by Yuu Kamiya
Jibril also looked at the Energy Gauge over their heads as it gradually drained.
Ah, the intermission. An important time for rest and costume changes in a normal concert. But in this game, their Energy Gauge was active all the while. Why had they bothered with this needless respite?
“The audience is gonna get tired! When you’ve got a godly set list, you gotta make them wait, even for no reason. You get it?!”
“…You leave, for a while…and get them…worked up…over what’s next… Costumes and all!”
Sora and Shiro were straight-faced as they spoke.
—Are these two even interested in the game with Ex Machina at all?
Sora felt everyone staring at him thus with wonderment, but he shook it off.
“So! Steph!! Go work ’em. We’re counting on you!”
“…………I’m…sorry?” she squeaked. Sora sternly turned to face her.
“D00d, you gotta fill the time! Holou’s come off the stage. Who do you expect to keep ’em entertained now?”
“…Steph…have you…forgotten…why you’re…here…?”
Steph’s eyes swam from the siblings’ harsh gazes. After apparently digging through her memory, she nodded a few times and answered, “No, of course not.” After all—
“How can I forget something you’ve never told me?!”
Then she started.
“Wait! Why am I here?”
Sora and Shiro heaved a long, long sigh.
“…Hey, come on, manager babe. The set list. What’s it say after the third song?”
“What, I’m a manager?! …Oh, I think you did call me that once— Wait, it just says, Intermission: MC, 5 min! I checked! Where are you saying my name is?!”
What a worker Steph was making herself out to be, having checked the list even though Sora had only once implied that she had a position here, and she didn’t even remember.
“Damn it! These schmucks don’t have a lick of common sense… Listen up!”
The two of most dubious common sense smacked their heads.
“…Brother…and I…can’t go out…in public…!”
“But if we put Jibril up there, there’s no telling what will happen!”
“…And Ex Machina…is out, of the question…”
—So. Who with common sense was there left besides Steph? There was only one sensible outcome to this process of elimination, at which Steph looked to the heavens.
“You can introduce the band, you can do a comedy skit; we don’t care, just say something entertaining! Just go!”
“There is no band! There is no comedy group! What do you mean, entertaining?”
Steph struggled to resist, but then she saw the Energy Gauge slowly but surely depleting. She shook her head.
“……Oh God! I-it won’t be my fault if it gets worse, all right?!”
Steph ran up the stairs desperately.
“…Master, is this safe? If the Energy Gauge were to run out…” Jibril asked as she eyed Holou’s replacement skeptically.
“It’s fine. She’ll get them pumping somehow… She’s got charm.”
But Sora answered her, not an ounce of worry on his face, and they all looked to the stage.
“…She doesn’t realize that she has what no one can possibly duplicate—talent.”
On the stage, Steph was shaking from her fingers to her toes. Her eyes darted back and forth wildly. But on her face was a smile free of malice that captured the hearts of all. It could be assumed that Steph wouldn’t say anything significant. Clever jokes and witty anecdotes weren’t her forte. Yet, there Steph was, standing in the middle of the stage, looking for the best words she could find to bring out her heart. Or perhaps something other than words.
She struggled so hard, she tripped over nothing. Her momentum threw her precipitously off balance, and she sailed toward a piece of equipment that rested on the stage. As straightforward as she was known to be…she smacked her face straight into it. Her face slid over it, she fell, and her skirt flipped up to put her undergarments in plain view. It looked like this:
_O/|_
The crowd was highly amused by her ability to pass out in the shape of ASCII art—they roared with laughter.
“…Yes…that marvelous…talent…for comic relief…”
As soon as Shiro had called out the name of the talent, the Energy Gauge slammed full. All anyone could do was nod at the ineffable force of her argument, while—
“…How is this? Doth this constitute the ‘perfect idol’ ye seek?”
—having shuffled into her costume, Holou muttered.
This was the best she could do; the youthful god around hundreds of millions of years old pouted, clad in a flashy school uniform.
“Oh, c’mon! You can barely get Idol Rank A with that! You need to express yourself!”
“…Anything below S, is a fail… We want, to win… We can’t feel, your heart!”
“Never were ye to feel Holou’s heart! Holou herself hath not succeeded in defining it!!”
Cute little Holou argued tearfully with her hard-ass producers.
—Then someone mumbled.
“……It is will.”
It was Einzig, who had been silent up until now, facing across from Sora and Shiro. An unexpected participant in the conversation. Holou frowned, but Einzig continued.
“You inquired as to the definition of the ‘heart.’ I shall respond. The ‘heart’—is will.”
“…Will… What proof be there that Holou hath will?”
“The proof is in your query. The proof is in your search for an answer. You wish…” The machine defined the heart, the will, the wish, life itself, conclusively. “The wish, the will, life. They are indivisible and synonymous. A god with life…must have a wish, must have a will, must have a heart.”
A machine born without one, who therefore cherished his more than those born with one. A machine who elucidated its meaning more humanly than a human. Einzig smiled gently. “Therefore,” he continued.
“If I share a wish, share a will with the Spieler, it is clear that I am bound to share a life with him!”
“Hey, machine! Computers shouldn’t be spouting bullshit. What kind of sophistry is that?!”
Oil barons wear turbans. Oil barons are rich. Therefore, all rich people with turbans are oil barons. Einzig’s fallacy was pretty much on that level.
“……”
Seemed Holou still didn’t get it. But perhaps she felt something. She looked at Einzig, Emir-Eins, and the Ex Machinas collectively, one after another, quizzically. Then the sound said it was time.
“…P-please…never make me do this again…”
“Sorry, but according to the set list, you’re up two more times. G’luck. ”
Steph had spent the five minutes passed out, then twitching. Then grabbing the mic upside down. She didn’t just make the audience laugh, she got laughed half to death. As Steph came back down, Holou went back up and waited in the wing for her fourth song.
Sora and Shiro waited for their fourth round.
“So! It’s about time, huh? We’ve had our little break, so shall we?”
“…It’s time…for…your…effect strike…Brother. ”
As Sora and Shiro beamed giddily, Einzig, too, gave a little smile. He spoke what sounded like the conclusion he’d reached after thinking all through the break.
“Yes, Spieler, why don’t you go ahead and use us, for a while…”
—And then. He was resolute. Audacious. Ready for chess, and for effects.
“We are Ex Machina. We will adapt to anything that exists…and surpass it.”
—With his conviction that after trials, they would overcome—
The fourth song started, and six hands started the fourth round.
And so the concert and the game went on to the seventh stage. Now, as the players were trading relentless attacks and counters on the board—they were flying free.
Scratch that. Free, yes. But techni
cally not flying.
“This is madness!! Excuse me, poseurs, doesn’t this concern you?!”
“Heh, of course it concerns us. But such are the rules.”
“…Steph…you’re such a…n00b…”
Sora and Shiro had their best cool faces on while engaged in what was most correctly termed a free fall, as Steph shrieked. Well, it wasn’t only Sora and Shiro who were so engaged. Steph was, too, as were the audience, and as was, for instance, Jibril, who by the rules of the game could not use magic.
From Machu Picchu to the Death Star, to places Sora and Shiro didn’t even recognize. Sora and Shiro and Einzig had traded effect strikes to take everything everywhere. This particular effect strike of Einzig’s had erased the ground, leaving them falling through the endless sky.
…So, yeah… Might as well make the most of it.
“H-how can you concentrate on a game at a time like thiiiis?!”
“Heh. How many times you think we’ve had to go skydiving in this world? We’re so over it.”
Same old cool face. They’d always wanted to try a game like this if they could get themselves out of the house. Finally, Sora and Shiro were enjoying extreme chess.
What is extreme chess, you ask? It is a form of chess that is played in the air, on a cliff, underwater, on a thrill ride… Anyway, someplace dangerous. That’s it. Doesn’t matter if you win or lose. That’s it, except for one sacred, inviolable rule!
Always the cool face! That is all!
“I-indeed, my masters are noble… Oh…but something must be said for the audience as well…”
“It certainly must!! How—are they excited?! Have they truly been brainwashed to this degree?!”
Even Jibril exclaimed, and Steph doubted her sanity, as the Energy Gauge hit its maximum. Just as it indicated, the audience was going crazy, enjoying the free fall as they did Holou’s song and dance routine. But of course they did. Sora smirked inside, while keeping his hands going.
Ex Machina didn’t know what would kill the joy of the audience! It could clearly be seen from their advances on Sora as well that they lacked understanding of the human heart!
…Well, especially when the conversation was about humans, even Steph couldn’t understand. So—Ex Machina just had to repeat the cycle of trial and error, adjusting based on reactions. This trial of erasing the ground was probably aimed to simultaneously obstruct Sora and Shiro and scare the audience. But Sora had already scared the audience out of their wits with his first effect. Now you could pull the ground out from under them or you could drop the sky on them, and they’d just trust it was all part of the effects.
While thus Einzig had released an epic barrage of fail, again his hand went to the shining square.
“What have we here? What kind of epic fail are you gonna accomplish with this terrible move?”
Sora was trolling him as hard as he could.
“Spieler… I have never made light of your prowess. Your power remains ever beyond the realm of my comprehension.”
Einzig was smiling back…gently.
“I wonder if you might also give our prowess the favor of your respect. As we made clear, our offer was only to let you use us for a while.”
Einzig’s smile was enough to send a cold sweat down Sora’s and Shiro’s backs.
“—We are Ex Machina. We will adapt to anything in existence.”
As he made his statement, Einzig—no, the transcendent parallel computing unit—slammed down the piece.
“Without boundary. Without limit—without end. And we shall surpass it.”
The world was rebuilt according to their image. Heaven and earth were reborn in the venue. Sora thought:
—There’s no problem… Ex Machina has the wrong guy.
As long as they didn’t catch on to that mistake, it didn’t matter if their operation speed exceeded expectations. It didn’t matter if it exceeded infinity! Ex Machina could never defeat Sora and Shiro. But Einzig’s increasingly self-assured smile did send a trace of unease through Sora—
And that was when—!
…Rrrrrripppshhh.
“……Urp?”
It was the plain old venue again, with the plain old stage, on which Holou’s costume ripped with an unnatural sound that was anything but plain.
…………
“Heh. Heh-heh-heh… Have you no words? Of course, O Spieler!”
Einzig, presumably taking their silence for amazement, cackled and roared. This was a move that applied all of Ex Machina’s unfathomable power in computing and information processing, estimated to exceed infinity, along with the admittedly biased collection of data Ex Machina had gleaned from Sora’s porn stash. Sora had to hand it to them.
“…Yeah, that’s something. Pretty sharp. Not a bad move…”
He gave his sincere praise as his hands slid across the chessboard without rest. But as Sora was about to continue, That’s still not enough—
“Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!”
—a thunderstorm of cheers, along with the glowing Energy Gauge smashing through its max capacity, spoke for him.
“H-how can this be? The theory was unassailable— It couldn’t—”
The answer of Einzig—no, probably the result of all of Ex Machina operating in parallel—had proven fruitless. All units, even Emir-Eins, wheezed in bewilderment as—
“Heh-heh… Heh-huh-huh-huh… Ahhh-ha-ha-haaa! Your astonishment is as clear as day!” Sora gave a laugh befitting an evil overlord. “You damage her wardrobe, and if she keeps dancing, people are gonna see her nude! That’s the end of her life as an idol!” Sora ignored Steph’s cynical look and continued his banter. “So she’s gotta stop dancing. And that stops the show! So much for that Energy Gauge— But.” Sora smiled at Einzig cruelly. “That’s not it. You’re waiting for what lies beyond—what happens when she keeps dancing anyway, amirite?”
Sora had seen everything. It rendered Einzig speechless, heaving in consternation. This heated match of wits between Sora and Ex Machina, between human and machine, brought a twinkle to Jibril’s eyes!! Steph’s frigid glare was now in the negative Kelvins!! And Sora ignored them all!
“Let’s say Holou, true to her status as an Old Deus, knows no shame! Then if she goes ahead and dances buck naked, in any case, the audience is gonna get creeped out and the Energy Gauge is gonna plunge—that’s what you thought, ain’t it?! A fine attempt. I’ll hand it to you, that’s a nice double bind you were going for, ya perverted pretty-boy BL-bot!”
If she stopped dancing, the audience would be dissatisfied, and if she kept dancing, the audience would be turned off. Well, now Ex Machina’s understanding had progressed further than expected. You couldn’t let your guard down with these guys.
“But you got a long way to go, you philosophizing contraptions… Could you possibly assume that the producers would not anticipate such happenings?!”
At that, Einzig and all the Ex Machinas looked over at the stage.
Where Holou’s costume was unnaturally torn and rent…and under it! There was an itty-bitty bikini charged with spite, just barely covering her important parts as she sang and danced… That had to be far more embarrassing than having her clothes ripped. Seeing Holou reach desperately for the shards of her erstwhile costume, struggling to hide her new one as she danced—
“…Heh. I’ll give you one thing. Under normal circumstances, Holou might’ve gone ahead and danced naked…”
—Sora wrapped it all up by revealing the deep, dark inner workings of his plan. That’s right!
“That’s why we planted something even more embarrassing than nudity, something that would even make Holou fluster with unconscious shame! And that is what brings a show energy! Do you understand?!”
The machines slouched in silence, but Sora and Shiro nonetheless were sure the Ex Machina heard them.
* * *
—That is deep. So deep.
Is it truly possible for us to attain knowledge so profound…?
The confidence of the limitlessly growing machines seemed shaken— But just then…
“…! Heh-heh-heh, I should expect no less from the Spieler… But allow me to correct you!”
Einzig popped up from the abyss of despair.
“This move is no mere double bind… It is a triple bind!”
Yes—though only subtly—the Energy Gauge had decreased. That fearsome hypercomputer recognized the meaning of this, at which Sora could not help but swallow.
Yes—they’d given the audience too much fanservice!!
Nudity—it was as thrilling as a happening! As a glimpse of panties was precious for its very transience! As panties on full display were nothing more than a buzzkill! The machines grasped this deep and penetrating truth—whereupon Sora and Shiro recognized: They would have to strike. An effect strike, to restore Holou’s clothes. A blunder, right in the endgame. A move that would put them at a hopeless disadvantage! And then, as if it had been waiting for them to get there, one square flashed psychedelically. That square. That position. Sora and Shiro looked at each other. They knew.
—It was death.
If they moved there, they would inevitably be placed in check, and however they struggled, all that was left was a stalemate—their loss. The double bind had been extended into a triple bind that worked them in a whole new way. Sora commended, Sora respected this adaptation, this development, most worthy of awe.
“…Yeah. Looks like we’re losing this round no matter what.” Admitting it, he brought the piece to the shining square. “So let’s compromise on winning the next one—you ready, Shiro?”
Sora’s meaningful utterance was answered by Shiro with an utter disregard for the skeptical looks of all.
“…Mm… Didn’t, I say…we would find…more porn…together?”
“Oh man! I’ve got such a good sister! Your brother’s so happy!”
Shiro nodded with a smile, and Sora choked with tears as the piece approached the board. For the effect strike that spelled their defeat in this round.