by Xana Jordan
Pulling away from him, I reach up and touch my messy ponytail of curls. “I didn’t have time to fix my hair,” I say quietly while looking at the floor.
Noel pulls my hand away from my hair, entwines my fingers with his, and raises my chin with the other hand. “Your hair is just the way it should be. Let’s go, Sweetness.” Noel places a kiss on my nose and holds my hand as he walks me out of the dorm lobby.
Cade, Stacy, and Mallory are already walking across the street, heading toward the cafeteria. I can already smell the food and it’s making my stomach growl. Noel lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I lean my head against his shoulder, my body acting on its own.
We continue walking like that in silence until we reach the line in the cafeteria. Mallory waves at us from their table. I didn’t realize how far ahead they were. The clerk scans our ID’s and we make our way through the lunch lines. Noel insists on carrying my tray to the table for me. He’s so bossy sometimes.
Sitting down at the table beside Noel, in the only seat left, has me in the chair right beside Mallory. Noel places my tray in front of me, and drapes his arm around the back of my chair, just like he used to.
My stomach growls louder, and Noel feeds me one of his French fries, dipped, just the way I like it, in mustard and ketchup. I lick my lips when I finish it and my stomach growls louder, making everyone laugh.
“I think you should listen to your stomach more often, Xana. It sounds like it’s angry with you,” Cade teases me.
“Hey,” I reply, stabbing my fork into another one of Noel’s fries. “I ate Chinese last night! And a brownie!” Mallory laughs at me.
“Only because I brought them. Admit it, you wouldn’t have eaten at all if I hadn’t cornered you with food,” Mal says, then pops a nacho into her smiling mouth.
I frown at her, irritated that she’s right, but I haven’t had much of an appetite lately. Noel squeezes my shoulder and feeds me another fry. They taste so good. I am more hungry than I thought, but it doesn’t take long before I am full and push my plate away.
Noel looks at my plate, and notices half of my food is still there. He moves my hair over the back of my shoulder and asks, “Are you sure you’re not hungry? You didn’t eat much, baby.” Why does he still call me that?
Shaking my head and patting my stomach, I say, “I’m sure. I can’t possibly put one more bite in my mouth. Promise.” Noel examines my face, accepts what I tell him, and gives me a slight nod. That was odd.
Cade and Mallory are talking about their math final, and Stacy is giving them tips on what they need to study. She’s a math wizard, and loves to talk about anything related to math. I wish she could take my business math final for me. That would save me from a lot of headaches.
“What are y’all doing for Christmas break?” Mallory asks us as she finishes her nachos.
Christmas break. I love this time of year, but am not exactly looking forward to going home for the entire time. Mom will keep me and Mike busy, but since he has his own apartment now, I’ll be left to take most of Mom’s focus. I know she’s going to badger me until I tell her why Jeff isn’t around, but I just don’t want to have that conversation. I’m not even sure what the real story is about us to begin with.
I’m snapped out of my own thoughts when Cade throws a piece of broccoli at me. “Earth to Xana. Come in, Xana.”
“Ugh, what was that for?” I remove the broccoli from my lap and toss it onto my discarded plate. “Gross, Cade.”
“We’ve only been talking to you for about three minutes, and you were totally tuning us out. Where did you go, space cadet?” Sometimes his humor is so damned annoying.
“Very funny, Captain Kirk. I was just thinking about what I needed to study for finals. What’s so important you thought you had to throw vegetables at me?” I cross my arms and glare at him. I’m not that irritated, but I’m not about to tell them what I was really thinking about.
“Mallory asked what we were doing for break, and you totally spaced out. What’s going on, Xan?” Stacy looks at me expectantly, trying to get me to spill the real story.
“Nothing is going on, Stace. Just ready to get these exams over with,” I reply, trying to avoid any further questioning. “I’ll be at home for break doing nothing. We don’t have anything planned, that I know of.” Hopefully, they will let my daydreaming slide for now.
“You should come to Houston with me for a few days,” Stacy suggests. “You know my aunt and uncle would love it if you came, too.”
“Maybe. I’ll have to see what Mom and Dad have planned for me first.” I can sense Noel staring at me, as well as Cade. What the hell are looking at me for? I reach up and quickly wipe my hand across my mouth and chin to check for random food. Nothing there, so what’s the deal with those two?
“You won’t be so bored, Xan. I’ll be in town the whole break, too,” Noel says, and stacks our plates and trays together into one pile. “Dad has some bank thing he and Mom have to attend, so we’re not going to Gram’s this time. We can break together.” Noel smiles and winks at me.
“Yeah, we can go to Shreveport and spend the day. There’s always a lot to do there,” Cade chimes in. Noel puts his arm back around my shoulders and pulls me a little closer to him. Cade has always been there for me, even when Noel and I weren’t together. Stacy is so lucky to have found him. Even when they almost broke up last year, I knew he would never leave her. I wish I could say the same about Jeff.
Stacy stands up and finishes gathering up her trash, and we all follow her lead. Noel takes our stack of trays before I can even begin to reach for it, and takes it to the drop off without a word. Cade gathers everyone else’s trays and takes them to the trash line, while the rest of us walk over to the exit and wait for them.
When we arrive back at our dorm, Stacy and I check Noel and Cade in, and we go to our room. Once inside, Noel takes my hand and turns me around to face him.
“Grab your books, or whatever you might need. We’re going over to my room for the afternoon. Don’t argue. You need out of this room for more than a meal,” he tells me, and pulls me a little closer to him. Placing my hands on his chest, I lean forward and rest my forehead on his throat.
“Okay.” Noel gives me a quick hug, and helps me gather up my things. I try to fix my hair, but he stops me and says he wants me just the way I am. Why does he have to keep saying these things to me? I don’t know what to do with my feelings anymore.
I drop Xana off at the front of my dorm while I go park the car. It’s pretty cold outside now, and I don’t want her walking across the parking lot. Cade stayed with Stacy, so Xana is waiting for me in the lobby when I walk into the dorm with her things. Hopefully I can distract her enough from her studies that she can relax a little and be herself for a change.
I put Xana’s things on Cade’s desk when we get to my room. “I thought we could watch television or play a little playstation, if you want to,” I tell her as she stands in the doorway.
Xana walks over to where I am standing, and I wrap my arms around her. “I’ve missed you so much, Sweetness,” I whisper, my voice lower than I expected. I place my lips to her hair, leaving them there for a moment, before I remove the band holding her ponytail in place. Running my fingers through it, I remove the tangles from her hair as it falls down her back.
“Noel,” is all she says, not removing her gaze from my chest. Needing her to look at me, I hold her face in my hands, and raise it up so that I can look into her eyes. Brushing my thumbs across her cheeks causes her breath to hitch, and I take that moment to place the softest of kisses on her forehead.
Xana‘s hands move up to hold onto my arms, slightly squeezing them in her grip. I pull away from her just a little, and touch my nose to hers.
“Shhh. Let’s just watch some television, okay? There are movies over there on that shelf if you want to watch one of those, instead,” I point to the shelf by the television, and motion for her to check it
out. Relief washes over her face and she walks over to inspect the collection of movies Cade and I have.
While Xana browses through our DVD’s, I grab both pillows from Cade’s bed and place them on the bed with mine, giving Xana and I a more comfortable place to sit. She turns the DVD player on, and puts in the movie she chose before walking back over to my side of the room. My bed sits up against the wall and I place the pillows against it.
Patting the bed beside me I say, “Come sit down and get comfortable. What movie did you pick?” Xana smiles at my question, kicking her shoes off beside mine, and sits down beside me.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Xana giggles and pulls her knees up to her chest, and rests her chin on them, her arms wrapped around her legs.
“Ahh… so we’re gonna play it like that, are we?” I laugh at her smug little grin and grab the remote from my desk. “Let’s see what you’ve gotten me into.” I select and press play on the screen and stretch out my legs beside Xana.
By the end of the movie, Xana is snuggled up to my side, her head on my chest, sound asleep. I reach for the remote and turn the movie and television off. It’s just after four o’clock and the dorm is actually quiet for a change. The cafeteria opens at five, so I set the alarm on my phone, with my free hand, to wake us up at five thirty. She’s been asleep for almost an hour, and I know she could use a little more rest. To be quite honest, I just want to hold her as long as I can. Wrapping my arms around her, I place my cheek against the top of her head and fall asleep.
The rest of our weekend went very well. We were all able to keep Xana busy enough where she couldn’t shut herself up in her room all alone. I took her to the library with me on Sunday and Monday to study for finals. It was the only way I could be sure she would eat something since I made it a point to take her to the cafeteria before we studied.
Xana, Cade and I are finished with our finals and are getting ready to go home for Christmas Break. Cade packed most of his things before his last final, and is almost ready to leave, while I’m still getting the last of my things together.
“When is Xana going to be ready to leave?” Cade asks as he checks the room for anything he missed.
“She said she’d be ready in an hour. She just got back to her room from her last test.” I make sure to gather up what’s left of my dirty laundry so I can take it home to wash.
“Was she glad her classes were over?” Cade checks the refrigerators to make sure they are unplugged, along with the rest of our electronics.
“Yeah, but she still sounded worried about them, just like I expected. I know she knew the material. I quizzed her over it enough when we studied. She’s just not as confident as she used to be. I don’t know why she’s taking those damned classes anyway. It’s not what she wants to do.” I toss the last of my clothes into my bag and zip it closed, frustrated with her change in major.
“What are you talking about? She doesn’t want to be an accountant?” I shake my head in response.
“Then why the hell did she pick that as her major? That makes no sense at all. Why would she do that?” Cade asks as he grabs the last bag he needs and throws it over his shoulder.
“I have a good idea, but hopefully we’ve solved that problem for her.” I look up at Cade and I can see when he understands what I’m referring to.
“I hope so,” he replies and walks to the door. “I’m out. See you at home.” Cade walks through the door and leaves me to make sure everything else is taken care of before I make my way over to Xana’s dorm.
Watching Xana pack as I sit on Stacy’s bed is almost painful. She’s still so worried about her exams that she isn’t paying much attention to what she’s packing.
“You do realize that you still have things at home, and don’t have to take everything with you, right?” I laugh as she turns to glare at me. She’s so cute when she’s mad. Some things never change.
“Stop making fun of me, Noel. It’s been a long week,” she pouts as she turns to gather up her laundry.
“I’m not making fun of you, Sweetness,” I tell her and stand up from the bed. “Here, let me help you finish, okay?” I ask as I reach out and take the laundry basket from her hands. Xana looks at me for several moments before she releases her hold on the basket and lets me take it from her.
“Okay,” she says quietly and moves over to her bag laying open on her bed. She seems a little calmer and more focused as she checks it to see what is left to pack.
Gathering up the rest of her laundry, I place the basket by the door so I can grab it on our way out. We don’t have to worry about unplugging anything since Stacy is leaving later than Xana, but I go ahead and make sure all of her personal things are taken care of so Stacy won’t have to take the time to check everything.
Xana zips up her suitcase and takes one last look around her side of the room, making sure she hasn’t missed anything. “I think that’s everything I need,” she says and turns to look at me as I stand by the open door.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, if there is anything I missed, Stace can catch it before she leaves.” She walks over and picks up her bag from the bed, and I take it from her hands when she reaches me.
“Noel, I can carry it,” she protests, but I ignore her and pick up the laundry basket as well.
“Hush. I’ve got it. End of. Grab your purse and coat and let’s go.” I take her things and make my way down the hall, leaving her to lock her door and follow behind me. I could never let her carry anything like this. She should know that by now, but I have no problem in reminding her.
After we loaded my things into his car, Noel took us to get something to eat before we started the drive home. He decided I needed to eat something fun, so we went to Pizza Hut for greasy pepperoni pizza. I wasn’t really hungry, but he insisted he could hear my stomach screaming at me, and I didn’t bother to deny it.
As we waited for our pizza, we talked about everything from school to family. It was nice to just sit and talk and not have to worry about what to say. We’ve always had an easy time talking to each other. When our food arrived, Noel filled his plate quickly and began to devour the pizza in front of him. Compared to the single slice on my plate, he looked like he was starving.
“Are you stockpiling food for the winter,” I giggled as a string of gooey cheese clung to his chin. Moving my hand across the table, I wiped it off with my thumb. The melted cheese tasted delicious as I licked it off my finger, my eyes closed.
I open my eyes to find Noel staring at me, the pizza halfway to his mouth. “What? Why are you staring at me like that?”
Noel clears his throat, and takes another bite of his pizza. “No reason, I was just going to ask what your plans were for tonight?” Noel looks down to his plate and drags his slice of pizza throught parmesan sprinkled on his plate.
“I don’t really know, but all I want to do is get home and do nothing. A lot of nothing. What about you?” I take another bite of my pizza, and look longingly at the salad bar. I really need some ranch with my pizza.
Noel laughs, “Go get a salad. I can’t stand to see you look so pathetically at that salad bar any longer. I knew you couldn’t hold out for long without your beloved ranch dressing.”
I look over at Noel and smile before rushing over to the salad bar to fill a plate with its veggie goodness. As I sit back down at our table, I notice Noel has already eaten half of the pizza we ordered. Where on Earth does he put it all? If I ate that much pizza at one time, I’d be sick.
Noel watches me as I top my pizza with salad. It always did fascinate him to watch me eat my pizza that way. We sit in silence as I finish my slice of salad topped pizza, and push the empty plate away from me. “Oh, coconuts, I’m so full,” I groan as I wipe my face with a napkin.
“Full? You only ate one slice. How can you be full? You barely ate enough.” Noel looks at my plate and then at the five pieces left on the pizza pan.
“Trust me, I ate enough,” I laugh as I rub my full sto
mach. “Now, let’s get a carry-out box and blow this town!” I laugh as I gather up the mess that’s on our table so the server can clear it all away. Noel walks to the front counter and gets a box for our leftovers, and leaves a tip on the table when we leave.
Apparently, all it took was a full stomach to make me fall asleep in the car, almost as soon as we left Magnolia city limits. There is just something about his car that is so comfortable and soothing, that lulls me to sleep far too easily.
Xana fell asleep on the way home, and it gave me time to think. I knew as soon as I met her that I needed her. Getting to really know her for the year and a half we were just friends was only the beginning for me. As we dated in high school, we talked about that very thing. Xana felt the same way about me. I’ve never felt so connected to someone who wasn’t related to me. Being with her was easy, effortless, nirvana. The year we spent apart is not something I plan on repeating. Ever.
I tried not to bug Stacy and Cade with questions about her, but being the friends they are, they gave me answers without my questions. I knew she spent a lot of time studying. I knew she was spending a lot of time with Mike and his friend, Jeff. Cade told me she seemed to be happy. They even told me when Xana started going out with him as more than friends. It was reassuring to know that Cade was there to see her, and watch out for her when I couldn’t.
Even before I met Jeff, I knew I was going to get her back. Seeing him in action first-hand only made my conviction stronger. He wasn’t meant to be with her. I knew she may never be mine again, but she certainly wasn’t going to be his, either.
We’re finally in a place now where we can be around each other and not have the awkwardness and anger get in the way. I’m more than grateful for that, but it’s not enough for me. I want it all with her, and I intend on getting it.
Xana was still asleep when I pulled into her driveway and parked my car. Mike’s car was parked on the sidewalk, so I wasn’t surprised when he met me on the porch as I carried her bag and laundry basket to the house.