by Evans, A. K.
A minute later, my phone buzzed in my hand.
Keith: Now.
We arranged to meet at a coffee shop close to the development he was building. He was already there when I arrived, and I knew he knew what I’d decided the minute I stepped inside.
“You’re leaving me,” he stated as soon as I sat down.
I dipped my chin.
“Delaney, don’t do this to me,” he pleaded. “I’ll never lose my temper like that again. It was wrong. I know it.”
Shaking my head at him, I explained, “I’m not doing this to you, Keith. I’m doing this for our baby. I was afraid of you. I shouldn’t be afraid of my husband. So, I’m leaving. Partly for myself, but mostly for our child. I’ll keep you informed and updated about doctor’s appointments and anything that has to do with the baby. Beyond that, I’m not coming back. I want us to legally separate.”
“Delaney, baby, we’re going to be a family.”
“Family doesn’t threaten you,” I returned. “That’s happened to me before. I won’t let it happen again.”
“Is this about him?”
“Who?”
“That guy from high school,” he clarified. “Are you seeing him?”
My eyes flared. “Are you serious?”
Nodding, he remarked, “It makes no sense why you’d leave when we’re starting a family unless that guy is back in your life.”
“I haven’t seen him since I was sixteen, Keith. But that situation with my father taught me not to jeopardize what’s important. Our baby is the only thing that matters right now. The fact that you’d even insinuate I was messing around on you is insulting.”
He took that because he knew it was the truth. I never hid my relationship with Trent from him. It came up when Keith and I were getting to know one another. When he asked about my family, I had to tell him that my mother had died and I no longer had any contact with my father.
“You’re right. That was out of line.”
“It was.”
“Let me try to make this right, Delaney. Please don’t give up on us,” he begged.
“I’m sorry, Keith. I’m not willing to let this turn uglier than it already was a week ago. This baby is too important to me, so I’m putting all of my focus on him or her right now.”
“What are we going to do about work?” he asked after a beat of silence. “It’s impossible to think that we won’t see each other considering we work together.”
This was another thing I took the time to think on during my week away from my husband. “I’m willing to work throughout the remainder of the pregnancy, but I won’t do it being alone in a home with you. You’ll need to make sure that someone else is there or that you aren’t so I can go in and do what I need to do. As long as you can accommodate that, I’ll do my part. But, speaking honestly, I’m going to be looking for something else. Hiring a pregnant woman isn’t typically a smart business move, so I’m not sure how lucky I’ll be with that.”
Keith sat back in his chair and shook his head, clearly upset and disappointed. “I can’t believe you’re throwing us away. I made a mistake. I apologized. There’s not much more I can do.”
“That’s just it,” I started. “I also made a mistake with the order and I apologized. Your response was to get violent. This is my first time being a mom, so I can’t say for sure, but it’s my guess that I might make another mistake. I’m not willing to risk you getting violent like that, or worse, again.”
With that, Keith stood, looked down at me, and warned, “I’m not letting you divorce me, Delaney. Not over something this stupid.”
He turned and walked out.
Now, I was here just over a year later, looking down at my seven-month-old boy while he slept, feeling the crushing disappointment of the choices I’d made in my life. I loved Tate and didn’t regret him at all.
But I never imagined this.
I never thought I’d be a single mom, struggling to make ends meet, regretting the decisions I’d made that led me to this very spot.
The biggest regret being thrown in my face only a few hours ago.
Trent.
He looked amazing. He always did. But he was a full-grown man now. And he was beautiful. His light, golden brown hair clipped close to his head on the sides and back, only slightly longer on top. Trent’s body was built, strong and lean. His voice was deeper than I remembered, but his eyes were exactly the same. Even when he was standing there reminding me of just how badly I’d hurt him, his eyes were still the kindest I’d ever looked into in my life.
Cuddling closer to my baby, brushing my thumb along the skin of his soft, chubby cheek, I grew determined. If I did nothing else in my life, I knew I needed to right the wrong with Trent. After hearing what he said today, I doubted he’d ever find it in his heart to forgive. But he at least deserved to hear the truth.
I only hoped he’d be willing to listen.
I hoped he’d see that I did it all because I loved him more than anything.
“What do you think, little man?”
Tate was sitting in his highchair, eating his dinner.
“We’ve already done the basics of vegetable sampling,” I noted as I fed him another spoonful of his sweet potatoes. “I say we go crazy tonight at the grocery store and try something new.”
Tate didn’t respond.
He kept his eyes on the spoon, eager for more food.
“Alright. We’ll see what’s there and I’ll give you all the options. Then you can pick whichever ones you think you’ll like best.”
My little guy still didn’t respond. He slammed his baby fists down on his tray, demanding another spoonful.
“Alright, alright. Less talking, more eating.”
After I gave him another bite, my phone rang. Reaching over, I swiped it off the table and saw Gloria’s name on the display. I slid my finger across the screen and hit the button to put it on speakerphone.
“Hello,” I greeted her.
“Hi, Dee. How are you doing?”
Gloria had been doing this. Ever since my encounter with Trent, she’d been meddling. It wasn’t in a bad way. Gloria was already a meddler, and I loved that about her. But she’d kicked it up a notch since the whole thing went down with Trent.
“I’m okay,” I assured her. “Tate and I were just talking about what new vegetables he wants to try next week.”
She let out a little laugh. “Go for the parsnips.”
“We’ll see. I’m leaving it up to him.”
“Only you would let him choose which foods he wanted to eat. When my hooligans were that age, they got what I bought, and they ate it. There were no choices. You’re making a big mistake starting now and letting him think he has a say in anything.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “I’m sure giving him a choice in the fruits and vegetables he eats isn’t going to result in him thinking he can decide whether he has to do any chores when he’s older, Gloria. It’s going to be fine.”
“Okay, but when his spoiled little butt proves me right in a few years, I’m going to remind you of this conversation.”
“Alright. I’ll consider myself warned.”
As I fed Tate more sweet potatoes, Gloria dove right into what I knew was coming. “So, have you thought about the situation with Trent?” she asked.
“Yeah. I want to tell him the truth about what happened years ago.”
“I think that’s a smart move,” she shared. “Do you think he’s going to be willing to listen?”
I sighed. “I honestly don’t know.”
“I thought you two were tight.”
“Were being the operative word there, Glo. The Trent I knew was not the Trent you saw. Bits and pieces of him are there, but there’s no denying that his feelings toward me have changed. I can’t blame him. It ended ugly; I made it that way. I’m surprised he was willing to say anything to me two days ago.”
That was the truth.
Trent had always been the sweetest guy. He was alw
ays looking out for me. Considering the way I ended things with him, he had every right to be over-the-top angry with me. I deserved it, too.
“I’m not,” Gloria declared. “Did you forget that I was standing there next to you when that man walked out and saw you?”
“No.”
“Right, then maybe you were in too much shock at seeing him for the first time to really understand what was happening. The electricity between the two of you was undeniable. I could feel it; his co-worker could feel it. And you can’t sit here and tell me you didn’t feel it because I know you did. You were practically squeezing the life out of poor baby Tate.”
“It’s been fifteen years since I’ve seen him,” I murmured.
“And yet that man is still very much under your skin, Dee.”
He was.
Trent Michaels was under my skin in a way I knew he’d always be there.
“You saw him, though. You heard what he said. I want to give him the truth because I know he deserves it. I’m just not sure he’s going to be willing to give me the chance to explain.”
“You have to find a way,” she urged me. “Look, I heard what he said to you, but I also saw the way he looked at you. On the surface, it’s obvious he’s hurt. But deep down, Delaney, you’re still very much under his skin, too.”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
Thankfully, that didn’t matter because Gloria wasn’t done.
“Speaking honestly, seeing what you had with Keith for all those years you were with him and comparing it to what I saw between you and Trent, I’m even more convinced now that Keith wasn’t right for you.”
She paused a moment, and I left her to it because there wasn’t anything I could say to that.
A moment later, Gloria went on, “I’m your girl, Delaney. I’m not knocking what you had with Keith. You had something special at one point, and you made a baby together. But you belong with Trent.”
“I really appreciate what you’re saying, but I have to be realistic here. Our breakup was brutal. You were there yesterday, so you know how he feels about me right now. You’re talking about me belonging with Trent. For now, I’d be happy if I could get him to listen to what I have to say. If he could forgive me, that would be a bonus. Being with him is something else entirely. Not because I wouldn’t want it but because he might not be able to get past it. Besides, who’s to say that he’s even single? He could be married with a child of his own.”
I threw out that last bit, hoping I was wrong, but needing to prepare myself for that worst-case scenario.
“He’s not married,” she stated firmly.
“You don’t know that.”
“Dee, girl, with the way he was looking at you when he first saw you standing there…trust me, that man is not married.”
I took in a deep breath and blew it out. I could only hope she was right.
“So, when are you going to make a move?” she asked.
I let out a laugh as I moved to get a cloth to clean the sweet potatoes from Tate’s face. “One thing at a time, babe. Tate is with his dad this weekend, so I’ll try to come up with a plan then. In the meantime, I’ve got to get my boy to the store so we can pick out new vegetables. You know I like preparing them when he’s with Keith.”
“Yeah, I know. Well, think about it, and if you need any advice, you know who to call.”
“Absolutely. Thanks, Gloria.”
“You’re welcome, Dee. Give Tate kisses from me.”
“I will.”
We disconnected, and I looked down at my boy. “Are you ready to go shopping, handsome?”
Tate gave me a smile in response.
Before I could get him cleaned up, my phone rang. I looked down at the display but didn’t recognize the number. On the off chance it was my attorney, I answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is this Delaney?” a woman asked.
“Yes, who’s this?”
“This is Amelia Hall. I’m calling on behalf of Dennis Rogers. And I wanted—” She got out before I cut her off.
“Excuse me, Ms. Hall, but I’ve been estranged from my father since the day I turned eighteen. He tried getting in touch with me a couple times over the last few months and I told him the same thing I’m going to tell you now. I don’t have any desire to hear what he has to say. Now, I’ll ask that you please not contact me again.”
Before she had a chance to respond, I disconnected the call. For years I hadn’t heard anything from my father. And now he was reaching out to me. This was the third call I’d received in the last five months. The first two had come from him directly, the last coming from whoever Amelia Hall was. It didn’t matter to me either way. In either instance, the calls lasted the same amount of time. The second I knew the call was from him, I ended it.
Taking a deep breath, I returned my attention back to my son.
Twenty-five minutes later, following a diaper change for Tate, I was pushing him around the grocery store. I’d been chatting with him the entire time, too. Tate didn’t mind, and I was grateful he was content to listen because I didn’t want him to fall asleep.
I’m sure I looked like a crazy lady to everyone else in the store, but I didn’t care. I needed Tate to sleep through the night.
After making my way through the store to pick up a few random items I needed, I pushed Tate into the produce section.
I gathered up a few of his favorites—those being carrots, sweet potatoes, and peas—and began searching for something new for him to try.
“Alright, kiddo,” I started. “We’re doing vegetables first, then we’ll move on to fruit. So, what’s it going to be? Squash or pumpkin?”
I held both vegetables in front of Tate. He had no idea what the difference between them was, but I liked to tell myself that he was deciding what he wanted. His hands reached for the pumpkin.
Taking that as his choice, I declared, “Pumpkin it is.”
I put the squash away and moved over to the fruit. After getting some apples, bananas, and pears for him, I held up strawberries and avocados.
“What do you think, buddy? Are you in the mood for some strawberries and bananas, or do you want to give the avocado a try?”
When Tate’s hands came forward, he put one on each choice.
“Okay, we’ll get both.”
Tate let out a baby grunt in return.
Once I put the fruit in the cart, I looked up and started maneuvering in the direction of the registers.
I took two steps and halted in my movement.
Standing in front of me, staring, was Trent, and I couldn’t read the look on his face.
“Hi,” I rasped.
Trent didn’t respond. He looked away and started to walk away from me. I couldn’t let him go. I needed to try.
“Trent!” I called.
He stopped moving as his shoulders tensed. Ever so slowly, he turned back toward me. This time, I could read his look, and it wasn’t a good one. Trent was not happy.
Even though I deserved that look and completely understood why he was aiming it my way, it still hurt. Trent had kind eyes. He always had kind eyes. Even when he wasn’t smiling, he always looked happy. And that had everything to do with his eyes.
So, as unaccustomed as I was to seeing such a look from Trent, I did my best to ignore it and pushed forward. I closed the distance between us, hid the fact that it bothered me he tensed with each step I took and stopped when I was close.
“Please listen to me,” I begged.
His tone speared me. “The time to talk was fifteen years ago, Delaney.”
“I know,” I admitted. “I’m sorry. I was wrong for not doing that, but if you could just find a way to meet with me so we could talk. This really isn’t the place to do it.”
He shook his head. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Please,” I pleaded. “I just need a few minutes of your time.”
“Seriously?” he asked incredulously. “I’ll be honest with
you. You’re standing there at this moment, already taking a few minutes of my time, and I’d rather be anywhere else than where I am right now.”
I jerked back. That hurt.
Okay.
It’s okay.
I deserved that.
“I think if you could just—” I got out before he cut me off.
“Delaney, I’m trying to be mindful of the fact that you’ve got your kid with you right now, but don’t push me. You had your chance to explain things to me. That was a long time ago. You broke us. You broke me. You’ve moved on. Can you put yourself in my shoes for a few minutes and think how I’m feeling right now? I’m standing here looking at the woman I loved and lost all because she was too good for me as she pushes her son from another man around the grocery store. Have you honestly not had your fill of ripping my heart to shreds? Or do you need to keep driving that knife deeper?”
That did it.
“Trent,” I whispered.
“Save it,” he clipped. “Just let it go and leave me alone. You’ve done enough damage. There’s nothing left to break, babe.”
My lips snapped shut. The trembling I felt in my belly turned to twisting.
There’s nothing left to break.
God, what had I done?
I needed to get out of there. I gave him a curt nod and steered my cart around him, set on getting to the registers. If I didn’t absolutely need to purchase the food for Tate, I’d have left the store immediately. But my baby was growing and had gone through most of his food that I’d prepared for him. I’d have just enough to send with him when he went to his father’s house. I needed to make more for him before he’d come back. So, I had no choice but to get in line to pay for my groceries.
But as I stood in line, loading our provisions onto the conveyor belt, I struggled. I fought against the knotting in my stomach, the tightening in my throat, the burning in my lungs, and the stinging in my nose.
It wasn’t until I was back in my car with my baby in the backseat when I succumbed to the feelings and let a few tears fall.
I didn’t just destroy us; I’d obliterated what we had.
Tate started to get fussy in the backseat, so I buried my feelings, wiped away my tears, and took off.