“I should have gotten you up earlier, but you looked so peaceful,” she commented.
“I need to get back to my room and shower,” I groaned. “Fuck!”
Hopping out of bed, I pulled on my clothes and slicked my hair back. Just as I stepped into the hallway to leave, Sasha stuck her head out.
“Kiss me,” she said flirtatiously. “You can’t leave without a kiss! That’s not fair.”
I leaned in and she gave me a searing kiss, licking my lips and sucking my tongue and moaning like a porn star. My cock was semi-hard when I heard a familiar voice that immediately killed the mood.
“I knew something was going on between the two of you.”
Leaping backward, I turned to the side and saw Zach standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and an evil grin on his face.
I sighed. It had finally happened: I’d finally given my rival something real to hold over my head. In seconds, adrenaline and anger began pumping through my veins and I turned to Zach with a hot glare on my face. I was just about to charge him when Sasha took hold of my shoulders, keeping me back at a safe distance.
“Don’t,” she said quietly. “It’s not worth it, Andy.”
Zach laughed. “Go ahead,” he said. He flexed an arm. “Try and take me, Greene. I could kick your pussy ass in a second.”
“I’m tired of this fucking bullshit,” I snapped. “Go ahead and tell Amanda. Hell, tell the whole world! Whatever you want,” I added hotly.
Before Zach could reply, I stomped off, leaving him in my dust.
22
Sasha – Monday
Back at the office on Monday, I felt like so much had happened in the last seventy-two hours – at least enough for a whole week’s worth of drama, instead of just that of a business trip. I was trying to keep my head down and stay focused on work, but it wasn’t easy. Every time I heard footsteps approach my cube, my heart would start to race and my palms would start to sweat.
I thought I was playing it cool, but when Billie stopped by after lunch to make sure I had the right software permissions, she raised an eyebrow.
“So, Vegas,” she said. “Something happen?”
I looked at her and bit my lip. Billie was my friend, and I didn’t want to lie to her.
But she was also my colleague, and I worried that the more people knew about me and Andy, the easier it would be for him to lose his job.
“I can’t really talk now,” I said evasively. It wasn’t a lie, exactly, but Billie definitely understood. A strange look came into her eyes and she nodded.
“Well, you know where I am if that changes,” she said breezily before zipping off to check on the next admin.
Just as I was getting back to work, something hit me. My boobs were sore, almost like Andy had spent all night playing with them, but it had been days since we’d had sex.
The only other time they hurt was right before I was about to get my period. And I hadn’t had my period in what felt like an eon. When I checked my phone, I realized that it should have arrived before I even went to Vegas. The knowledge was like a lightning bolt crashing into my brain, and I leapt up from my seat like a scalded cat. As quickly as I could, I grabbed my purse and hustled out of the office, muttering “late lunch!” under my breath to anyone who raised an eyebrow at my rapid pace.
I scurried down the block then dipped into a Walgreen’s and went straight for the family planning section. After buying two different brands of pregnancy tests, I went into a deli that was usually vacant at this time of day, ordered an iced tea, then asked to use the bathroom. I was directed into a grubby little single stall with a fluorescent light overhead, and I sat nervously on the toilet as I peed onto two plastic sticks and set an alarm on my phone.
It was the longest three minutes of my life. When the timer finally sounded, I took a deep breath with my eyes scrunched tightly together.
This could be it – the moment that could make or break my life. Back when my mom had gotten pregnant with me, she’d dropped out of college and devoted her life to becoming a mother. That was the reason why I’d spent so much time avoiding men and the temptation to have sex.
And while I believed in a woman’s right to choose, I knew deep down that if I really was pregnant, that would be the beginning of a new chapter for me. There was no way I could ever abort my baby, or even seriously think about it.
Besides, it wasn’t just my baby.
It would be Andy’s baby, too.
I bit my lip so hard that I tasted blood as I took the two white sticks off the grimy sink and looked down at them. Both of them displayed bright pink X marks on the window.
That was it.
I was pregnant.
With my heart in my throat, I pulled up my panties and straightened my skirt. In a way, I should have expected it – Andy and I had never used protection, not once. And I had felt different lately: sensual and stimulated, with a constant yearning in my pussy and tingling breasts.
But how was I going to tell him? Andy was so meticulous, such a planner, always down to the last line. There was no doubt he’d be horrified, especially to realize that I hadn’t been on the pill or anything like that.
A metal taste seeped into my mouth. I threw both pregnancy tests away, then washed my hands and exited the deli. The lady behind the counter called after me about my iced tea, but I ignored her. As soon as I was out on the sidewalk, I pulled out my phone with shaking hands and called Darla.
“Hey, kid,” Darla said. She sounded so far away that tears came to my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I swallowed hard. “I’m pregnant,” I said flatly.
“Oh my gosh, Sasha,” Darla cried. “You’re kidding!”
I stayed silent.
“You’re not kidding,” Darla said quickly. “How did that happen?”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they—”
“Sasha,” Darla deadpanned. “Come on.”
I sighed. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I mean, of course, I know. But I guess I never thought it would happen to me. Could happen to me, I mean.”
“Sasha, this is big,” Darla said, her cautious librarian self coming out once again. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t really feel okay. I feel really terrible, to be honest.”
“I wish I was there,” Darla said sympathetically. “You really need a friend right now, huh?”
“It’s such a mess,” I said, before launching into the story of the Vegas business trip and how Zach had practically caught us in the act.
“Sasha, this is a really bad time for Andy to worry about losing his job, with a baby on the way,” Darla said.
I felt the guilt on my heart like a brand. “I know,” I told her. “Believe me – I’ve been going over these horrible scenarios in my head for weeks now. The baby is just the cherry on top of the cake.”
“Well ... it’s not like you have to keep it,” Darla said.
“I’d never do that,” I shot back. “I’m responsible for this, and now I’m responsible for the life of another human being.”
Darla was quiet for so long that I thought she’d hung up.
“Well, Andy will make an excellent father,” she said slowly.
I sighed. “That’s true,” I said. “But what if we both lose our jobs? How the hell are we going to support ourselves, and a baby? Maybe I shouldn’t tell him right away – maybe I should wait.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Darla said. “You know he has feelings for you. It’s obvious. You should tell him right now, so you can figure things out together.”
I bit my lip. I knew she was right, but I felt so frightened. How was I going to tell Andy, my boss and the man who I loved, that I was carrying his baby in my belly?
“Okay,” I said numbly. “I just got back to the building – I have to go back to work now.”
“Good luck,” Darla said. “And not because I think you’ll nee
d it. Just because I love you.”
Her words filled me with strength, but as soon as we hung up, I felt lost and anxious again. The entire rest of the afternoon, I could barely get anything done. Instead of worrying about losing my job, now I was worried about losing everything: Andy’s love and affection, my new lifestyle in Cleveland, my apartment if I couldn’t keep a job to afford the rent.
How had everything gone so bad, so fast?
That evening, as people were leaving the office, I stayed with one eye on Andy’s door. Thankfully, he was one of the last to go. As soon as his door open, I bolted over.
“Hey,” I said quietly. “We need to talk. How about dinner, my treat?”
“It’s not a good idea to be out in public together, Sasha,” Andy said, his eyes lowered as he locked his door.
“Well, what should we do, then?”
Andy frowned for a moment. “Meet me at the movie theater by your apartment,” he said quietly. “We’ll see something that’s been out for a long time and talk quietly while the movie is playing.”
I laughed – sometimes, Andy was too much, and this covert method was ridiculous.
Andy shrugged. “We can’t be too careful,” he said. He glanced down at his watch. “I’ll see you at quarter to seven.”
23
Andy – Monday
As soon as I got out of the building, I raced to the movie theater to meet Sasha, risking a speeding ticket the whole way there. I knew it was dangerous, but there had been something in her voice, some kind of strange urgency that I’d never heard before, that told me this was serious.
I also felt more than a little silly, running around like a secret agent just to be alone with the woman who I loved, but after what had happened in Vegas I knew that I couldn’t let anyone else see us together. I bought a ticket for the movie and went in after the previews had started, taking a seat in the row behind Sasha. She tensed visibly, but didn’t turn back. God, staying away from her was like torture – especially now.
As soon as the theater lights dimmed and the credits started to roll, I moved from the row where I sat and took the seat next to Sasha. Thankfully, we were almost alone – there was only a handful of other people in the theater, and they were scattered around in various rows. Sasha’s pale limbs were practically glowing in the darkness, and I took her hand. Immediately, she squeezed my fingers and laced them with mine. She was trembling, and I gave her a reassuring squeeze.
Suddenly, I knew it.
She was going to break up with me. After what had happened in Vegas, with Zach, she must have come to her senses and realized that nothing good could come from our coupling. She must have gotten so scared that she’d decided to break things off.
I knew that I should be relieved that it was finally over. Maybe now, I could get my life back on track. I loved Sasha, but I had to let her go. Being with me wasn’t going to end well for anyone, especially not her. And maybe our passion had run its course ... although I would have been lying if I’d said that even now, I was struggling not to put my arm around her, pull her close, and kiss her deeply.
We had been denying our attraction for so long that when it came out, it was always in explosive sex. We’d never done things by the book, or had a talk about our relationship other than the first lecture I’d given her on her first day of work.
Fuck.
This was my fault, and I had no one to blame but myself.
Still, it hurt like a motherfucker and I steeled my heart for the worst. I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. Leaning in, I brushed her hair away from her ear. Her delicious perfume hit me over the head and I had to clench my teeth to keep from kissing her.
“I know that things between us haven’t been perfect, but I don’t want to give up what we have,” I whispered.
Sasha shivered as my breath tickled her ear. When she turned to me, I could see that her sapphire blue eyes were full of emotion.
“I’m pregnant,” Sasha whispered. She licked her lips and swallowed.
For a moment, I had no fucking idea what to do. Pregnant?
How on earth could that have happened?
My heart began to thud as warm emotion flooded my body. Sasha’s eyes filled with tears and I stared at her face, not finding the words to tell her how I felt. I loved her, and she was going to be okay.
We were going to be okay – all three of us.
Just as I opened my mouth to tell her that I loved her and that I’d always take care of her and our baby, I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder. Whirling around, I saw Amanda. She was sitting in the row behind me with her eyes wide and her nostrils flaring angrily.
Sasha gasped loudly and my jaw dropped. My heart skidded to a painful stop in my chest and Amanda scowled at me, shaking her head. She was still gripping my shoulder and I did all but punch her hand away.
“I had my suspicions,” Amanda said loudly. “But this is worse than I thought!”
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her. “Did you follow me?”
“Hey, keep it down over there!” Someone in the back row yelled.
“Yeah, shut the fuck up!”
Amanda’s face was glowering with anger. With her features contorted in rage, she jerked her head towards the exit before getting to her feet and stalking out of the theater.
Sasha looked at me, her face stark white – even paler than usual – and her eyes big and wide. Her lower lip was quivering and I saw a parade of emotion pass her features. I wanted to tell her it would be okay, to pull her into my arms and hold her and reassure her, but my heart was pounding like a jackrabbit’s and I knew that comforting Sasha would have to wait. The fear and confusion in her eyes only echoed what I felt in my heart. I got to my feet before realizing that I was still holding Sasha’s hand. Giving her one last reassuring squeeze, I walked out of the theater with Sasha only a few steps behind me.
My heart was thumping painfully against my ribs. How the hell had Amanda had done this? She’d managed to interrupt me at what should have been one of the happiest moments of my life, and I hated her for her. As Sasha and I entered the lobby, I spotted Amanda. She was standing in the corner with her arms crossed over her narrow chest, her toe tapping like a schoolmarm’s. She radiated white-hot anger.
Fuck.
24
Sasha – Monday
I felt powerless as I followed Andy. My stomach was churning with anxiety and for a moment, I was terrified that I was going to throw up. My heart was frantically thumping, skipping beat after beat, and my palms were sweaty no matter how many times I kept wiping them on my thighs.
In all the weeks that had passed, in all the moments that I’d spent worrying in my idle time, it was finally happening. Andy and I were going to confront Amanda.
Or was she going to confront us?
I normally wasn’t a nervous person. Anyone who had known me for two seconds could have told you that – and people who had known me for a long time, like Darla, were even convinced that I was fearless. It was like this one time, in fifth grade, when I’d been taking horseback riding lessons. I loved horses and riding – it was one of the few luxuries that my single mom could afford. But one day, I was assigned to ride a pony named, of all things, Sunshine.
I hated Sunshine.
Size restrictions aside, I still have no idea why they put kids on ponies instead of horses. Despite their small size, ponies usually have terrible personalities.
Sunshine, naturally, was no exception. She had a nasty habit of bolting in the middle of lessons and then skidding to a stop, her four legs prancing underneath of her like she was at the circus. She often did it right next to the fence – one girl who had ridden her before had joked about picking splinters out of her butt for the next four decades.
So, there I was – riding Sunshine while my riding instructor walked in slow circles and talked to me about the usual stuff: keeping my heels down, keeping my hands light on the reins and evenly spaced, mak
ing sure that my vision stayed right between Sunshine’s two flickering ears.
And then, somewhere else on the farm, a hay truck began to roar and move. Sunshine heard it immediately. I saw it in her ears as they flicked nervously back and forth.
“It’s okay, girl,” I’d said under my breath, more to calm myself than the idiot pony I was riding. “Nothing’s going to happen.”
“Keep going, Sasha,” my instructor had called. “I want you to urge her into a trot. Be careful, just apply slight pressure with your calves.”
Sunshine’s head had jerked nervously to the side and I’d gasped and swayed, nearly falling. If either the instructor or my mother saw it, they gave no sign.
“Come on, Sasha,” my riding instructor cheered. “You can do it!”
That was when Sunshine decided she’d had enough shit. She bolted, going from a slow trot to a gallop. I should have been frightened – and I was! – but at first, I was too stunned to realize what was happening. I’d never been on a galloping horse before, and I had to admit that it was incredible. The rollicking, smooth gait was fast and terrifying, but also so much more satisfying than bouncing along at a jerky trot. We bolted towards the fence, faster, faster, faster.
And then I realized what was going to happen.
Much like one of the other riding students at Turnberry Farms, I was going to be picking splinters out of my ass until I was forty.
Sunshine would see to that.
I didn’t know what to do. It was the one situation I’d been in when no one was in charge of saving me. My riding instructor was powerless to stop Sunshine, as was my mother, watching from the other side of the fence. As we moved faster and faster, I realized that I was the sole person in charge of my fate. I could let Sunshine slam me into the fence, pick wood out of my body for the next five years.
Or I could take charge, show her who was boss. Blood was pounding in my ears and my body felt powerful and electric – later, I’d realize it was the first and only time I’d ever experienced a true adrenaline rush. But in the moment, I had no idea. It felt like the end of my life, like the end of the world, like something I’d had nightmares about for years and years to come.
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