War looked at her and waited.
With a weighty sigh, she offered him more. “I have a sister whose life is painful to watch. She’s constantly looking for answers and repetitively asking me how she’s supposed to know what is right.”
“She must value your opinion greatly.”
Nora huffed a quiet laugh. “Nah. Sometimes I think she just likes the drama. I’ve given her solid advice about a million times, and in the end she does what she wants. You’ve heard of those types of people, right?” She glanced up at him. “Askholes. They ask for your opinion and then completely ignore it.” A soft laugh left her. “I tried to teach her how to listen to the universe but . . .”
“But what?” War prodded.
“But,” heaving a great sigh, Nora chucked the rock that was in her hand and watched it shoot over the wall and drop into the moat with a loud plonk. “But she doesn’t know how to just shut up and listen.”
“To you?”
“No.” Brows spearing down, Nora rubbed her palms on each other before tucking them under her arms and staring out across the lake. “To the universe. I know it sounds dumb, but it’ll tell you secrets if you listen. I mean really listen. But to listen the way you need to, you have to be calm and still, and she can’t manage that. She’s always hunting, always chasing. She thinks there’s some great damn loophole for life, and it’s frustrating as fuck!”
“Because you want her to be more like you?”
“Wrong! I don’t want her to be anything but happy. The problem is that she’s her own biggest obstacle. She makes bad choices. I mean really bad choices, all the time, and then she suffers, but she doesn’t suffer alone. Every single hurt she’s ever felt has been felt by me too because I’m her biggest champion and all I’ve ever wanted was for her to get shit right and to live a normal happy life. But it’s been bad choice after bad choice, and it’s a repeat of me picking up the pieces and giving her unwanted and unheeded advice. Then in a year, we’re back in the same spot.”
“That’s why you left your pack?”
“I had to,” she explained. “Her suffering was my suffering, and it’s different when your agony isn’t self-inflicted. It was me begging her to choose right, me throwing answers at her and praying something would stick, me scrambling to help her figure it out, me tap dancing to help keep her on her feet. I grew so invested day by day until her life blotted out my own. I was a tree trying to lasso my own sunshine but snapping off my branches trying to do that and provide shelter to her from the storms she’d called on herself. Eventually, I got to the point where I wanted her to grow more than I wanted it for myself. I didn’t realize that by trying to hold her up to the light that I put myself in the shade. I couldn’t see it until all my leaves were gone. I was bare.” Her voice broke, “I was raw. I slipped into a deep depression that I wasn’t sure I’d escape.” Swallowing thickly, she dipped her chin. “I had to get back what used to be mine. I’d wilted under the constant weight of being worried and scared all the damn time until I hated living just as much as she did.” Looking up at War, Nora bit back stinging tears and spoke around the emotion clogging her throat. “And the worst part is that for all my effort, I didn’t lift her up an inch. The only thing I succeeded in was burying myself. And that wasn’t my destiny. I had to leave to survive.”
God, why was she telling him all this? It was like she couldn’t shut up!
Sealing her lips closed, she curled her hands into tight fists, willing herself to say no more, but it was hard. Because, yeah, she could hear the universe. It told her shit all the time. Like right now. Standing with War, sharing her truth, her heart was beating something fierce as that weird sensation fluttered around in her stomach. Her wolf was basking in War’s attention, and the universe was triumphantly declaring that she shouldn’t overlook this Alpha. It was almost as if the universe was whispering, “Pay special attention to this one.”
Looking up at War, she was about to apologize for going off on a tangent when the look on his face startled her into silence.
***
Staring down at Nora, War wondered if she knew just how strong and brave she was. He hadn’t admired anyone in a very long time, especially a female, but right now, Nora owned all of his respect.
When she glanced up at him, she looked almost repentant before her mouth fell open and her eyes went wide. He knew why. He was probably staring at her like he was star-struck. Truth be told, he was.
Clearing his throat, he tried to focus on the conversation and not how beautiful she looked or how attracted to her he was in that moment. “So . . . you left?”
“I ran away like a coward because I was too weak to . . .”
“Stop,” he growled. “You weren’t weak, Nora, and you were never a coward. You chose to fight a battle that wasn’t yours to fight, and you lost. There’s no shame in that. Not many would have even attempted it. Most would have thrown their hands up and walked away.”
“I did walk away. No,” she corrected angrily, “I ran. I ran fast and hard, and I never looked back. Even to this day, I’ve never gone back. I have no idea where my sister is or how she’s doing. Hell, I don’t even know if she’s still with the Winter Wolves or if she’s alive or dead.”
He didn’t like the self-recrimination in her tone or the sadness pouring off of her.
“You chose self-preservation. You tried to save a drowning person, and you struggled. What were you supposed to do? Stay? Drown? You both perish? You did what you had to do, Nora. And guess what? Even in that you chose the harder path.”
Head whipping up, her eyes narrowed on him.
“Yeah,” he chuffed a laugh. “Choosing to save yourself instead of being sucked under was the harder choice, Nora. It was the more difficult path. It’s easy to let people around you, especially those you love the most, pull you under and keep you there. It’s easy to follow those you love. Going along with your friends and family is effortless. Resistance . . . that’s the hard shit. Breaking yourself off from all you’ve known and starting fresh, that’s the tough stuff. You’re beating yourself up for shit that ain’t true. You’re made of iron, woman. You’re strong enough to stand firm under the weight of holding up others. You’re powerful enough to remain untouched when everything around you has burned to ashes.”
Unable to stop himself, he reached out and curled a hand around the back of her neck before pulling her into him. Arms wrapping around her, he breathed her in and felt his heart swell with her nearness and pride as she tentatively lifted her arms and wrapped them around his waist, hugging him back. Fuck, this felt right. She felt right!
They stayed like that for long minutes. Wrapped up in each other, War wasn’t compelled to move an inch, but apparently Nora wasn’t so inclined, because after a bit, she pulled back with a muttered, “Thanks.”
Thanks? He didn’t want her thanks, not for shit like that, not for holding her when she needed it. No, he wanted, but it wasn’t her thanks. It was something else entirely.
Forcing himself to be good, he steered the conversation to safe territory as he grabbed her hand and tugged her into a walk. “So you can hear it?”
Nora pulled a face and stared at him in confusion.
“The universe, it speaks to you?”
He liked the way her cheeks went bright pink but she still had the confidence to lift her chin as she answered, “I know how to listen.”
He liked that.
“And what does the universe say?” he asked, leaning over to shoulder bump her with a teasing grin.
Nora shrugged. “Lots. Mostly it just shows me signs when I’m on the right path.”
“Signs like what?”
“Like when I causally glance at the clock for no reason and it’s 11:11 or 12:12 or 3:33 or 4:44. Those are markers letting me know that I’m right where I’m supposed to be in life at that moment.”
“It could be coincidence.”
“It could be, if it didn’t happen to me seven or eight times a week.�
��
That had him looking down at her in genuine surprise.
“I know,” she sighed. “To most people it’s just the time, but to me, it means something.” She gave his hand a squeeze and beamed. “If you wanna see magic, you gotta believe in it.”
War didn’t believe in magic. That shit had ended when he was ten and he stopped believing in Santa, but holding Nora’s hand and listening to her talk about the universe and its signs, he felt a little spark of hope ignite deep in his chest. Maybe this magic shit was real after all.
Don’t you do it, a little voice in the back of his head growled. Don’t go falling for a girl that still hasn’t proven she isn’t working with Castamere. She could fuck your world up with her betrayal.
War had gotten as far as he had in life by relying on one simple mantra: “Trust no one.” He counted on absolutely no one but himself to get what he needed, and aside from Tallius and Reign, he’d been reluctant to get close to any other member of his pack. It had worked perfectly for him up to this point, but having Nora near had him thinking about shit he shouldn’t be. He had a war to win and a goal to achieve, and getting sidetracked by a piece of ass was the dumbest fucking thing he could possibly do.
Look at you, man! Holding hands? Believing in magic? What in the actual fuck?
Releasing Nora’s hand, he ignored the look she shot him as he turned and gave her his back. Lifting a hand, he rubbed the back of his neck and grunted, “We should get back.”
Without waiting for a response, he turned and headed back the other direction. Behind him, he heard Nora’s quietly muttered, “O-kay,” before her footsteps shadowed his.
Talking with her had been good. Too good, and he’d learned long ago that if something seemed too good to be true, it was. Annoyed that she’d lured him in so easily, he jerked his cell phone out of his back pocket and used his thumb to punch in another text to Reign.
Get the fuck back here now!
And once again he was stuck waiting on that fuck Reign, who could clear all this up with one simple conversation. The vampire would know if Nora was working with Castamere because aside from his ability to teleport, he had other gifts that wolf shifters didn’t. They were gifts that War desperately needed to utilize because his spy inside Castamere’s compound had zero intel on Nora, but that didn’t mean shit. Cas could be keeping Nora’s true identity under wraps, much like War was doing with Collin. Collin had been with the Imperials for almost eight months now, and even before he went undercover, no one aside from War, Tallius, and Reign knew that the shifter was one of the WG.
“War?” Nora called from behind him, drawing him from his thoughts. He didn’t turn around though. He couldn’t, because seeing disappointment on her face wasn’t something he could handle right now.
“What?” he bit out and kept on walking.
“Did . . . did something happen? Did I do something wrong?”
His chest constricted painfully with the guilt that seized him. Just two days ago, he’d been bragging about how women who came to the Fortress would be treated like queens, and yet here he was, treating Nora like shit because he wasn’t sure if he could trust her or not.
“Y-your still not sure about me, are you?”
Her words had him slamming to a halt. Planting his hands on his hips, he let his head fall back. Staring up at the sky, he answered. “No.”
“If you trust me and you’re wrong, it could really hurt you and your pack.”
He didn’t respond.
“I get it. You’re being smart, being safe, and there’s no way for me to prove to you I am what I say I am except by leaving.”
“I can’t let you leave,” he growled.
“And you can’t let me leave,” she repeated, “because you’re trying to be a good friend to Reign and uphold his blood oath.”
Lowering his head, War turned and stared at her.
“If you let me leave and Cas comes after me, then you let Reign down. But if I stay and I’m working with Cas, then it costs you and your pack probably everything.”
He just swallowed as his eyes narrowed on her.
“Have you given any consideration at all to what happens if . . . if I’m a good guy?” Her cheeks flushed again, but this time it was with anger and not embarrassment. “What if I’m not working with Cas. What if I’m just some dumb she-wolf who saved a vampire and ended up here? Have you thought about that, War?”
He didn’t answer, and Nora stood glaring at him for long minutes before she snapped her eyes and jerked her head away. Walking around him, she cursed softly under her breath. Watching her go, War muttered, “I think about it all the damn time, Nora. All the time.”
Walking to the gapped parapets at the front of the wall, Nora stared out at the sunset as it exploded an instant before it tucked itself over the horizon.
“Beautiful,” she breathed reverently.
He’d seen a thousand sunsets from up on this wall, and none of them compared to her. “Yeah,” he agreed, his eyes never leaving her. “Unbelievably beautiful.”
Chapter 16
When Tallius came up to the guest room to retrieve Nora for dinner, she refused to go with him. Shocked by her abrupt refusal, Tallius had lingered in the doorway, looking unsure of what to do.
“Tell him I’m not feeling well,” she bit out. Crossing to the bed, she flung herself back on it and rested the back of one hand on her forehead for show.
“Are you okay? Do you need a healer?”
“I’m premenstrual!” It wasn’t a lie, so she didn’t have to worry about him scenting any untruth. “I just need to rest.”
She knew the topic was an uncomfortable one for men, and Tallius was no exception.
“Oh!” He started backing out the door. “Okay. I’ll tell War. Um, get better.”
Rolling her eyes, Nora waited for the door to close before she shoved up off the bed again. Tonight was the night. She’d formulated her plan and had gone over it a dozen times in her head, and all day she’d been waiting for dinner to make her move. With most of the pack in the dining hall, the enforcers out on the curtain wall and towers would be at a minimum. Best time to make her escape.
After her talk with War and his reluctant confession that he still couldn’t trust her, Nora was determined to prove he could, and the only way to make that happen was to do the one thing a spy wouldn’t do . . . leave. If she was working with Castamere, she’d need to be close to War and to be inside the Fortress. Leaving would show him that she wasn’t a spy. How could she be if she wasn’t around to do any spying?
Nora waited until the count of one hundred before cracking the door and peering down the hall. Tallius was nowhere in sight, and the coast was clear. Stepping out into the hall, Nora pulled the door quietly closed behind her and looked left then right half expecting to find someone watching her, but no one was there. With quick steps, she hurried down the hall to the narrow back stairs that led out to the small garden. War had shown it to her on his tour of the Fortress and had told her she was welcome to explore it anytime she liked. It was the perfect cover if she ran into anyone.
Stepping out into the garden, the crisp night air felt good on her overheated skin. It was mid-fall, and the temperatures were dropping fast, but luckily the snows hadn’t started. The scent of smoke filled the air, and muffled voices carried to her from War’s men who were on duty. Sweat was beading on her forehead and nose, but Nora ignored it as she casually strolled the garden keeping her chin down but her eyes on the curtain wall. From here she could see an enforcer in each of the two towers that bracketed the main gate. She could only see two shifters strolling the curtain wall, and eyeing the front gate revealed two men there as well.
Shit! Six guards! Eyeing the grounds, Nora sought out some sort of distraction when her eyes landed on a smoking barrel. Crossing to it, she peeked in and saw that it was a burn can for the leaves that littered the Fortress grounds in a thick layer. It’d work.
Kicking the can over, Nora rus
hed for the cover of the shadows near the garden as she waited. She didn’t have to wait long. Because there were so many leaves on the ground, they caught instantly, and in a matter of minutes, a fire roared to life. Eyes on it, Nora slunk to the wall and pressed her shoulders into it as she side-stepped along it toward the main gate.
“Fire!”
And there it was, her out.
In seconds, the guards were abandoning their posts to deal with the blaze. When the two at the front gate rushed inside, Nora let a shift explode from her, and then she was running.
Her wolf’s fur matched her hair, and for the first time ever, Nora cursed her coffee-colored coat as she wished for something darker. She could have tried to keep to the shadows, but once her wolf was free of the main gate, she opted just to make a break for it instead. She didn’t even hit the tree line before a howl lifted into the air and had all the hair on her body standing on end. That wasn’t just any howl. It was a call to arms. Someone had seen her escape.
Kicking it into high gear, Nora tore through the forest at a break-neck pace. Behind her, more howls filled the air, and now men’s voices were joining in as orders were barked out. She swore she heard War’s voice, but was so hopped up on adrenaline that it could have been anyone. Jumping a fallen log, she hit a stream on the other side that she hadn’t been expecting. She went down hard but rolled to a stand and then took off again. Behind her, the forest was coming alive. Twigs snapped, heavy footfall sounded, and panting breaths incited her to push hard. She was tiny compared to the beasts chasing her, but she was fast. Darting under toppled trees, she did her best to make the most of her small stature. Squeezing through gaps that the larger wolves behind her wouldn’t be able to fit through cost her time, but hopefully the moves would pay off.
Coming to an area where the trees thinned, Nora followed the edge of the forest rather than racing through the clearing. It was smart. The enforcers would think she’d take the quickest way, so slinking to the side would set them off her trail if . . .
Spoils of War Page 10