“Couldn’t sleep?” he whispered.
“Something like that.” She stared out the window.
They sat for a few silent moments and then she snaked her hand into his. Electricity shot from his palm to his heart. He paced his breathing so she wouldn’t know how her touch affected him.
She turned to him and scooted closer. Her eyes shimmered. With what? He couldn’t read her anymore. “Thanks.”
Riggen nodded. The way she had held Lucas safe in her arms at the station had been all the thanks he needed. At least he had given her what he had failed to give the family in Iraq.
She inhaled sharply, holding her breath as though about to dive into deep water. “I’ve made a decision.”
“About?”
“I’m sending Lucas with Kat until after the expo.” She pulled her hand away to wipe the tears that streamed down her face. “I have to think about what’s best for him.”
“And after the expo?”
He was acutely aware of how close she was and how vulnerable she looked. She leaned back into the couch and stared up at the darkened ceiling. “If I get the job, I’ll bring him home—to our new apartment.” She sniffed and giggled. “Who knows, maybe someday we’ll even be able to get a white-picket-fence house and a dog.”
“And if you don’t get the job?”
She shuddered. “I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about me.”
His heart climbed into his throat along with words he knew were better locked away. “But I do worry about you. I always have.”
“Then why—” She choked and pulled her lips between her teeth. Her eyes rounded in a way that told him she regretted her question.
They’d danced around it long enough. It was time to push past his shame and really talk, because his heart was shattering at the sight of her turmoil. “I thought it would be the best thing.”
She angled her body toward him, moonlight glinting off her tear-wet skin. Her eyes flashed. “How?” The one-word question burst from her, demanding he open up. Unlock his strongbox.
Snippets of grief from the first weeks of recovery flashed through his mind. He straightened his aching back and shook it off.
“There was a suicide bomber. A family caught in the middle.” The memory he never let himself relive threatened to swallow him whole. “I ignored a direct order and pushed my unit toward the chaos to get to a family trapped in the square. Then the guy blew himself up.”
He squeezed the bridge of his nose. “When I woke up in a German hospital, I found out some of my men hadn’t survived... We hadn’t even saved the family. When the doctor came to tell me my injuries had eliminated a future that included biological children, I guess I saw it as God’s way of showing me I didn’t deserve a family.”
He threaded and unthreaded their fingers, unable to meet her eyes. “I wanted you to be my family, Lizzy, but I didn’t want to ruin your life like I’d ruined so many others.”
Liz reached out and cupped his jaw, running her fingers over his chin. Her tears fell to the couch between them. “Rig.” Her whispered use of his nickname gave him strength to meet her eyes. She pulled her hand from his face. “God doesn’t work that way.”
Conflict raged in her eyes then she squeezed her lids shut over whatever internal battle she was fighting. “He sent His son, not to condemn you for your mistakes but to die so you could be forgiven.” She leaned toward him and pressed one finger into his chest, right above his heart. “But you have to ask for it. You have to turn your life over to Him.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through or the pain it caused, but God would never tell you to right one wrong with another. You abandoned me.” Her eyes shot open and she jerked her head to the loft where Lucas was sleeping. “Abandoned us.”
The truth of it slugged him. “Dad was the preacher. I never professed to be an expert on how God works.” He tried to organize his turbulent thoughts, to grasp what she was saying, but it was like walking upstream in thundering rapids. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”
She glanced over his head at the darkened loft and lowered her voice to a tortured whisper. “By making a life-changing decision—without me—that left me alone with our son?”
“If I had known about Lucas...” He couldn’t keep the pain from his reply as she lurched to her feet and paced in front of him. “If I could go back, I would do it differently.”
Liz hugged herself as if trying to provide the safety and love he had taken from her. “Of course you would now that you’ve seen Lucas. But would you rewrite it if it was only me?”
He couldn’t answer. Would he have come back, carrying all the shame and regret he’d picked up from that bomb-blistered street? God hadn’t caused the pain rolling off Liz in almost tangible waves. He had.
She stopped in front of him. Instinct screamed to bridge the gap and pull her close, told him to erase the betrayal from her face. He inched closer. “Liz?”
She blinked and a mask fell. He recognized it. She was locking her own strongbox. He’d never have that key.
He took a deep breath and tried. “I want to be there for you.”
In the darkened room, he could almost see a spark light between them. Then it was gone. She stepped back, the distance between them as gaping as a mountain pass. “You’ve said that before.”
“I meant it then and I mean it now.”
She turned on her heel and headed for the stairs. “You can’t imagine how much I want to believe that.”
She trudged up the stairs and never looked back. Falling back on the couch, he pillowed his aching head with his arms and, for the first time in his life, Riggen tried to pour out his desperation to a God whom he was beginning to suspect had never wanted to punish him at all.
ELEVEN
He’d barely slept. The anguish he’d seen in Liz’s eyes, along with the thought of Lucas leaving, had occupied his mind until the first rays of sunlight peeked over the mountain. Not long after, Lucas himself had peeked over the side of the couch.
Riggen stretched the sleep from his body and patted the couch beside him. Lucas wriggled close and Riggen covered his lips with a single finger. Lucas giggled but nodded.
From the sound of suitcases hitting the floor, Liz was just as upset as last night. Riggen rose from the couch and tiptoed toward the front door, pulling Lucas along.
He eased the heavy door open. Liz had purchased Lucas’s flight ticket online last night. He’d be leaving Colorado Springs’ airport in three hours and there was no way Riggen was going to allow his son to go without some sort of protection. Yakub would serve that purpose and calm his heart.
They climbed off the wraparound porch and crossed the driveway. Each breath he took increased the dull ache behind his ribs. Lucas still didn’t even know who he was, but their family tie was as fragile as a cobweb in the wind. He clamped his mouth shut. It wasn’t his truth to tell anyway.
He stopped and squatted next to his son. At least he had this moment. “I have a surprise for you.” He looked to the left and the right and then back into Lucas’s widening eyes.
“More cars?” Lucas hopped from one foot to the other.
“Nope. Something even better.” Riggen straightened, his bones crackling, and grasped Lucas’s hand. His breath caught as Lucas’s pint-size fingers wound through his. They stood together in the morning’s golden glow.
Riggen pursed his lips and let out a whistle. The sound bounced across the mountain and echoed back. He searched the ridgeline. “Yakub!”
The beat of Yakub’s paws reached them before the dog crested the rise and galloped their way, a blur of brown and white fur.
Lucas bounced on the balls of his feet at the sight of Yakub. Bending to scoop his son into his arms, Riggen held his excited body close. “You and Yakub have become great friends.” Lucas nodded in agreement and wound a thin arm arou
nd Riggen’s neck.
Too soon for Riggen’s heart, Yakub slid to a stop at their feet. A swirling dust cloud enveloped them all. When it cleared, Yakub looked up at them with soulful eyes. His brows raised and his head cocked.
“Friends take care of each other,” Riggen whispered into his son’s ear. “Now Yakub wants to take care of you.”
Lucas pushed away from Riggen’s chest, his body a bundle of barely restrained happiness. Riggen set the boy on solid ground and Lucas’s sandal-clad feet immediately stepped toward the dog. Lucas pulled Yakub into a bear hug and buried his face in dappled fur.
“Yakub will keep you safe until we’re together again.” Riggen knelt in the dust. “Can you take care of Yakub, too?”
Lucas nodded his head faster than a bobblehead on a dashboard. The sight was enough to restore Riggen’s spirits. He guided his small human and canine pack back in the direction of the cabin. “Let’s find your mommy.”
With Yakub watching over Lucas, at least he’d have one less thing to lose sleep over.
* * *
Warm air breezed through the open Bronco windows and whipped Liz’s hair into her eyes as Riggen ramped onto I-24. She cranked the window halfway up and leaned her head against the glass, focusing on the wildflowers that littered the mountain.
It was that or she’d have to think about untangling the messy mix of feelings she had for Riggen right now. She turned and looked at Lucas’s shining face as he hugged Yakub close. Good idea or not, Riggen was still oblivious to the fact that he couldn’t continue to make decisions for her.
She glanced in the side mirror. A Manitou Springs Police SUV followed close behind and she appreciated the extra protection. It’d make saying goodbye to her baby easier.
Hopefully, once Lucas was safe with John and Kat, this crushing guilt would disappear. She pressed her fingertips into her eyes, trying to blot yesterday out and sort her jumbled feelings.
Her phone buzzed. She squinted at it, waiting for the blurriness to pass. A text from Kat.
Not 2 late to buy yourself a ticket. Flight not full.
She sighed and turned the phone over. So much for guilt disappearing.
“Anything wrong?” Riggen changed lanes.
She watched Officer Jones follow suit behind. “Do you want the list in alphabetical order?”
Riggen stayed silent. She appreciated it. Kat could never give her space. She gripped the phone tighter. Her sister had been mothering her their entire life—while reminding her what a burden she was.
Not that she hadn’t needed it, though. When Riggen disappeared, Kat had been the only thing that had kept her from falling apart. Kat drove her to pre-natal appointments... Kat made sure she took her vitamins...
Kat was everything Liz wished she could be. She scuffed her feet along the floorboard and sighed. Just for once, though, she’d appreciate a pause in the big sister act. She needed a friend.
She slid a glance at Riggen’s profile. She had no idea what to do with the emotional avalanche his confession had caused. Running her index finger over her opposite hand, she rubbed her naked ring finger.
She wasn’t ready to forgive him. Maybe she never would be. But there was a small part of her that sympathized with the panic he must have felt when he’d woken up injured and found out everyone he had tried to save was dead.
She couldn’t be sure she would have handled it any better. Pain shot through her fingers as she squeezed them together. She was sure of one thing. She wouldn’t have abandoned him.
The back seat had quieted down. Liz looked over her shoulder. Lucas was fast asleep, his fist grasping a tuft of Yakub’s fur.
She pushed aside the betrayal that had been firmly lodged in her heart for five long years and allowed herself a giggle. She gave Riggen’s bicep a punch. “I’ve been sitting here furious that you didn’t ask me about Yakub, but thinking about how much more furious Kat’s going to be lessens the sting.”
Riggen slanted a deliciously evil look her way. “That was half the satisfaction of the gift.”
The dimple in his right cheek deepened when he grinned like that. She peeled her eyes away and turned back to the window. Heat crept from her neck to her cheeks and she pressed her face even closer to the window, the wildflowers once again so incredibly interesting.
“Kat doesn’t understand why I don’t just give up the job at American Travel.” She scratched at a fleck of dirt on the window. “She says I don’t need a better-paying job when John’s new church will pay him more than enough.”
He grunted. “There’s no promise the threats won’t follow you to California.”
“That’s what I told her. Anyway, I refuse to run. I’ve worked too hard for this.” She kicked the matted rug. “Give up the chance at standing on my own two feet? No way. Besides...”
“What?”
She flipped her phone over and over in her hands. Might as well share the plan that had kept her awake last night. “You were right about the expo. It’s the most logical place for an attack. If I’m there, it will force whoever this is to make another move.”
“I don’t like the sound of this.”
“You’ll be there,” she stated.
“So?”
She raised her shoulders. It was obvious, wasn’t it? “You’ll protect me.”
“No.”
“No?” Her voice rose an octave. “Are you saying you won’t protect me?” Was she too much trouble to bother with when their son was safely out of the picture?
His eyes narrowed as he stared down the road. “No, as in I refuse to use you as bait.”
She turned in her seat until her entire body was facing him. “It’s not your choice. I’m going. If attending draws out whoever is targeting me then I say it’s a solid win. You won’t let them get me.”
“I’m only one man.” He stiffened. “What if there’s another option?”
“American Travel is the culmination of five years of work.” She pushed the words through her teeth. “There is no other option.”
“There’s—”
“Momma—”
She bounced her attention from Riggen to Lucas and back, but Riggen shook his head and clamped his mouth shut. Obviously, he was finished with whatever was on his mind.
She shifted so she could view Lucas. Yakub licked straight up the side of his face and into his hair, standing his cowlick on end. She patted the dog’s rear end. “What, sweet boy?”
Lucas frowned. “Yakub needs a toofbrush.”
A belly laugh burst from the man next to her and melted away the strain that hovered over the front seat like a storm cloud. “He really does.”
Lucas wiped the slobber from his face. “Aunt Kat gets mad when I forget to brush.” He pulled Yakub to him, tiny lines marring his smooth forehead. “Will she let me keep him?”
“Of course, sweetheart,” Liz answered. “And after this weekend, I’ll have a new job. Then you and Yakub will come back to me. Remember? Our big adventure.”
“I get my own room.”
“Your very own.” Please, God, let it be true.
“Can Yakub sweep in my bed?”
Riggen turned into the airport entrance. “Be careful what you wish for. Yakub hogs the bed. Last week I woke up on the floor!”
Lucas’s giggles soothed Liz’s climbing nerves as they pulled into the parking area. She wasn’t ready to hand her baby over to her sister, even if it was only for a few days. What if he never wanted to come back?
* * *
He couldn’t believe he’d been about to suggest leaving Colorado Springs. Going off-grid. Starting a new life. Being a family. What had gotten into him? The impossibility of it made Riggen’s head spin.
Thankfully, Lucas had interrupted. He could only imagine her scathing reply. He would have deserved every searing word. She had a life, one witho
ut him.
Officer Jones pulled his SUV into a parking spot across from them, and Riggen scowled. If he could have picked backup, Jones would be at the bottom of the list. Scratch that. He wouldn’t even make the list.
Riggen climbed from the Bronco and nodded across the lane that divided their cars, receiving a brief nod in response. Jones looked as happy to be there as Riggen was to have him.
What Jones would be happy with was Riggen missing the interview next week because of the threats against Liz. Riggen rolled his head to the side. He’d worked hard for this promotion. He stretched his neck and looked inside the Bronco, but Liz was more important.
She was stuffing Lucas’s blanket into his cartoon carry-on and Riggen took advantage of the delay to text Rosche.
How did I end up with Jones?
Within moments, her answer landed in his hand.
Couldn’t come. Suspect from hospital wants to talk. Heading to jail now.
The door finally opened and Lucas and Yakub tumbled out. Riggen caught Lucas before he sprawled onto the concrete. “Careful, buddy.”
Lucas wrapped his fingers around Riggen’s index finger and smiled up into his eyes. “Yes, sir.”
Riggen pressed Lucas safely against his leg before shooting off a final text to Rosche, asking her to keep him updated. The passenger door squeaked open and Liz climbed down, her shoulders stiff and chest out. She looked as though she were preparing for battle.
“Let’s do this.” She smiled at Lucas and then started toward the terminal, Lucas’s miniature luggage in her hand.
Riggen wrapped Yakub’s leash around one hand and caught Lucas up in his other arm. Yakub trotted proudly beside them, his bright blue emotional support vest in place.
As they entered the towering atrium, Lucas gawked at a suspended sculpture of stainless steel, copper and gold-plated brass in contemporary design. “Ooh.” His whispered awe puffed into Riggen’s ear.
Liz stopped ahead of them, streams of travelers flowing around her like water gurgling around a stone. She studied her phone. “Kat says they’re opposite Security.”
Treacherous Mountain Investigation Page 10