by Beth Miller
‘He was the boy I was seeing before I married Richard.’
‘Oh yes! I remember. I saw him with you a couple of times in the Students’ Union. He was gorgeous, wasn’t he?’
‘Yes.’
‘Looked like a pop star. You were rather smitten, I recall. Why did you split up with him again?’
‘I discovered I was pregnant.’
‘Oh yes! I remember. Richard got you pregnant. You cheeky dog! Those were the days, when we juggled several men… ’ Rose stopped and made a shocked face. ‘Don’t tell me he’s died?’
‘Yes, October, but I only heard recently.’
‘Oh. I’m sorry, Kay. I didn’t know you were still in touch with him.’
‘I wasn’t. I haven’t seen him since I was twenty-one.’ I started walking, and Rose scurried to catch me up.
‘Hang on, miss! What’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?’
‘Rose, there is a lot to tell you, but we should wait till we have very large drinks in our hands.’
‘Ooh, you said this in one of your texts. This all sounds very intriguing.’
‘I’m praying you won’t be cross with me for not telling you a long time ago.’
‘How old is this secret?’
‘I’ve been keeping it since I was twenty-one.’
‘That’s a coincidence, it’s the last time you saw David.’
‘You’re like Hercule Poirot, Rose.’
She twirled an imaginary moustache. ‘Did you murder anyone?’
I shook my head.
‘OK, well, I expect I won’t be too cross, then.’
I kissed her cheek. ‘What did I do to deserve a friend like you?’
‘You’re not a bad friend yourself, soft lad.’ We grinned at each other.
‘Come on, then,’ I said. ‘Let’s get this done.’
‘Hang on,’ Rose said. She stopped walking, and looked across the beach, the way we’d come, back towards Hoylake.
‘What for?’ I said, but as I spoke, I heard the faint sound of someone calling Rose’s name. I turned and saw that in the far distance, a woman was walking towards us. Rose started waving extravagantly with both arms.
‘Who’s that?’ I said, and then I realised. ‘Ohhh, Rose.’
‘Thought it would be nice if she was here,’ Rose said, not looking at me.
* * *
As Stella got nearer, walking tentatively across the hard sand, I knew how anxious she was from her body language. She looked a little thinner since I last saw her. Her hair was pinned up and made her look more adult. I tried to make my face welcoming, not wary.
‘You found us!’ Rose cried, pulling Stella into a massive hug. ‘I’d forgotten how many great piles of rocks there are! Sorry about that.’
‘It’s fine,’ Stella said. She untangled herself from Rose, and she and I looked uncertainly at each other.
‘Hello, sweetheart,’ I said.
‘Hello, Mummy,’ she said, and the baby-name made my eyes prickle.
‘Come here,’ I said, and she walked into my arms and held me as fiercely as when she was a teenager and had been vile to me all day; her intense night-time hugs were her way of saying sorry. The final crack in my heart started to heal over.
We let go, and stood, smiling foolishly at each other. ‘It’s unbelievably kind of you to drag Stella here,’ I said to Rose.
‘She didn’t drag me,’ Stella said quietly. ‘I wanted to see you.’
‘You did? You were so angry…’
‘I’m sure everyone said things they didn’t mean,’ Rose said, briskly. ‘What better way to reconnect than over the scattering of ashes?’
‘It’s not the jolliest team-building activity you could have thought of, Rose.’
‘I’m afraid the obstacle course was all booked up,’ Rose said. She put her arm through Stella’s. ‘This lovely girl has schlepped here to support you on a difficult day.’
‘Thank you for coming, Sparkle.’ I put my arm through Stella’s free one, sandwiching her between me and Rose. ‘I’ve been dreading today.’ I planted a kiss on her lovely cheek.
‘We’d hoped to launch her off the rocks where we used to sit,’ Rose said to Stella, pointing. ‘Probably those ones there, but the tide’s too far out. We will have to have a little walk, is all.’
‘I’d like a walk,’ Stella said. ‘I’ve been on a train for ages.’
‘It’s not quite as warm as I’d thought, bloody July in England, and I am fatally under-dressed,’ Rose said. ‘Let’s get Bear into the sea, and us into a nice pub.’
Linked together, feeling contained and whole with my two favourite women, we set off. The water, sparkling faintly in the distance, looked miles away, across a vast expanse of hard cold sand.
‘How’s everything going with “Back to my Roots”?’ I asked. ‘Your father tells me it’s going brilliantly.’
‘It is a big success. I’m glad you and Dad are speaking to each other.’
‘We’re being terribly mature.’ I laughed. ‘Dad also told me that your new boyfriend is great.’
‘Dad really likes Newland, so you’ll have been getting a biased account.’
‘Your grandmother likes him too, apparently, so he’s either a saint, or minor royalty.’
‘Jeepers, it’s like a bush telegraph!’ Stella said. ‘You know everything. Well, it’s early days, Mum. But he’s really great.’
‘I’d like to meet him some time.’
‘Actually, I was thinking of bringing him to Wales for a few days, and we could help with your barn renovations.’
‘That would be wonderful!’ I frowned. ‘But how do you know I was planning to do up the barn?’
Stella tilted her head at Rose, who I could see grinning out of the corner of my eye.
‘Jeepers,’ I said, ‘it’s like a bush telegraph!’
‘Also, we wanted to ask if you’d take some photos for our website.’
‘I’d be honoured to.’
‘Plus, we’ve got a stall next month at a new festival in mid Wales, not far from you, so we hoped you might come along to that, see us in situ.’
Stella clearly wanted me back in her life, and then some. ‘Shit,’ I said, getting a tissue out of my pocket. ‘I was planning to save my tears for Bear but I seem to be using some up now.’
‘Aw, Mum. I’m sorry.’
‘No, I’m sorry.’
‘We’re all sorry,’ Rose butted in. ‘Good. Now that’s established, let’s get this show on the road.’
* * *
When at last we reached the water’s edge, we stopped and all instinctively looked out at the horizon, and to the dark land mass of Wales. So often I had gazed at it from here as a child, never dreaming that I would end up living there, far less that it would be part of my son’s DNA. How right it felt, to be standing here now, the light glinting on the water as the waves moved gently in and out, lapping close to our shoes. I took a plastic bag from my backpack. Rose and Stella examined it.
‘Ashes are weird,’ Stella said, speaking for us all.
It was impossible to think that this had once been a person, far less a person I knew. How could all that life, all that energy, come down to this static, unremarkable dust?
‘First,’ Rose said, ‘we need to drink tea with Bear.’ She took a thermos out of her bag, and four plastic cups. She set them down on the sand and poured a small amount of milky tea into each one. We each took a cup, and Rose held the extra one for Bear. We clinked them together, said, ‘To Bear,’ and drank.
‘Nice cuppa that, Rose,’ I said. ‘Not stewed at all.’
Rose raised an eyebrow at me. ‘At least you recognise decent tea when it’s in front of you.’
I opened the bag of ashes and looked at Rose.
‘What do we do?’ she whispered.
I shrugged. ‘I haven’t done this before, I’ve only seen it on the telly.’
‘In films the ashes always get caught in the wind and they blow all over
the person,’ Stella said.
‘Luckily it’s not windy today,’ Rose said.
I hesitated, then scooped out a small handful. ‘Till next time, then, dear Ursula. Miss you, Bear.’ I flung the ashes into the sea. They sat on the top of the water for a moment, then a wave came in and washed them away.
‘Is it polluting?’ Stella asked.
‘You’re so modern,’ I said. ‘I’d never have thought of that.’
‘I don’t think so,’ Rose said, ‘aren’t humans biodegradable?’ She took a handful of ashes and sent them into the water. ‘Bye, then, Bear. It was good knowing you.’ Her voice cracked on the last word, and I put my hand on Rose’s shoulder.
‘May I?’ Stella said.
‘Of course!’ Rose said.
Stella stepped forward, and looked out to sea. ‘Bear,’ she said, ‘I only met you a couple of times when you came to England, so I didn’t really know you. But I felt like I knew you through Mum. And I want to tell you that you inspired me. You, and Rose, and my mum.’
Stella threw her handful of ashes into the sea, then turned to look at us, and I felt pride warming my whole body. Little more than a year ago she had seemed lost, uncertain. Now here she was, eyes shining, her voice strong and sure. Rose squeezed my hand.
Stella went on. ‘Bear, you had to move to a foreign country when you were young, and you didn’t want to, but you made a life for yourself there. It took Mum a bit longer to make the life she wanted for herself, but she’s doing it now. We only have one go-round this planet, don’t we, and it’s up to us to make it what we want it to be. But friends, good friends, like Rose, and Nita, can help us make those things happen.’
‘My God, Stella,’ I said, tears pouring down my face. ‘What are you doing to us?’
‘I feel like we’ve all been trying to work out what we want to do,’ Rose said, ‘with our one go-round this planet.’ She wiped her eyes.
We all three stood looking out at the horizon, and no one spoke for several minutes.
‘I know this is a terribly sad day,’ I said at last, ‘but I do feel unusually peaceful.’
‘I do too,’ Rose said. ‘I feel like we have done right by Bear. That’s a good feeling.’
‘I’ve been going to this funny support group, with Newland and Piet,’ Stella said, and Rose and I both turned to look at her. ‘The group’s big into acknowledging when things are difficult. But also they encourage us to say when things are going well, otherwise we might miss it. Bettina used to say the same. Anyway, I want to say that, though you’re right that it’s a sad day, I’m happy that I’m here, with both of you.’
‘How did you manage to create someone so wise?’ Rose said to me.
‘Sparkle, you know at twenty-three what it’s taken me twice as long to learn.’ Then I whispered, ‘I’m so sorry. Those awful things I said.’
‘Oh, Mum, I said far worse things.’
‘I deserved it.’
‘You didn’t. You just wanted a fresh start.’
‘A fresh start shouldn’t have to hurt people, though.’
‘It can’t always help it.’
‘Rose is right – how did you get to be so wise, Stella?’
‘I put it down to my upbringing.’
‘I’m so glad,’ Rose said, putting her arms round us both, ‘that you two have remembered that you love each other.’
‘All thanks to you, Rose. Is that what we’re supposed to say?’ I said.
‘You’re welcome!’
I stepped forward. ‘Let’s finish saying goodbye.’ I tipped the rest of the contents of the bag into the water, and we stood and watched the sea sweep in and out until there was no more sign of the ashes.
‘Well,’ Rose said, ‘that’s that.’ She took out her phone. ‘I think we should commemorate this moment with a selfie, if you’re not too posh for that, Kay.’
‘Ugh, a selfie,’ I said. ‘How millennial of you, Rose.’
‘I’ve brought your old camera,’ Stella said.
I looked at her. ‘You have?’
Stella smiled at Rose. ‘Yes, I, er, heard you were going to be doing a photography course, so I thought you might need it.’ She took my camera out of her bag, and gave it to me. I could scarcely believe I was finally holding it again, the familiar weight of it in my hand.
‘Oh, Stella.’
‘Dad put a new film in it,’ she said. ‘I didn’t know how.’
‘Ohhhhh, Stella.’
Rose winked at Stella. ‘Good work, kid.’
I took off the lens cap and looked at Stella through the camera. ‘I remember all its little quirks.’ I lowered it and said, ‘Let’s go back to the rocks where Bear fell into the sea.’
We walked back, and I set up the camera on a flat boulder, facing the water. Rose and Stella posed patiently as I fiddled with the timer, then dashed over to join them.
‘Ten seconds!’ I gasped, as I took my place next to Stella.
We smiled, a little fixedly, then started laughing properly with the age-old embarrassment of waiting for the shutter to click. When it finally did, Rose said, ‘I think that will be a good one.’
Arms linked again, this time with me in the middle, we walked back across the sand towards the town, and a pub lunch, and our one brilliant go-round the planet.
Did you fall in love with Kay’s story of love, loss and hope? Then you’ll love Beth Miller’s charming and unputdownable novel The Two Hearts of Eliza Bloom! Eliza has grown up following the rules, but when someone offers her a different life and love, can she find out where her heart truly belongs?
* * *
Get it here!
The Two Hearts of Eliza Bloom
How do you choose between your family and the love of your life?
* * *
Eliza Bloom grew up in a big, loud Jewish family with delicious Friday night dinners, Sunday mornings with her grandfather and finding ways to annoy her father. But this close-knit life has limits: no short skirts, no television and no marrying outside of the faith. And Eliza has always strained against the rules…
* * *
When Eliza meets Alex, her heart skips a beat. He isn’t Jewish, he lives in the wrong side of town, he has an enchanting smile… and he offers her a way out. So, Eliza takes a huge leap into the ‘Real World’ where there are new foods to try, movies to watch and someone who really loves her.
* * *
But as time passes, Eliza desperately misses her grandfather, her family and her old life. When her grandfather falls ill, Eliza returns home to see him and starts keeping secrets from Alex. But she can’t live two lives forever…
* * *
An uplifting and heartbreaking novel about finding yourself, perfect for fans of Jojo Moyes, The Hideaway and P.S. I Love You.
* * *
Get it here!
Books by Beth Miller
The Two Hearts of Eliza Bloom
The Missing Letters of Mrs Bright
* * *
The Good Neighbour
When We Were Sisters
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Thank you so much for reading The Missing Letters of Mrs Bright. If you’d like to be kept up to date on my new releases, click here to sign up for a newsletter. I promise to only contact you when I have a new book out, and I’ll never share your email with anyone else.
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Beth Miller
www.bethmiller.co.uk
Acknowledgements
Huge thanks to:
– My writing friends: Melissa Bailey, Jo Bloom, Sharon Duggal, Lulah Ellender, Abbie Headon and Becca Mascull, and the Prime Writers, for all the top chats.
– Liz Bahs and Jacq Molloy, for the non-stop encouragement, first-class editorial advice, absorbent shoulders to cry on, and generally being the world’s greatest writing buddies. And Jacq again, for vital Aussie info.
– Juliette Mitchell, for being there at a crucial point of the second draft – the dark before the dawn – and for reading it in a weekend and coming up with a stunning blueprint for a way forward. Couldn’t have done it without you.
– Saskia Gent, my first reader, who loved even the messy first draft, claiming it definitely wasn’t too long at 115,000 words. I hope you still like it now it’s a little briefer.
– Stu Robarts, Georgina Spraggan, Tim Vaughan, and the twitter account West Kirby Today, for excellent and detailed information about West Kirby Beach.
– My agent, Judith Murdoch, who helped me come up with the initial idea for the book.
– My editor, Maisie Lawrence, who helped turn a big mush of words into something coherent, giving me lots of laughs and encouragement along the way.
* * *
Finally, as always, to my family: my children, for being continually proud and interested, or at least, doing a good impression of being proud and interested. And most of all, thanks to John, who always gives me the self-belief, time and space to get on with writing.