by Xana Jordan
Noel’s parents have already called me to check on him, and his mom told me they would be down tomorrow to check on him since it was getting too late to come tonight. His mom was far more calm than I was, that’s for sure. I can only imagine what she must have endured with him as a child, to have this not make her frantic.
We have been sitting in the waiting room, for what seems like days, when Cade calls to let us know the game is over and the team is headed back to Magnolia. He asked for an update on Noel, but I could only tell him what I was told in the ambulance.
Almost four hours have passed when a nurse calls the trainer inside the emergency area. He and Noel emerge thirty minutes later with doctor’s instructions and prescriptions to be filled. He looks awful, and I can tell he is in pain by the expression on his face. He’s always so strong and taking care of me, I can’t stand to see him like this.
Noel walks over to where I’m sitting, but I can’t stay away any longer, and rush over to him. He wraps his good arm around my waist and pulls me into his side to kiss my forehead. Wrapping my arms carefully around him. The smell of him, sweat and all, calms me more than I realized it could.
The trainer hands me the prescriptions and a copy of the doctor’s orders and tells Noel he and the coach will be by later in the morning to check on him, and to not worry about practice for the rest of the weekend. Slapping Noel on the shoulder, the trainer leaves him in my care, and heads out of the hospital.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” I head Noel toward the exit where Stacy is waiting outside with the car. I never even saw her leave the waiting area. He nods, and lets me help him outside and into the car. I can see by the way he’s walking and leaning into me that the pain medication they gave him is working. I hope we can get him out of the car and into the dorm without too much trouble.
Fortunately the drive from Monticello to Magnolia isn’t terribly long, so Noel doesn’t have to spend a long time in Stacy’s car. He seems to be handling things better than I am. I’ve stayed glued to his side since we left the emergency room.
“Do you need to change positions? Do we need to stop and get you anything to drink or eat? Are you comfortable enough?” Noel laughs at my barrage of questions and I am instantly embarrassed that I’m a little more shaken up than I comprehended.
“I’m fine where I am. I’m not thirsty yet, and I’m more than comfortable holding you,” he replies squeezing my shoulders. “I’ve broken bones before, and this is nothing new. They’ve given me something for the pain, and it’ll be alright.”
Leaning my head on his chest, my hand resting on his stomach, I sigh and close my eyes. “I know,” I say listening to his heartbeat. I can feel his smile as he kisses my forehead. “I was just so scared, Noel. I couldn’t see you to know if you were alright, and I didn’t know what to do. I kept imagining the worst.”
“Everything is fine. I’m still here,” he whispers in my ear and my body eases into his. “Relax, okay?” he commands, and I nod my head in submission, letting my body absorb the warmth of his body, my eyes slowly closing.
It’s after midnight when we get back to campus and Stacy drops us off at the guys’ dorm, Hathaway Hall. She has to work at the library in the morning, so she drives back to our room for the night. I help Noel walk to the front door and the RA on duty lets him in since his keys were left in his gear back at the ball field.
Cade has the window open for me to climb in when I arrive outside their dorm. Noel is already in his room when Cade helps me through, gathering up his clothes and toiletries to take a shower. I rush over to help him get the things organized to carry.
“Here. Are you sure you can take a shower and not get your cast wet?” I ask when I hand him his gym shorts and a t-shirt.
“Yeah, just help me get this shirt off and I can do the rest. I just need to shower enough to get all of the sweat and dirt off before I pass out.”
Noel sits his clothes on the bed, and I help him remove his sling and ball shirt. He winces when he moves his shoulder, and I notice some bruising there. Leaning over and giving it a kiss, I slide the shirt the rest of the way down his arm and over the cast.
“What happened?” I ask him anxiously, staring at the bruises that cover parts of his upper body.
“When he stepped on my arm, he bumped into the catcher and fell on us both. I think his upper body fell on my shoulder and back. All I know is it hurt. A lot.”
“HOLY CRAP! How were you not in pain when we were in the ambulance?” I ask, hanging his clothes and towel over his shoulders to he can carry his soap and shampoo.
“I think I was still in shock or something. I don’t know.” He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead before leaving for the shower.
Cade, already showered and in pajamas, leaves the room for a few minutes so I can change clothes and get ready for bed. By the time I’ve changed into a pair of Noel’s gym shorts and a tee, and washed my face, he and Cade enter the room and lock the door. I put his things away so he can go and rest in bed. Once I’m done I turn out the lights and walk over to him.
“Do you need anything? When can you have more pain medication?” I ask while putting his sling back on his broken arm.
He winces as I slide the sling into place. “Look at the papers they gave me. It should be on there. I can’t remember exactly,” he points over to his desk, where a stack of papers haphazardly lay.
Looking through them, I find that he has two more hours before he can take another dose of medication. There is only enough left for two more doses, so I will have to make sure to fill his prescriptions as soon as possible tomorrow. Placing the papers on the desk, in order to set my phone alarm for two hours from now, I never notice Noel has drifted off to sleep. I go about getting a bottle of water and his pills set out for easy access when the time comes.
Cade lets me know the coach called to confirm that he will be by in the morning after breakfast to check on Noel, and promises to wake me up in time to leave before everyone in the dorm starts getting up. I thank him and he turns off his desk light while I crawl into bed and wrap myself around Noel’s uninjured side. He instantly draws me to him, never waking up as he does it. I lay my head on his chest and listen to his breathing as I drift off to sleep.
Breaking my arm two weeks ago has been both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I’ve gotten to spend a little more time with Xana, who has pampered me at every available opportunity. But on the other, my ball schedule hasn’t been reduced very much. I’m still at practices and games, even workouts and required team activities, so I’m still away a lot. I know she is still struggling with her classload; I can see it in her face as she approaches me from across the street. She’s tired more often than not, her eyes are starting to get dark circles underneath them, and she’s becoming more forgetful, especially about eating. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.
It’s almost seven o’clock and we’re just now making our way to the dining hall for dinner. Cade, Gavin, and I had a team meeting after practice this afternoon, and the girls had some sort of study group thing to do. Xana says she has another study group to go to tonight, but I’m hoping I can change her mind. She needs rest. Watching her walk across the street from her dorm, only solidifies my need to do it; she looks awful.
I’m frowning as she reaches my side, and her look of confusion makes me sigh and pull her into my chest. Kissing the top of her head I say, “Let’s get some food in you.” Steering her into the building, we scan our ID cards and make our way to the food area. “What looks good to eat?” I ask as I look over the different lines and what they offer.
“Doesn’t matter. I’m not that hungry,” she replies, looking away from the food area. Shaking my head, I lead her over to the stir fry line and grab us a tray and silverware. She’s going to eat whether she likes it or not.
When it’s our turn in line, I make her go first in order to ensure she gets plenty of food on her plate. I know she’ll try to skip out on half the option
s they have. As the cook asks her what she’d like in her stir fry, I interrupt and order for her. I know what she likes, and don’t care if she tries to argue about me doing it for her.
“Noel, I can order my own food!” She swats at my arm, causing the cook to look between us for an indication of what to do. Looking over at her, I give her a warning look that apparently has the desired effect I was going for, because her eyes go wide and she stops her protesting. Nodding at her acceptance of my instructions, I turn back to the cook and finish our orders.
After I have our plates on the tray, I hand it to her and say, “Go on over and sit down. Stacy and Cade should already have a table over there,” I point in their direction before continuing, “and I’ll be right back.” She agrees, and walks in their direction while I head on over to another food line.
The table is full of people when I arrive at the table and sit beside Xana. As I give her a glass of sweet tea, she raises her brows at me, then looks at the tray of food I placed on the table. “Are you hungry?” she asks, amazed at how much food I have on the tray. Cade and I laugh at her, which only makes her frown more.
“It’s not all mine, it’s yours, too,” I inform her and set a bowl of cherry cobbler and a plate of French fries on her tray.
“I told you I wasn’t that hungry. Why did you get all of this for me? It’s only going to go to waste.” She crosses her arms and looks at me, daring me to argue with her.
Leaning over to talk in her ear, I lay my arm across the back of her chair and whisper, “You skipped breakfast and barely ate lunch. You’re going to eat, so stop fighting me, or I’ll feed you myself.” Kissing just beneath her ear, I tug on her lobe before facing my own tray of food.
She turns her glare on Stacy, who shrugs and grins back at her. “Traitor,” she mumbles, making everyone laugh.
“Hey, he asked, and I wasn’t about to lie to him. You’ve hardly eaten in weeks, so suck it up and do as you’re told, hooker,” Stacy throws back.
Cade, sitting on the other side of Xana, stops laughing and looks at her, his face serious and close to hers. “Eat. You look like hell,” he tells her in a low, concerned voice. Moving closer to her he whispers, “We’re just worried about you. You’re scaring him, Xana. Eat, okay?” Cade’s voice wasn’t very loud, but I could hear him clearly. She barely nods her head, and begins eating her dinner without further arguing. Thank God for Cade.
Conversation resumes back to our plans for Spring break, but we’re soon left at the table with Gavin and Mallory. Gavin and I are talking about the upcoming appreciation dinner the Sigma Sigma Sigma sorority is throwing for the baseball team, and Mal and Xana are talking about some girls in their dorm. Apparently the girls talking to Cade before practice several weeks ago were from the sorority and wanted to get his thoughts on their idea. The had asked a few players about it already, and he just happened to be walking by, so they asked him as well. I’m glad Stacy didn’t have to trample him for doing something stupid by talking up those girls.
“Yeah, they said seven o’clock next Wednesday night. Italian I think. I’m just glad we have a shorter practice that day,” he laughs, finishing off the last of his fruit salad.
“No kidding. I’m not sure I could handle a meal like that after a long practice of workout.”
“Oh, crap,” Xana exclaims, hurriedly gathering up her dirty dishes and silverware, half of her food still on the plate. “I’m going to be late.” She’s flustered and appears to not be far from having some sort of panic attack, when I grab her hands in mine to get her attention.
“Hey, slow down,” I tell her, but she shakes her head and tries to remove her hands from my grasp. “Stop. Look at me,” I warn her and increase my hold. “What are you studying for now?”
“My Quantitative Analysis class, remember?” she almost shouts at me, getting more flustered by the minute.
“Woah, didn’t you already have a study group for that class before dinner?” I ask, confused as to why she is studying for that class twice.
“Yeah, but I’ve got another group in fifteen minutes. I have to go now.” She moves away from me to pick up her tray, but I take it away from her and place it back on the table.
“Sit down.” I pull her down into her chair, and turn her to look at me. “You’ve studied for that class enough. You’ve done nothing but study all week, and you’re done for the night.” She starts to protest, but I cut her off and say, “Don’t even try to argue with me. Now, I’m going to go put up our trays, you wait right here for me.” I press my lips to her forehead and squeeze her hands, before getting up to do as I told her. Looking over at Gavin and Mallory, I tell them, “She doesn’t leave without me,” and I leave to put our things away. This shit is going to stop. Right now.
Walking back over to our table I take Xana’s hands and pull her to stand in front of me. I give Mallory and Gavin a nod, and lead her out of the cafeteria. We both walk in silence until we come to the place in the sidewalk where it splits to lead to each of our dorms.
“We’re going to my room. Do you need anything from your room before we go?” I ask, studying her face. She shakes her head, and I lead us to my dorm, the silence continuing.
Cade is over in Stacy’s room studying, so we are alone when we get there. Closing the door behind us, I take her to my bed and sit her down. Taking my desk chair, I sit down in front of her, our knees touching. “We need to talk, Xana.” She lets out a long sigh and looks down at our knees.
I take her chin and raise her head to look me in the eyes. “Hey, you know I love you, right?” She nods her head, and I can see tears start to form in her eyes and her bottom lip trembles slightly.
“I know.” She tries to smile at me but fails, her mouth slipping back into a frown.
“You have to stop killing yourself with these accounting classes. You don’t like them. You don’t want to be an accountant, or anything like it. You’re not taking care of yourself and adding in too much stress. I’m not sitting by and letting you wear yourself out over these classes. You’re going to drop some of them, and change your major to what you’ve always wanted to do.” I keep her gaze and let what I’ve said sink in, my hand remaining under her chin.
“But I’ll lose a lot of credits, and be behind. Not to mention the tuition money,” she argues.
“You can’t keep this up until May. It’s barely March and you’re already stressed to the max. Keep one of them if you want, but you’re dropping the others. End of.”
“You can’t demand I drop those classes. I know you mean well, but I can’t drop them.” She stares at me, her eyes imploring me to listen to her.
“Yes, I can, dammit! I love you, and I’m not going to sit around and let you do this to yourself. I know you, remember? If you aren’t going to make the right decision, I’ll do it for you. We’ve talked about this before, or have you forgotten that? Don’t think I won’t call your parents if I’m forced to. You know I will.” I stare back at her and move both hands, cast and all, to cup her cheeks in between them. “Tell me I’m wrong again, and that I have no right,” I challenge her, not completely able to keep the harshness out of my voice. She’s so vulnerable right now, I hate being this firm with her.
“But if I just study some more, I can make it through this semester and not have to drop them,” she counters, and it makes me angrier.
“More? If you studied anymore, those books would be nailed to your brain. You’re dropping at least two of them. You know I’m right,” I pause to rest my forehead against hers and take a long breath, releasing it the same way, before speaking again.
“I’ll go with you, if you want me to. But you know I’m right, Xana.” I wait for her to answer, but she remains silent for a little longer. Tears begin falling from her eyes, and I can feel them on my cheeks as our faces touch. Suddenly she wraps her arms around my neck, her head buried into my shoulder, and I pull her into my lap and let her cry.
She sits in my lap for almost ten minutes, crying and
hugging me fiercely, before she calms down enough to try and speak. “I hate that I’m having so much trouble with them. I feel like a failure. I didn’t see Jeff cheating on me, and I won’t be able to have a family, and now I’m failing at school. Why can’t I do something right?” she whispers, despair clear in her shaky voice, and it completely devastates me.
“Dammit, Xana! You can’t think that way. You do more right than you’ll ever know. This major was not meant for you, hell it isn’t even meant for me. You can’t judge your success by not being able to complete something you had no business doing in the first place. It’s not who YOU are. I realize you’re completely stressed out right now, but don’t EVER talk like that about yourself again,” I grind out into the top of her hair. “Okay?” I ask, pulling her head away just enough to look at her face.
“Okay,” she whispers, her lips quivering, and I stand up with her still wrapped around me and get us comfortable on my bed. Leaning back against the headboard, I pull her to sit in between my legs, and lean her back against my chest. Grabbing the remote from my desk, I turn on the television and find something for us to watch. I hold her tight against me and I find my fingers running up and down her arms, creating goosebumps in their wake.
Xana’s sniffles and tears have mostly stopped, and she has begun to relax in my arms, silently watching the television. It doesn’t take long before she is almost completely asleep, but before she succumbs to the sleep that pulls her, she mumbles something that I barely understand.
“I wish I could stay with you forever. I feel safe,” she mutters and falls completely asleep.
Kissing the top of her head and moving the hair from over her shoulder, I say softly, “I wish you could, too. I’ll always keep you safe.”