by Kate Speck
Lizzy laughed and tapped William’s arm, “You certainly put the fear of God into him, Will! I thought he might wet his breeches!”
William chuckled, “He will not bother us again. His chance with you is ruined and he knows Anne is not worth his time. He will likely try to find another young woman to seduce, but hopefully his greed will be exposed and any deserving woman will be able to avoid him.” He kissed her hand again, “Let us enjoy our dinner now. It has been certainly one of the most enjoyable of days today. Life with you is an adventure, Lizzy.”
~*~
August 1809
After another fortnight of their holiday in Ramsgate, the friends separated to their own homes, with the Knightleys moving to their new home in London, and the others returning to Hertfordshire.
The Darcys departed for Pemberley during the month of July and would not return until Christmastime, but William could not bear to leave Lizzy’s side for long and remained at Netherfield alone for an extra month.
“I will be back in three months, Lizzy.” William spoke sombrely to her as they sat beneath their tree. “I must go and assist my father for the Harvest season but I will return as soon as I am done there. Will you promise me that you will not fall madly in love with anyone while I am gone? If you ever change your mind about marriage, I hope you will give me a chance to gain your regard.”
Lizzy laughed, “Why does everyone think I will change my mind? Do you all believe me to be a fickle woman who will flitter from here to there like a butterfly and that someone would come and swoop me off my feet? I am a rational creature and I refuse to be struck by the Cupid’s arrow.”
William wrapped his arm around her, “I am torn, Lizzy. On one side, I wish for you to fall madly in love with me, but on the other side, if I lose you to someone else, I would be heartbroken. But as long as you will be my friend, as long as you will stay with me as my blood-brother, I will accept it. You must know, surely you must know, I love you with all of my heart.”
“I know, Will.” Lizzy leaned her head on his shoulder. “It gives me comfort to know that you love me and I do love you. I love you as a dear brother and I am sorry I cannot give you more. But I do wish for you to be able to marry and live a full life. Perhaps our separation will be good for us, Will. If we are distant, you might be able to see other ladies around you with a clearer head and move on. I wish you every happiness.”
William looked away and did not speak. His heart broke that she wished for him to find another wife still. He stood up with a grave countenance and remained quiet.
Lizzy embraced him from behind, “Are you angry with me? I do not wish for us to part with you upset, Will. Please, you know I do not mean to distress you.”
“No, Lizzy,” William turned around and cradled her cheeks with both hands, “I am not angry. I could never be angry with you. I only wish you could see me the way I see you. I love you.” He leaned down and kissed her lips in reverence. “I will love you until my last breath. See you in November, my love.”
He turned and mounted his stallion. He turned back a few times to wave while Lizzy stood beneath their tree, and she could have sworn he had wiped his eyes once or twice.
~*~
“How was Lizzy when you left her, William?” Lady Anne asked her son while he sat in the drawing room. “Did you enjoy your time in Hertfordshire?”
William smiled as he explained his month after his family had departed for the north. “She is the same but even more beautiful. She knows I love her dearly but does not see me other than as a brother and wants me to look for a wife. I had always thought I knew what I wanted but after falling in love with her, my world has flipped upside down. Mama,” he asked his mother sincerely, “do you believe she could be a good wife to me? I love her and I thought she would be willing to change her ways to become more like you, but if she will have me, if I can marry her as the wonderful hoyden that she has always been, would I regret my choice? I would still wish to marry her but if it is a choice of marrying her or keeping Pemberley, I do not believe I would be able to give her up.” He covered his eyes with his hands and rubbed it. “I miss her. I left her three days ago and I only wish to return to her side. Without her, all of father’s properties and legacy mean nothing to me.”
Lady Anne sat next him and patted his back. “I am sad to see you struggle but also pleased that you love her so much, William. Lizzy is very special to all of us and I already love her like a daughter. It is ultimately your choice, dear son, who you choose to be your wife and mistress of your homes, but if Lizzy will not marry you, what will you do then? I know you wish to keep her near you but you must consider your own future. What if Lizzy decides to marry another? She told me many times that she will not marry because she would not be a capable wife to a noble gentleman, but if she finds love with a man of a lesser consequence, if she changes her mind, would you be able to let her go and find someone else to marry?”
“I... I do not know, mama.” William answered honestly. “If she finds someone else, I suppose I do not have a choice but to let her go but I do not know if my heart would change. I would want the best for her and hope the man would treat her well and love her as I would. But I would wait for her until my last breath if there is a chance that she might consider me. I cannot envision my life with anyone else.”
Lady Anne smiled tenderly, “You are just like your father, William; loyal and loving to the last. Your wife, should you decide on one, whether Lizzy or another, does not need to be compared to me, son. Do you recall when I was very ill for those six years and I nearly died?” William nodded. “I was unable to perform any of the duties as a mistress and do you recall if the meals were not prepared? Were the tenants complaining of lack of calls from the mistress? Did the household fall apart?”
“No, mama. Father and Mrs. Reynolds took care of everything, and at Darcy House and at Netherfield, the housekeepers were fully capable. We only needed to ensure you were resting and you needed to never worry about anything but getting better.” William replied. “Father was terribly afraid of losing you and I know he relied on the competent staff to take care of the details and stayed by your side as often as possible. Even now, I know he wishes for your rest and comfort but you are able to take it upon yourself to enjoy time with him with dinner parties and balls and outings.”
“And it would be the same for you and Lizzy. Lizzy does not have to worry about anything but to enjoy her adventures with you and I would be available to assist if requested, but all you would need is a competent housekeeper to see to the details.” Lady Anne answered. “Since you had spent a month alone in Netherfield, tell me, did you have to plan the menus or resolve the squabbles of the maids? Did you have to perform the tasks of the mistress without one present?”
William smiled, “Mrs. Nicholls is very capable. She did ask me for my choice of joints once or twice but everything else was handled perfectly. I cared not for the furnishings or the table decorations so I left it for her to decide. I suppose if Lizzy were to be my wife, we would not have a need to think on those matters and allow the housekeeper to see to the tasks.” He took a moment to contemplate, “Mama, Lizzy’s biggest complaint is that she cannot sew or sit and take tea to gossip. I can speak with her about estate management and reviewing the ledgers and she is the most accomplished woman I know, but she always cites that she is incapable of being a mistress because she does not enjoy those duties. If you will allow,” he gave her his most fawning look. “Will you teach me? Will you show me a little of what a mistress does? Will you teach me to embroider?”
Lady Anne laughed, “I can certainly teach you, William. There are plenty of excellent tailors who are men and I am willing to bet that your valet can do a better job than I can ever attempt with a needle and thread. Lizzy can work on touring the estate with the steward while you sit with the ladies and discuss laces and table decorations. You will be a very singular couple of the ton if you are able to win Lizzy’s affections.”
Wil
liam chuckled, “She is uncommonly brilliant and if I can win her, I would do anything to keep her happy. I would give up Pemberley and all of my worldly possessions if she will have me, mama. I have purchased the Ramsgate cottage for her and I could live with her there quietly with our little income for the rest of my life if she would choose to stay with me as her brother.”
Lady Anne kissed her son’s cheek. “I will speak with your father about Netherfield, William. Since I am recovered now, I have been wishing to spend more time at Pemberley and perhaps it is time for you to manage Netherfield and Ramsgate on a more permanent basis so you know what it is to be master of those homes. Although I wish for your father to live forever, you will be master of Pemberley one day and with Lizzy by your side, you will have knowledge of how to care for the lands and have a prosperous future.”
“Thank you, mama.” William picked up the embroidery pattern that his mother had been working on, “How does one do this anyways? Your hand must be very steady to avoid being pricked.” He laughed. “I see why Lizzy hates it, but for her sake, I am willing to learn how to do it for her. Where I am deficient, she can assist me, and what she detests in doing, I am willing to do in her stead. That is what love and compromise is about, is it not?”
Lady Anne beamed affectionately, and during the next three months, she showed William how to sew, and even Georgiana gladly joined in to teach her brother how to embroider and speak of what topics were appropriate for tea parties, and Miss Carter patiently taught the young master how to play a song or two on the pianoforte.
William knew he would never perform the duties of a mistress but enjoyed learning about what was the expectation of the female model and gladly learned as much as he could before returning to Hertfordshire to Lizzy’s side. He witnessed for himself what it took to organise the household staff and what planning went into order the menus and resolve minor issues with the female staff, and his mother was very competent at her tasks and made it appear easy but he knew Lizzy would detest the duties. Although she would be fully capable of doing anything she wished, he could not envision his dear friend in insipid conversations with ladies who fawned over his mother during calls. He could understand first-hand why Lizzy was so adamant about rejecting the usual accomplishments of a lady and appreciated that she was imaginative and brilliant in the ways of the world, concentrating on the topics that were truly important to him instead.
YEAR 1810
Chapter 11
March 1810
“JANE! JANE BENNET!” Mrs. Bennet shouted, “How is it possible that you are not yet married? Why do you insist on declining every eligible man who comes to call on you?”
Lizzy answered defensively on her sister’s behalf, “You know all those men were not worthy of my sister’s affections, mama! They were only after a pretty face and did not have a substantial thought in their minds. You do not have to worry for your future, mama, and when the right man comes along, when the time is right, Jane will find her heart and all will be well.” She hugged her mother, “Cousin William completed his studies and I was able to convince Lord Matlock and Colonel Fitzwilliam that he might be a good fit for the vacancy in Kent. Hunsford is a pleasant vicarage and he and Charlotte will be very happy there if he is offered the position. Cousin William has been a part of our family and you never need to worry about being tossed in the hedgerows now.”
Mrs. Bennet smiled now, “My dear, dear Lizzy. Yes, I know we will be kept comfortable I know Jane will find her husband soon enough.” She kissed her daughters’ heads. “I will be patient. I only wish for your happiness but I have learned that marriage is not everyone’s goal in life. I am comforted in knowing that you will take care of us, Lizzy. Whether you or Jane’s son inherits Longbourn, our family has learned much over the years and I am very pleased with you.”
Lizzy kissed her mother’s cheek, “You are the most wonderful mother I ever had!”
The ladies smiled and planned their trip to London once again. It had become a tradition to travel for Easter and spend the season with the Fitzwilliam and Gardiners.
~*~
“Happy birthday, Lizzy.” William softly sighed wistfully as they sat under their favourite tree at Oakham Mount. “I cannot believe you are seventeen now. Where has the little girl gone?”
Lizzy laughed, “She changed in size but not in impertinence. I am the same girl, Will. I still feel as if I am ten years old and am only pretending to be a grown up.”
William smiled, “I know, Lizzy. I see the joy of life and such wonders in your eyes whenever look at you and I wish we were young again. Remember when we first met? I adored you then and I adore you now.” He stood and looked at the tree trunk where their named were carved. He noted the addition that Lizzy had made and commented, “When did you do this?”
LIZZY B.
+
W. DARCY
“Yesterday. I added the plus sign because we will be together always, Will.” Lizzy answered. “I wish to never leave my blood-brother.”
“Lizzy... I...” William let out a deep breath. “You will always be with me and I will not ask for more than your friendship but I want... The past months have been pleasant and I am always eager to spend time with you and I only wish I had the strength to continue as we are forever. I cannot fathom life without you by my side, Lizzy.” He turned around and looked at her sadly. He continued a moment later, “I have a birthday gift for you. How arrogant I was when I believed a year ago that you would be my wife today. I had everything planned; a betrothal for your sixteenth birthday, and a wedding to take place as soon as you turned seventeen, yet we stand here now and I am no closer to marrying you than when I was rejected a year ago.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Could you not see me as more than... Have I no hope?”
Lizzy wiped her tears seeing his distress, “Will, I... I do not... how can I be a wife to you? You need someone who could... a lady who...”
“I NEED YOU!” William shouted. “I need nothing else, Lizzy.” He took a deep breath to compose himself and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. “I love you but I will not propose to you again. I would do anything to win you but if I cannot marry you, I must consider our future. I do not know how I could keep you with me without risking your reputation but I will find a way. I am sorry that I could not keep my feelings to myself. I can only dream of holding you in my arms, Lizzy. Hold you and love you and have my love returned.”
Lizzy wiped her face and looked at the handkerchief while he spoke. “I do love you. I have so much doubt about myself that I cannot be what you need as a wife. I could not bear to disappoint you.” She saw the neat sewing on the cloth. “Like the lovely embroidery here. Your initials are perfectly done and I could never do this. Your mother is very skilled and I am so lacking.”
William huffed in laughter while turned away from her, “My mother did not do that for me, Lizzy.” He faced her and commented, “I did it myself. I made one for you, too.” He handed her a beautiful handkerchief with ‘E.B’ with a flower pattern below. “I took up embroidery last autumn in order to find out what it is to be accomplished. I have learned the topics of common conversations as well as playing a song on the pianoforte. I am the most accomplished gentleman of your acquaintance, am I not?”
Lizzy’s mouth dropped agape, “You did this? It is wonderfully done!”
“I realise why you hate it, Lizzy.” William softly smiled. “I pricked my fingers a dozen times and that was the best I could do. I only know how to embroider four initials and that flower. Yours and my initials.” He leaned and laid his forehead against hers. “I am sorry to be morose. It is your birthday and I have yet to give you your gift.”
“This handkerchief is absolutely perfect, Will.” Lizzy declared. “I need nothing else.”
William looked into her eyes as he stood tall, “But you shall have everything that I can give you. But, if I may ask for one thing from you...”
“Name it, Will.” Lizzy smiled. “I will give
you everything I can.”
William lowered his eyes and stared at her lips, “May I kiss you? A proper kiss from a man to a woman? I will never ask for more but I have desired to kiss you for so long.”
“You have kissed me several times already, Will, but of course you have my permission. I love you.” Lizzy answered.
Without waiting another moment, William leaned in and fondly kissed her lips. Lizzy stood still as his lips met hers but was surprised when he pressed harder and opened her lips with his tongue. Lizzy felt his hands wrap around her neck and cradling her head, and she raised her hands to hold his jacket lapels as he drew even closer. As his tongue slowly delved into her mouth and she responded in kind for what felt like eternity, Lizzy felt dizzy and breathless and completely enfolded in his passion.
William let go abruptly and turned around so she could not see his ardency. His heart beat wildly and he knew he was absolutely hers now.
“Thank you, Lizzy.” He breathed after calming himself. “I would have never believed how wonderful that could feel. I will not ask for it again. Thank you for your generosity.” He turned to find her face flushed and eyes broad. “I... I am sorry for my ungentlemanly behaviour. It will not happen again.”
Lizzy remained speechless while he pulled out an envelope from his coat pocket. Her head was still spinning from his fervent kiss.
“Lizzy, I meant what I said when I told you I would give you everything.” William cradled her cheek. “Happy birthday, my love. I will return to Netherfield now. I will see you in London next week.” He placed the envelope in her hand and ran off on foot.
Lizzy finally gathered her wits and looked at the parchment in her hand. She had never imagined that a kiss could be so overwhelming and she had felt completely loved by the man she had always thought like a brother. She realised that he truly loved her as a woman and the kiss that they had just shared was not the brotherly love that he had expressed before, but the ardency and admiration that a man felt for a woman and she was still burning by his desire and her own.