The easy smile on his face when he looked at his brother, the scowl whenever he looked anywhere else. His piercing green eyes seemed empty, almost lifeless. They were still intense, but it was like there was absolutely no emotion in the body they belonged to.
It sent a shiver running through me to see him like that, so cold and looking as ruthless and callous as ever. His light brown hair was artfully mussed and my fingers itched to run through it, to see a spark of the fun, playful guy I knew he had hidden inside there in his eyes.
But I ignored the urge. I would never get to do or see any of that again, and I had to accept it.
The ceremony passed in a beautiful blur as I tried to avoid staring at the best man. Peter’s face when Jenny came down the aisle was priceless, though.
Tears ran unashamedly down his cheeks and the smile he wore was so bright it would be able to power several large cities for months. Crap, even Cyrus was smiling as Jenny floated toward them.
She looked like a princess and I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I was so freaking happy for these two.
Once the vows were said and the rings were exchanged, they shared a kiss that bordered on inappropriate, then threw their hands into the air, and all their guests started clapping and hollering. I joined in, wiping tears away in between all the clapping.
Peter spotted me as they made their way through the guests, waving me over. Unfortunately, Cyrus saw at the exact same time.
Jenny got to me first and threw her arms around me. “Thank you so much for coming, Luna. Really, we can’t tell you how much it means to us.”
“It’s my pleasure,” I lied as I hugged her back. “I’m glad everything turned out so well.”
“Almost everything,” she murmured, pulling her head away. Her eyes met mine before they darted toward Cyrus. “Not everything, everything. You two should have been here together.”
I gave her another squeeze. “Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy your day.”
“I’m planning on it.” She winked, then was whipped away by more adoring guests.
Peter paused before following her. “Thanks for showing up. Remember what I said.”
“Thanks again for the invitation,” I said, giving him a quick celebratory hug before he went off after his bride, sliding his arms around her waist and laughing at whatever the conversation was he’d stepped into.
Cyrus was still fighting his way through the crowd with many people stopping him to talk. Which gave me the perfect opportunity to make my getaway.
I’d seen him. That would have to be enough closure for now.
My lungs felt like they couldn’t expand enough to drag in any air and my heart seemed to be going through a washing machine stuck on the spin cycle. In a word, I was battered and I needed to get out of there.
I almost made it, too. As I reached the bottom of the stairs leading out of the hotel, my name rang out above the sounds of traffic and street vendors.
“Luna! Wait. I need to talk to you. Luna!”
When I turned around, it was to find Cyrus standing on the second stair from the top, one hand gripping the railing and the other in his hair. The look on his face was unlike anything I had ever seen from him before. His gorgeous features were twisted in what looked like excruciating pain and the same emotion was reflected in his eyes.
So I waited because if any of that was about me, maybe we really did need to talk.
Chapter 38
Cyrus
She stopped.
I almost couldn’t believe she’d actually stopped.
Standing at the bottom of the staircase with a gentle breeze ruffling her dress and those blue eyes wide, she looked up at me. Uncertainty flashed across her features, like she couldn’t decide whether to stay or to run.
I jumped into action and rushed down the stairs before she could decide to run. Her shoulders pulled back and her chin came up. Despite her sweet nature, Luna knew what it was to stand up for herself and that was exactly what she was about to do.
She was no shrinking violet and I had no doubt that she wasn’t just going to accept any apologies without making me tear open my soul and give her every bit of truth inside it.
I hadn’t been prepared to do that today.
Peter hadn’t told me she was coming, and when I first saw her, I thought I was hallucinating. It wouldn’t have been the first time that I thought I saw her, only to blink and find the woman I was staring at wasn’t her at all.
When I realized it really was her, the world stopped spinning around me. The ceremony, the bride, and groom—all of it fell away and all that remained was Luna. In that moment, I knew there was no way I could let her leave without at least trying to talk to her.
If she didn’t want to listen, I would try again tomorrow, and the next day and the next. Because I couldn’t give her up. I’d tried to let her go, tried to get myself to a place where I could be her friend again, but with every day that had passed without seeing her, I had only become more miserable.
It had gotten to the point where even I had to admit I had turned into a pathetic mess. Yesterday, when I’d been sitting on my couch with yet another pint of ice cream, a pair of sweats on that I’d put on about three days ago, and staring glumly at the dark television screen, it had dawned on me that I was acting like a heartbroken teenager.
From there, I’d had revelation after revelation, eventually ending up in the shower where I’d washed the pathetic off and swore to myself that I was going to get her back. Whether she wanted me or not, I was hers.
There was no more denying it and nothing I could do to fucking change it, but I didn’t think I would have even if I could. I wanted to belong to Luna. I trusted her with everything I was and had, but if I wanted her to have even an iota of trust in me again, it was time to stop lying on the couch, feeling sorry for myself. It was time to take action.
I’d had a game plan, which would have started the day after Peter’s wedding, but now, here she was. The plan had gone to shit, and I’d have to flay my heart open sooner than expected, but I was willing to improvise.
I needed Luna in my life any way I could get her. If that was as a friend, then so be it. I’d be that pathetic guy who was head over heels over his best friend until such time as I could make her see that we could be so much more. If that time never came, well, I’d respect whatever decisions she made, but I’d never stop fighting for her.
Reaching the bottom of the staircase, I stopped next to her and looked down into those blue eyes. They were stormy now in a way I’d never seen them, and I was about to step right into that storm and do my fucking best to ride it out.
“Thank you for stopping,” I said, itching to take her hands or cup her face or even just to see her crack a smile, but none of those things happened. She stared back up at me stoically, not saying a word.
A small shrug of her shoulders seemed to be the best response she could manage. But she’s still here.
That had to count for something. “Can we talk?”
“You’re talking,” she said, her tone flat as she crossed her arms over her chest.
I glanced at the busy sidewalk we were on, at the pedestrians frowning at two people in formal wear locked in some kind of standoff. “Okay, we’ll talk here then. Truth be told, Luna, I don’t give a fuck who hears me, as long as you do.”
Keeping my eyes on the infinite blue depths of hers, I took a deep breath, mentally grabbed my balls, and took the plunge.
“I love you, Luna. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone before. You’re the only woman I’ve ever really loved and the only woman I ever want to love.”
She sucked in a breath, and her eyes grew misty, but she pressed her lips together and shook her head with this profound kind of sadness on her features. “You don’t love me, Cyrus. If you loved me, you never would have slept with your ex.”
“Never would have what now?” My eyebrows mashed together. “You really think I slept with Sam?”
“I sa
w the way you were looking at her. You couldn’t take your eyes off her. It’s okay, Cy. We never—”
“I didn’t fucking sleep with her,” I burst out, shoving my hands deep into my pockets to keep from taking her into my arms and making her understand that she was the only woman I wanted. “I wasn’t even looking at her. I was looking at the bartender. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t jumping to conclusions just because she happened to be sitting there.”
“You’re expecting me to believe your eyes weren’t riveted to your stunning ex, but to the bartender serving her?” Luna scoffed. “Nice try, Cyrus.”
“I don’t think she’s stunning. She doesn’t hold a candle to you, as far as I’m concerned.”
Luna opened her mouth to protest, but I didn’t let her. Also, fuck it.
Yanking my hands out of my pockets, I framed her face in them and let her see every fucking thing in my eyes.
“There’s only one woman who has ever truly stunned me and that’s you, Luna. Samantha’s packaging may not be bad, but all I see is what she has on the inside. And trust me, that ain’t pretty. Sure, there was a time I’d thought she was hot, but there has never been a time that I thought she was stunning. Like I said, the only woman I’ve ever applied that word to is you.”
“But—”
“Just hear me out, baby, please. The furthest I went with her that night is to email her sponsor when I got back to my room. I was alone when I did it, by the way. We talked on the rooftop. Then I left. I went straight to your room, but when I got there, I couldn’t bring myself to knock. I’d realized that we didn’t want the same things anymore. I didn’t want to be your friend anymore, but I also didn’t want you to think I’d been dishonest with you all along. I was trying to respect your wishes.”
Luna chewed on the inside of her lip as she searched my eyes. “Her sponsor?”
“Yeah.” I sighed and rubbed the back of my head. “I guess we should get that part out of the way first. I got ahead of myself. God, I’m really bad at this.”
The smallest of smiles played at the corners of her lips. “Just keep going.”
“Okay, yeah. So her sponsor. Sam had a rough childhood. Both of her parents were full-blown, barely functioning alcoholics. Her mother drank herself to death when Sam was twelve and her father ended up in prison. I think he’s still there.”
She swallowed heavily, her eyes filled with sympathy. “Wow, that really sucks.”
“What makes it even worse is that Sam herself developed an addiction to alcohol when she was something like fifteen. By the time I met her when we were in our early twenties, she’d been in rehab three times. I still have her sponsor’s contact details because contacts just get transferred from one device to the next these days.”
“And that’s why you were watching her bartender?” she asked, her voice breathy. “To confirm whether or not she was drinking?”
“Yeah.” I reached for Luna’s hands and she let me take them. “I hate that woman, and her history doesn’t justify what she’s done, but I don’t literally want her to die. Which very well could happen if she’s drinking again.”
Luna’s fingers wrapped around mine and she gave them a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
“You have no reason to be sorry, Luna. I should have told you what I was doing. I just didn’t think about doing it. My mind was all fucked up about you and how I felt about you. Then I saw her drinking and everything happened so fast that I didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late.”
“I didn’t see you for those next few days, either.” Sadness tightened the skin around her eyes again. “I thought you were with her, but if you weren’t, then where were you?”
“I really was in meetings.” A sheepish grin formed on my lips. “They might just have been meetings that I scheduled so I wouldn’t have to deal with the realization that I love you.”
Contrary to what might have happened if life went exactly like we wanted it to, Luna didn’t melt into my arms or throw her arms around me to kiss me stupid. She took a step away from me instead, released my hands, and tilted her head.
“How am I supposed to believe that, Cyrus? You’ve spent the entire time I’ve known you telling me you couldn’t and wouldn’t fall in love.”
“Yeah, well, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans, isn’t it?” Reaching out, I slid a finger under her chin and lifted it until her eyes were on mine. “Look, just come home with me. We can talk more there. I—”
“You can’t leave Peter’s wedding.”
“Uh, yes, I think he can.” Peter’s voice suddenly piped up from somewhere on the staircase. Both of our heads swung in its direction, and he was standing there with a far too smug grin on his face. “You guys have already organized this whole thing and you’ve attended the important part. Pretty sure we can forgive you for skipping the reception.”
Gratitude toward my brother fueled my grin as I held my hand out to Luna. “You heard the man. What do you say?”
Chapter 39
Luna
Cyrus’s eyes were burning into mine as he waited for my answer. So much of what he’d said was difficult to process, especially since I’d gotten so many things so very, very wrong.
What I hadn’t gotten wrong was that belief I used to have that I could trust him, that he was a good guy. I still couldn’t quite believe he’d said that he loved me. It was going to take me a while to fully comprehend that one, but I wanted to.
“Yeah, okay. Let’s go.” I took the hand he offered me and felt my lips curve into the smile at the feeling of having it there. His large palm was warm against mine, his fingers wrapped around mine so tightly that it was almost as if he was afraid I would run off if he didn’t keep me with him. “I’m not going anywhere, Cy. I’m done running.”
“You are?” he whispered, taking a step forward to close the distance between us until his chest was pressed right up against mine.
I nodded, tilting my head back so I’d be able to look into his eyes. “I don’t want to just be your friend anymore, either. I haven’t wanted that for a long time, but I was scared too. It took me too long to admit it even to myself, and by then, I was convinced it would be easier to stop seeing you at all if you didn’t feel the same way.”
“I would say that great minds think alike, but in our case, I think it’s more of a ‘fools never differ’ situation.”
I held his hands tighter at our sides and pressed myself up as close as I could get to him. It might have been a tad inappropriate for being in public, but I was finding that it didn’t bother me so much anymore. I’d spent far too long without this man and I was done with it.
“At least we were foolish together.” I pushed up on my toes and pressed the lightest of kisses to his jaw, my lips brushing against his stubble when I said, “Let’s go, then. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”
Cyrus grinned and simply looked into my eyes like he couldn’t believe he was really seeing me. Keeping one of my hands in his, he propelled us into motion once he finally tore his gaze away from mine.
The walk back into the hotel and through the lobby to the parking lot was almost surreal. I kept sneaking glances at him to make sure it was really him and that this was really happening.
On the way to his place, he told me what he’d talked about with his ex that night and that he’d flat out refused her when she suggested getting back together. The more he talked, the more everything clicked into place.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?” I asked once we were in the elevator, heading up to his penthouse.
Our sides were pressed together and Cyrus was watching the glowing red numbers climb from floor to floor with an impatient tick in his jaw. He glanced down at me when I asked the question, though, then gave me one of his sexy smirks as he shook his head.
“Because I had my head too far up my ass to do anything about how I felt. I thought I’d lost you, even though I’d never had you, and
didn’t know how to deal.”
The elevator doors slid open and he practically dragged me out, digging his keys out of his pocket as we made the short walk down the hallway. Once again, my mind was churning to process what he’d said.
“You’re being surprisingly open about all this.”
As he turned the key in the lock, he gave me a look over his shoulder. It was filled with regret, passion, and amusement, all at the same time, and I realized his emotions were on as much of a roller coaster as mine were.
“I promised you I’d always be honest with you, and trying to hide shit from you didn’t go so well for me last time. So yeah, I’m an open book to you, baby. Ask me whatever you want. I’ll never hide anything from you ever again.”
Swinging his door open, he took my hand and led me inside. I barely heard the door shut behind us as I got a look at the state his previously immaculate penthouse was in. “What happened here?”
There were piles of clothing littering the floor, along with empty tubs of ice cream, fast food wrappers, and God only knew what else. On his coffee table were several half-drunk bottles of beer, empty whiskey bottles, and dirty glasses.
When I turned to face him, his cheeks were actually just a little flushed. He shrugged his broad shoulders and closed his eyes as he answered. “I told you. I didn’t know how to deal. What you’re looking at is the embarrassing evidence of the mess I turned into without you.”
A soft chuckle escaped me as I walked back to where he’d stopped just inside the door. “My apartment looks the same. I was so embarrassed when Peter came by earlier. So I guess this means you really do love me, huh?”
When his eyes opened, they were filled with more emotion than I ever thought I’d see from him. Fierce determination mixed with what could only be described as absolute, unconditional love made his irises seem like they were glowing with warmth.
“Yes, Luna Willet. I really do love you. What I said earlier was true. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. You’re it for me, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be it for you.”
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