by Xana Jordan
My last class got out a little early this afternoon, so I’ve had a chance to take a little nap before I needed to get ready to go out with Jeff. He’s picking me up at six so we can go eat before the last rush party gets started. This will be the pledges’ final chance to prove their ‘worthiness’ to join before the official induction ceremony tomorrow night. I won’t be allowed to attend that, but Jeff will pick me up for the party afterwards. I’m fine with that because I’m always tired at these things by midnight when we are there too early.
I’m just finishing up my makeup when Stacy, Cade, and Noel walk into the room. Thank goodness I’m almost ready. Being around Noel is still very awkward for me, so I can just wait for Jeff in the lobby.
“Hey, Xana. Where are you going all dressed up?” Cade asks as he plops down on Stacy’s bed, and Noel sits down in her desk chair.
Taking one last look at my hair I reply, “Jeff and I are going out. His fraternity is having their end of rush parties this weekend, so he came down for those.” I smooth down the front of my short black skirt, and grab my purse from my closet.
“Where are you going to be, Xan? You know how your parents get if someone doesn’t know where you are, even if it is with Jeff,” Stacy reminds me.
Quickly walking across the room to the door, I reply, “He didn’t say where this party would be, but I’ll text you when I find out. Bye.”
I leave the room and head for the lobby before Stacy can protest or ask any more questions. It’s not that I mind telling her, I like having someone know where I am. My Uncle Derek is a policeman and has drilled that part into my brain very well. It’s just that it feels weird talking about my boyfriend with Noel sitting in the chair and watching me. Especially when he used to be the one who filled that role.
My heart really never healed completely when we broke up. We shared a connection that was intense and ran deep. The two of us talked about so many personal things that we never shared with anyone else. Having the trust we had in each other broken was almost more than I could take. I thought being away from him for the last year would help me move on, but seeing him every day has not been as easy as I thought it would be. I gave him more of me than I ever offered anyone else. I’m not sure if I can do something like that again, no matter who they are.
I make it to the dorm lobby and find a seat to the side of the room where I can keep an eye on the front door and wait for Jeff. I have about twenty minutes before he’ll get here, but I just couldn’t stay in that room any longer with Noel. A few of the other dorm residents are watching television behind me and I listen along to their commentary of the program while I wait.
Sitting alone on the blue and white plaid loveseat has me thinking about my relationship with Jeff. Being one of my brother’s best friends and frat brother had him hanging around a lot last year. They would take Stacy and me to their frat parties, as well as any other parties we wanted to go to. They were determined to get me out of my room and make sure both of us were safe while we were out. We never minded because we always had a ride wherever we went.
Jeff was always around to help me if my brother couldn’t be there. He never seemed to mind and we got along pretty well. He was always polite and really tried to keep me from dwelling on my breakup with Noel. He came home with Mike that weekend after Noel and I ended our relationship. I had to beg them both to just leave everything alone, but I knew that Mike did have words with Noel after school was out. Cade told me about it. Big Brother prerogative, and all that.
I’m not exactly sure how or when Jeff became my boyfriend. It just kind of ended up that way. He always took me places and did things with me when Stacy went home to see Cade. It was nice having someone to do things with since Blain was off at college in Little Rock. I didn’t feel so lonely with Jeff there, and it kept my mind off the past.
I’m knocked out of my daydreams when Jeff calls out my name from just inside the glass front doors.
“Alexandra,” he says, walking toward me. “Hey, baby. I missed you.” He grabs my hands and helps me stand so he can place a kiss on my cheek. He’s not big on public displays of affection, or private ones for that matter, but he sure can say the sweetest things when he wants to.
“I missed you, too,” I tell him before reaching down to grab my purse.
“I take it you’re ready to go? I thought for sure I’d have to come and get you,” he chuckles as he takes my hand and leads me outside.
We walk to his car, hand in hand, and talk about everything that’s been going on at his restaurant. Some of the stories he tells are pretty funny, and I can’t help but laugh at him.
“It’s a good thing your family owns the restaurant or they may have fired you by now! You keep joking around with those waiters and your dad will finally lose his patience with you.” I stop in front of the passenger door of his car and look up at his face, still laughing to myself.
Jeff turns me so that my back is against the car and his hands are at my waist. “I know. Dad’s already given me his final warning, so I’ll behave now. At least, as far as he knows,” he says, grinning widely.
“You look beautiful, Alexandra. I’d almost forgotten how much I loved your smile.” Jeff leans forward and places his mouth on mine, and I part my lips to let him in, my hands moving around his waist. We kiss for a few moments before he pulls away and smiles at me.
“Well, you’re here now, so let’s go have some fun.” I let Jeff open my door for me, and close it after I get buckled in. I’m so glad he came this weekend. I’ve missed his company.
Our first football game of the season was exciting. Most of the people are there because they love it, not because they are music majors. Everyone gives the music and performance everything they have, having nothing but fun while doing it. I know that there are schools where the band members are made up of mostly music majors and potential band directors, and I’m more than thankful SAU isn’t one of them.
There is a party at one of the senior band members’ house after the ball game, and a bunch of us are going together, all eager to celebrate the Muleriders’ victory. Stacy, Cade, and I ride to the party together after we’ve all showered and changed. It’s Saturday night and I am more than ready to relax.
The three of us make our way around the house, chatting with various people as we go along. We’ve been at the party for only thirty minutes when Xana enters the house with Jeff’s arm wrapped around her waist. She is completely focused on Jeff as he greets a group of people he seems to know. As they make their way further into the house, Jeff seems to forget Xana is at his side, leaving her out of the conversations he is having with others. God, she is gorgeous. The purple t-shirt she is wearing makes her strawberry blonde hair shine under the lighting of the room. Damn, I’ve missed her so much.
Jeff finishes talking to the guys by the door and makes his way into the room, dragging Xana along behind him. What is up with this jerk, and why does he keep ignoring her? He continues his conversations, on his own, with some other people he runs into. Only two people try to draw her into the conversation, and Jeff barely acknowledges her when she actually does contribute to it. She simply stands at his side, alternating between aimlessly looking around the room, and giving the occasional glance at the people Jeff is talking to.
It takes her a few minutes to see me, but as soon as she does, she jerks her head back to where Jeff and his mutts are standing. She tries her hardest to join in their conversation, but few of them seem to listen to what she says. He is such an ass.
A few minutes have passed while I watch their interactions, when Cade bumps my shoulder with his, my eyes never leaving Xana as he speaks.
“I guess you saw who showed up.” Cade looks over at Xana and Jeff.
“Did you know?” I ask him, and quickly glance to see his reaction before looking back at Xana.
“I knew it was possible, but Stacy and I are never sure when he’s actually going to show up like he promises her.” Cade pauses to take a drink from hi
s cup. “Maybe this year will be different since he’s already graduated and doesn’t have to study all the time.”
I look away from Xana to study Cade’s expression. It appears he’s still bothered by something. Before I can question him on it, Stacy turns to Cade’s side and informs us that she is going over to talk to Xana and Jeff. She gives him a kiss and bounces over to their group.
Cade and I stand by the couch talking to a few of our section members and their girlfriends. I’ve positioned myself where I can keep an eye on Xana, who is talking to Stacy and one of the other girlfriends, while Jeff and the other guys drift away from the girls. Jeff never once looked at Xana after Stacy showed up. Hell, he barely acknowledged her before that.
James, one of our tuba players, asks me a question, making me tear my gaze away from Xana. By the time James repeats the question and I answer, Xana is being carted toward the door by Jeff. She looks over her shoulder at Stacy and shrugs before turning around and following Jeff out of the house.
I’m no longer listening to the people around me. My hands are clenched into fists at my side and Stacy takes one in her hands when she reaches me and Cade.
Leaning into me she whispers, “Calm down, Sweets. Just breathe it out. We’ll talk later, okay?” Stacy squeezes my hand in between hers, and I nod my head in surrender. Why did he come if he was only going to stay thirty minutes?
It’s almost two in the morning when we arrive back at our dorm room after dropping off Stacy at her dorm. Before Cade walked Stacy to the front door, she turned to me and said, “Jeff made Xana leave early because he has to be at the restaurant early in the morning for the Sunday brunch-lunch crowd. She said he took the night off to come to the game for her, but he had no interest in a ‘band geek’ party. Xana had to beg him to come for as long as he did.”
Stacy turned away from the car, and Cade, his arm around her waist, walked her up the steps. As I waited for him to return, I thought about what Stace said. I’m so irritated right now I can even put it into words. I just can’t figure that douchebag out.
Too keyed up to go right to sleep, Cade and I decide to play a little Playstation before we call it a night. Nothing like a little mindless violence to soothe a man to sleep, right?
We play in silence for about half an hour when Cade breaks the silence.
“What are thinking about, man? You’re playing like shit.”
Cade and I play for a few more minutes, nothing spoken between us, as I think about what he said. I release a loud sigh and ask, “So she just sat in her room all night? Alone? While he went back to Texarkana? At barely ten o’clock for a forty-five minute drive?” I try to tone down the irritation in my voice, but am not entirely successful.
“Yeah. That about sums it up. Said he didn’t want to worry all night about her being there by herself at the party. Would feel better if he was sure she was safe in her own room.” Cade pauses the game and looks at me before continuing.
“I don’t buy it, and neither does Stace, but we just have to let it go, or she’s afraid Xana will pull away all together. And you know she will.” Cade looks at me sternly, eyebrows raised, daring me to argue with him.
I give him a quick nod and focus back on the game Cade has restarted. We finish the current game, and go to sleep. Cade falls asleep quickly, while I lie there, for who knows how long, remembering all of the good times Xana and I had. Before I screwed it all up.
Cade and I decided to go home after classes this afternoon and get a little laundry done before the game tomorrow night, since we have pre-scheduled workouts on Sunday afternoon. Dad has a few things he needs us to help with at the bank, so we will get them done in the morning. I’m glad to be away from campus tonight. Xana has a date with Jeff, and I don’t want to be around to see or hear about it. At least I tell myself that.
It was Cade’s turn to drive home, so we are at my house first, unloading my laundry. Mom will be pleased to clean all of my dirty clothes. She’s taught me how to do them on my own, but secretly loves the chance to ‘take care of her baby’ as she puts it. I should be annoyed she still calls me that, but I’m not. It makes her too happy, so I just let her be, and Dad always laughs behind her back.
“What’s Stacy doing this weekend,” I ask as we walk to the bed of the pickup.
“She has to work at the library this weekend to make up for being gone last weekend for that away game.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot about that.” I lift my laundry basket out of the truck and place it on the ground. “What’s Xana doing this weekend all by herself,” I ask unashamedly. Cade and Stacy know exactly how I feel about Xana and have always kept me up to date on how she is. I’ve never asked them to do it, but they do, for the most part. I know they don’t tell me everything, and I wouldn’t dream of putting them in the middle.
“Supposedly, Jeff is coming down this weekend to visit. There’s some sort of frat thing going on all weekend, and he’s part of it somehow. I assume she’ll be with him for most of it. But who really knows with him.” Cade shuffles his basket over and picks up my duffle bag from the truck.
“What do you mean by that?” I frown across the truck bed at him, waiting for an explanation.
Cade sighs and leans his arms on the top of the bedside. “Stacy says that sometimes his frat stuff kinda takes over his visits or plans, and she can get easily ditched for the fraternity’s needs. She says it happened a lot last semester before he and Mike graduated. That’s all I really know, man.” Cade shrugs and pushes off the truck, turning toward my house. Carrying my dirty clothes, I follow him, thinking about what he just told me.
“Does this happen a lot? Him ditching her,” I ask, as I reach the door and fish out my keys to unlock it.
“Not sure. I just know what Stace told me last year, and I haven’t really seen him that much so far this year,” he replies and carries my bag through the open door and to my room, as I take the basket to the laundry room.
I can’t imagine anyone dumping Xana for frat related stuff. Granted, I’m not in a fraternity, but I can’t imagine a reason I would have to ignore her completely. Surely he doesn’t get her hopes up with promises of doing things together when he already knows his frat responsibilities aren’t going to allow it. That’s just being an asshole, and it more than pisses me off.
Cade meets me in the kitchen, sitting at the bar, and I grab two bottles of water from the fridge, handing him one.
“How does she handle it? What does Stacy see?” I’m more than curious to know this answer.
Sighing, Cade says, “Not much. Says Xana just goes along with it like it’s nothing, but she doesn’t buy it. Says she can tell Xana is faking it, but denies it even bothers her.”
“Doesn’t bother her? Bullshit! Xana is too caring and sensitive for that to not bother her,” I argue, unintentionally raising my voice at him.
“Dude, I know. I call bullshit, too. We all do, but there’s nothing we can do about it if she doesn’t think there’s a problem. You know that,” Cade places his elbows on the counter and clasps his hands together. “I know you want to knock the douchebag out of the picture and take her back, but this isn’t the right time for that.”
Cade and I remain staring at each other while I process what he’s said, and I try to calm my frustration and anger. It only works slightly, but I’m thinking a little clearer now. I have to bide my time and make sure she doesn’t forget I’m still here in the meantime. Damn, the wait is going to kill me. I need her.
“Yeah, so you want to go to the batting cages for a while before dinner,” I change the subject, letting him know this topic of discussion is closed.
“Sure. let me run home and change. Pick me up in say, thirty minutes?” Cade finishes the rest of his water, and chucks the empty bottle into Mom’s plastics recycle bin before leaving the house.
I decide to call up a few of the guys from last year’s team and see if they want to meet us at the cages. Mark and Kevin decided to go to the local comm
unity college for the basics before heading off to school, so they are still in El Dorado and very eager to meet us there. There’s nothing like smacking a few balls as hard as you can to vent your frustrations. And right now, I have a lot to vent.
Before Mark picks me up, I start a load of my laundry and leave Mom and Dad a note on the kitchen counter telling them where I am, and when I’ll be back. It’s a habit I can’t seem to break, even though a text message would have been just as effective. I was trained too well.
We’ve been at the batting cages for about an hour, and are taking a break when Kevin brings up a name I never wanted to hear again. Mercedes Parker. This ruins the relaxed state I just accomplished since I’ve been here.
“What the hell are we talking about that bitch for?” Cade asks, sounding even more pissed than I feel.
“Woah! Calm the hell down, Matthews. You don’t have to flip your shit over it,” Mark says, hoping to ease the tension that her mere name brings. I’m not sure I want to hear this conversation at all. I’ve had enough of that lying, two-faced Lay-Me-Lexus to last a lifetime.
“You’ll enjoy this,” Kevin raises his hands in reassurance, “don’t worry.” He looks from Cade to me, a slight grin on his face.
“‘Don’t worry’, he says. I haven’t exactly forgotten what happened the last time I didn’t bother to worry about her,” I throw back at him, lingering anger evident in my voice.
“Just listen,” he begs, “it’s good. I promise.”
“Fine. Spit it out,” I demand, “I don’t want to talk about her anymore. Ever.”
“Okay, okay. So, I talked to Liam this week. You know he went to the same school as her in Louisiana, right?” I nod and he continues, “Well, he told me that she’s already made the moves on some junior who plays baseball.” He pauses to gauge our reactions, but quickly proceeds talking when I glare at him. “She was at one of the parties they were at and was all over him when his girlfriend walked up and saw them. Fortunately for the guy, he wasn’t responding to her advances at all, so the girlfriend let Mercedes have it,” he laughs, clearly amused by his story. “Liam said she grabbed Mercedes by the hair, and pulled her off the guy. The girlfriend tore her a new one, and told Mercedes if she ever laid eyes on him again, she’d kick her ass herself.” Kevin is laughing so hard by this time, he can barely breathe.