even after she’d left the DEA, still struggling with the effects of everything that had happened, she found her way into a life of service, working with the Forest Services, investigating crimes. Because no matter what, she had always been drawn to solving problems.
Wasn’t part of the reason she’d been attracted to Dak, had fallen in love with him, because he was like that, too? Even as a boy, when he’d lost his home, he’d internalized that loss and found a desire to save others’ property and lives.
They shared that desire to help. The only difference was that she’d become afraid of that part of her. She’d allowed her trauma in DC to paralyze her. It had become her excuse to hide from herself, from everyone else.
It had kept her from taking a chance.
Except there he was, in front of her. It might be easier, safer to push him away. But she was done being the girl who was afraid.
She reached out to him. Her hand was a mess, covered in stitches, salve, and bandages, but she did her best to gather his fingers in hers, wincing as the stitches pulled. “No I’m not better off without you.”
He tilted his head, questioning.
She smiled, her eyes stinging. “You’ve been through so much, Dak. Your family, they’re a mess. Honestly, I have no idea how someone comes from that kind of upbringing and manages to succeed in so many ways, but you did it. You’re an amazing firefighter. It’s clear your colleagues and friends respect you. You have made it to the elite of your field, with hardly any support.”
“I had support. Lance…” He shook his head. “You.”
“I ran away.” She swallowed, all this talking irritating her throat. But she kept going, needing to get the words out. “After everything that happened in DC, I ran here because I couldn’t stay. It was too painful. But you? You came back here, because you thought your mother needed you.”
“No—”
“I pushed you away. You told me that you cared about me, and it scared me so much that I pushed you away.”
“You had every reason—”
“Yes, but if I’d been brave, I would have talked about it with you. I would have told you how I was feeling. Instead, I ran again. Not physically, but emotionally.”
“You aren’t giving yourself enough credit.” He shifted closer, running his fingers along her forearm, above the stitches and mess on her hands, as if he couldn’t bear to not touch her. “I kept things from you. I should have told you everything, from the beginning.”
“Yes, but it wasn’t as simple as that. I see that now.”
“My mom took you because she knew I was in love with you.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “She used my feelings for you against me. As another layer of insurance that I would push to get her a way out of the mess she made.”
“You love me.” The realization, full of hope and joy, burst through her.
He ran the tips of his fingers against hers. “I do.”
She swallowed, finding it difficult to speak around the lump in her throat. “You loving me didn’t make me a target. That you love me with the examples of love that you grew up with is a miracle.” She traced her finger along his hand in return. “And it’s the best gift I’ve ever been given.”
He stared at her, his mouth open. “What?”
“I love you, too, Dak. I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough to tell you sooner. I was scared. While in that tent, all I kept thinking about was how I should have told you how I felt. How not telling you had been my way to protect myself. I don’t want to protect myself anymore. I want to live.”
He leaned forward, cupping her face with his hand and covering her mouth with his. He kissed her with reverence, as if he wasn’t sure if she was real. Her eyes dipped closed and she sighed.
This was right, whatever was growing between them. She’d been hiding for a year, and if she wasn’t mistaken, Dak had kept to himself apart from everyone his whole life.
They could figure this out together.
* * * *
After Heidi fell asleep, Dak sat touching the tips of her fingers, careful of her stitches. No matter how long he stared at her, he couldn’t get enough. That she had trusted him enough to fall asleep in his company was humbling and awe inspiring.
After everything they’d been through, all the panic and fear, he was completely content to sit in the dark and silence, the night surrounding them, watching over her.
Sometime later, as the minutes stretched on, a nurse peeked her head in to let him know that Heidi would be cleared for release as soon as her doctor saw her in the morning.
He breathed a sigh of relief. She had made it out of this just fine. There would be emotional scars. There was no way to avoid that, but physically, she was there, with him. As he continued to watch her, he resolved that nothing like this would ever happen to her again. She’d already shouldered too much, there and in DC. He was taking it on himself to make sure she would never have to go through it again.
Right now, though, what she needed was something to eat. The nurse had said they’d given her fluids, but no food. He understood. Sometimes people who were severely dehydrated couldn’t tolerate them and they’d vomit. But, his girl was going to wake up hungry, and that was unacceptable.
Narrowing his eyes, he studied her again, checking for what was probably the millionth time that she was okay. She still slept peacefully so, he left the room quietly in search of something that wasn’t disgusting to eat. He was in a hospital, though, and he recognized that might be a tall order, but he was up to the challenge.
Besides, he had one more stop to make, and he wanted to do it without her witnessing it.
Not that he wouldn’t tell her about it, because he would. His days of keeping anything from her were over. But still, he didn’t think that she was ready to face his family.
He wasn’t even sure he was ready to face his family. But he refused to avoid it any longer. His mother might be an arsonist, but she was still his mother. He needed to make sure she was okay.
At the nurses’ station, there was only one nurse on duty this late at night. Dak paused, keeping his voice low as he asked him, “Could you tell me what room Melinda Parrish is in?”
“Sure.” The nurse tapped on the keyboard, before his brow furrowed. “I’m sorry, but that information isn’t available to the public.”
Dak sighed. “I’m actually her son.”
> The nurse looked up at him, his face unreadable. He would have to get used to that look, the judgment of people who didn’t understand. “She’s on the third floor. You’ll need to ask at the nurses’ station there.”
Dak headed for the elevator without bothering to thank the nurse.
As requested, on the third floor he stopped at the nurses’ station. He met similar resistance there. While he was in the middle of arguing about how he was related to his own mother, a man broke in, “It’s okay. That’s my brother.”
Down the hall, Mikey stood with his hands in his pockets. Dak pushed away from the nurses’ station, irritated. “Christ.”
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Mikey sauntered closer, his shoulders up, the stance defensive. “The police are concerned about the media.”
Dak shook his head. Right. The media probably wanted the scoop. What a disaster. “How is she?”
“She’s stable. With any luck, in a day or so they’re planning to move her to a mental health facility.” Mikey rubbed the back of his neck.
“Not to prison?”
“Not if dad has anything to say about it.”
Screw his father and all his influence.
Part of him believed his mom should be in jail. If anything had gone wrong, hell, if they hadn’t figured out where she’d been keeping Heidi, the woman he loved could have been killed.
But the rational part of him, the part that knew she was sick recognized that she needed help, had for a very long time.
As always, when his family was involved, he felt conflicted. It would probably always be that way. Nothing about his relationships with his parents or his brother had ever been simple.
For the first time, he accepted that for what it was. Perhaps things would always be complicated there, but his family wasn’t how he needed to define himself. He had friends, others who loved him.
He had Heidi.
He would let the courts figure out what was best and accept the things he had no way to change.
“How are you?” Mikey asked, cutting into his tired thoughts. “How’s Heidi?”
The questions sent a reflexive shot of anger coursing through him. Did Mikey really care? But as he stared into his brother’s uncertain face, he was reminded that he wasn’t the only victim there.
If he was going to learn to let go of the past, he could start by learning how to live in the present. And right now, he didn’t know the man standing in front of him. They were brothers, but years of secrets and anger stood between them. Maybe it didn’t have to be like that.
“She’s okay. They’re going to release her as soon as the doctor checks her over again.”
His brother sighed with relief. “I’m glad. Really.”
Dak believed him. He smiled, realizing it didn’t feel fake. He clasped his brother on the shoulder. “Thank you for asking.”
Mikey didn’t seem to understand what was going on, but he didn’t question it. Instead, he gripped his older brother’s shoulder back, and they didn’t say anything for a long moment.
Finally, he motioned down the hall. “You want to go in? See Mom and Dad?”
Dak’s gaze followed his brother’s, his earlier conflicted emotions returning. Did he?
That might have been his intention when he headed up there, but now he wasn’t sure. He had needed to know how his mother was doing, but now that he did, he didn’t have any desire to say anything to her. His anger was still too strong, too close. Maybe one day he would be able to get past everything that had happened. Maybe one day he would understand what had driven his parents to do the things that they did. But today wasn’t that day.
He shook his head. “You know what? Can you just tell them I stopped by?” It was the best he could do. Maybe tomorrow he’d feel differently.
Mikey’s grin was sad, but he nodded. “Of course.”
His brother dropped his hand, patted him on the back once more, before burying his hands back in his pocket. His stance was guarded again, and it struck Dak that he looked awfully lonely.
“I’ll be seeing you then.” His brother nudged his head in farewell, heading back down the hall.
On impulse, Dak called out to him. “Hey, Mikey?” His brother stopped, looking back. “I was wondering, how about we grab a beer sometime?” When his brother’s eyes widened, Dak hurried to add, “We can come here, into Bend, away from prying eyes. If you want.”
For a long moment, his brother only stared at him. Then, his mouth widened into a broad grin. It was the kind of smile he remembered from their childhood, open and a little mischievous. “I would love that.”
“I’ll text you.” Dak lifted his hand in farewell.
“You do that.”
As his brother disappeared into his mother’s room, Dak grinned before heading back to the elevators and Heidi.
* * * *
Two weeks after Heidi was discharged from the hospital, Dak was laid off for the winter. With the fire season officially over for the year, he wouldn’t be needed again until spring.
Right now, she was running late on her way to meet him for a celebratory end-of-season dinner. Though she was happy for him, glad that he’d be out of the line of danger at least for the winter, she hadn’t spoken with him about his plans for the colder months. He’d talked before about going back to Pasadena. Though she’d never been the kind of girl who wasn’t willing to do long-distance, she wasn’t exactly looking forward to being apart.
Still, she was busy, so that would help. Though the arson case had been resolved, Heidi’s work picked up. Nothing as exciting, though, thank goodness. There were some investigations into timber thefts and recent rumblings of a drug ring in the area, potentially located within the Umatilla National Forest. But, after everything that had happened, her relationship with the local authorities had become easier.
Then again, maybe it hadn’t been because of what happened, but because of how she’d changed. Since then, she’d become more willing to reach out, to ask for help from the other resources in her area.
Jesse Broadridge had become a powerful ally, as had the rest of the Warm Springs Police Department. She’d done her best to address what had happened with as much sensitivity as she could. She’d met personally with the tribal council to explain the information she had, to give them full details about how she’d progressed with her investigation. They had been appreciative of her candor.
Dusty Kirk hadn’t fared as well. He’d been demoted, ended up on desk duty. Jesse had been given his job, and Heidi couldn’t have been happier for him.
Melinda had been admitted to a mental health facility where she was receiving care. Though the state and federal agencies hadn’t dropped their charges against her, her case remained in a holding pattern until she stabilized. They would make a determination on her ability to stand trial at a later date, if necessary.
Dak and his brother had begun the long process of repairing their relationship. In fact, that was who they were having dinner with tonight. Mikey and his girlfriend, Sue, were supposed to meet up with them at a pizza place in Bend. As she checked her watch, she cursed.
Strike that. She would be the one meeting up with them, because undoubtedly, they were already there, waiting for her.
She did her best to hustle down the street without falling on her face. Now that the sun was down, the air had chilled, turning some of the wet spots on the sidewalk into icy patches. Winter would soon have its grips firmly on Oregon.
Fluffing her hair, she paused outside the door to check her makeup, getting that flutter in her stomach that came every time she saw Dak again.
Anticipation.
Smiling, she smoothed her lip gloss again, closed her compact and swept inside.
Toward the back of the restaurant, Dak sat with Mikey and Sue. When he saw her, his face burst into a huge grin and he stood. It wasn’t the
wry grin of the first days of their dating, it was the new, completely open smile that she was coming to equate with happiness.
She loved the way it looked on his face.
Dak and his brother got to their feet as she arrived. She smiled.
Hurrying, she waved. “Hi everyone, sorry I’m late. Things are really crazy right now at work.”
Her boyfriend’s brow wrinkled. “Not too crazy, I hope.” Since everything went down with his mother, Dak’s protectiveness had been at red alert levels. Though, she’d talked to him more than once about how he needed to stop waiting for the worst to happen, he still hadn’t relaxed his guard. She expected it might take him some time.
Time was something they had, though. Right now, she smoothed her fingers along his arm as he reached to hold her. “Not too crazy, love.”
He searched her face, probably looking for evidence that she was serious. She kissed his cheek, and sat down next to him. “What’d I miss?”
“We were just pouring wine, toasting the beginning of Dak’s vacation.” Sue lifted the bottle of red, offering it to Heidi. Though they’d only met once before, Heidi couldn’t help but like her.
“Well.” Dak smoothed his napkin on his lap. He glanced at his brother, then to her. “Mikey and I actually wanted you ladies here to help us celebrate something else.”
“Then I guess you definitely do need this, Heidi,” Sue said, pouring her a glass.
Heidi glanced between the brothers. Over the past two weeks, she’d watched Dak’s younger brother’s face change. He was softer, easier to smile, maybe. She couldn’t pinpoint the exact adjustment, but there was something there. Something that made him look younger.
Happier.
It was probably the same thing that had taken the sharpness out of his brother’s face.
Though things with their parents were on rocky terms, the brothers appeared to have reacquainted.
She was glad. They both deserved to have someone else to depend on. And she genuinely liked Mikey.
“Yeah, something else to celebrate?” She glanced at Dak, questioning. “That sounds intriguing.”