‘He told me he’s really sorry,’ I say. ‘He knows it’s hard for us to forgive him.’
Mason’s jaw clenches. He picks absently at the bandage on his left hand.
‘He really wants to see you,’ I add.
Mason frowns. His posture sinks like somebody has placed the weight of the world onto his shoulders. It’s hard to know how to feel. We’re angry one minute, melancholy the next, on the verge of forgiveness and then back to feeling betrayed. We’re both so conflicted about Tom, but Mason’s turmoil runs much deeper than mine. I think I know why Mason is struggling about his best friend so much, and I hope one day he’ll feel comfortable enough to open up to me. For now, we’re still learning how to trust each other and understand our feelings about losing Henry.
Henry was lost, and now he’s lost forever. Mason is lost, but he’s still here. I want to help him, mostly because he doesn’t know how to ask for it.
‘I don’t know how I’ll deal with Henry’s funeral,’ he says. ‘The idea of it is …’
‘Really hard,’ I agree.
‘And then Tom’s trial …’
‘I know.’ Turning to face Mason, I see dark clouds brewing behind his eyes. ‘It’s a lot to deal with. But we’re going to get through it.’
I slide my hand on top of his and squeeze. He gives me a trace of a smile.
‘I’ll try,’ he says.
And so will I. We’ll ride out this storm together.
The creation of this book has been a long and bumpy journey from humble beginnings, and I couldn’t have finished the manuscript, revised it, rewritten it (more than once), refined it and polished it without help and encouragement from a number of people along the way.
Thank you to everyone at Allen & Unwin for their enthusiasm about welcoming me into the family, especially my editor, Nicola Santilli, and my publisher, Anna McFarlane, not only for their insights and guidance, but also their support of this story and of me as a writer. Huge appreciation goes out to the sales, marketing and publicity teams for giving this book every chance to succeed in such a busy marketplace. I’m also grateful to the incredibly talented Debra Billson for the wonderful cover art and book design.
For all of her work behind the scenes, I thank my fabulous literary agent and all-round lovely person, Alex Adsett, who I would happily sit and chat with all day long if I could.
Thank you to Abigail Henderson, Georgina Kinkade, Vicky Watson, and Pat and Roy Bolton, who were the first ever readers of this book in its earliest completed draft, as well as Ingrid Alexandra, Kim Last and Rebekah Beddoe. The feedback you all provided helped to shape the various rewrites of this book into something much closer to the story I was striving to tell.
My gratitude goes to Amy Epstein, Caroline Epstein, Nicole Peacock and Kellie Chessor for answering my questions about Australian police and criminal matters—any errors are my own, along with any artistic licence used for fictional purposes.
Much affection for Ellie Marney, Fleur Ferris and Rebecca James for their wonderful endorsements, and for being such kind, down-to-earth and supportive superstars in the Australian YA scene.
To everyone who reads, writes, recommends, reviews, blogs, bookstagrams and booktubes about #LoveOzYA (and our close buddies #LoveNZYA), thank you for supporting local authors and being a huge part of the kindest and loveliest YA community in the world. This also includes our network of fantastic librarians and savvy booksellers.
And last but never ever least, I couldn’t do any of this without the support, good humour and sounding board of my husband, Tony, and our boys, Hugo and Harvey. Thank you for making my life so much better. And a shout-out to my Good Girl, Luna, who loves me unconditionally and exercises me regularly.
Sarah Epstein is a writer, illustrator and designer. She grew up in suburban Sydney and now lives in Melbourne with her husband and two sons. Her first novel Small Spaces, a YA psychological thriller, won Best YA Crime Novel at the Sisters in Crime Davitt Awards and was an Honour Book at the Children’s Book Council of Australia Book of the Year Awards. It was also short-listed for another seven awards including the NSW Premier’s Literary Awards, the Queensland Literary Awards, the Adelaide Festival Awards for Literature and the Australian Book Industry Awards.
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