“Cole, how do I explain this to Jake?”
His hands tightened on the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. “Why not try the truth? It’s about time, don’t you think?”
“He’s nine. He won’t understand the truth, not all of it, anyway.”
Cole sighed. “No, I suppose not.” He turned slightly toward her, removed his sunglasses and met her gaze directly for the first time all afternoon. “He needs to know I’m his father. We can tell him together, if you’d like.”
She nodded. “That would be good, I think. And I want him to know that we loved each other back then,” she said fiercely, regarding Cole defiantly, prepared to fight for that, too. “I don’t want him to think for a single second that he was a mistake. Nor do I want him to figure out that this marriage is nothing more than a bargain I made with the devil.”
“The devil, am I? I’ve been called worse.” For an instant Cole’s expression softened. “I suppose it won’t be much of a lie, telling him that we loved each other. Back then what we had was pretty special.”
Her heart flipped over at the wistfulness in his voice. “Do you think…? Can we get that back again?”
He didn’t answer right away. Eventually he slid his sunglasses back into place and looked away. “I honestly don’t know,” he said in a voice devoid of emotion.
Determined now, she put her hand on his arm, felt his muscle jerk beneath her touch. “We have to try, Cole,” she said urgently. “For Jake’s sake, if not our own.”
Cole’s only response was to reach for the key and start the car, his gaze straight ahead. His silence told her all she needed to know. He was nowhere close to forgiving her. In fact, it seemed as if he might not even intend to try.
* * *
Saturday dawned under a blazing sun. As wedding days went, Cole supposed this one was picture perfect, but there was none of the joy he’d once expected, none of the anticipation. In fact, all he felt was an aching sense of loneliness, accompanied by the certainty that a few words spoken today at sunset were unlikely to alter that feeling in any way.
Refusing to dwell on his dark mood, he spent the morning working at his computer, then headed for Cassie’s. To her mother’s dismay, they had dismissed the traditional superstition about the groom not seeing his bride before the wedding and agreed that today was the perfect time to tell Jake the truth about Cole being his father. At least he would have a few hours to get used to the idea before the ceremony. Cole also intended to ask his son to be his best man.
When he arrived at the house, he was surprised by the whirl of activity going on. Flowers and chairs were being carried into the backyard, a small tent was being set up with tables beneath it. Lauren, wearing shorts, a T-shirt and rollers in her hair, was directing traffic. Cole grinned despite himself.
“You’d better hope there are no paparazzi around,” he teased. “The tabloids would pay a fortune for this picture. You are not at your glamorous best.”
“If you only came over here to harass me and get in the way, you can leave,” she said, frowning at him. “Why anybody would insist on having a wedding in less than a week is beyond me.”
“We didn’t want a lot of hoopla,” he said defensively, aware that she must not know the whole story.
“Maybe you didn’t, but Cassie deserves a lot of hoopla, and, by golly, she’s going to have as much of it as we can pull off on short notice.”
Cole withstood the icy glint in her eyes and the barely concealed criticism. One of the things he’d always admired about Lauren and the others was their fierce loyalty to each other. He’d never had friends like that…except for Cassie. Somewhere along the way, through no fault of his own, he’d lost that. Among the regrets in his life, that one was right at the top of the list.
He sighed at the thought and went in search of his bride-to-be. He found her in the kitchen getting a manicure. Pink flooded her cheeks when he walked in, but Gina barely spared him a glance.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” she said, and went right on painting Cassie’s neatly filed nails a pale shade of pink.
Cassie cleared her throat. “Actually, he is. We’re supposed to talk to Jake, explain things.”
“Well, you can’t do it now,” Gina said briskly. “I’m not finished.” She waved Cole away. “Go in the living room or out back and make yourself useful. I’ll let you know when she’s free.”
Cassie shrugged. “Better do as she says. I’ve given up fighting with them.”
Amused despite himself, he nodded. “Yes, I can see why it would be a waste of breath. Where’s Jake?”
“Hiding out in his room, if he’s smart,” she said dryly. “Lauren brought him a tuxedo.”
So that’s the way it was going to be, then, Cole concluded. They were going to make this wedding into a special occasion for Cassie’s sake, or die trying.
“I’ll look for him,” he said.
Alarm flared in Cassie’s eyes. “You won’t say anything, though, not till I can get up there?”
“No,” he promised. “I won’t say anything.”
He found Jake in his room, staring not at the computer screen as Cole had expected, but out the window at the frenzied activity down below. He glanced up when Cole came in, but his expression was bleak.
“Hey, kiddo,” Cole said, joining him at the window. “What’s up?”
“You and Mom are gonna get married today, right?”
“That’s right.” Something in Jake’s voice alerted him that the boy found the news troubling in some way. He studied him intently, then asked, “Is that okay with you?”
“I guess,” Jake said, then regarded Cole with a serious expression. “How come I didn’t know anything about it till practically the last minute?”
“That’s when we decided,” Cole said. “I thought you might be happy about it.”
He regarded Cole earnestly. “I think it’s pretty cool that you’re going to be around all the time,” he admitted, then added, “but there’s something I don’t get.”
“What’s that?”
“Nobody seems really excited, not even Mom. In fact, she looks kinda sad.”
Cole winced. “I think maybe it’s just a little overwhelming,” he said. “It all happened so fast, and there was a lot to do.”
“But Grandma keeps crying. I heard her tell Mom that this was all her fault.” His brow puckered with a frown. “But I don’t know what that means. How can having a wedding be anybody’s fault?”
Cole put his hands on the boy’s shoulders and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “It’s just some grown-up stuff. It’s nothing for you to worry about, pal.”
“You love my mom, though, right? I mean that’s why you’re getting married, isn’t it?”
Cole closed his eyes against the tide of pain that that innocent question sent through him. There was no easy answer. A part of him, a part he had worked like the dickens to bury, did love Cassie.
“Yes,” he said, giving Jake the answer he needed to hear, even if it was only half-true, even if the whole truth was far more complicated. If he couldn’t understand it, how could this nine-year-old boy?
Jake nodded, looking relieved. “I thought so.” Suddenly he threw his arms around Cole and hugged him. “I can’t wait till we’re a real family.”
Cole sighed. Would the bond being formed a few hours from now ever be that clear and that simple?
“Cole, can I ask you something else?”
“Anything, pal.”
“Do you think maybe I could have a baby brother? I guess it wouldn’t be my real brother, but almost, right? That would be so cool. I’d even take a sister.”
For the first time since he’d put this plan into motion, Cole realized the full ramifications. Jake, if no one else, was expecting a real marriage, complete with brothers and sisters. How in heaven’s name was he supposed to get around that? For the last week he’d been moving ahead with caution, taking one day at a time. Now with a single innocent que
stion Jake had forced him to gaze into the future.
“I think maybe we’d better discuss that another time,” Cole said, aware that his voice sounded vaguely choked up. He cleared his throat. “It’s a little soon to be talking about babies.”
He heard Cassie’s muffled gasp and realized she had arrived just in time to hear his comment. Even out of context, she had obviously guessed the general direction of the conversation.
“It certainly is,” she said, stepping into the room and giving Cole a questioning look.
“Jake’s looking ahead.”
“Obviously.” She sat on the edge of the bed and beckoned her son over. “Sit with me. We want to talk to you.”
Jake went to her readily. “What about?”
“There’s something you need to know before Cole and I get married today.” Her gaze sought Cole’s and held. “A long time ago he and I were very good friends.”
“When you were kids, right?” Jake asked.
“Exactly. We were very young and for a long time we were just good friends, but then we fell in love.”
Jake’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“That’s right,” Cole said. “But then some things happened and we were separated. I didn’t know that your mom was having a baby.”
“You mean me,” Jake guessed.
“Exactly.” He took a deep breath, then added, “I didn’t know that she was going to have my son.”
For a minute Cole’s words hung in the air. Jake looked from Cole to his mother and back again, a puzzled look on his face.
“Cole is your father,” Cassie explained quietly. “But he never knew that until a few weeks ago.”
Cole reached out to touch his son’s cheek, but pulled back before making contact. “Nothing could have made me happier, Jake. I am very proud that you’re my boy.”
Jake swallowed hard, clearly struggling to comprehend the announcement. “You’re my real dad?” he whispered at last. He looked at Cassie. “He is? For real?”
She nodded. “He really is.”
“Oh, wow,” Jake said, awestruck. “Then we really are gonna be a family. I’m gonna have my mom and my dad.” He bounced up. “Does Grandma know? I’ve gotta tell her.”
He raced out the door, then turned around and ran back, throwing himself at Cole before taking off again.
Cole met Cassie’s gaze and allowed himself a faint smile. “He seems to be taking it well.”
“You’ve just made his dream come true. He’s finally got his real dad in his life.”
But, gazing into her despondent eyes, Cole had to ask himself if the price he and Cassie were paying for uniting Jake’s family was too high.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The ceremony went off without a hitch. Cassie actually managed to say her vows around the lump in her throat. She hadn’t been able to meet Cole’s gaze, though. It would have been too hard to look in his eyes and not see the love shining there that every bride had a right to expect on her wedding day. Just thinking about what was lacking had her blinking back tears as the minister pronounced them man and wife.
Then there was that awkward moment when Pastor Kirkland had announced that Cole could kiss the bride. She had stood there waiting, panicked that he would refuse and embarrass them both. But finally he had lowered his head and touched his lips to hers. It hadn’t been a passionate kiss, but it had lingered, and there had been heat in it, more than she’d had any right to expect.
Her friends made every effort to pretend that this was a perfectly normal wedding. Lauren had outdone herself to turn the garden into a perfect setting. She had had exotic flowers flown in, along with a designer wedding dress. Cassie had almost wept when she’d seen the delicate lace and organza confection. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined wearing such a gown.
But then, never in her wildest dreams had she imagined a wedding day that was such a sham.
Not that anyone was acknowledging that. Everyone was painfully polite, determinedly upbeat. Frank Davis was acting as if he’d been looking forward to Cassie’s marriage to his son for years. Her mother’s tears could be dismissed as typical of the mother of the bride. If her proud smile seemed a little forced, no one commented on it. And exhilarated by the discovery that Cole was his real father, Jake scooted from one guest to another to share that incredible news.
Meanwhile, her friends were offering up toasts with French champagne and snapping pictures as she and Cole cut the gorgeous three-tiered wedding cake that Lauren had had flown in from Beverly Hills along with the caterer himself. The man had moaned when he’d seen her mother’s kitchen, then gone to work whipping up the most amazing hors d’oeuvres under Gina’s watchful gaze. Though Gina grumbled at not being allowed to do the job herself, Cassie noted that she seemed happy enough taking surreptitious notes on the recipes. It was the first interest she’d shown in anything related to her restaurant business since arriving in Winding River weeks ago.
Studying the small gathering, Cassie concluded that everyone except the bride and groom seemed to be having a blast. They were all happily caught up in the illusion of happily-ever-after that weddings always evoked.
When she could stand it no longer, she went looking for her new husband. She found him all alone on the front porch, an untouched glass of champagne dangling from his fingers and an unreadable expression on his handsome face.
“Quite a day,” he said without looking up when she joined him.
“It was a dream wedding,” she said, unable to keep the wistful note out of her voice. If only the bride and groom had been happy, she thought.
“Yeah, too bad it was such a farce, huh?”
Hearing him voice it hurt as badly as being a part of the subterfuge. Some part of her had obviously been hoping against hope that the occasion, or maybe the wedding vows themselves, would soften his attitude, that he would want all of this to be real.
“I need to get out of here,” she said stiffly. “I don’t think I can bear it for another second.”
“Anxious for your wedding night?” he taunted.
She swallowed hard and fought tears. “Hardly.” In fact, she hadn’t anticipated a wedding night at all. She was positive that Cole intended this to be a marriage in name only, if only to punish her. Maybe even to punish himself for being foolish enough to marry her.
He glanced at her. “I’ve arranged for you to have your own suite at the hotel until we decide what we’re going to do,” he said, confirming her guess and stripping away any lingering hope she might have harbored that it would be otherwise.
She stared at him blankly. “What we’re going to do?” she repeated. “What does that mean?”
“Whether we’re going to leave Winding River,” he explained. “I can set up shop in California or anywhere else, for that matter.”
The explanation—the very prospect of leaving—was too much. The thought of running away once more, essentially in disgrace—even if she was the only one who understood that—was overwhelming. She bounced off the swing.
“I am not leaving here,” she said, scowling down at him. “I’ve gone along with everything you wanted, but not that.”
He didn’t seem the least bit disconcerted or distressed by her vehemence. “I just thought it might be easier to start fresh in a new place, where no one knows our history. We’d be just like any other couple who’s grown apart. No one would know we’d never really been together in the first place.”
“No, Cole,” she said, standing up to him on this as she hadn’t on anything else. “We did this to give Jake a family. That means a whole family, including your father and my mother.”
“Heaven help the kid,” he said grimly, but he nodded. “Okay, then, we stay. You can start looking for a house tomorrow.”
“I gather you don’t want to live at the Double D?”
“Not a chance.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. The prospect of living under Frank Davis’s thumb had been daunting. Maybe she and Cole w
ould have half a chance to work things out if they were on their own.
“In town? Or would you prefer a ranch?” she asked.
“Not a ranch,” he said at once. “Though buying some property outside of town and building would be okay. That way we’ll get exactly what we want, a place with plenty of room.”
So they would barely have to speak, much less spend time together? she wondered. How had it come to this? How could there be such a terrible distance between two people who had once shared everything? Of course, the answer was plain enough. She was responsible. She had no one to blame but herself for destroying the trust that they had once felt.
“Building would take time,” she pointed out, even though her imagination was already at work on all the possibilities. She wondered if he even remembered that once upon a time they had spun their fantasies about what their dream house would look like. It had been spacious but cozy, with lots of fireplaces, overstuffed furniture and a king-size bed for the two of them. That bed had been the centerpiece of all their daydreams. Her cheeks burned at the memory. Now there would be separate beds, separate rooms, if Cole had his way.
“We have the time,” he said, his gaze locked with hers.
For a heartbeat she thought she saw affection, at least, in his eyes, maybe a promise that as the weeks and months passed, they would work things out.
Then he had to go and ruin it by lifting his champagne glass and adding in a sarcastic tone, “After all, isn’t this the first day of the rest of our lives?”
* * *
Deliberate cruelty had never been in Cole’s nature. As he heard himself taunting Cassie repeatedly on their wedding day, he wondered if this new pattern of behavior was tapping into an uncontrollable dark side of him, a side far too much like his father in the early days after his mother’s death. He hated the hurt that darkened her eyes, hated that he was responsible, but once his bitterness had been unleashed, he hadn’t been able to stop.
Cassie’s mother had insisted on keeping Jake with her for a few days while Cole and Cassie settled into married life. Obviously, she was determined to keep up the charade that this was a real marriage. And because he cared about her, had always cared about her, he let her have her illusions. He even went so far as to take Cassie’s hand as they ran to the car that her friends had decorated with painted slogans and strings of empty cans.
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